30 Things I Learned Before My 30th Birthday
I read Taylor Swift’s 30 things she learned before turing 30. It’s so good I wanted to write my own.
I’m not 30 just yet, but I’m close enough. I debated on publishing this on my actual birthday or my due date that my mom said I was supposed to be born, June 9th. I normally don’t publish articles in the morning, but I wanted to give extra.
- I’m a foodie and I love to eat. I have a good relationship with working out, eating, the whole 9 yards. I sing to food and call it sexy. When people say “omg are you worried about gaining weight?? Nope. I’m not worried about it like other people are. (I focus on blood sugar, plaque in your arteries, cholesterol, sodium intake, etc. Basically everything from the Know Your Numbers website). If I gain a few pounds, especially in muscle, who gives a f***. Team soft tacos all the way.
2. Learn to co-exist peacefully and think differently. One of the reasons why I was on the welcoming committee at several Catholic churches because I didn’t force my beliefs on people. I was a listening ear. It’s ok to disagree. It’s ok to have different views. Do not let people change who you are. You, yes the person reading this has a unique view to share. There’s people who like what I write and don’t like what I write in these articles, and that’s ok. I rather see someone who sticks to their bones and have people disagree with then try to change to get people’s approval. To be yourself in a world who’s trying to make you be who you are not is an accomplishment, as Ralph Waldo Emerson pointed out. I might not agree with you, but I can at least see where you are coming from. I listen to understand, not change who you are. I still stayed friends with people when they decided to leave the church. You are safe with me, I’m here to learn from you. There is a great article on why many people are leaving the church, as soon as I find it, (it’s under my millions of claps) read here.
I FOUND IT! It’s called Why People Leave The Church And Never Come Back.
3. One of things I noticed that Taylor said is to not leave people in their darkest hour. I had so many people leave my life and give up on me after my friends passed away from suicide. If someone doesn’t respond the way you think they should respond by opening up and revealing their deepest darkest secrets to you on the first try, keep reaching out and don’t give up on them. It’s ok not to know what to say and not have the answers. Be there for people. I’m happy I didn’t say anything to these school folks in hindsight. They may have taken my secrets and used them to make fun of me. Plus I don’t like burdening people. I don’t want to put negative energy on people. I would never expect anyone to be able to fix everything, but it would be nice to know that someone is there.
And one more thing, I’ll repeat what my friend Teresita said.
“From what I have noticed, news of suicides leads to more suicides and suicide attempts. It makes people think about it more and that they could do it too. I am not an expert, but it is something I have noticed.
As always, you can reach out to me and we can talk. Even if you haven’t talked to me in years, i will pick up the phone. If i don’t, KEEP CALLING《until I do. And if you don’t want to talk to me, here is the National Suicide Prevention number: 1–800–273–8255.”
I second this. Even if I haven’t talked to you in years. Message me. I’m famous for disappearing off the face of the earth to do work. I’m the first to admit this. I can be really bad about reaching out but I will check in eventually.
Sometimes just saying you’re so sorry is all someone wants to hear. It’s okay to not have any helpful advice to give them; you don’t have all the answers. However, it’s not okay to disappear from their life in their darkest hour. Your support is all someone needs when they’re at their lowest point. Even if you can’t really help the situation, it’s nice for them to know that you would if you could.-Taylor Swift
4. Many of us 20s somethings want to fit in so bad at any cost. It compromises who you are. If you are a outsider, misfit or someone living on the curve, don’t let people guilt you to fitting the status quo. As Nicolas Cole says from Do These 5 Things to Live Life by Your Own Design, Everyone will insist that you are the “crazy” one. Everyone will point and share their opinion and then somewhere down the line, they will all come back around.
They will all come back around and want a piece after trying so hard to keep you down. Don’t forget who you were before the world told you how to be.
5. It would be nice if living decisions of staying single, getting married without having kids, having roommates when you are 50, going on tour, living in a hammock on your own private island in your 20’s were met with “good for you” instead of “oh don’t you feel left out” or feeling trying to make you feel bad, as Shani Silver’s article points out. If you want to design your life, you have to be willing to let go of people and environments that no longer serve a default way of thinking.
Your dream doesn’t matter to anyone else. Most people don’t do what they love, so to see you doing your passion is definitely outside the norm. Do you. One day, they will see the life that you built for yourself, and they will ask you how you did it. And usually these are the same people that tried to keep you down on the way up.
The “masses” are not the ones who live the lives they dreamed of living. And the reason is because they didn’t fight hard enough. They didn’t make it happen for themselves. And the older you get, and the more you look around, the easier it becomes to believe that you’ll end up the same. Don’t fall for the trap.-Nicolas Cole
6. As a lady there’s pressure to be in a relationship at any costs. Do it on your own time and if you want to. As a independent person I get called all kinds of names because I want to live life on my own terms. I see posts saying that we are the spoiled and entitled generation. Well, they can call me all the names they want. I’m doing this to compete with myself, for me. Not for them or him. Relationship or not, I’m doing me. I was not put on this earth for the sole purpose of being a wife and mother. I will have kids and get married if and when I want to, not when the world wants me to. I can go to my friends' weddings and be happy for them instead of wishing I was in a wedding dress myself. Instead of looking for the right person in my life, I decided to be the right person. And the most important relationship is the one with myself. I’m not running around like my head is chopped off desperately wanting a relationship. Girls fought over guys growing up, and to me, it’s not that deep. We are in the age bracket where they are asking “you got a boyfriend?” like it’s the most important thing. They ask you about your relationship status quicker than getting to know you as a person. It’s off the chain!
