2 Ways To Spot Confidence
Let me tell a story or 2 and it will make sense.
I used to work with several Indianapolis artists. One guy used to wear the suit. Another guy told me about his million dollar studio.
Every time we had a photo shoot, it was overly posted. I mean I rather work on music than to see a ton of posts of the shoot we did that day. It’s ok to share a few times, but many times is ridiculous.
When I got to Miami, a real connected guy (I found out after the fact how connected he was holy moly) wore a 20 dollar shirt, hat and shorts to this low key party I went to in downtown Miami. Some people were dressed to the 9s, others were more casual. He did his thing, and you can tell he was into his music, not giving a care about proving who he knew. He didn’t mention his status once. Or that he recently toured with a major industry artist.
He just wanted to make sure the party goers were having a great time. I asked him how long he been DJing just to see what he would say.
He didn’t say anything about the famous people he knew. Or the fact that we was going to travel to tons of countries and cities in the next couple of months at the time.
We just kept in touch, and the guy was just doing it. He just travels the world and you can see it on his social media. He doesn’t talk about it, he just does it. In some cases, he in different cities everyday (at the time of this writing, coronavirus is going on so a lot of traveling is not happening, but you get the point).
To the day, I do not drop names because that doesn’t matter.
Same thing in New York. It’s mind boggling how quickly connected you can become.
I couldn’t make it to this charity fundraiser, and I reached out to the guy in charge.
I just went to King Kong in Broadway and I wanted to get more involved in the theater scene. Not just as a actress, but I’d like to look into off Broadway shows as well. Even if it’s volunteering I’m game.
Once again, this person is super connected. Damn.
When I was talking with him in conversation, he didn’t mention once who he knew or who he was close friends with.
This person is VERY connected.
That’s the kind of people I love surrounding myself with. Because I’m a very patient person, but the antics that the Indianapolis people were doing to get attention was starting to get on my nerves.
I can read the guys’ insecurities from Indianapolis like a book. You can tell the people who are secure in themselves and position versus the ones who want to be seen or heard.
They want fame so bad that they will steal the government ham to get it.
They want to be seen and validated so badly.
In my music article (it’s a trilogy at this point), I mention that I’m not very interested in fame. I’ve been exposed to it enough where I just say f***no. If it happens fine but I rather not.
I talk about it here why I have little desire for fame, and why I would give an artist friend the spot first.
I ran into one of the songwriters we both worked with in Indy.
“Well rumor has it that he’s going to tour in Europe.”
I didn’t tell him that I was going to be in New York. I just said:
“That’s cool. I just distanced myself from him because the boyfriend question came up and I don’t want to keep looking behind my back. I’m not a hunk of meat or someone for them to screw.”
I was bluntly honest.
Moral of the story:
There’s nothing wrong with wearing a fancy dress or a black tie suit. There’s nothing wrong with buying a lamo, bmw or some other fancy ride.
I’m a believer in the quote:
“those who say money can’t buy you happiness don’t know where to shop”.
I do believe that you dress in a presentable manner to attract the people that you want in your life. Lets be honest, people do judge you on your appearance.
But.
But
But.
But don’t put so much mayonnaise on the hamburger to the point where the hamburger is drenched in mayonnaise-you don’t have make an ginormous announcement every time you make a move. Isn’t it better to be in Europe instead of talking about being in Europe? I rather see pictures of someone in Europe, then someone talking about going but never do.
I don’t know about you, but when I see someone trying too hard to impress, the first thing I perceive is insecurity. If you often find yourself trying hard to impress others, work on yourself, and on your self-confidence. When you know your value and have high self-esteem, you won’t feel the need to prove yourself to others.-Sira M
You don’t have to post 20 statuses on social media about everything you do. Sometimes I don’t post on social media to have a shroud of mystery. I post food, they don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes. And if it’s meant for them to know, they will know in due time.
You start to notice the people that try way to hard to impress talking about what they want to do, and the ones that just do the damn thing.
You don’t have to dress like you are going to the prom to go to Long’s Donut or Donut City or the Varsity.
#1 You can tell the people who want to always be seen versus the ones who are secure enough in themselves to show up in the Honda civic. They bring out the big guns every once in a while, but they don’t have to prove anything to anyone because they are secure in themselves.
I prefer to show up as a plain jane, in my pink shorts, pizza for president t-shirt ready to eat at a restaurant then trying to be what I’m not in make-up that looks like war paint, 10 inch heels, and a dress from Sax Fifth Avenue. Even in higher end restaurants, I’ve showed up in jeans, no problem. With that being said, there’s a time to clean up, but you should always be yourself regardless. Fronting appearances trying to one up isn’t my thing, and what you see is what you get with me. If I don’t want to invest or don’t have the duckies at the time to do something, I’ll just tell you.
