#1 Reason Why I’m Staying Single For Life
When a good girl has been broken by the people she loves. She’s not selfish for focusing on herself. She been through a lot of shit. That pain she been through has made her life fall apart. So now she’s spending every waking moment trying to put herself back together, along with her life so that she can live her best life. STOP MAKING A GIRL FEEL GUITY FOR PUTTING HERSELF FIRST. She’s been putting everybody else first before her. How the feel is she supposed to live her best life, when you are draining the life out of her.-selflove_speaker.
She’s ok with being alone because no one is there for her. She’s ok with being alone, she ain’t tripping. She’s tired of being there for everyone else’s needs but her own. When she needs someone by her side, ain’t nobody there for her. She’ll look around all day long not to find a single soul. The only soul she can find right now, is the one person that she’s seeing right in front of the mirror. And that’s her damn self. Cuz ain’t nobody got her more than she got herself. And none of y’all deserve a woman like that.-selflove_speaker
(Drop a comment if you needed to hear these ladies, self love speaker was on one when he said that one.).
She has overcome everything that was meant to destroy her. And there is nothing stronger than a woman who has rebuild herself. So, if you came here hoping to see her fail, you are going to be really disappointed.-Juliet Delta Lima
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CbtddiKqtmY. I’m going to be the chooser. Tracie, you are truly my spirit animal.
I decided early in grade school, after watching girls chase boys, I’m going to be a chooser. I’m not going to define my worth on a guy nor spend my life revolving around them.
Let me run this scenario by all of you. By a relationship expert.
Because, if I had been in her place, pursued by someone who CLEARLY liked me WAAAY too much someone who had no qualms about obviously pursuing me someone who had no PRIDE or DIGNITY about it someone who seemed DESPERATE to ‘get me’.
YOU’VE probably been involved in a situation like this: where someone you’re not all that keen on is obviously WILD about you.
Does it make you like them more when they show you how enthusiastic they are?
My guess would be NO.
In fact, it just ends up making you think, ‘Eeeew … please go away now.’
PURSUIT IS A TURN-OFF.
But reciprocity, self-respect, and DIGNITY are turn-ONS.
The plain and simple truth is that both women AND men prefer to be romantically involved with someone who has some PRIDE.
Who has some SELF-RESPECT, and isn’t willing to throw it away just to get some affection. Who has a LIFE going on.
Whose entire existence doesn’t center around the person that they are dating at the moment.
And you don’t always have to ‘pursue’ a man (ringing him, stalking him, doing secret ‘drive-bys’ to see if he’s home) for him to FEEL like you’re pursuing him.
take the SIMPLE and EFFECTIVE STEP of putting the shoe on the other foot and she’ll never take a moment to think about how her actions are being taken by the guys that she dates.
In other words she won’t take a second to step back and think, ‘Hmm. If I was dating a guy and I’d only been dating him for a reasonably short period of time would I like it if he said he loved me almost straight away?
Would I like it if he allowed me to walk all over him without so much as saying a word?
Would I like it if he used his cellphone like a weapon of mass destruction and sent me a bazillion texts a day?’
If she could just THINK ABOUT IT CLEARLY, I bet she’d know exactly how much her behavior is turning guys OFF.
I will say it again pursuing ANYONE, whether they’re man, woman, or alien, WILL turn them off.
That was the reason in her situation every time she dated a guy they pulled away after getting close.
So how can you tell if your behavior counts as ‘pursuit’?
What if you’re just a really enthusiastic person by nature, and like to tell people how special they are?
Hate to say it, but that doesn’t necessarily make any difference to the outcome.
Even with the best intentions in the WORLD, when it’s ‘early days’, you still need to figure out how your attentions will be received — so you can figure out whether you need to take a step BACK or not.
And here’s how you can tell if you are ‘pursuing’ a guy PUT THE SHOE ON THE OTHER FOOT.
Before you use the word ‘love’, or ring his house 20 times in a row, or call his phone ‘just to hear his voice on the answerphone’ and then hang up before the machine starts recording think this to yourself:
WOULD I LIKE IT IF HE DID THIS TO ME?
And don’t worry. I know what you’re going to say here.
You’re going to say, ‘YES, of COURSE I would like it if he did that to me! I WANT him to talk about love, and miss me, and think about me lots, and call me all the time!’
Clearly, such a mindset is NOT going to help you figure out how your behavior will be received.
That’s why you need to use the LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR.
In other words: assume that it’s not a ‘given’ that he feels about you the way you feel about him.
This is known as having an ‘attitude of healthy questioning’ and will effectively STOP you from becoming complacent and STOP YOU from just assuming that your actions are received in the same manner that they were made.
And then ‘put the shoe on the other foot’ again.
In other words reverse your positions. Put YOURSELF in HIS POSITION.
Imagine that a guy who you’re not all that keen on YET — but who you COULD become keen on given the space and emotional room to do so — is ringing you up all the time, talking about how much he cares about you, and making plans for the future.
If you’ve ever been in that situation before, you’ll already know that behaving like that does NOT make someone care about you more, like you more, or want you more.
In fact it makes them want you LESS.
If you’re the kind of woman who has a track record of ‘smothering’ guys, and if your own ‘instincts’ are clearly WAY OFF TARGET HERE, then assuming the worst is realistically the ONLY way to make sure you’re not scaring people off by being TOO ENTHUSIASTIC.
Face it: if you’re anything like MOST people (men OR women) in the throes of a new relationship, your instincts are not to be trusted.
Assume that they DON’T like you all that much YET but that, given enough space and time, they WILL.
Take responsibility for your own life and experiences.
Love yourself first.
As the old saying goes, if you don’t love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love you? Well, never a truer word was spoken.
You first job in any relationship is to care and nurture the love affair you have with yourself.
Why is that? Well, you see, here’s the thing. When a person doesn’t love themselves, it’s like bad marketing.
I mean, think about an ad for a product. You never hear a commercial say, “You know what, our product’s just alright.
It’s really nothing special. It’s got its flaws, I don’t know if you’ve seen them, but there’s a lot that could be improved.
But, uh, hey — buy it anyway because maybe you could fix it yourself and then you will really love it!”
Who on earth would buy that product? No one
#10. Make yourself happy.
Love is a many splendid thing, so they say — so why is everyone so miserable when it comes to their relationships? As you should have guessed, I actually have the answer to that.
Well, I am not sure about everyone, but more often than not, for women the source of their unhappiness can be traced back to the fact that they look to their partners to make them happy, and their partners fail at that.
Some men fail at that because they’re jerks. But the overwhelming majority of men — and just people in general — don’t know how to make other people happy all the time.
First of all, it is impossible to do unless you are a mind reader. There is no way to know exactly what is going to make a person happy all the time.
The second reason why you shouldn’t look to him to be the source of your happiness is because that’s not his job.
This means that the responsibility falls to you, my dear. You are the only person who can make yourself happy. So, get on it!
This takes some actual, rational, conscious thought. What makes you happy? Think about it. Make a list if you have to.
The things that make you happy can be small, like wearing your favorite shoes; or big, like traveling to a new place every year.
No matter what it is, make a list of them, and tack it up somewhere you will see it all the time.
Then, try to make at least one of those things happen a day. Maybe you wear those favorite shoes; maybe you do a bit of trip research.
But know that while you are doing them, you are taking charge of your own happiness — and feel proud.
The other way to make yourself happy? Is this:
#11. Let everyone else come second.
Does this mean you have to be selfish? Well, maybe a little, but it doesn’t mean you need to step on the toes of everyone in your way in the race to get what you want.
Putting yourself first simply means that whatever decision you make should work for you, and be good for your wellbeing, before you think about how it may affect other people.
This simple rule has two benefits:
First, you will be happier, healthier, and you will probably live longer, too.
Secondly, you will be a better girlfriend, wife, and partner.
That’s because when you do the opposite of this advice — when you put everyone else’s needs and desires before your own.
It may make you feel good for a moment, but in the end all it does it make you unhappy and bitter.
Unhappy because you are not getting what you want out of life, and bitter because you give and give and give and no one is giving back.
So in looking out for yourself, you are not only making yourself happy, but you’re also contributing to a solid relationship. Another win-win!
I will stop here. I hope this 11 steps will help you truly understand what men want from women in relationship.
No doubt these are awesome points but there’s little more MYSTERY and this mystery is what keeps a man confused about you and it’s time to delete that confusion for FOREVER.
So, if you’re ready, I have a powerful SOLUTION for you. All you’ve to do is trust me and TAKE IMMEDIATE ACTION.
#1 Reason I Will Remain Solo For The Rest Of My Days (And It Will Take A Lot To Change My Mind).
Another tie that goes along with that. I do not trust easily and been burned too many times so I have a wall up. When guys start the chasing shit, the wall goes up higher. I’m like do you know how to be normal? When you do, come talk. Treat me like you would treat a sister. I literally have a group of guys that are actively pursuing me like this, and I do not respect anyone who do this.
With the guys I like, I ASSUME THEY DON’T LIKE ME BACK.
I DO NOT CALL THEIR HOUSE 20 times.
I DO NOT REACT TO THEIR FACEBOOK/INSTAGRAM STORY 20 times.
I give people space, and I WANT THIS SAME RESPECT IN RETURN.
I DO NOT WAIT FOR ANYONE TO RESPOND TO MY TEXTS AND MESSAGES. They will get to it when they get to it, if they want to.
This suffocating, draining, wanting and desperate energy drives me crazy. I wish I could send the original article to every guy that’s pursuing me right now (or call themselves pursuing me, they are wasting their time and need to go to Tinder and Bumble instead). That desperate pursuit shit is IRRIATING. Some women would kill for this kind of attention. I DON’T LIKE IT AT ALL.
In my most sincere Vegeta voice (for all you DBZ fans out there).
For the love of all things, HAVE SOME DIGNITY AND SELF RESPECT. GET A LIFE. Do not define your self worth on the other person liking you. How would you feel if someone that you wasn’t in to was chasing you down like this? You are not thinking in this way because you want what you want. But you won’t get me in this way.
