4 Reasons Why People Hate On Your Success (And Why You Should Be Successful Anyways)
I recently read one of the best articles I've ever read (Like Ever) and I decided to write my own version because it resonates with me so much. It's so good that I really don't need to rewrite it. This is the article I'm writing for my 6th grade and college self.
Have you noticed when you're successful, sometimes the people you expect to be happy for you feel threatened instead of being proud of you?
Do you notice that they changed, but you remained the same despite your successes?
I was recently on Facebook (I don't get on too often because I'm working on my crafts haha) and I noticed that one of my good college friends said
"Well it seems she has everything figured out."
I got messages over Snapchat saying "damn your killing it."
Hold that thought as you read this. But here's 4 reasons why they hate on your successes (and why you should keep being successful regardless).
We live in a time where we’re basically told all day long what to do. By our bosses. By society. By teachers. By professors. By clients. And on and on and on. So we lose touch with ourselves. And when you lose touch with yourself you become like a robot. -Yann Gir
#1. You Didn't Follow The Status Quo. Your Success Reminds Them That They Gave Up On Their Dreams Due To Fear, Uncertainty And Society Pressure.
Let's say you see a person in a Lamborghini. Usually, people come up with judgements saying "this person has it easy" or "was born with a silver spoon in their mouth." Or the common "money is the root of all evil."
When was the last time you saw someone in a $300,000 car, and didn't assume anything. You just watched and said:
"I wonder what hard work they did to get that?"
Most don't appreciate or understand the work it takes to get those things. They want material things. But they are upset at the Lamborghini person for actually putting in the work. Or have a negative mindset towards $ and don't put in the mind work to earn those things themselves. So it's easier to hate than put in the work.
Back to first person lol.
Let's say you run into an old college friends at the bars.
You decided to dropout of school. They followed the rules and took a safe path. They find out that you have million dollar businesses, have private jets that can take you anywhere in the world as you please, and every time you post a photo on Facebook, you notice a icy reception.
No love shown! From the people you thought was in your corner!
When you're successful, many times family, friends, and people around you get pissed off because you have accomplished your goals. They are pissed that you come from the same place and they are still in the same place (know this quote?)
Instead of applauding you for you taking action with your life, they try to defend their inaction and mediocrity. It's the script that they tell themselves to justify not fulfilling their purpose and living unhappy lives.
12/7/2018 update: This article has been in my inbox for 6 months, and I just now decided to publish it at the end of 2018. I have noticed that a few of my old former friends started removing me from Facebook after starting my businesses, and booking film gigs all over. Unfortunately, people do start hating on you, and misery does love company! I’ve always been happy for others’ successes but I’m finding that some don’t want you to be successful and secretly pray for your downfall. Some people don’t understand what you are trying to do or what you are trying to become, so it best to leave them behind. Many of my entrepreneur friends agree with me on the jealous part. Find friends that are happy for your successes and in turn you can be happy for theirs! Watch this video below. Don’t stop being awesome because of others’ insecurities. The haters need to do the soul searching and figure out why they are happy when people do badly and why it invokes the green monster to see others people being successful. The minute I saw the Facebook numbers drop on my Facebook, I figured I was on the right path and it’s my job to keep going with building businesses and booking acting jobs. REMEMBER: The hate has nothing to do with you, it’s them! I find it cool that this video would pop up at this particular time!
#2. Your Success Reminds Them The Norm Isn’t Fulfilling. You Took The Steps Necessary To Make It Happen. They Aren’t Doing Anything To Change The Life They Don’t Like.
Long time ago, the American Dream involved two kids, a spouse, a home and a white picket fence.
This isn't a bad life. But you wanted more.
The 8-hour work day was a byproduct of the industrial revolution. Making widgets in a factory was not cognitively demanding or deep work. So, an assembly line that maximized production and having somebody work as long as they could without physical harm made sense. To support this, we built an education system in which people were conditioned into an 8-hour day. Since school ended at 3, extracurricular activities were added so people would learn to be in one place from 9am to 5pm. But the industrial revolution ended more than 50 years ago. -Srinivas Rao
You took the necessary steps to skip the 9 to 5. As I said above, let's just say others around you were told to take the pre determined and safe route: get a good job, get married, have kids, and pay bills.