I got proposed to at 22. And it was brought up again a few years later. Major FYI. I could have been married IF I WANTED TO. I don’t. There’s so many mixed messages and you got to cut through the noise. I never was desperate. The “you’re too cute to be single” comments will not pressure me either, that will make me run for the hills. I hate thirsty behavior and guys chasing me down, that shit is ridiculous. My self-esteem is not based on a guy. If you have any more questions, please refer to these pictures.
I watched this girl on either CBS This Morning or the Today show leave a 10 year message to herself. She said hopefully she has a boyfriend. I don’t wear wigs but for this, I was about to wear a wig just to snatch it off and throw it at the television in disapproval. It’s ingrained at an early age. Chasing someone is better than having a purpose? I have people in my family that think you are a nobody until you are married, which is ridiculous. They talk about the wedding dress and the wedding day, but aren’t so quick to tell you about the life after or how hard a marriage is. You are valuable regardless of the relationships you are in.
And I’m realllly tired of women using their husbands as an excuse NOT to move forward.
I have been on her email list for a year or so. But this email made me an even bigger fan!
7. I get asked a lot what my age is by guys, especially in the music industry. I find it very unbecoming, rude and a way to size you up. If you get to know me and I want you to know I’ll tell you. But I usually say I’m old enough for Tequila shots and that’s all you need to know. Uber and Lyft drivers usually ask if I’m in school to try to be slick and catch me off guard.
“Omg are you even old enough to sign a contract?”
“You look so young.”
Yada.
Yawn.
Cough.
I know the play book and I will give them all a A for effort. Do not ask a woman her age. This rule applies to me too, I haven’t asked older women or men their age for years. I figure if they want me to know they will tell me on their own terms.
8. I love Tequila 1st, Moonshine 2nd, Bourbon, Whiskey, Vodka.
Notables/Ideal Alcohol Collection (this list will grow over the years):
Sartirano Figli Cantine E Vigneti Delicius Bianco and Delicius Rosso Mosto Parzialmente Fermento are italian wines that I love dearly. I cannot find them in the states and it’s making me crazy.
Rum Rum Rudolph. I really hope this isn’t exclusively a holiday drink.
Bear Wallow Distillery has this sweet tea like sugar drink that tastes like liquid honey. It’s a sample that made me fall over in pure bliss.
Blackhawk Winery has some pure sweet drinks.
Flora Vodka from Cardinal Spirits is one of the best vodkas I’ve tasted in my life. You can drink this straight. It tastes like pure flowers. As described on their website, they say
“Imagine what hummingbirds taste when they drink nectar from flowers.”
Flowery nectar. It’s the booze I want to greet me when I hit heaven gates. It’s THAT GOOD.
Indy Rev. This is an event that happens in Indiana on May 4th of every year. Those bartenders make the best liquor.
Some brands are better than others in the stores, but a friend from Steak n Shake told me once “The brand doesn’t matter, the fun and drunk moments are the same.” Lawd yes. I was told I can be a great bartender because I like mixing drinks. My tolerance is not that high recently because I’m auditioning, recording new music and creating businesses. Cut me a break if we go out.
AND If you have any recommendations please let me know. I’m a sweet drinker.
P.S. Some of the best drinks I’ve tasted has been in Southern Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee. Basically THE SOUTH. PERIOD.
9. Learn about others different than you. Embrace different cultures. When you learn another language you live another life.
10. Being light skinned long hair I was always in the middle of dark-skin light skin debates growing up. Being multiracial and black has made me keenly woke aka aware of microaggressions, stereotypes, victim hood, cultural conditioning, prejudices and racism, period. I don’t really talk with my grade school group or people in school that did this. If you see someone who you think is biracial, multi-racial or someone who you think has multiple backgrounds, do not ask them what they are. Get to know them as a human and see if there is a connection. I hate people putting me in their gene pools, coming up with combinations of what they think the kids would look like if they hooked me up with so and so’s son. Or look at me like I’m a exotic zoo animal. STOP IT. I’m not a curiosity. I’m not a genetic savior. I’m not a breeder. I’m not a caged creature waiting to hear your slimy comments. The ignorant comments I’ve heard over the years is unacceptable. I secretly HATE the term mixed. It suggests that I’m food that was made in a kitchen. A music artist in Indy asked me once what I was “mixed” with, because he said I’m unusually exotic looking and a huge threat to other girls in Indiana. I said why does it matter? How about getting to know me as a human first?
That was the beginning of the end. Shit. Then he said I was too good looking for my own good and that’s when I headed out. I got more music done other places anyways. I got tired of people asking me stupid shit like that instead of recording music.
A. People’s lack of exposure, openness and willingness to get outside of what is familiar to them is real. People sterotyping, placing labels and drawing conclusions before getting to know someone is very real. Instead of trying to change someone, accept them for who they are and get to know them without making judgement calls based on your initial perceptions. There’s people that thought I couldn’t be this, a president or that because of my skin color or identity, which is not true. I’m not a victim or your opinion of me. Stacy Abrams touched on this during the view. Hopefully we can get to the point where we can look past labels.
B. Do not let people tell you that you can’t do things because of your age, color of your skin or your identity. You are never too old or too young! And the timing isn’t going to be perfect, but you just should start! Love the skin that you are in.