I’ve seen quotes like this:
Do yourself a favor. Stay romantic and celibate. Your soul will thank you in the end.
After listening to my grown and sexy music, I can’t say or guarantee the celibate part. But voluntarily staying unmarried is my thing.
I do not have enough life experiences saying I will be safe letting down my guard. I’ve faced harsh and horrific consequences before for trusting the wrong people. If I see someone displaying clingy or toxic behavior, my experiences AKA life taught me and continues to teach me that these are people that you shouldn’t trust.
This happens when you find safety and trust in what was once a tactic for survival
I have obviously created a protective barrier around yourself, (understandably).
The reason for the creation of this protective barrier was two fold. First, you needed refuge from the pain of rejection. You convinced yourself that it is better not to need acceptance and love from others at all. If you don’t need something, it doesn’t hurt when you don’t get it. You convinced yourself you didn’t even WANT to be accepted or loved by others. It is propagation of the need to protect yourself from a perceived threat.
I definitely prefer to be alone nowadays.
Because I’m on a different wavelength, and want different things (and have a unique definition of success). I don’t fit in and I don’t try to. Throughout my years of school, people misunderstood me because I didn’t fit into their box of what I thought I should be. And when I find my people, it’s like a moth attracted to a flame. It does not help when a guy chases me like a lion chases a hyena. I could have had a boyfriend like yesterday if I wanted to. That clingy behavior will drive me up the wall. This behavior makes me want to stay single that much more and pushes me away. It makes me want to live by myself, I will not let ANYONE take me out of my peace like that again. I’ve come to terms with that my existence is to be an example. I have friends when we are on the same wave length (and I have different friends for different things). I’m an old soul, and every challenge I will beat it one way or the other (or find a great alternative). What they say they are going to do, and what they actually did was different too many times, and I took destiny into my own hands.
I’ve made it OK to Be different. I’ve befriended myself, and I know I belong anywhere & everywhere, because I’m being true to myself & others. I believe in myself. I’ve let my family know I love them very much but follow my own path.
It’s important to first recognize and accept yourself to begin with.To acknowledge your strenghs & weaknesses. To accept that you’re not perfect & no one is, even if they think they are, or pretend to.
But you know what, don’t bother reminding them; they know it. You don’t have to prove anything to them, or to anyone. They will eventually notice you have begun to actually Be yourself and own it; that you do not need anyone’s approval but your own.
Approve of yourself; with all your cualities and all your imperfections. You owe it to yourself.
The spark of the Divine is within you, as it is in all others, and in everything. You are a part of it, and you are a part of all existence. You belong here and everywhere.
Never forget:
You have a right to be here!
Stop yourself from needing anyone’s approval and you will find what you need to make it through and stop feeling depressed. On the contrary, once you start your journey of self-discovery, you will begin to empower yourself with wisdom and truth: Just don’t fall into the mistake of trying to defend or justify whatever you decide to do, or how you do it. They may start to question you etc.
Stay the path, your chosen path. You will find it as you go along.
Because you will learn to be your true self. The real you is not your ego, it is your spirit & source. Where everything comes from and returns.
Start your search for the real you; seek and you will definitely find the real meaning to your life, with honesty, courage, and determination.
But you’ve got to be determined and diligent about it and take that first step, and then the other and the next. It is a non-stop journey into realization & fulfillment:
If you take full responsibility for your life, and your actions.
Stay true to yourself no matter what.
You will fall and even get depressed again. But keep getting up. And keep reminding yourself who & what you really are.
Here’s some quotes that’ll help you through:
“You are a spirit in a body, having human experiences.”
“Happiness doesn’t mean that everything is perfect, it means that you are willing to overlook the imperfections.”
“The mind is owned by the self, and it can make a heaven out of hell, or a hell out of heaven.”
Keep getting up after you fall and get depressed. But remember:
“No one can make you feel less, or bad, unless you give them permission.”
And last but not least:
Just take a good long look at the people who judge you for not being in a relationship. Most of them are utterly miserable. Misery wants company, if you are happy alone, they feel bad that they are not strong enough to do so. In Fact most people are so weak, that they rather partner up with someone they don’t even like very much, than face a single week alone. Now that my dear, I call a condition. Nowadays , when someone is without a partner for a year, people freak out. Don’t let it get to you. Just do you, your fine the way you are and lucky to be able to be happy on your own.-Tess Day
Because I believe that each of us have been blessed with a task that only we can do and no one else, makes me think that we do not have to fit-in but finish our task. You are and always will be a unique person, having similarities to others but mainly a rare breed, so stop trying to fit in and just be the best you, you know how. Those who really care about you will love it and be drawn to you like a moth to a flame.-
So stand up and join me as a fighter! If nobody wants to befriend you, too bad for them. Even if the people around you don’t seem to care about your existence, that doesn’t mean you should self-diagnose yourself as suffering from some forms of psychological disorder. We are merely human and each one of us is abnormal in untold and exceptional ways. Learn to accept and love yourself and ignore the people who ignore you. Just remember: you are not alone, for there are people like you and me who feel forlorn and left behind by the limited amount of love that this earthly realm has to offer.-
Now go look in the mirror and take a nice long look. All those things that make you feel like you do not fit in are things that make you unique and beautiful. Celebrate them. Flaunt them. Accentuate them.
If you have to… go somewhere where the people around you are accepting instead of horrible.
Nothing like a change of scenery to change your outlook.-Christopher Appleman
The last point really works, I distanced myself and started rooting for a whole new team(s). I literally had to cold-turkey stop caring. Because I realized that they didn’t care for me like I cared for them. (And ironically, when I literally stopped caring for them, some of them are creeping on my shit, reverse psychology works!) Sometimes it’s good to have a little mystery and quietness on social media, and have people wonder what you are up to.
I got to chime this in…From a reading from one of my guides
Also known for helping us attract wonderful friends, Archangel can help you find your soul tribe if you’re feeling as if the people currently in your circle aren’t meeting your needs or don’t understand you. Or if you’re in conflict with anyone in your life Alesha.
Many Moons ago when I started my spiritual journey, I found that my group of friends was not at all comfortable with what I wanted to discuss.
My frequency had started to shift away from gossip or the mundane aspects of daily life and more into what life really meant.
I was asking questions about my life purpose, what we’re here for, and wondering what the planet needed.
I started to feel misunderstood and lonely and then I remembered we can call on the angels for loving guidance and help.
I asked Raguel to help me either find harmony with those I loved or to help me find more people like me.
Within weeks I found a spiritual community of like-minded individuals who were also interested in the bigger questions, and were spiritual seekers like me.
The irony was that several of my former friends then started down their own path, just like I had!
So to finish off after reading all of that. Ride the rocket, but don’t light the fuse. If you approach me in a chasy and thirsty way, I will run for the hills and not look back at you the same way. Dr Phil put it in a great light during an episode once, you gotta protect, protect, protect. You gotta protect yourself before they have the opportunity (to take advantage).
It’s interesting because I’ve taken assessments and they told me I’m a giver. Here’s some key words.
You are also someone who can be unstoppable when you truly set your mind to something.
You’re also a person who values your independence…
When you insist on maintaining too much freedom, you’re actually cutting yourself off from the warmth, support, and connection others can give you. (If it comes with strings attached I’m good.)
And though you can be incredibly giving, you may have a hard time with romantic partners who are too needy or dependent. (I wish the world understood this and they don’t).
I’ve found my balance of giving, being selfish, my alone time and boundaries. Despite what the assessments say (which are spot on) I will live for myself, not other people.
About the Dad part. I also think I’m going to write a spin off article similar to this.
No, not all fatherless girls have daddy issues. The one thing I hated growing up was people trying to make me feel less than because of who I did or didn’t have in my life.
I can’t miss what I never had. I see articles like this and I feel for people that missed that fatherly figure in their life.
Because they know what it feels like to feel unwanted by the one person who was supposed to want you more than anything in the world. And they would never want to make anyone else feel that pain.
Why let someone let take up space in my mind when I’m clearly not taking up space in his? A lot of my trust and betrayals came from people (both males and females) actually in my life. And sure, him not “wanting” me speaks volumes, I also can’t force someone to be in my life if they don’t want to be in it. I just learned to not let people determine my self esteem and self-worth, even if they helped create me. People asked about him when I wasn’t asking about him myself; people in my grade school made it a point to try and rub it in about me not having a dad to be cruel, but some of it was I was breaking stereotypes; (how are they doing stuff without having two parents, because I can’t make it like that). The times I did try to look up to some males as father figures backfired. The situations ended up causing harm and I’m like you know what, this shit isn’t worth it. It made me realize that sometimes it’s ok to miss out. What the world is telling me what I’m missing out on? Hell let me miss out on the shit. At this point, I don’t think my dad being in my life would make any difference. I’ll never know, and I don’t sit around thinking about it. I take responsibility for my own life, regardless of who is or isn’t in it. If I decide to be promiscious, get a DUI, stay on the straight and narrow or get off and swerve, it’s my decision alone and no one else’s.
There were times when you have to be your own armor. There were times when you have to defend your own self when you were little because no one was there to protect you — to hug you and tell you “It’s okay Princess, daddy’s here.” You have become your own little princess and have put a crown on yourself because no one has done that for you. You have built your own shell — hard enough to not let anything crush you.
To the person reading this: I don’t know your story.
I don’t generalize, and everyone has a different experience, fatherless or not. Ideally, it’s great to have two parents. But sometimes it doesn’t pan out this way, and it’s better to have one great parent than two bad ones or grow up in abusive situations. From my personal experience, I’ve seen people from two parent families more messed up than people that come from single parent situations. I even know some people where they wished one parent would have gotten away from the abusive one, or wish they cut ties with a toxic parent sooner and are currently estranged. One size doesn’t fit all and everyone is going to face obstacles and challenges, no matter who is and isn’t in your life. The one thing I didn’t like growing up was people treating me like a victim based on another person’s decisions. Or when I see something on television saying kids of single parents are more in likely to be this way. Or always putting single parents in the worst light. I can’t control what other people do or do some fancy dance to draw them in to me.