Some of these same people at age 40 will more in likely say "what happened with my life?" Shit!
To see you living out your dreams, reaching beyond your potential, and living on your own terms triggers something in them.
They see your life and realize they aren't working at making their dreams happen.
Instead of admiring you, they get jealous. And hate you. "She gets to sip on wine in Santorini, and volunteers in Paris, and I don't." They justify their position and make excuses to vindicate their own failures and feel better about themselves.
"He doesn't have to deal with ABC."
Other stories they tell themselves? All kinds.
"They have the connections that I don't have."
They are upset because they let themselves and their dreams down. YOU DIDN'T. YOU SUCCEEDED.
"Why can't this be me?"
"Why is this person living the life and I'm not?"
"Why did I settle and is it too late for me?"
"What did they do that I'm not doing?
"Why did I let people talk me out of it?"
They also wanted to live overseas or become a writer too. They want to post pictures from St Lucia living out their purpose. But they didn't because they were told not to do it by friends, family and the people around them. They became realistic about life.
#3 Your Success Reminds Them They Have Unfulfilled Dreams. But They Aren’t Working To Make Them Happen.
You took responsibility and made your own destiny.
Your success means they don't have any excuses for their failures. You evolved and removed negativity from your life.
Mediocrity hates excellence. Misery loves company.
Why did you change, they are thinking. They liked you working that 9 to 5, desk job, just like they do. The dynamic with you has changed apparently? Where do they stand since you now have a big house, taking exotic locations, and having so much money their mind spends? Where does your successes leave them?
Humans generally speaking resist change. Fight or flight response from cavemen time triggers these feelings. You do something different? You get kicked out of the tribe. In the cavemen era, you do what the other cavemen/women do for the survival of the species (and to fit in).
When you rise above and do amazing things, people tell themselves a story to justify mediocrity and their shortcomings. This also means trying to steal the thunder away from your success.
They might support you at first, but when you surpass them and do better than them? They turn green with envy. You can feel it. They see you as a threat and competition (fight or flight response).
Their envy has nothing to do with you and more with the hurt they feel inside. Hurt people hurt people.
When authentically and courageously owning your purpose on this planet and doing what you know in your heart you are called to do… then in the face of anyone who judges you, who excludes you, who questions your logic, method or motive with negativity — remember, they are simply projecting their own pain.They have nothing to add and no value to offer you. Their negative energy is a reflection of their own inner blocks and their own life lessons to learn. You need not be drawn into that vortex. It is not your job to fix them, to change their minds, to help them or to be a victim of their barrage. Draw boundaries, cut ties, move on and you will always flow into the path of people who “get you” when you finally have the courage to remove those who don’t.-Bernadette Logue
#4 They Don't Understand What You Went Through To Achieve The Success
People usually are guilty of judging things when they have no context or understanding of how much work you did behind closed doors.
They only see the end result. They don't see the years of struggle or fear that you experienced.
However, for each one of these major accomplishments and the validation they welcomed, were years upon years upon years of quiet hard work that nobody saw.
And not only did nobody see it, but many people condemned it.
I cannot tell you how many times I was made fun of in high school for playing World of Warcraft.
I cannot explain to you how many people, people I thought would be more supportive, questioned my discipline in the gym.
They took one look at my scrawny physique and essentially said, “Why are you even trying?”
And I cannot tell you, seriously, how many people laughed in my face when I told them I was going to college to study creative writing.
…But then as soon as you become an e-famous gamer, as soon as you look like someone on the cover of a fitness magazine, as soon as you start jet-setting around living your dream, suddenly everybody wants a piece.
Suddenly everyone is supportive.
Getting back to my college friends who assume I have things figured out. And my life is always easy.
Do they know how many friends and family in my life that passed away? Do they consider in school that I was rejected quite a bit? Or how I wasn't treated well? Do they consider that I've had hospital stays? I could keep going but I'll stop.
The only thing they see is me being on Huffington Post. They only see the CEO title. They see me living life on my own terms. They see the fancy Miami Florida/Los Angeles/Where Ever I am photos. But they didn't see the other hard stuff. It's a conversation I'd like to have with them in the future. No I don't have everything figured out and I'm not immune to problems. I was given a bad deck in school, but I learned (and still learning) how to play the deck well in life.