C. I also got accused of turning on black people by some black people by befriending people of different races. Ridiculous. Ignored. I’m going to do what the f*** I want. The world isn’t made up of just one race, and its UNACCEPTABLE to treat someone mean because they have a different race, gender or sexual identity. You wanna claim me as one of your own when it’s beneficial or for your own purposes huh? But get angry when I don’t act the way you think I should act? I will say many times I faced backlash from my “own” people. On May 20th, 2019 I looked up and some young black teenagers made a gun motion towards me like they wanted to shoot me. I’ve faced a lot of resentment from my “own” people because they don’t “get me”. I don’t start anything and leave people alone because I stay to myself, but gang signs, hand gun gestures, backstabbers, starring like they want to rip my clothes off mostly came from my “own” people. I go here so you know how real I’m getting in this particular article.
“My son is black and Japanese. Like many cultures, Japanese people can be a little ethnocentric. My son has been exposed to a lot of the Japanese culture. But my son is also African American. This is important to point out because I have to teach my son, as an African American male, how other people may look at him. It really has nothing to do with him. I will pause here for emphasis. It’s a reality that can’t be ignored or erased. People’s lack of exposure, openness and willingness to get outside of what is familiar to them is real. So I have to educate my son on behalf of them.”- Tam Luc, author, speaker and coach
11. The one thing I would say is I don’t trust like I used to, which is something I’ll work on from my childhood. I gotta be careful to not like isolation too much. I give people too many chances, and once they violate my trust it’s extremely difficult for me to trust them again. (It’s gotten to the point where mutual friends try to get me to be their friend by having a pity party, saying how I would have a impact on their life once I made my decision to stay 100 miles from them. ) I can perfectly have a cabin in the woods for months and no one has to hear from me. My mom told me stories about my farmer grandpa and my nature grandpa on both sides of my family. My mom tells me to watch Ma and Pa Kettle to get a good idea of what my father side of the family is like. Oh dear God. Leaving the kids out, I’m wanting to repeat, low-key. (I’m not being mother to 14 kids, maybe 14 dogs and cats). I lowkey prefer my own company many times because I was the only child growing up and I love solitude. Zara’s Why You Love Like You Do and Crystal’s The Truth About Your Trust Issues resonates with me so much because as I read those I see myself in them.
12. Do not gossip and backstab. There’s so many people that thought that this is the way to get in a popular friend group growing up, or to become successful. It is not. I look at people in my life that thought it was cool to bring someone down growing up. It didn’t get them no where.
Tip: There’s always going to be people who will be more talented, prettier, and smarter. Appreciate your own gifts and talents instead of hating on someone else’s. Being in entertainment where there is a lot of talent and pretty folks, and business where there’s plenty with deep pockets, it’s best to leave your insecurities and ego at the door. You won’t get far trying to destroy everyone you think has something you don’t. Trust me. You cannot stop destiny. There’s times when you will be on top, and down times when others are on top. What you put out to the universe you get back.
Let’s look at Dolly Parton. She was the first to sing I will always love you. But Whitney Houston took that song and killed it when she made it her own. Because Dolly is a very secure person, she’s laughing all the way to the bank.
I could have easily put this under #4 but
A. In order to find a true sense of freedom and success, you must get rid of lower energy emotions such as jealousy, envy, anger, scarcity, negativity, unworthiness, and victim hood. These realities come from the stories you’re repeating to yourself. Once you let the lower energy emotions go, your world changes.
B. Master your emotions because your energy is everything. Holding on to lower energy levels blocks you from the higher source and causes you to become conditional with your love.
C. Living a life of purpose, happiness, success, feeling fulfilled is a inside job which is cultivated and created through daily actions.
D. In order to improve any area of your life, all you need to do is align with Source and how the energy of Source functions.
When you move into alignment with Source energy and the Universal Truth of what is, you suddenly have an infinite menu of possibilities at your finger-tips.
The Universe has no limitation. It effortlessly expands into greater and greater possibility. So when you step into alignment with Source, you will also step into greater and greater possibilities!
E. I’ve had people on LinkedIn ask “how I did it.” I don’t keep bringing up the stories of people being toxic towards me because I hold grudges (my memory is very good). I bring them up because you have to be REALLY cautious and aware of who you surround yourself with. This is one of my top success tips. If you have people around you who don’t want to see you do well, toxic energy, and people poking holes in your boat it will keep you from reaching your full capacity. If you want wealth and to live the life beyond your wildest dreams, and to post pictures of you being in that 100 million dollar yacht (I know some of y’all want to show off haha), watch your circles! It appears I did more in 12 months than I did in 12 years to my old school friends because I’m careful with who I surround myself with.
“Extraordinary minds do not need to seek validation from outside opinion or through the attainment of goals.
Instead, they are truly at peace with themselves and the world around them. They live fearlessly-immune to criticism or praise and fueled by their own self-happiness and self-love. -Vishin Laskani
13. Sometimes you will not get a apology when people do bad things to you. Don’t break your neck trying to get them to acknowledge the behavior they did. Thrive and be successful despite. If someone does apologizes, check this out.
14. People leave. Don’t make them stay if they don’t want to. Being in entrepreneurship and entertainment, I’m not available the way people want me to be, and sometimes people try to make you feel bad about it. I don’t feel bad for making my life better. I don’t feel bad for taking the road less traveled. I want to live the life most won’t so I do what most don’t.
A. My dad didn’t want me and it taught me a lesson early in life. Do not chase people, and beg them to be in your life. This goes for peers. If they want you in their life you shouldn’t fight for a spot. People asked about my dad for years because a great aunt asked if he was white and others ask to“where did you get your features from?” All I know is they cared about him more than me. And I say why because all the “mixed questions are ignorant beyond words”!