Although you have learned to help yourself and put on a tough-as-nails exterior, take a deep breath and realize that sometimes it is okay to soften your shell and ask for others to support and understand you. This does not make you weak, it makes you strong beyond belief.
I always keep it for real on here.
With that being said: Could me not having a dad affect my perspective, my views, the way I see the world and especially, my standpoint on relationships? You bet. If I could get a dollar for every time someone treated me differently or treated me like a victim, I would be a millionaire.
Could there be paths and life experiences closed off to me because my experiences, hurts, betrayals and protective patterns makes me want to keep some distance between myself and most people? Possibly. I won’t deny that (heard that point in a Psy2Go video and it resonated, I got the exact quote in another article, I’ll find it later). I also won’t deny that the full human experience may be closed off to me in certain areas. My dad had nothing to do with this. It was the some of the toxic people in my life that caused hurts. (People underestimate the trauma and PTSD that comes from your female friends betraying you.)
Is this a thing? Yes.
“Things will just continue to manifest in the energy that it was created until you make the conscious decision to unpack where it came from.”
But here’s the bigger thing.
Instead of being angry and looking for the love, security and support that some can’t and aren’t willing to give (i.e. being angry at those whom you feel could not love you and protect you as a child). If you don’t need something, it doesn’t hurt when you don’t get it. If you are not looking for it, you don’t miss it. I made a decision to choose myself and help myself. I do not want to depend on others and I don’t want them depending on me either. In my head, some people will stick around forever. Others only stay in your life for a season. People can and will leave without prior notice or warning.
I’m also not going to fill the void solely by seeking it from men and romantic relationships. I’m not going to go search to fill any void or any hole in my heart with the affection of another man, it won’t work. I’ll fill it with the love and strength I have for myself.
I cannot make anyone stay or come into my life. In my head, most people don’t stick around. I’ve had people tell me that they will always be there, just to run at the first sign of blood. If a guy wants to stay, he will.
Horoscopes Even Are Trying To “Jump” In On The Action.
WEEK OF February 14–2 0, 2022
St. Valentine is coming to town on Monday, February 14, arriving at the international terminal. (Please be patient while he goes through customs.) If you’re looking for love, don’t expect to find it in the same-old faces or places. The reason? Your ruler Mercury is returning to Aquarius and your ninth house of global adventures after getting sidetracked by last month’s retrograde. Don’t be surprised if you’re already thinking, “Cupid, draw back your bow…but, uh, aim it in another direction, please.” Nothing wrong with mingling sans strings, Gemini! But you know how Murphy’s Law works: Just when you swear off love, it seems to show up unexpectedly. (Truer words haven’t been spoken.
While you’re toasting with friends, you could swoon for a sweet talker from a different cultural background. Philosophical conversations may arouse more than your intellectual curiosity, so let your sapiosexual side lead. Attached? Your ideal scenario would involve slipping off for a spontaneous getaway. If that’s not possible, a staycation at a boutique hotel could set the right mood. But don’t lounge in bed ordering room service. You’ll want to be out and about, whether you’re seeing a show or exploring the area on foot. PS: With Mercury here until March 9, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to enjoy this vibe!
Wednesday brings another surge of romantic promise when love planets Venus and Mars strike a sexy chord in Capricorn. With your eighth house of sizzle and seduction getting hit by these twin beams, you could find yourself feeling frisky. And thanks to the full moon in Leo loosening your tongue the very same day, it’s going to be hard to keep any intense feelings under wraps. But hang on, Gemini! It’s probably smart to be a LITTLE bit strategic about this. Timing matters and you don’t want to deliver your declaration of love five minutes before bae rushes into a pitch meeting or has to drop off the kids to their ex. In fact, these cosmic events could be real eye-openers for Geminis who have, perhaps, been a little too “caught up in the moment.” Restraint is sexy — even if you have to override your natural sense of FOMO.
MORE FROM ELLE
Sabrina Carpenter | Waking Up With
Previous VideoPauseNext Video
Unmute
Current Time 0:07
Loaded: 7.02%
Remaining Time -11:13
Captions
Fullscreen
If you’ve been loosely tethered to Earth for the past month, drift on back this weekend. On Friday the Sun floats into Pisces and your tenth house of career, fueling your ambition tanks for a month-long mission. Professional aspirations take priority, and with dreamy Pisces ruling this realm, you’ll have plenty of opportunity to apply your creativity and imagination to this process. Find ways to network with other ambitious souls, whether you’re attending a virtual conference or signing up for a mastermind weekend. While you love to work in partnership, this cosmic cycle coaxes you into the lead role. Give a solo project the airtime it deserves. You can still collaborate, Gem, but in this case, with a team of people who are there to bring forward YOUR vision.
(I learned how to mix and master my music, so guess what. For the foreseeable future, I will collaborate with people from a distance.)
IF you don’t remember anything else
When a good girl has been broken by the people she loves. She’s not selfish for focusing on herself. She been through a lot of shit. That pain she been through has made her life fall apart. So now she’s spending every waking moment trying to put herself back together, along with her life so that she can live her best life. STOP MAKING A GIRL FEEL GUITY FOR PUTTING HERSELF FIRST. She’s been putting everybody else first before her. How the feel is she supposed to live her best life, when you are draining the life out of her.-selflove_speaker.
(Drop a comment if you needed to hear this ladies, self love speaker was on one when he said that one.).
So, if you want to avoid choosing the wrong partner for the wrong reasons, it shouldn’t be a search to fill in a void that you feel within. You are already whole. You’re not a tiny wedge of cheddar that you find in the supermarket; you’re that whole beautiful wheel of cheese that nobody sees apart from the cheddar factory minions. This is why Little Love Step #1 is all about building your self-worth and recognizing that you are a complete person on your own already-Adam Dolce
Key Points:
- Breaking my back for people that will not break a sweat for me. I’m not doing it. (I did in in my early 20’s to try to save some friends from ending their lives, and you cannot give from an empty cup.)
- Self-care isn’t selfish. Here’s 5 tips to make yourself a priority. Ever since I did this, it’s been a game changer.
- I’m a giver, and no I do not look for things when I do things for people. But even I have my limits, and will not overextend or burnout myself. (And if I do overextend myself by mistake, I take time off to recharge. I do not want to put myself in one grief, exhausting, and burnout situation and then put myself in another. One time I was idiot enough to be in a school situation where I was exhausted, burned-out and grief-sticken and came home to the same bullshit. I will not let anyone take me out of my peace like this again, and I refuse to let my home environment get that way ever again.
- When a guy chases me like he doesn’t have a life, it tells me that he wouldn’t have a life if we were together, and he would suffocate the shit out of me. While a relationship is give, take and based on trust, I do not want to be the person that give give give give give and receives in return someone I cannot trust. A form of love for me is self-care, space, mental health breaks and someone I can trust secrets with.
- When a guy I don’t know is willing to send me nudes or d pics, I lose some respect. Save that for the special woman, instead of basing your worth and self-esteem on me or some lady you are chasing liking you or not.
- It’s interesting because I read this article that says that there’s no such thing as self care in relationships. He brings up some great (and concerning) points. I will not be in a relationship where I don’t get any self care. I’ve had some experiences in my life where I would require mental health days and self care days. I’ll show them with space, love that I support them prioritizing themselves. If I find that I’m not getting this same space in return, I will peace out. If remaining single means I keep my self care and health so be it, I touch on this in other articles.
- No one is coming to save me. I found unconditional love with my dog and animals, and that’s who I’m sticking with.
- While well intentioned, listening to other people’s advice too many times led me off the predestined path without even realizing it, and at this point it’s too late to go back and change it. This is why I listen to myself more nowadays, and take the good advice and leave most of it. I will not get into a relationship to fill a void or do it to keep up with the status quo.
- This is why you need to learn how to comfort yourself.
- When I realized only I can change my life, everything changed. No one can do it for me.
- I do not care about having a dad or missing out. I can’t sit around thinking about who doesn’t want to be bothered with me. It’s counterproductive.
- When you love someone, you love the person as they are, and not as you’d like them to be. ” — Leo Tolstoy. I accept people for who they are.
- If you don’t need something, it doesn’t hurt when you don’t get it. If you are not looking for it, you don’t miss it.
- I’m not going to go search to fill that hole in my heart or any void with the affection of another man, it won’t work. Fill it with the love and strength I have for myself!
- I cannot expect people to show me the same love I show them.
- Just because someone does something I don’t like doesn’t mean I don’t love them or love them any less. Even if I don’t like something, I’m still nice, loving, and cordial towards that person. I cannot make anyone stay or come into my life. I’m not going to force love. In my head, most people don’t stick around. I’ve had way too many people tell me that they will always be there, just to run at the first sign of blood. If a guy wants to stay, he will. If he wants to leave, he can and will leave. I never want a guy to stay out of need, only desire. I accept him for who he is more than anyone he would know because I understand at the core that I can’t fix people, I can only love them up close and at a distance. I’m not going to try to fit you in a perfect picture or try to make you into something you are not. I’ve learned that people can come and go at anytime without any prior warning, no matter how much you care or love them.
- No, not all fatherless girls have social imposed “daddy issues”
- I don’t depend on others for my inner peace and satisfaction. I saw my crazy side before (being burned out, in grief, exhausted and surgery bound is no fun trust me), and I made a vow I won’t let anyone take me out of my peace like that again. What makes me happy is not based around a person (although friends and cousins add to my happiness, love you babes!). As a youngin (early childhood years mind you), I made the mistake of having high expectations and looking for happiness in people and places that couldn’t and didn’t want to give it. I was looking for love, security and safety in places and people that couldn’t give it. I was longing for something that was never there. Not doing this shit again. When you are on your own time and in your own space, what is it that you enjoy doing, I started thinking? This is how you get to know yourself. I’ve literally found myself learning new skills and taking on new tasks lately (i.e. mixing and mastering music.) After losing who I thought I was supposed to be, (having a vision in my head who I thought I was gonna be at a certain period of my life) and who I would be moving forward, I found myself by acquiring new skills, and accomplishing them. (Not biting off more than I can chew, of course.) If you don’t have high expectations in people, you won’t be disappointed.
