How I’m coming to terms that my hearing in my right ear may never be the same again.
Last spring, I had this ear infection that would not go away. It hurt like the high heavens.
It was stinging, burning, and pounding.
Then after the rounds of antibiotics and dealing with it throughout the summer time.
Then it was the surgery November 2021 that made me realize that it’s going to stick around for a bit.
It’s been a year of ringing in my ear, pulsating and muffled hearing. The dreaded hearing loss.
Asking people to repeat things sometimes if they are whispering things to me on that ear.
But a year out, it makes me think it will be with me for life.
Will hearing loss be apart of my life? Moving forward, it seems like it will be the case, so I embrace it.
I’m not complaining, that my health issues started in my 20’s. It’s how the cookie crumbled in my life. I have no regrets about it. It’s painful and it affects my quality of life, but I deal with the various health issues I have. No worries.
I think my issue is/are:
- Not being believed by professors, teachers, and peers saying it’s all in my head for years.
- Being called crazy, delusional, mentally ill because I was feeling deep pain, and because they couldn’t see it, they didn’t believe it. Now that it’s actually confirmed health diagnoses that requires me being in the hospital and having surgeries, a lot of people from my past have to eat their words.
- Support/help was always given freely to everyone else, but when I asked for it, it was never there/mysteriously it wasn’t available all of sudden. It reaffirms my belief that I did not matter to my various circles of friends or schools.
- That they did not care and didn’t know how to help. I’m not going to hold the latter against people. (Off record, I’m not expecting my loved ones to have all the answers, sometimes just being there and being an listening ear is all the help I could have used at different periods of my life.)
- Too many family and friends throughout the years can be very judgmental, and were/are so quick to call someone lazy, especially me. This is initially why I was ok with suffering in silence for years, because I could not trust the people around me. Favor, before you place your judgement, and make someone the topic of your gossip circuit. You have no earthly idea what struggles, hardships or difficulties people are dealing with behind closed doors. We generally as a society need to work on being kinder to each other.
It’s nice to be actually believed, have a plan long term to fight the good fight, and have a strong team of doctors in my various areas (all my health conditions) that listen for once.
They are not sure why the ear thing started. It may take me traveling to a few hospitals, going to a few specialists in different cities (and I’m cool with this, my top choices are LA, Chicago and New York for hospitals. For real).
And now my journey continues.
It’s 2022! 🔥🙌
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