B. In school especially grade school and college, if you read enough of my articles, I was not treated nice and thrown away. I was misunderstood. I didn’t fit in because I didn’t act the way people wanted me to act. Being the only child, I took this in every situation as making my own way instead of depending on others. (I gotta trust somebody but some have made it hard). I was just a number and didn’t matter, and I watched how people treated the students with money (READ #18). If college was not great due to politics and friends passing away, the one thing I was able to do is being able to connect with others when needed, and being able to get my friends in the organizations I couldn’t get myself in.
No one defended me, so I put on my own Legend of Zelda outfit and be my own hero. Save yourself.
Something about “we’re in our young twenties!” hurls people together into groups that can feel like your chosen family. And maybe they will be for the rest of your life. Or maybe they’ll just be your comrades for an important phase, but not forever. It’s sad but sometimes when you grow, you outgrow relationships. You may leave behind friendships along the way, but you’ll always keep the memories.-Taylor Swift
I’ll be the first to admit I left Indianapolis when record labels started being weird, cliquish and creepy. I’ll write about it later. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable you don’t have to tolerate it.
Buddhist philosophy is clear on one important point.
"The root of suffering is attachment."
(Karl Moore brings up great points being on this email list.) It teaches non-attachment. It demonstrates that clinging tightly to a situation, posession, or outcome is to be avoided.
Well, here's a revelation.
This Eastern teaching has a modern-day Western equivalent.
That is, simply saying... F***it.
By saying "f*** it", Moore explains we instantly let go of our attachment to a situation. It’s a releasing process, which diffuses any emotional stress clouding your thoughts.
"F*** it."
Okay, so maybe it sounds whimsical and silly and throwaway.
But think about it for a second. Maybe it really does represent a pretty deep releasing process.
Say "F*** it" to problems, to stresses, to your diet, to people’s bad choices, to whatever is making your life feel heavy.
Rather, it helps you let go of the emotional attachment you have to the issue -- which means you're able to make better decisions and take clearer action. And even then, only if you want to.
Many say they want to see you do well, but secretly want to see you do worst than them. It’s hard to find people who want it for you as bad as you do. I point this out in my 4 reasons why people hate on your success article.
I noticed since leveling up, some old college peeps started avoiding me. I’m not the jealous type, so I can quickly pick up when someone is turning green. FB blocks went up, and I have to be honest, its exactly what I expected them to do. It was a sign from the universe that my successes are coming and continuously coming. I noticed after my friends stopped talking to me, I started seeing Range Rover cars every day. I can be in the most random place and I see a Range Rover. I’m having a lot of extraordinary experiences because I sacrificed a few negative friends.
Believe it or not, your successes can make some people feel small and you become very intimidating. Since they can’t one up you or come up with a better story they hate on you. I keep the friends that want to stay in my life. (I meet them where they are, however, and don’t talk about the multiple income stream thing because most of them don’t understand it.)
“When you’re struggling, everyone loves you because they secretly hope you fail. But you’re moving up, and they can’t handle it and the praise stops.” Steve Bello & The High School Friend Who Said This.
16. I had friends in my life that took out their problems on me, and it’s the worst feeling. I didn’t abandon them in their darkest hour, but the person I was willing to take the bullet for was behind the trigger. This has happened to me several times. In one instance, a friend’s mother passed away and she thought it was cool to try to start drama in my family, start fights between relatives, and spread gossip on me in school. I was not the cause of her mother’s passing, I was only trying to help and be a friend. As this article from the manchester bombing pointed out, getting fired from your job is bad. Watching someone pass away in front of your eyes is traumatic. I was told in her defense that she was traumatized by her mother’s passing. When someone is there for you, don’t lash out, or cause more trouble for the person, or bite the hand that feeds you. Get therapy, or get the help you need, but don’t take out your problems on other people.
17. Read the 5 regrets of the dying. No matter what be authentically you and live your life’s purpose. If you are a creative person, don’t let people talk you out of being a music artist, painter, actress, writer, (put your creative pursuit here) because they can’t see themselves doing it. I write about this several times here.
18.Only time most people will jump on your bandwagon when they think they can use you, or there’s something they can get off you. Whether it’s money, sex, fame, glory or power. If you find someone out here who doesn’t have a ulterior motive and who isn’t a taker, KEEP THEM. And share the love over here too.
Because here’s the thing.
Money especially changes people. I learned at an early age that money talks and bullshit walks. You can see that being wealthy or a celeb gets you in the college of your choice or no jail time when you commit a crime. I watch how family members treat and approach wealthy family members. (It’s ridiculous how they don’t try to earn their own but will gladly ride the coattails of someone given the chance.) I can tell you stories of people in college getting into organizations and passing classes because their parents paid their way or because of who they are. People should like you for who you are and not what you have, but we don’t live in this kind of world. The projects on my Linkedin displays a human at work and challenges to see what I’m made of. And all of sudden people started adding me from my past that I haven’t talked to in years. People who doubted me and overlooked me. The school who treated me like shit started sending me donation letters. The pure appearance of you doing well puts people on your radar. Wealth works on the primal human desire for life to be easy. Money is power, control and prestige. There’s luxury taxes of course. But the huge tax breaks for the wealthy would piss a paycheck to paycheck person off. Why do you think people go after lottery winners if they reveal their identity?
18. I’m not a victim or your opinion of me, despite many wanting me to play this role of victimization and victim hood growing up. I wrote a article on this on Linkedin, but one of the best ones I’ve seen is here. I asked professors, teachers and “do gooders” to stop treating me like a victim because having a victim mentality limits you.