- I’m more inclined to giving my efforts in succeeding in life than putting my energy in relationships. Too many times love has lead to pain and cruel consequences. I’m not going to lose myself or lose my self-identity like that again. It took forever to recover from and to lost parts of myself like that was painful. I prefer staying alone, solo and loneliness is a boon to me, it’s second nature.
- I have a tough hard shell, and I make it super hard for most to get close to me or see me. Most people give up on me because my fortress is as tough as nails. I lost trust in their environment or circumstances. I saw time and time again my needs wouldn’t be met unless I rose to met them.
- They lose trust in their environment or circumstances. Trust me, this is the story of my life.
- Who don’t believe their needs will ever be met. It was shown better than I could have been told that my needs won’t be met unless I got it for me by me.
- Acknowledging the effects that childhood trauma has had on you. And to suggest to keep traumatizing and re-traumatizing myself because the world thinks I’m supposed to be a certain way? I’m a giver, but I’m not going to let people walk all over me or take advantage of me.
- Intimacy boundaries are a defense mechanism that people may use to prevent themselves from having negative experiences. Yes. When people experience negative or traumatic experiences, they may consciously or unconsciously decide to avoid ever risking the same outcome again. This is the story of my life. As a result, situations, people, or similar circumstances that remind them of the negative event are likely to cause the person experiencing fear of intimacy. You can say what you want, but I reply to this below. The brain has developed its way of preventing you from feeling pain by building a wall between you and a potentially negative experience. The downside to this line of thinking and coping is that not all of the experiences you have will be negative, and not all people you encounter who remind you of a certain person or event will behave in the same manner.
- I’m not saying everything is going to be a negative experience, but at the same time I don’t have to be an idiot about it. Fool me once, shame on them. Fool me twice, same on me. I’m the type of person who is just going to keep it for real with you, no matter what it looks like. I’m not going to keep up the status quo just to appease or live for other people. Despite what people write in articles and blogs, I have to live my life. What you see is what you get with me. If I have the money, I will tell you. If I don’t have it, I will tell you. Fuck it.
- I accepted myself for who I am and I’m no longer looking. I missed my soulmate window, and I’m ok with this. I wasn’t the type of girl that was dreaming about my wedding day either.
- After a bad break up, your mind and body are designed to protect you from the stress of going through that much stress again. Gordon Miller, response to It’s been a year since I broke up with my ex and it was a very rough breakup. I find now that I’m just not interested in dating and I’m not really finding any guys attractive. Is this normal?
- What experience has reshaped the way you view things around you? College, listening to well intentioned advice, It is perfectly normal.
- I was betrayed so many times that I had to put up walls. It took me 18 years to let them back down. Just watch out for the rut that’s waiting for you. Take inventory, honestly, of how you’re feeling and what you need. I’ll take a hug from a cousin or two, but that’s it…
Look at the cost of your relationship. If you have to give up your friends, career, or family, for example, the cost is too high. If you have to stop being all of who you are to be half of a couple, price is too high,” - Dr. Phil.
*Some ladies out here will try to have kids by guys to get child support, get married for financial stability or whatever. You do you, and to each their own. I’ve walked away from so many situations because my peace, mental, emotional and psychological health means more to me than a child support payment. Some things isn’t worth the money. I will make my own money, it’s not worth it. I believe the Universe has something better in store for me, but again, I’m not going to be a fool and stupid about it.
- Too many heartbreaks, headaches, and financial ruin. It’s shameful and pathetic how trusting the wrong people have cost me emotionally and financially. I’ve learned that every time I’m vulnerable, it can be used against me so I don’t rely on other people. I’ve taken myself out of the field. I’m done.
Vulnerability is described as a kind of sword that you freely give to someone else. It’s practically giving another person an opportunity to deeply wound you with what you share. I’ve learned everyone is not safe or trustworthy, and it’s good to be choosy. It’s good to be choosy about who you share things with. It’s like the saying — “don’t cast your pearls before swine.” Just because you can always share, doesn’t mean you always should.
I cannot expect people to show me the same love I show them. #1 reason why I will remain single? I haven’t found a guy who is more peaceful than my solitude. Men stopped being my project years ago, and never really was to begin with (hey I liked anime and science fair projects instead). I got a lot of homeboys and blood brothers i.e. male friends and we have been friends for years. And my blood brothers have done a great job of filling the void (along with my male cousins). I do not care if I’m ever in a romantic relationship again, and if I do change my mind I’ll let the world know. I’ve been single for years. Being burned way too many times being vulnerable, I made a vow to myself if I ever got out of those situations, and picking myself and my heart up from that, I will not ever let anyone take me out of my peace like this again. I’m careful with my trust.
Too many times trusting came with harsh and cruel consequences. And one too many times I got burned badly after opening up. Coming out of those situations, becoming self-reliant and efficient grew out of that. Everyone needs help sometimes, and I usually go to my mom only (and in an emergency 2 other friends). After that I usually don’t reach out to anyone else, all most like a vow of silence (yeah it sounds bad, but most do not understand how bad it got or the extent of it.. ). I discuss why a lot of times I voluntarily choose to suffer in silence in a future article. At this point, I would rather go to a homeless shelter or enlist in the military than ask for help, because asking for help in too many scenarios made the situation worst.
Chasing me like he lost his ever loving mind suggests to me that he would be clingy, suffocating, and not trustworthy. I’m not going to get trapped or confined. This is something I feel deeply and I won’t tolerate the shit. I’ve literally blocked guys who messaged me 20+ times, just to get it again from more guys again. I love a guy who has his own thing going on and doesn’t make me the center of his universe. Like Grant Cardone says, you should never give up your dreams or your purpose for your partner.
If you are a musician, what in the hell would I look like trying to stop you? It’s not up to another person to fill a void or. I’m responsible for my own life.
I have not found anyone who deeply understands the balance of space, (being together and apart) having their own thing going on, and self care.
And finally. To finish off.
I ripped this from another article:
Live your life as you see fit and the best to you. Live for yourself, not other people.
All my life, I was told I’m supposed to want this, and I’m supposed to want that. I’m supposed to want this, and I’m supposed to want to be that. Enough of that bullshit. Getting burned enough times made me realize I wasn’t listening to myself enough.
you did the best with what you could do with the knowledge that you had at that time.
Enough of this bullshit too angel numbers, ancestors and guides. Once I took the helms of my own puppet (i.e. becoming my own puppet master), things shifted.
If fear of intimacy is negatively impacting your life, the first step is to understand that they aren’t your fault and give yourself some grace.
I’ve given myself space along with the grace.
Don’t blame yourself. You didn’t have any choice of over your circumstances as a child, and you didn’t ask to be traumatized.
You have zero accountability over what happened to you.
I know it was out of my control, but what’s within my control is not putting myself in the situations. If I see similar toxic situations being displayed, I don’t have to be stupid about it and just walk in front of a train wreck. I do not have to let people walk all over me either. I noticed a lot of the time when I got the screws put to me, it was because I was listening to other people and their well-intentioned advice. While I’m not gonna cut myself off from the world, I will choose myself more. I have to make it in this world (like everyone else) and the people in these blogs, offices, and rooftops haven’t lived my life.
While well intentioned, many people have led me down the wrong path. They were only teaching me what they knew when I was little, and I got access to what they were taught. After all, they can’t teach me about being a millionaire if they never been one themselves.
I know it was out of my control, but what’s within my control is not putting myself in the situations. If I see similar toxic situations being displayed, I don’t have to be stupid about it and just walk in front of a train wreck. I don’t and won’t let people walk all over me. Repeated twice on purpose.
- I was in several emotionally abusive, toxic and unsupportive environments from many sides (both grade school and upper ed, more on this below). This is truly one of the earliest experiences where I did not feel safe, and I had to adopt hardness, and suppress my emotions to cope with what was going on around me. I had a lot of friend-enemies, and these people were not trustworthy, letting them see that they effected you, shed a tear or letting them see you sweat was bad. They got a thrill of seeing you suffer. Many times I couldn’t trust and get close to anyone, and felt like no one had my back for years (and sometimes it still feels this way, hey I know the animals got my back at least). I didn’t act black the way they acted black. I liked Dragon Ball Z while they chased boys down. I attended cosplay (I do not dress up like some of my Gen Con friends and Comic Con. These people did not care about me. Instead of giving them the license to make fun of me in an already bad situation, I kept it to myself.
The people who matter most will be there to protect, comfort, or console them. In theory. The people what was supposedly supposed to be there was the enemies. This happened a lot.
Inadvertently learned that they have to take care of themselves because no one has their back. I inadvertently learned that I have to take care of myself because no one had my back. And it has happened multiple times in my life, and while I wasn’t happy or necessarily prepared for it, I saw it before.
Anxiety due to their inability to seek comfort from others. Can I point out that the people in the situation(s) were the main source of the pain. Seeking comfort from them was like shaking hands with the devils. They were not good people or good friends. It’s better to get it on your own, than seek it (support, comfort, your needs) from bad people.
Life has taught them to believe that their voice isn’t likely to be heard, anyway. They solve the issues by removing themselves from the situation. Is someone hanging up on you and not returning phone calls when you need help supportive? No. Is them stabbing you in the back the minute you leave the room and pretending to be a friend in your face good? Hell no! You have to know the difference between giving up and knowing when you have enough. When something is out of your control and no matter what you do, it’s not going to work out and it’s time for a change. Sometimes, the damage is beyond repair, and it’s best to cut your losses and walk from the situation (s). I’m going to tell you, cutting lies with some things I’ve loved for years is one of the best things I’ve ever done. If something is not serving you, why keep beating yourself up, revisiting the places, retriggering and keep bringing back those bad memories, and keep trying to make it work with situations and people that’s not working? Sometimes holding on is more damaging than letting go.