The difference between the successful and the average person is they did what most don't so they have a life that most won't. Billionaires are not Gods, and the CEOS don't have all the answers because they experienced success. Celebrities are no different. All these successful people kept at it while others gave up. They don't take the traditional path and don't make excuses for their shortcomings. They work through it.
Show people what's possible, but don't be an ass and rub it in people's face by bragging or putting them down. Show them the path if they are open minded. Take the time to open up to them. Share what you are about, your values, what you believe in, what is important to you, why you do what you do, and then let go (This is also an excellent way to sort out those who believe in you and those who don’t.)
After sharing you must let go of the need to have them understand, and know you have done all you can do and all that is asked of you — you are being your true self. If they still don’t get you or support you, then honor yourself and keep it moving. Don't beg for their support and acceptance so bad that you fold to their jeering and scoffing. Let go of the need and desire to be liked and supported. Live in your truth.
I actually have a quick story. I was in Indianapolis when this happened. I was hanging out with a few of my mom's friends and they asked me the usual. Then when I told them acting.
They kept saying "well what's your real job."
For most of people reading this, you know that working a 9 to 5 is not the only way to earn a living. I kept telling them acting. (Side note: I have been all over for acting gigs and I don't post photos on Hollywood sets that much until the project is released).
When you run into people that don't open their minds to all the possibilities, ignore them. I recently wrote a story on this.
The first thing you have to do when somebody suggests a life in music/acting/creative field isn’t a real job is understand something very important: Artists, by their very nature, are creative people who see things abstractly and desire to live “outside the box.” That puts you in the minority compared to those spending their lives getting up every morning, punching a time card, and having a paycheck signed by a boss and put into their hands every two weeks.
What I’m wanting you, the artist, to understand is that it isn’t YOUR fault that those people don’t see professional music and song writing as a real job. It is THEIR fault. So f#@k them.
Because when the day is over, their perception of what you do has ZERO impact on how you write your songs, sing your lyrics, perform during your show, book upcoming gigs, or interact with your fans. -Wade Sutton
He was mostly writing for music artists but it applies to other creative areas as well.
- When I'm in California or another market, I don't have to add details about my acting life. It's best to be around people who are doing the same things you are doing. This includes moving to other environments and being around like-minded people. Most couldn't see themselves earning a living from being a entrepreneur/actor/etc, so they are probably thinking how can you do it? Don't let people put their fears and limitations on you.
- Don’t let people put their fears and limitations on you. (Repeated on purpose).
- Most don’t appreciate or understand the work it takes to get success. They want material things and the life. But they are upset at the Lamborghini person/celebrity for actually putting in the work. Or have a negative mindset towards money ($) and don’t put in the mind work to earn those things themselves. So it’s easier to hate than put in the work.
- When you’re successful, many times family, friends, and people around you get pissed off because you have accomplished your goals. Instead of applauding you for you taking action with your life, they try to defend their inaction and mediocrity. It’s the script that they tell themselves to justify not fulfilling their purpose and living unhappy lives.
- The highest level of hurt comes from going through life unfulfilled with broken dreams. You took responsibility and made your own destiny. They are upset because they let themselves and their dreams down. Or worst, let people talk them out of it and settled for less.
- The difference between the successful and the average person is they did what most don’t so they have a life that most won’t.
- If they still don’t get you or support you after sharing your values, who you are, and what you believe in, then honor yourself and keep it moving. Don’t beg for their support and acceptance so bad that you fold to their jeering and scoffing. Let go of the need and desire to be liked and supported. Live in your truth.
- If you have supportive people in your life that isn't the back stabbing jealous type, KEEP THEM. They are a gold mine and extremely hard to find. It’s best to be around people who are doing the same things you are doing. This includes moving to other environments and being around like-minded people.
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Hello There! I’m Alesha! I’ve been involved in different businesses in several different capacities from being ceo, coo, co-founder, and more. I’ve learned so much from creating businesses, and I look forward to all the learning experiences I will have from starting new ventures. 2019 I’m excited to announce that I’m going to add more businesses to my portfolio. STAY TUNED! I’m going to introduce them sometime next year!
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