A victim mentality suggests the idea that another person must do for you what you are unable to do for yourself; Victim mentality pushes tolerance of undesired circumstances, which eventually breaks an person's will to change. In some cases, victims actually prefer the comfort of the familiar, choosing to keep things the way they are as opposed to the discomfort of making things better. Everyone else's wins means my loss. Will this type of thinking help me in the long run? No.
I suggested it’s nuts to think of bad news bears things happening to me even before a legitimate act of victimization is identified. I mentioned that there are people who thrive despite having difficult scenarios and there’s some who wither away. I didnt need them to believe in me (because they obviously didn’t haha) but I believed in me. The goals I had was undoable because in their minds, they perceived me a certain way. I was also told that I’m not as intelligent as my peers. This infuriates me, but I stopped explaining myself when people only understand from their level of perception. It’s better to show people the dreams versus trying to tell them. I flipped the switch and zagged while most of the herd zigged.
There’s the stage, everyone wants you to play a role as a actor or actress. You’re playing a part, and reacting to a script that you didn’t know that you wrote! (Had to throw in a acting reference, I love my craft.)
We get cast in roles that we didn’t even know we were cast in. If you can become aware of the myths that people hold and the way they manipulate societies and cultures, you can write your own rules and create abundance for yourself.
Examples and numerous more stories have proven over and over that we don’t experience life as it is, we experience life as we are, through the filters of our conditioned stories, expectations, and beliefs. We are so susceptible to such suggestions that we can be primed in a matter of moments, without even knowing, and experience a whole reality that isn’t even there.
By being a victim, you become a puppet that they can keep down and control. If you can rise above cultural conditioning you’re ahead. I rejected every excuse and every role that my schools wanted me to play. There’s is no “woe it’s me” over here.
19. Here’s a story from •Ëvøůțž Ăņď Țëă• that I found on YouTube.
Hey fellow human beings,
I just wanted to say a little story to relax you and boost your confidence. Once upon a time there was a little fish in the sea. It was very small, not very beautiful, and nobody really knew him. It got bullied by most of his classmates, it was never good enough. It became really sad and it never seemed to get better. One day, it swam up to the stars and smiled. It thought “wow, they are so beautiful. They have no imperfections whatsoever. I wish i was as beautiful as them…” A star then started getting closer and closer to the little fish. Once the star got close enough, the fish was shocked. The beautiful, perfect star, wasnt so beautiful after all. It was all crocked and bumpy. The star said “if you don’t pay attention to the bad things, you won’t even see them!” The little fish, (still in shock), swam back down. He was smiling, because he had learnt that his apparence didnt matter. He smiled all day, and all night. And soon enough, he got a lot of friends and he became a happy little fish. That little fish, if it isnt already you, it might become you. Believe in yourself and always look on the bright side :)
Believe in yourself and look at the bright side. Boost your confidence from the inside, not outside sources. We sometimes trust others with our self-esteem, but how do you know that someone should have that kind of power over you? And if you build your self-esteem based on another person and they use that power against you, it can have a devastating outcome. It’s ok to have cheerleaders on the sideline, but make sure you are your biggest cheerleader.
20. I notice that having a baby face, some try to walk all over me and mistake my kindness for weakness. Huge mistake too many has made. Don’t underestimate someone because you think you have an advantage over them. Looks can be very deceiving. The bigger you are the harder you can fall.
A. Do not underestimate people. I repeat this twice for a good reason. There’s people who don’t look the part who’s loaded with wealth. Then there’s people who front like who did it and what for and don’t have jack shit.
Grow a backbone, trust your gut, and know when to strike back. Be like a snake — only bite if someone steps on you.-Taylor Swift
21. Going a long with that. To have respect you gotta give it. For instance, if I’m 50 and I’m treating a younger person with disrespect, it’s odd to think they will be nice to me in return. I would have my a** whipping coming. I had a few instances of older adults yelling and going nuts on me once. Because I was younger they thought they would over power me and I would take it. Oh no no.. If you can’t talk to me in a calm and adult way I won’t respond. Or pick my battle and snap back. Don’t let people walk all over you and treat you like a doormat. Sometimes being too nice gets you f**** over.
22. I see a lot of turning 30, 40, 50 articles, and some friends freaking out. I’m very chill when it comes to this but embrace every age. Age is just a number. When I was 19 I didn’t feel any different at 20. Tequila will always make me feel 21 anyways.
23. Wear sunscreen year around and protect your skin. People are always saying omg you look 16. Sure it’s genetics. I also have a major skin care regime. And I drink FIJI water. Sometimes Glacier Mist. When you are older life will catch up with you if you don’t take care of yourself.
24. Patience is a virtue. I have family members who get mad if you stay in the store longer than 5. It doesn’t make sense to be that impatient. Good grief.
25. There’s a lot of pressure to get good grades, have high GPAS and look the part for the status quo. But can you make friends? Can you make human connections? Can you be vulnerable to the right people at the right time? Can you pick up on signs of someone wanting to take their lives and getting that person help? Emotional intelligence is very important but we over look it. We should place as much value on EQ like we do IQ. I would have loved more classes on how to make and keep friends growing up.
26. Animals are better than people.
27. Make mistakes. I have made many and I will make many more. They punish you hard in school for making mistakes. Make mistakes anyways. They will get over it. Instead of saying I’m sorry as much, I will say I was wrong when I’m wrong.