Who don’t believe their needs will ever be met. they lose trust in their environment or circumstances. Attachment styles develop in infancy and early childhood as involuntary biological behaviors that help us stay safe. After a certain period of their needs not being met. Feeling unsafe or unprotected. They are more easily able to disconnect from people and circumstances. Please read what I said above about letting go.
No one acknowledges the effects that childhood trauma or trauma generally speaking has on you, nor do they care. Especially the people that dished it out don’t care, and people underestimate the PTSD that can come from your friends (in my case female) friends betraying you. And people betraying you in general.
P.S. No one is coming to save me. I found unconditional love with my dog and animals, and that’s who I’m sticking with.
She’s not single because she can’t get a man. She is single because every time she focuses on someone they show her exactly why she is better off alone. Please know the difference. -kimmaniwright1
When Tik Toks understands you more than most people:
There’s a LOT of pressure on women to find a man, settle down, get married, and have kids. Pressure from your parents, pressure from your loved-up friends, pressure from movies, and pressure from society. And all of this external pressure may lead to you putting pressure on yourself to make a commitment to someone for the wrong reasons, i.e., you’re afraid of ending up alone, you want someone to snuggle with on Sunday mornings, and you want your parents to stop setting you up with weird family friends.
The only advice I can give you? Build your sexy confidence to the point where you are not afraid to be single.-
Signed, I’m not afraid to be single, I thrive in it.
I will listen to your bullshit as a friend.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CcNVT3wj3nA/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
No one is going to make me happy.
We didn’t plan to become closed off to the world, but a lot of us were taught that it’s safer to go through difficult seasons alone than to risk being vulnerable with the wrong people.
we learned this lesson the hard way — we asked for help, only to be judged and ridiculed. we poured into people who never truly appreciated us. we didn’t just stumble, we fell flat on our faces — because there was no shoulder left to lean on. we looked around for our support system and saw an empty room.
and as much as we don’t want to hold onto these parts of our stories, how could we ever forget how that felt?
healing is a difficult, frightening process. some days, we feel light. we can feel ourselves letting go of situations that used to trigger us. other days, we feel the weight of every burden that we’ve ever carried bearing down on our shoulders and our spirits. it’s heavy.
we wake up one day and decide that it’s better to be numb than to risk falling off of another emotional cliff. we decide to run from our feelings for another day, because it’s the only way we know how to keep moving. we decide that we’re better off pretending that everything is ok, even when it’s not.
and this is valid. we can’t snap our fingers and become the people we were before the trauma. we can’t pretend to be okay until we are okay. healing takes work. we need a lot of time, space, and grace to walk the path towards restoration and uncompromising self-acceptance. healing isn’t a destination, it’s a lifelong process — and i think we’ll all be better off acknowledging how hard it really is, while choosing to believe that it’s worth the effort.
[tweet screenshot; tweet by michell reads: “sending love to everyone who is carrying their burdens in silence. sending love to everyone who wants to be heard but is afraid to speak. sending love to everyone who’s ever felt alone in a room full of people.”]- Mitchell C. Clark
I don’t get to get to tell people how to love me. I get to see how they love, and choose if I want to participate. And I can’t make people do right by me, but I can decide how often I choose to let them do me wrong.
I wasn’t always closed off. But after the experiences at the other place in question (and when I was younger)? It’s definitely the case. At the core, I have never felt safe for a long time since middle school, my sense of safety shattered because I simply couldn’t trust the people around me, and I had to fend for myself; my experiences literally altered my view of the world.
I asked for help on more than one occasion, to only be punished and made to feel worst. Many situations taught me that no one got me. It was better to suffer in silence, than to keep asking people that didn’t care and never cared in the first place. I fell down a lot, and was kicked down further by the administration.
Straight up, the people and organizations I cared for the most and poured the most into? Would not show up for me in the same way they showed up for others. Gave others a chance for deeper friendship than they gave me.
When you are down really bad, you find out who’s in your corner. The people I did the most for did not bat an eye for me, or even answer the phone (again, I want to point out that I do not do things to get things back, I just want to know if you have my back and a lot of times it wasn’t the case). People treat you based on how much they value you, and I did not want to see the cold hard truth. The friendships I wanted from them didn’t exist. Just because I saw them as friends doesn’t mean they saw me in the same way. I was someone for them to use and throw away like garbage at their very convenience.
I basically told myself if I make it out of this alive, I will never trust in the same way or be this fucking naïve and this much of an idiot again. I will never trust anyone with my finances this way ever again. I will pull myself up so high I will not need people like this ever again. (In the interest of not making this longer than it already is, this and a few bad breakups, and just other situations made me adopt protective love patterns.)
I’ve learned:
I’ve relied on no one but myself for such a long time, previously learning that not everyone around me is going to be there for me, that I don’t want to have to feel like I depend on anyone else. I relied on others before just to get judged, ridiculed, made fun of, embarrassed, and thrown away like a piece of trash.
You don’t want to go rearranging your life and adapting to a new one for someone who will one day leave and make you have to adapt and change your life again once they’re no longer in it. Falling in love and entering a relationship can give you that security you long to feel, but the thought of living in that blissful security only to lose it terrifies you. You don’t want to know consistency and stability only to have it ripped away from you.
I took a trail run. It was draining and exhausting beyond repair.
You may have thought you found that special one, only to have ended up hurt.
And sometimes, you don’t recover.
You’re also scared of losing yourself to love. Part of you thinks it may mean losing your sense of adventure, your social life, and even your free spirit. You may have been burned a time or two, so you keep yourself at a safe distance to not lose parts of yourself again.
I definitely keep most at arms length. This goes for friendships too.
Yeah ok. Fine. I have trauma. So what? What is the solution? I depend on another person AGAIN and they hurt me AGAIN and then I go through the whole process of healing myself again? No thanks. I better be hella independent.-Gunsandrose
To suggest I open myself up to a point to let others take advantage of me or walk all over me is a huge no no. I’m not gonna be a dummy about it.
So when guys hit on me and ask to exchange my peace for them? I take it with a grain of salt. On April 30th, 2022 a guy asked me if I had a boyfriend and I didn’t even answer the question. I kept walking, because no one is worth exchanging my peace for. Being alone for a while is dangerous, because once you realize how peaceful it is you don’t want to be bothered anymore (why in the world would I put myself through that again voluntarily? And give someone a free pass?)
I can’t go on what people say they are going to do in the heat of the moment. Because people change plans.
we wake up one day and decide that it’s better to be numb than to risk falling off of another emotional cliff. we decide to run from our feelings for another day, because it’s the only way we know how to keep moving. we decide that we’re better off pretending that everything is ok.
After all my experiences of asking for help and being punished, ridiculed, I rather stay closed off, child-free, single than being vulnerable to the wrong people.
When You Find People On Quora That Understand You.
(I inboxed some of you, not sorry.)
I’m just going to bold the parts I relate to.
Society forces us to partner up. Good intentioned friends try to couple singles up . It is almost like being an outcast if you are unattached. Truth is some people are strong enough to not need the support of a partner. It can feel really good and liberating to make your own decisions without having to consult almost constantly. And let’s face it, a lot of the guys out there are just not worth humouring. By the way, I’m happily married.-Gregory Dickson
The only thing I’m going to do is die and pay taxes.
You have obviously created a protective barrier around yourself, (understandably).You convinced yourself that it is better not to need acceptance and love from others at all. If you don’t need something, it doesn’t hurt when you don’t get it. You convinced yourself you didn’t even WANT to be accepted or loved by others. Now, being alone can be lovely-
Beautifully explained.
Your life hasn’t been easy. There have been things that would, understandably, make someone wish to maintain distance between themselves and everyone else.-
As a stranger, you understand me more than most of the people that’s known me my whole life.
Just like every one who experienced some real hurts from close people. You have the tendency to keep your life under control so they will not be able to hurt you too much in future.-Yang Wei
Thanks for understanding.
I think it is wonderful that you don’t feel the need to be in a relationship. Nobody to answer to, nobody to bankrupt you. You don’t have to listen to someone else’s music. You don’t have to watch someone else’s television. Or have someone think they have the right to shout at you in your own home. Enjoy your freedom.-Eileen Sorensen
Isn’t it great when you find your like-minded tribe?
Same yesss, emotions and romantic relationships are way too complicated for me, or I could say I don’t have enough braincells for that ahahah. But just the whole concept of being with someone, coming home to someone and loving someone just doesn’t appeal to me, I don’t really want to have to remember a special date and celebrate it, don’t really want to go out or count down with someone on the New Years, don’t really want to buy a house or buy a car with someone, don’t really want to, especially, break up and go through the trouble of avoiding them/talking it out/moving theirs or my stuff out etc. They seem burdensome to me and honestly there’s no need for these to exist in my life for me to live happily and content. It is and should be totally normal to want and have different goals in life, because different things make us happy, we are all different, unique people!-Salty Ducks
If nobody wants to befriend you, too bad for them. Even if the people around you don’t seem to care about your existence, that doesn’t mean you should self-diagnose yourself as suffering from some forms of psychological disorder. We are merely human and each one of us is abnormal in untold and exceptional ways. Learn to accept and love yourself and ignore the people who ignore you-Jimmy Y. Zhong.
Hey we are on the same page even I feel like I’m not a relationship person. Since I really like being myself and do whatever I wish. Relationships will come with “Terms and conditions”. There is nothing wrong in being single it improves our self-confidence-Janu.
I find that joining online forums with people who get me is helpful. Sometimes the people in my real life don’t understand.
I’m in the exact same boat. I just don’t want to date at all. I’m so happy right now the thought of dating fills me with anxiety and dread. I completely understand I’ve been through horribly abusive relationships and I just don’t want to open up again.-Brynn Larson
No its not odd. It seems like most peoples lives revolve around, finding love or staying in love. Society puts so much emphasis on finding the one. I understand this to be like a fairytale. As Sidartha Gutanama quoted, desire is the root to all suffering. I do not desire to be loved, I love myelf enough. I've had my long term relationships and all they have done was hold me back. I don't look for happiness in other people. Its really up to us what we define as normal or not, I believe this feeling to be normal as it is our environment that helps difine us. I feel too strong for any mushy feelings. I’m completely fine on my own, I find people to be ignorant and generally a waste of my time.-Danielle Stella
Desire is the root of all suffering, where was this quote when I was 18? That would’ve been helpful.