Get the nice shit.
Be the big woman/man on campus.
Be it and do it instead of always overcompensating for your shortcomings. Be places, do things, live life. But don’t be what you’re not or make-up stories just to keep up or belong. Show people your dreams instead of always talking about it.
Confidence is being happy with where you at in your life, and not feeling bad when someone has or seems to have more than you. Confidence is not flying off the handle when things go wrong.
Confidence is not bragging about everything you have. Confidence is being transparent- you don’t have to make up or pretend to have things to fit in that particular crowd.
By the way, the guy and the record label haven’t been to Europe. I didn’t tell them about me being in New York. We are even. :D
#2 You can NEVER build a kingdom with someone who craves attention from the village.
But the people I was around want and still wants attention from the village and they want the kingdom.
I don’t care if people from my hometown village (i.e. Indy, Atlanta) supports me or not. I mention this in plenty of my articles at this point. Support is nice but not needed. By craving it so much, you push it further away by being desperate. Instead of doing projects and letting the support from future fans flow in naturally. The people that’s meant to be in your tribe will come, you don’t have to force it.
I swear this guy works with my mutual Facebook friends so I can see what he’s doing in Indy. Why are you trying to impress me or other people in the first place? I hope I’m wrong and that he’s trying to impress himself. Maybe it’s a maturity and insecurity thing on his part. Once you stop trying to keep up with the joneses, that stuff doesn’t matter anymore. Once I started working in LA and NYC for projects, what people are doing in Indy slips my mind. On top of not competing with other people.
By the way, I didn’t tell them that I go to LA and other places on a regular basis either. We are doubly even.
How many of you know someone who want to hear themselves talk, but they don’t have nothing to contribute to the conversation? The overeager people in your organizations, businesses, workplaces that want brownie points so badly that they want to kiss up than actually add value. They don’t care if what they are saying is valuable or not, they want to be the first to respond to look good.
Who’s always raising their hand and blurting out the answers? Or always talking but it’s a bunch of bull? You know the kid that’s trying to earn that A in participation points?
#2 The smarter you become, the less you speak.
You let people talk first
You listen with intention-Tim Denning
You’re not waiting for your turn to speak, you are genuinely interested in what the person has to say. You have no problem with picking others’ brain for advice. No one response is the end all be all, and sometimes there is another person with a better response or idea at the moment.
Confidence and wisdom is knowing when to speak and when not to. Confidence is letting someone else have a moment on the mic instead of you having to chime in every time.
Bonus:
I couldn’t leave these out.
In this article, I talk about how I became confident in daily life. I’m going to steal these and add a few more:
Confidence is walking the path alone, even when your friends and family don’t walk the journey with you.
How They Respond In Slightly Uncomfortable Situations
One of my friends mentioned to me that she used to see me come out to bars by myself to meet people. Yep. Sure did. And still will do it in a heartbeat.
I was around a bunch of cliquey people in some organizations I was in. They didn’t want to move unless this person moved. Being the independent sort, I broke off plenty of times.
Of course you take all the safety measures (tell a friend where you are, and so on, take Lyft, and get a friend to come with you).
At a conference, I broke off from my chapter to meet other people in other chapters. I didn’t want to just hang with the people I already knew.
I literally went to different floors and knocked on doors. Some call it ballsy, I just call it getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.
It’s scary to think about how many opportunities and people I would have never met by staying in the hotel room with just one group of people.
It’s a low-stakes example, but situations like these can be a clue to how a person moves through their life — and how they’d handle the bigger things, where the social friction is greater. Are they willing to be a bit uncomfortable, or will they stay quiet because it feels safer?-Ayodeji Awosika
How They Respond To The Good Fortune Of Others
When you don’t celebrate the success of others, you have to wonder about that person’s character. It’s not always about you. Clapping for someone else’s success doesn’t make you any less of a person.
How You Respond When Everyone Else Goes Along To Get Along
Are you going to say silent and agree with what everyone is saying, or are you going to be the one that stands up for what they believe in?
In some meetings, it amazes me how people are so quick to agree without thinking for themselves. They are so afraid of rocking the boat and losing their position that they compromise who they are. In the process of being a people pleaser, they throw their dignity out the window.
When someone presents you with an opinion, do you REALLY agree? Are you agreeing because you want to be liked by the person telling you the info? Or do you have the balls to say I disagree?
Some Great Articles On The Topic.
Boosting someone’s confidence in 5 steps
9 Signs You Are Confident Without Seeming Cocky At All
10 Signs Of Truly Confident People
Are You Truly Listening, Or Waiting To Talk
How To Truly Listen to Someone, Instead of Listening To Respond
Why Listen To Reply Instead Of Understand Is The Key To Failure
5 Exercises You Should Do Everyday To Boost Your Self-Confidence