28. Ladies, we are taught to depend on others for money, whether that be the system or a guy. “Get a husband, he will take care of you.” (Nothing wrong with romance. I think it’s cute from a distance.) And many have told me “well it’s apart of their job to take care of the family and provide financial support.” Well I suppose. If you read enough of my articles you know how I feel about depending on people. What if he says one thing to you during the vows and does a 360 on you? What if he end ups being a deadbeat? Guys, what if she acts one way while you’re dating and does a 360 on you after you say I do? Why not have your own regardless? Have options regardless and be able to take care of yourself.
A. Having medical issues in my 20’s made me very aware of how quickly you can get into financial ruin. I hesitate to ask for help at times because I’ve seen how people treat you with money and without money.
29. Find a like-minded tribe and watch out for cut throats. Find people that will uplift you and genuinely support you. There’s people who say one thing in your face and poke holes in your boat behind your back. 3 things my mom taught me in grade school is not to get jealous of others (appreciate your own gifts and talents instead) , the only person you are competing with is yourself, and do not waste your time cutting others because you will reap what you sow.
30. They say I’m hard on myself. In some instances, being hard on yourself is the only way.
People hate seeing how the sausage is made.
We almost never hear people tell us the honest truth about what it takes at a very successful level to succeed. You know why? Because society beats it out of you. How many times can that guy go in front of a crowd and talk about his Top 50 before the echoes of disapproval become too much for him? Give it a year or two, and his answer might be something like this: “I just try my hardest. It’s always a struggle to try to do everything, but I do my best. I know I can try harder, so that’s something I’m working on.” Yes, that’s a politically correct answer. Yes, it will get a lot of nods and smiles.-Ramit Sethi
Do you think I would get workout results like this by walking around the corner and back and calling that a workout?
We almost never hear people tell us the honest truth about what it takes at a very successful level to succeed.
Do you know I don’t tell most people what my workouts are because they say stuff like:
“Do you starve yourself to get the abs” (AND NO I’M A HUGE FOODIE.RE-READ #1 100 times. YOU CANNOT GROW MUSCLE WITHOUT FOOD.)
“It must me nice to have time to workout.”
“I can’t go to the gym.”
The truth that they really want to say? I’m too lazy to go to the gym, according to Robert Kiyosaki.
They say all these negative words and don’t give themselves a chance. I usually just say good luck or you got this. They come up with every excuse on the planet on why they can’t do the workouts so I don’t waste my time explaining when they come off like that.
When it comes to workouts, I’m extremely aggressive and grueling, not to the point of injury of course but for the challenge.
I will get in touch with army, marine and fitness people if I need to get a challenging workout. To avoid plateaus. And to learn.
Put the hard work in now and reap the rewards later. If someone of success ACTUALLY tells you the process, be prepared to work.
I wasn’t gonna leave you hanging with just 30. You know I’m going to add more right?
31. Don’t base your self-esteem on what you see on social media. Don’t compare yourself to others on social media. For example, I support several music artist friends (some at a major distance meaning I rather be in Japan while I support them in California haha) but I don’t compare myself to them. I work at it to bring my own art into the world while being supportive at the same time.
31a. Don’t let negative comments get next to you on social media. If it’s a person who’s opinion you don’t value than why do you care so much anyways? Get thick-skin and quick.
32. I have a fear of heights. I get on roller coasters all the time but to no avail. Ha. I’m a chicken shit when it comes to heights.
33. Do not mix your family and friends with business. Read #29 of finding more like-minded people.
I have read stories of people doing business with family and friends and it went well. If it works for you, cool. I wish you the best of luck. I love y’all but I keep my personal and business interests separated.
Watch these videos. Keep them poor is G.O.A.T. The first 5 minutes of this How to Escape Corporate Slavery is G.O.A.T. also.
If I would have told the people around me that in 2015 that I would be living this life now, they wouldn’t have believed me. Sometimes the people that you love can be the biggest distractors. How to escape corporate slavery explains this in full detail perfectly and I’ll tell my friends from school why I isolated myself from them for a bit.
34. When you don’t care what others think, you reach a dangerous amount of freedom. When you get to the point where you are comfortable in your own skin and accept yourself as you are, you will no longer have to depend on outside validation. You are enough.
35. Remember when I said I like to keep a low-profile? In my Why Friends And Family Don’t Support Your Music article, I mentioned that there’s so many people that want to make people think they got this, got that. I let those people who want to get the attention that bad keep doing it. People from my own city in Indianapolis still doubt me and overlooked me for years and guess what? It’s all good because you won’t get to the kingdom if you keep craving for attention from the village. In other words, I don’t care if people from Indianapolis recognize me or not. I rather people overlook me then start approaching me like a bank.
36. Sexual harassment and assault is a major issue. One of the reasons why I hesitated going to the National Guard is sexual harassment and assaults. The workouts, basic training or the mental stuff doesn’t scare me. I distanced myself from the music scene in Indianapolis. I can avoid going to apartments or hotel rooms with guys at 1 am in the morning. I can drive instead of taking the bus. I can move to a private island to avoid people (someone actually reached out to me about a private island). Or go the island of egg (this is spelled wrong) where there is only 36 people. Leaving the guard and reporting sexual harassment or rape is a tad bit more complicated. I hate the idea of superiors or guys coming on to me and I would be reprimanded for saying something or defending myself. Many times I have defended myself, gotten guys thrown out of bars and earned a reputation of “Leave her alone” during my years of schooling. I have a ongoing medical situation where doctors told me to stay out of situations where I could get raped. No recruiter can guarantee my safety or the ability to stand up for myself without retaliation. At this point I’ll run for political office first. Like college, there’s a option to drop out. Haha.