You are quite possibly a very sane human being. Just because other say that you should be in a relationship, does not make it true. Just take a good long look at the people who judge you for not being in a relationship. Most of them are utterly miserable. Misery wants company, if you are happy alone, they feel bad that they are not strong enough to do so. In Fact most people are so weak, that they rather partner up with someone they don’t even like very much, than face a single week alone. Now that my dear, I call a condition. You in the other hand are perfectly sane. Before the Internet came along to partner us up as quick as possible, it was perfectly normal for people to be alone for years on end, before they found the right person, someone they really wanted to be with. Some never found anyone at all and that was not considered a psychological condition. Nowadays , when someone is without a partner for a year, people freak out. Don’t let it get to you. Just do you, your fine the way you are and lucky to be able to be happy on your own.-Tess Day
You are practical person. You don’t like the normal routine things. You are going to achieve something. Great. Work on your strength. Your contribution is needed for this world.-Muthu Kaleeswaran
I heard a quote once that said if you don’t want to divorce don’t get married. I’m not a fan of voting or the court system at this time of my life and want to avoid both as much as humanly possible.
We are all unique and have different needs and that’s fine! Wouldn’t it be boring if ice cream only came in two flavors — chocolate and vanilla?-Michael Liberman
I strongly agree. I’m suffering from major trust issues from certain life traumas and I don’t think that I could deal or stomach anymore pain in my life.-Rossie Bella
They further decide not to get in a relationship again. Its natural. You may have stopped thinking about getting into one or even if an opportunity pops up, you may try to avoid and run away to save yourself from the uncertain destruction that “may” come if it doesn’t work again.-Shuddha Keshwani
Because you are deeply hurt. And you came to a conclusion that “loving at last turns into pain”-Shubham Dwivedi
There’s nothing wrong with you.
You’ve simply collected all the info that you have on the prospects, the experiences and the possibilities and you’ve decided; no thanks. Lee-Ann Fargher-Knowles
No thank you. Exactly.
The complex process of finding some, texting, chatting, impressing seems too cumbersome for you at this age and believe its well suited to younger people than people of your age
Maybe u r used to being alone which has made things less complicated and ur prepared to go in this less complicated and peaceful route-Adita S
Protecting my peace is #1. F*ck the other shit.
You are happy with yourself. You don’t depend on others for your inner peace and satisfaction.
You are too afraid to trust someone. Maybe you have faced consequences before for trusting the wrong people, and now you are terrified by the word ‘trust’
You prefer staying alone and loneliness is a boon to you. (Same for me)
You are an introvert who is very hard to be freed from her shell.
You are more inclined to giving your effort in succeeding in life than spending your energy in relationships.
I have faced destruction and consequences for trusting the wrong people.
Maybe you’re sick of the BS that many people bring with them.-
I am.
That is your prerogative and you don’t need validation despite what others may or may not say.-
Truth. I stopped explaining, and just going to live life. Because people do judge.
I also don’t care.
I swore relationships off and stopped being attracted physically/emotionally to others for 2 years.* And during that time, I spent a lot of time working on myself. Still one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Does swearing it off for lifetime count? I’m dangerously close to knocking on that door.
I was in one of the worst states of emotional pain in my life. I had depression for months and sometimes I’d try dating but I never really clicked with anyone. I don’t trust a lot of people. I’m not sure if I’ll want a relationship again since I didn’t have a good experience to begin with. It was a painful experience I never want to repeat. It’s like being with him ruined it for me and I find myself not caring.
It’s a painful experience I also don’t want to repeat.
Jack’s story!
Jack suffered a heartbreak which actually broke him. He has distanced many of his well wishers and likes talking to strangers. As soon as someone tries to connect to him, he takes a step back, fearing he might hurt them as connecting to a broken soul has high odds of breaking the one which tries to connect to it.
People often ask him out for dates, for friendship, for relationships. But he fears getting into any.-
Bingo. I do open the door to friendships.
You’ve been hurt or disappointed or taken advantage of and you feel that is the type person drawn to you & you are afraid history will just repeat itself AND IT DOES. Try not to take on people who ise you like ATM’s then are never there when YOU need them. They are happy when you spend money on them & tell you how you are the 1st person to care about them, but if you dare want the tiniest thing in return they will ask if you are just helping them to get back things in return.-
It’s interesting, I read somewhere that at the core, you attract certain people because life/karma is trying to teach you life lessons. Or it’s a thought pattern(s) that keeps coming into your life. Or it repeats certain lessons to you until you learn it. I think the angel numbers are showing up in my life to teach me to be less guarded and not everyone is bad. I’m pretty stubborn though. Not everyone is bad, and I love friendships. But if becoming broke, losing stability, getting made fun of while some friends and family passed away, is a lesson to would literally be crazy as hell to put myself through that again just for shit’s sake.. Even if it’s not my fault and I’m being hard on myself, I will not keep hanging around destructive people and allowing toxic people to thrive in my life. My ownership/my part in the situation? Sticking around too long.
Most humans, once they see that they will be given multiple do-overs when they screw up rather than face real consequences will take full advantage of that. Rather than controlling their own behavior, it becomes a contest to see how shitty of a human being they can be while still getting away with it.
I got tired of giving people chances to be shitty. So I stopped it.
Thank you for your understanding.
Some may have an incurable disease that they’d rather not disclose to anyone and would rather keep everyone at arm’s length.-Kathleen Stevenson
Without revealing too much, thank you for your understanding.
At one point, I was the girl that believed in fairy-tales and always dreamed of having a “hero” that would love me and care for me and whatever. Cliche, I know! And I can’t believe I was like that, ugh!
So at one point, when I turned fifteen and saw people around me having partners, holding hands and all that shit — I got desperate. I wanted someone too.
It was an important year for me, because I was to have my board exams. I had no dream (except this one), didn’t know what I wanted to do in the future: I just wanted a boyfriend, a husband, a happy life.
And at that point, it changed. Overcome by desperation and loneliness, I started feeding all the stray cats in my community, just because I needed some sort of friendship and solace. Two or three months passed, and I felt fulfilled. I couldn’t be happier. Simultaneously, my school life had improved. I felt so much better: I worked hard in school, came back home, studied for a couple of hours, and then took a walk, cuddled and fed all the cats. That was my routine.
It was then that I realized how flawed my definition of happiness had been. What the hell had I been clutching on to? Who had ever said that everyone needs a partner to “survive”, to be “happy”?
I had found my true happiness, and at the same time, I knew what I wanted to do, study and become in the future. I wanted to study Business, I wanted to help and serve animals, I wanted freedom, happiness and independence. My future looked clear and perfect. And it contained no man.
I believe in love for other people. Me not so much. That ship has sailed. I will find my happiness in other ways.
You’ve been hurt in the past (and you may be currently dealing with pain), and you’re finding it difficult to trust anyone.
So when a guy flirts with you, (even if you feel turned on) you can’t enjoy it and give into it. You see it in every guy that flirts with you.
I strongly agree. I’m suffering from major trust issues from certain life traumas and I don’t think that I could deal or stomach anymore pain in my life.-Rossie Bella
Rossie, I really relate to what you said. I decided to be there for people as a friend, but I literally would be crazy as f*8k to voluntarily put myself in those situations again, because the world tells me that’s what I’m supposed to want. I had to detach and keep my self at a safe distance not to lose parts of my self again. When I care, I really do, (I have empathic giving tendencies and I don’t want nothing in return). When I don’t, I don’t. I had to literally cold turkey detach from some people because the effort was one sided. Seeking love has led to pain and destruction too many times, and I’m the sort that likes to prevent things before it happens. One of my go-to ways of dealing with things is to imagine the worst case scenario and come up with a plan for how to handle that if it happens. It sounds shitty, but for me, if I can imagine the worst case scenario, I feel prepared and less caught off guard if it actually happens.
This serves me quite well as a business owner, entrepreneur, Youtube creator and my health.
I prevented my health condition(s) from getting worst and spreading to other parts of my body, by being proactive with my doctors.
I grew my Youtube channel(s) on my own without any help (except for the strangers that decided to be a part of my tribe).
I put out my music by myself without any help. I even learned how to mix and master by myself.
I won’t list them all, but life has taught me that no one is coming to save me, and I was crazy as shit for ever believing otherwise as a youngin. No one wants to hear what is happening with you all the time, no one wants to be brought down with your mess.
Yeah ok. Fine. I have trauma. So what? What is the solution? I depend on another person AGAIN and they hurt me AGAIN and then I go through the whole process of healing myself again? No thanks. I better be hella independent. (gunsandrose_, my favorite)
This is also why you tend to build fortresses to not let love in. The thing you’re most afraid of changing is your level of independence. You’ve relied on no one but yourself for such a long time, perhaps previously learning that not everyone around you is going to be there for you, that you don’t want to have to feel like you depend on anyone else. You fear relying on someone only to be left alone.
You don’t want to go rearranging your life and adapting to a new one for someone who will one day leave and make you have to adapt and change your life again once they’re no longer in it. Falling in love and entering a relationship can give you that security you long to feel, but the thought of living in that blissful security only to lose it terrifies you. You don’t want to know consistency and stability only to have it ripped away from you.
In the past, you may have thought you found that special one, only to have ended up hurt. People have mistaken your kindness for weakness and taken you for granted. You have been burned a time or two (or ten), so you keep yourself at a safe distance to not lose parts of yourself again.
P.S. I added 10.
One more important note:
I do not project. I understand that there’s paths, and experiences outside of my life experiences. If you are reading this and want love, I want it for you. When I see that a family member or friend got married or has a relationship, I’m the first one to say congratulations. It’s not for me, and I have no plans to change that. Good luck in life and love, loves! I hope you find what you are looking for. (Same thing with the child free article).
I’m done writing about this, I’m just going to live my life as usual. As you were.
P.S. If I get hitched by some miracle, I’ll send invites out, but understand I’m a candidate to be a run away bride, and y’all can draw out how long you think the marriage would last. I wouldn’t even be offended. If you told me during my wedding that you would be the first person to show up at a divorce party, I wouldn’t get pissed. I’d be like where the party gonna be at?
References:
Honorable Mentions (finally some articles out here that endorses being by yourself. Wahoo!) :
- You understand that a relationship would come with its benefits that you’d like the opportunity to enjoy, but you believe that the benefits aren’t worth the tradeoffs of committing to such a circumstance. Even so, it doesn’t change the fact that you wish you could enjoy the benefits sometimes. You wish it weren’t a package deal — that you could get what you want out of it, without having to deal with the things you don’t. (Isabella-Jane Shah, lives in Malaysia (1996-present) Answered Mar 29, 2019
- As a result of the emotional drainage and turmoil you went through, you realised the value of happiness. The absence of it made you long for it and it’s value in your life increased exponentially. When you finally manage to get something that is really hard to find, you become doubly protective about it. You do all you can to hold on to it. And that is exactly what you are doing. You want to hold on to your happiness because you know how precious it is. This explains why the thought of getting into a relationship makes you uncomfortable. You are not ready to hand over the keys to your happiness to someone else. At least not yet. (SAY THIS LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK. PLEASE. I’m not gonna hand the keys to my happiness to ANYONE.)
- “What if it leads to another heartbreak?” “Am I capable of withstanding more pain?” These are some of the questions that plague your mind, and understandably so because are not ready to trust somebody with your happiness. And trust me, there is nothing unnatural about this. As the adage goes, “Once bitten, twice shy.” However, my duty was to try to explain why you are feeling this way, not to discourage you from falling in love again. Heartbreaks are a part of life. So is failure. So is success. That is how we grow. Every experience is a lesson in disguise. People in your life may come and go but there is a reason why they were a part of your life. Life would be incomplete without the people, the experiences. Remember this: everything happens for a reason. You might not want to get into a relationship at the moment, but if you happen to meet a wonderful boy then, by all means, go ahead and give love another chance. Being with the right person and sharing your life with him will help you become what you’re truly destined to be. It will bring out the infinite you. There is no greater feeling in this world than being loved. (I can’t find the person who said this, sorry….) I wish you all the very best for your future.
- Related I fell in love, but I’m too used to being alone and risking nothing. How do I best suppress all my feelings and pretend it never happened? Trust me, you don’t want to do that. Love is worth risking, just give it a go, and you’ll get something out of it.
- Ritwick Hota, Blogger at Thesimpleodiya.wordpress.com (2017-present)
- Answered Apr 9, 2018, Related
- What is it called when you don’t want to get into a relationship? Logical.
- Congratulations! that means you’re a self-sufficient person and/or you have realized more important things in life to focus on, than pursuing a relationship. You are not afraid of being alone (don’t mistaken it with lonely). You don’t force Love to happen. Yes you are absolutely normal. Just because you don’t go for what everyone around you are going for, doesn’t makes you abnormal. You are just following your own pace. But I tell you what, Love happens at the most unexpected time and way ;)-Debbie Lai
- I don’t think it’s weird because I personally don’t want to have children in the future. It’s not that I don’t like children in general. They’re cute, they smell like heaven and their meat rolls are so snuggly… But the why-don’t-you-get-a-dog logic applies to me: They’re cute and nice only because they’re not mine. And I think that’s perfectly fine. What’s so weird about not wanting to have children? It’s either I want or I don’t. Simple. Assuming this preference of mine doesn’t change and I lived past my childbearing years… Would I regret this? My answer: No.-Beverly Ang
- Craig Anderson, I was lost — now a little bit found.
- Updated Mar 29, 2020
- Related
- I’ve lost my desire for relationships and dating, is this normal?
- It sounds like you’ve realised that there’s much more to life than relationships, and that by pursuing them you miss out on the magic of ‘stumbling’ into someone who’s absolutely perfect for you.
- Chasing relationships leads to self-doubt, discontent, and an envy of others.
- Chasing passions leads to finding a partner who’s working on the same dreams you are.
- You’re now completely free to focus on yourself.
- Congratulations, and enjoy the ride.
Reema Amar, studies Acting at Toronto Film School (2023)
I’m not interested in love. Is there anything wrong with wanting to be alone?
There is nothing wrong with you. Although deep down we all want love, some of us just aren’t ready to be in a relationship. You are probably tired of people who hurt you in the past or you’re simply choosing to be independent & live life on your own terms. We all make our own decisions & we are entitled to it. Don’t force yourself to do anything your heart isn’t in. Being alone is a good way to know yourself better, grow & reflect on life experiences. It makes you self reliant & not dependent on someone else for your happiness. You might be interested in love later on in life, but let yourself feel the way you are feeling now. We all go through a point like this in our lives. Just flow with it :)
Why don’t I want to try for a relationship anymore and never be in one?
Anymore?? That could mean someone burned you up and the feeling to get involved again is just not there.
Barbara Harrison, former Inside Sales (1975–2008)
Is it normal to not want to be in a relationship in general?
I hope it’s normal because that’s exactly how I feel. I just don’t want to do the dance anymore. I am comfortable without a man in my life while surrounded by outstanding friends. I come and go as I please, if I don’t feel like cooking I don’t, and I’m responsible for no one but myself. Don’t worry about what is considered normal and live your life to please yourself. I’ve been a mother, a widow and a divorcee and it’s finally about me.
That is because you don’t get happiness from those people. I would suggest that you turn your attention to your goals. Attach your feelings to your ambitions not people. You will go a long way in your life. Trust me you will be much more happier with a dog around than a person.
When I stopped worrying about how I came across to others…
You are saving yourself and so many people heartache, so kudos to you. However you are young and that may change. Hopefully someone won’t pressure you into changing your mind and then you give in and regret it many years later when you feel trapped. which is what I’ve seen happen to people who started off very independent like yourself-Pink Pou.
Anuna Boyer, Intern at 7 Cups
If it’s your own choice and that is what you strongly feel, it’s totally fine. You do what you want, and what makes you happy (as long as you’re not hurting anyone else in the process). Just live your life as you see fit, and don’t let anyone with their opposing opinions bring you down — and likewise, it would be better if you didn’t start aggressively preaching your life view to others who do want relationships.
Donna Ingle, Artist (2004-present)
Neither weird nor wrong. Some people just don’t want to be tied down, there isn’t anything wrong with it.
Deanna Gonzalez, former Housekeeping, Answered Aug 1, 2019
It’s not weird or wrong. I’m single my whole life, no marriage, no kids. Nobody likes me so I will just die this way.
Carol Davison, Human Resources Performance Management Specialist at Federal Government of the United States (2000-present), Answered Jul 2, 2018
No. Im a 57 year old introvert and treasure my alone time.
I go on dates, met some wonderful men, but not so wonderful that i want to give up my alone time. Sarcasm alert-I can barely stand my beloved dog. I especially dont want to take care of babies.
You may change your mind but don’t count on it or let others pressure you to behave against your values.
Michael James, Answered Oct 8, 2020, Related
I don’t want to get married or be in a relationship or have kids. Am I a bad person?
Definitely not. I don’t plan on getting married for having kids ever. I’ve been single now for the past few years and weird as it might be to say I actually prefer it now. After everything I’ve learned about psychology I think people are way too complex to even decide who they want to be with for the rest of their lives. For very rare couples it does work out, but even couples who have been together for 50 years have some real bad skeletons in the closet. Affairs, break ups, abuse, addictions — it wasn’t just 50 years of happy times. Friends of mine are constantly telling me about arguments they’ve had with their spouse, how they’re being dragged along to some wedding and being nagged at to do things that they have no interest in by their partners.
The people I know who are married and have kids are mainly run down and seem really boring as people now. Shadows of their former selfs. Imprisoned in the life they’ve gotten themselves into — there’s no way out really. The married and kids life is way harder than I ever previously thought and the amount of spouses who fall out of love and have affairs because the pressure of working 40 hours a week in a dead end job, sleep deprivation, having your kids and spouse spend your money before you’ve even been paid and having to put up with all the annoying habits of the person you’re now legally bound to — eventually they crack. People have breakdowns, they need to take 6 months off work, have time apart etc. Then they have to live for the rest of their lives with the repercussions of the whole thing because it’s inevitably affected the kids. I’m not surprised most married people with kids drink so much and eat shit all the time. That’s probably the only time everything feels ok again. For a second they forget about the lives they once thought was everything they wanted but have come to realise it’s the exact opposite. Most of them become the time of people who can’t help but make bitter comments every time they see a young, single successful person enjoying their life. When something is so out of reach it’s better to just discredit it than face the fact that you made the wrong choice and really fucked your life up.
Of course there’s the unwritten taboo about saying you were happier before you got married and had kids but (if you google it) there’s ALOT of parents who completely regret having kids.
As a single person without kids, occasionally there’s a small inkling to maybe have a relationship but then I remember just exactly what it was like and there’s so much shit you just need to do to maintain it, I honestly have no interest in. I see myself as on a journey with my life and I don’t plan on letting anyone hold me back.-Michael James
The weird thing about our world is that people of all races, creeds, ethnicity and beliefs just LOVE to put labels on people and pigeon-hole them. And when people break accepted norms, a lot of people get really bent out of shape, because it threatens their perception of what life is. It’s been my observation that many, many people live in a strange twilight zone of denial, where they shut out anything and everything that is even remotely challenging to their feeling of safety, and will go to great lengths to ensure that other people “toe the line”, even if that just means being critical of people who make choices that aren’t “normal”.