37. In different periods of my life, and sometimes today, the length of my hair is questioned, mostly from people who didn’t have any themselves or trying to stay in competition with me. Wasn’t aware that people were keeping up with me like this. For your information. I don’t care about my length, so why should they? I might wear it short, long, curly, whatever. What you see is what you get with me. I’ll let you know if I decide to wear a wig or extensions for a acting gig. I’ll let you know if my hair is not real, if it’s weave or extentions (Generally speaking not a fan of wigs).
38. Everyone has a gift and talent. You just have to find it. You can’t be anything you want to be (for example I can’t be a NFL football player) but you can find your gifts and thrive within your talents.
39. Your greatest life starts on the other side of your greatest fear.
40. My wierd crush? I love crime shows. It makes me lock my doors and look over my shoulders. I remember binge watching Investigation Discovery especially when my college world caved in. Ashley Flowers of Crime Junkie recently became my crime Godmother that I never had. Nancy Grace is my fiece Godmother. I had to stop watching hauntings, ghost stories and Unsolved Mysteries when I thought I saw one of the characters in the 5th grade coming to my bed. I thought I saw a red figure coming towards me. My mom was like GO TO SLEEP THERE’S NOTHING THERE! I don’t play with that anymore haha. But Southern Fried Homicide, Dominick Dunne’s Power, Priviledge, and Justice, FBI Files, City Confidental, Cold Case Files, America’s Most Wanted, UnRaveled, Crime 360, Extreme Forensics, Forensics: You Decide and list a crime show here. Pretty much anything on Escape TV, Investigation Discovery, Justice Channel, 48 Hours, Dateline or 20/20 or closely similar I’m game. There’s a lot of crime shows that I love that I can’t think of right now.
41. When I’m in hotel rooms or vacations The Disney Channel, Nick Jr and Nickelodeon becomes my favorite tv shows to watch. Blue’s Clues , and Sam and Cat all the way.
42. When I have time, I play video games. I still got my N64 and my GameCube handy. I love Banjo Kazookie, Super Mario 64, Legend of Zelda, Wind Waker, Super Smash Brothers, Harvest Moon, Call of Duty and more. There’s so many video games I’m not listing.
43. I used to altar serve growing up. Now I’m a cafeteria Catholic. I should have put this at the top to be honest. If you want me to visit your church in the future let me know.
44. Yo hablo Espanol?
45. I associate certain foods and scents with nostalgia or happy events from my childhood. When I’m in a new place, I try something new so I can have a last memory and association with it.
When I eat pizza lunchables, or the meat and cheese it reminds me of happy times in grade school. I also get this when I drink Capri Sun’s Pacific Cooler.
Lubriderm Advanced Therapy lotion reminds me of playing video games as a teenager.
Equate Rasberry Shave Cream takes me back to high school. Eating thick Donatos Pepperoni Pizza does this feeling also along with riding in a white Oldsmobile.
Zest soap reminds me of being in Nashville, Tennessee.
Mexican Tequila and this U.S. Virgin Island drink takes me back to the moment I turned 21.
AC Hotel lotion reminds me of Indy Rev.
When I read certain books it takes me back too.
I can list associations all day.
46. Book list.
Childhood
I Love You Forever
Green Eggs and Ham
Nancy Drew Series
Goosebumps
Boxcar Children
Tuck Everlasting
Where The Red Fern Grows
Maniac Magee
Dear Mr Henshaw
Watchdogs and the Coyotes
Screammates Field of Screams
Susanna and the Purple Mongoose Mystery
Current Book List.
Dan Lok F.U Money
The Creature On Jekyll Island-Edward Griffin
I Will Teach You How To Be Rich-Ramit Sethi
Secrets of the Millionaire Mind-T-Harv Eker
Choose Yourself-James Altucher (Dude I always mess up your name, my bad).
Choose Yourself-Guide To Wealth-James Altucher
Sue Stockdale & Clive Steeper Motivating People In A Week
Pierre A. Lehu Living On Your Own
Richard Webster Creative Visualization For Beginners
Nanette Burton Mongelluzzo. Everything Guide To Self Esteem.
Mary Beth Maziarz.Kick-Ass Creativity
Vijay Vad. The New Rules Of Running
Shasta Nelson. Friendships Don’t Just Happen.
Lisa Jo Baker. Never Unfriended.
John C. Maxwell. How Successful People Lead.
Jen Sincero. You are a badass every day.
Yoni Freedhoff. The Diet Fix (The food in here is amazing)
Dr. Peter Osborne. No Grain, No Pain.
Vijay Vad. The New Rules Of Running.
47. Music Playlist Of My Life (It will keep updating over the years so stay tuned!) I’m missing quite a few songs on here as well.
Doris Day- I heard her signature song for years on different tv shows and never knew it was her. I’m going to follow in her footsteps in making an animal foundation.
You Got A Friend In Me-Reminds me of Toy Story
Lloyd-Southside
JoJo-Leave (Get Out)
In My Life-Beatles. Reminds me of High School Graduation
George Nkozua-Promise Ring. There was a small period of my life when I enjoyed college. Probably like the first week and the summer before I started. This song takes me back to that period of promise.
George Nkzoua-Believe Album. There was a small period of my life when I enjoyed college. Probably like the first week. Like Promise Ring, this project takes me back to that period of promise.
Somebody I Used To Know. Riding down to IU with my APO folks for sectionals. This is before everyone went their separate ways. This is a time everyone at least tolerated each other.
Beatles-Hards Day Night. The song I performed with my first cover band, Sonic Ashes.
Beatles-Helter Skelter-The song I performed with my first cover band.