So, if you don’t want to be in a relationship, don’t. I don’t care what your culture says about it, being in a relationship, of any kind, is entirely your choice. I wouldn’t recommend playing the “solo” game — that is, cutting yourself off from anyone and everyone: that’s really unhealthy and damaging — but if you want to spend 1, 2, 5, 10 or 100 years “unattached”, then go for it. My only advice is this: don’t stay in that place if you know its becoming unhealthy for you. And, don’t stay there just for the sake of being different. I know what it’s like to be different just for the sake of it, as I’m a serial nonconformist (which really annoys a lot of people, ha ha). But I also know that it’s not good to either rub people’s noses in my “different-ness”, nor just be different as a way of “sticking it to the system” that I hate, whilst at the same time hurting myself. That’s just dumb and childish.
Blessings to you my friend. Whatever you do, in anything in life, I just hope and pray that you will do it for good reasons, healthy reasons, reasons that will bless you and bring you happiness and contentment. May you find what you are looking for. And may you always be open to changing your mind when you know you need to. Remember that an error doesn’t become a mistake until you refuse to correct it. :-)-
(As a serial nonconformist, I love the quote….)
Mike E. King, Licensed Family and marriage counselor for many years
Is it weird to not want a relationship?
There isn’t anything weird about wanting to be alone and not wanting the demands required of a relationship. If you’re happy it says enough about you and your ability to care for your own company.
I haven’t been with anyone for 15 years because no one would put up with piles of books in the kitchen and every other room in the house. Sometimes I work strange hours, working for two days straight and sleeping at odd hours. If the floor looks comfortable at the moment I may sleep there, confusing and confounding my cat who doesn’t mind taking up the whole bed.
It’s good not having to explain my forays into dusty used book stores searching for old treasures to read again and again. I don’t want to hear a television in the background or even Bluetooth. An occasional overnighter playing poker may be difficult to explain to someone waiting while I try to get back to even or can’t leave because of a streak. I like to get on a plane and go without having to worry about someone else’s luggage. I don’t have to wait for anyone to get ready. I’m ready and happy about it.
Being set in your ways has its advantages. I don’t have to set my clock with someone else, time my moods or listen to urgings that “we’re going to be late.”
Good luck and take care.
Su Park, studies Biochemistry & Economics at Colby College (2024)
No man is worth the aggravation;
That’s ancient history, been there, done that
Megara from Hercules becomes my spirit sister after every single bad romantic interaction.
I made a promise to myself that I’d do everything in my power to prevent history from repeating it’s self and I’ve been single since then by choice of course.-
- You might think that you will never receive the amount of love that you can give to that other person (but I would say don’t assume things unless you feel them or witness them).
- May be finally you have become a loner wolf who thinks that he or she does not need anyone else to love him or her or to make him or her complete
- Or may be you just don’t want to do relationship and that stuff at all for the rest of your life and die alone the way you had come in this world (without getting to know what love is all about and the feeling when it comes from someone who love should truly or selflessly). (Off record I got my arrangements set, and I got single heifer here, and I really don’t want to change that.)
- You might be in a constant fear that even if you started loving someone or dating someone, after a while that person will leave you behind just like that for no reasons and you will be coming back to the ground from where you had started it all to begin with.
- You might be the one who is tired of a series of betrayals, heartbreaks and getting cheated upon.
- Re-read the top 5.
Gurpreet Dhariwal, Author/Freelance Writer/ Artist/ Painter/ Sketcher at Self-Employment (2017-present)
Is it normal to not want a relationship or to be married ever?
I am better off as a single woman.
It’s okay that you don’t want a relationship or marriage. It’s not a trophy that you will show off to the world. Those morons who are getting married in haste are still looking for options. At least, you know where do you stand in life.
And it’s not a mandatory education or degree to get married. Those who marry are fooling the world by putting all sorts of stories out than those of their setbacks. Without failures, I don’t see humans learning great lessons on their own.
There is nothing wrong with you. I have made my routine in such a way or rather I have become so productive that I don’t think I would allow people to disturb my peace of mind. I value my time and I have wasted it a lot on stupid and mean people.
I love spending time with stray pets. I met one today and he came running from far away and sat on my feet. I met this dog for the first time. All I could say is that now my breed can recognize me. I love dogs more than humans. So yeah, I am settled for life.
I hope you don’t allow anyone to make you feel inferior because you think this way. I am proud of you already.
Thanks love, appreciate you. I rather be called names, then be in the situations I was trying to escape for a long time. I can be bad, and be a f*** up by myself. I also won’t let people disturb my peace of mind, and decided to stay so busy I don’t think of it. Airplane mode is the best thing they made for a cell phone.
I’ve found these people, and they are animals.
(I’m definitely happy alone lol).
(My problem is I like my solitude too much. And when I gotten involved, I’m shown time and time again why I should be by myself. Please know the difference.)
(My problem is I like my solitude too much. And when I gotten involved, I’m shown time and time again why I should be by myself. Please know the difference. Repeated two times on purpose.)
My body of work. After reading this. You will know I’m meant to be a hermit. And some of these link to other articles I’ve written, but I think these three basically hit the nail.
Bonus.
Most humans, once they see that they will be given multiple do-overs when they screw up rather than face real consequences will take full advantage of that. Rather than controlling their own behavior, it becomes a contest to see how shitty of a human being they can be while still getting away with it.
Bonus II.
You say that you are a very independent woman. That, you certainly are, you are also intelligent and you have a professional career. But then you “fall to pieces” when in a relationship. What does that even mean? Are you afraid of your emotions? Are you afraid of feeling attached to the other person hence losing your “independence”? Are you afraid of getting in touch with your female sexuality and desires because you perhaps have associated that with being “weak”?
Well yes, love tends to do that. Love tends to send our emotions in overdrive. Love has a knack of hitting us all over with overwhelming feelings and emotions that tend to “confuse” our otherwise orderly brain. We do tend to lose control and somehow build a dependency for the other person. We weave our emotions and needs around our partner because we get similar needs and affections back. That is after all what love is all about, joining of our forces, of our physical and emotional needs together. That is what make us feel complete and stronger together. So the first step to fall in love is perhaps the realization of your weaknesses, the feeling of overwhelming need of the other as if you cannot survive without them. Yes it can be scary, especially when like you, you feel you are in control and you fear losing your status quo.
Consider if you are perhaps living an ideal proposed by a modern society rather than the one your inner needs and emotions crave for. Is this what you really want? Yes, love is all about losing control and all about shifting your needs onto others. It’s an admission that we are not whole and complete without our loved ones but it is also a reassurance that we are not alone in this world and that however weak those butterflies may make us feel, at the end we grow stronger together.- Norman Sullivan
I have to admit this is very beautiful.. please re-read by whole article over again. I allowed myself to get “weak” and the havoc that came from it was a hell I’m not going to put myself through again, and it happened more than once.
I’m a bit different from most folks. I have no problem loving another person but I’m terrified of relationships. I can easily love without attachment, but I have a hard time when someone plays relationship vibes/expectations. Relationships and dating are synonymous with lying and manipulation and abuse for me. These were my examples growing from family and societal observations, and this has also reflected in some of my personal romantic relationships in adulthood and those of peers.
My issue, is the disrespect that happens in a relationship and the gaslighting and guilt-tripping when you enforce your boundaries. It’s always people wanting more from you and holding you to standards they are incapable/unwilling to give to you or uphold themselves. Dating and relationships seems more like a game of ego and dominance than anything else.
Whatever makes YOU feel ok and happy to be alive is normal. I know people always preach about “needing people” and all that, but you don’t need shitty people who treat you less than or disrespect your boundaries, emotions and person. “Needing people” sounds a lot like just enable the shitty behavior bc you need to be accepted by them. And I’m good.
Ultimately, it’s whatever your goals are. I personally don’t plan to ever date again bc I don’t want to invest in another human being like that again that isn’t my own child. I don’t want to unpack new trauma with new people. I want to be happy and detached towards others, but passionate about my projects and my people. In dating, seems people can’t even give basic courtesy and respect. They’re not upfront. Too much high school games honestly. And that’s fine. But why do they get so mad when you no longer care to engage with them bc of it?
I don’t believe in happily ever after being found with another person. Romantic feelings warps a lot of people’s way of treating others. I am my happily ever after. I am always there for myself. I was there with myself when I was in the gutter after I lost everything. And I will be there when I climb back on top of this new mountain. I will always have my best interests at heart. Other people, generally not. And the only times I haven’t been, is when I’ve prioritized other people, my relationships.
Most people want something from someone else. Whether it’s physical, mental and/or emotional. Whether it’s romantic, platonic or familial. I don’t want anything from anyone else besides respect of my boundaries. I’m happiest and most peaceful not living for anyone else but myself.-Maria Ornelas
Maria, I will be reposting that on my profile when I log back in. EXACTLY.
9/24/2022
I keep seeing posts that are too good. I’m like I found my soul tribe and these people get me.
Found it, I walked away from everyone.
I sacrificed my family and left everyone behind for me, just as they have done. My happiness with myself has become my goal. Sometimes we have to let go and not look back.“ You need not need to be in a different place, but become a different person”
I did something very similar to what this guy did many many years ago. Many people in my life (family, friends, former friends, acquaintances are seeing the growth and evolution of me in front of their very eyes. Over the years, I’ve done things that seemed impossible or beyond belief. My social media presence has skyrocketed. It seems like it came out of no where and people are scratching their heads wondering how I did it and how I keep doing it. I stopped making both men and people my projects. I REALLY put myself first. And it’s been nothing but magic.
Be smart. Be safe. Don’t get yourself in a messy situation thinking that forgiveness means you have to trust. It does not. Find people worthy of your trust.
Stay safe. And remember that it’s okay to deny trust to someone who is not worthy of it.
I’m done.
It’s 2022 🔥🙌
If you like what you’ve read, please recommend it so others can read it as well. Please tell me what you want me to write about here!
Interested in having my Medium stories sent to your inbox? Sign up here!
Interested in what I done? Check out my LinkedIn profile I barely use lol. I’ll update it to add the new current businesses I’m working on one of these days. I haven’t updated it in months.