America-Horse With No Name-The song I performed with my first cover band. I ruined this band because of a surgery I had to have.
Explosions In The Sky-Your Hand In Mine. A playlist from a special experience. I can’t say anymore just in case someone reading this goes to it.
Lodovico Einaudi-Nuvole Bianche. A playlist from a special experience. I’m currently trying to think of the other songs. I can’t say anymore just in case someone reading this goes to it.
Taylor Swift-Blank Space. I was thrown away and rejected a lot in school. I received a shirt from an apartment complex that said “I got a blank space, so I’ll write your name.” Thank you Taylor for making me feel wanted and feeling like I have a true friend.
Taylor Swift-Reputation. I listen to this on my birthdays and special celebrations. I’ve had Tequlia shots to reputation.
Ghostin-Ariana Grande. I can relate to this from losing friends. It’s been on repeat lately. I wish I had the damn guts to be this vulnerable. I’ve been punished for being vunerable before. Thank you Ari for reminding me to trust people. At this period of my life I really don’t. I guard my heart with the biggest safe I can find because my spirit flows from it.
48. I love Dragon Ball Z. Watching the Cell games takes me back to a 11 year old sitting in my Granny’s back room on 2901 Washington Blvd. GT was too short. I like Sailor Moon, Toonami, any random anime show that came on 1 in the morning and Teen Titans. I took up taekwondo and shotokhon because I wanted the challenge and to fly and do backflips. I still can’t fly yet haha.
A. Even Stevens, The Famous Jett Jackson (RIP Lee Thompson Young), Kenan and Kel, Zoey 101, Scooby Doo, Bugs Bunny, X-Files, Arthur, The Magic School Bus, Powerpuff Girls, Dexter’s Lab, Courage The Cowardly Dog are some of my favorite child/teen memory shows. Freaky Friday, Mean Girls, Blank Check, Richie Rich, Home Alone Series , Back To The Future Series, Currently? Big Bang Theory, Supergirl, Young Sheldon, Mom, Dynasty, God Friended Me, Hoda and Jenna (KLG & Hoda), Chicago Med, Fire & PD. The View, The Ellen Degeneres Show, Dr Phil. Notables: Game Of Thrones, This is Us, I Love Lucy & Andy Griffith.
Oh I’m still on season 2 of Game of Thrones. Do NOT REVEAL ANY DETAILS OF IT to me.
49. I throw clothes on the couch and I don’t keep my rooms perfect most of the time. My house is usually clean for 15 minutes at different points. Sorry you will always miss it. I’m not a neat freak.
49. I can’t cook for shit and I have a big mouth when it comes to donuts. I’ll keep trying to cook, but eat what I prepare at your own risk.
50. To end this long ass article, I will say these multiple tips where I could make it 60 but I won’tdo that to the people reading this. Attach a gmail address to any business email. My EYTech email was deleted unexpectedly and I’m going through hell to get some of my accounts back. (This is why I have trust issues.) Get a lawyer before you need it. (You maybe a future lottery winner or have a absurb lawsuit) Befriend them even before a situation arises. People get sue happy, put your assets under a LLC, corporations or trusts. There’s a protection from frivolous lawsuits. Student loan people got outrageous while I was in the hospital, so I stopped putting assets under my personal name for peace of mind. Any future heirs I have I will leave everything in a trust (my family has 6th cousins haha). I did leave .29 cents in a bank account once before a surgery just to see what would happen. Yeah go levy/garnish that and buy a piece of bubble gum you dumb (and you know the rest). The heartless and cruel minded creeps ended up not bothering it. I guess dum dum suckers and winterfresh gum didn’t suit their fancy. It got so bad that the Huffington Post accepted an article on their bad treatment of me. I always knew I was just a number and didn’t matter to them while I was in school. I was always treated badly and like shit. I saw their real colors while in the hospital. Getting legal counsel was and still is the absolute last resort for me. I’m not sue happy at all and I rather spend my time taking pictures of food. Or biting into a $5 PZone from Pizza Hut. And get your affairs in order. I know people our age don’t think about wills, but look into it. I’ve had many friends pass away at 19, 20, 22 and it makes me wonder about pre-planning. This subject creeps me out.
On a less creepy note. Can someone teach me how to drive a stick-shift car?
30 More Things I Learned Before 30 will be published on the exact same date next year. Be on the lookout for it.
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Hello There! I’m Alesha! I’ve been involved in different businesses in several different capacities from being ceo, coo, co-founder, and more. I’ve learned so much from creating businesses, and I look forward to all the learning experiences I will have from starting new ventures. 2019 I’m excited to announce that I’m going to add more businesses to my portfolio. STAY TUNED! I’m going to introduce them sometime next year!
With one business I was involved with, we made it possible to install a little device with customized hardware and a SaaS solution implemented to the router, the business owner was able see live data about social media info collected.
With another company, we had professional internet marketing company that focus on digital marketing campaigns, services and jobs such as SEO, PPC, Online Reputation Management, and social media marketing.
With EYT, I oversaw day-to-day operations and keeping the CEO apprised of significant events;Yes I actually talk with my business partner on a daily basis. I created operations strategy and policies; Communicated strategy and policy to employees and interns; Fostering employee alignment with corporate goals; and overseeing human resource management. I also delegated tasks to my team.
With Bones’ Custom Guitar. We created custom guitars for musicians with imported wood. No one Bones’ guitar is the same.
The Wish Benefit Concert is a concert founded by Ayana Carter, Mel Sexton and Alesha Peterson. It’s privately held at Riley Hospital For Children.
