This was technically supposed to be my 13th Medium post. Oh well. As I was posting, I found a whole slew of posts I missed from my 1st blog post. I was trying to honor where I started and whoops. In order to clearly understand, it’s best to read these in this order. It’s almost like reading chapter 4 then jumping to 15 lol. More in likely another mistake will happen. I even tried waking up at 4 am to play catch up haha. These are like a journal of my school life, a period that I really don’t talk about that much in my real world life. Originally, the plan was to save these journal-like entries for a book for my experiences in school. Oh yes, I plan on writing that book at some point in the future with a ton of edits. This was a music project that I was working on (and I actually have a complete version of this project). It’s a deep project. I touch suicide, racism, murder, and then some. The final track list below is not the final track list on the project.
I had no intention of talking about this music project right away, but it has always been on my mind. A few events pushed this one up front. I want to introduce everyone that’s reading this to my project “Bury My Diploma Besides You.”
Just a few months ago, I was posting on my wall introducing a few people to my other music project “24.” It has catchy beats. I’m still excited about it. This project is definitely more fun, “Bury My Diploma Besides You” is more serious. I won’t lie to you.
I did not tell my friends about this, but this summer has its rough side. I posted enough during spring 2014. This time I posted very little and I’m dealing with most of them. I had more family emergencies, and I got word that friends of friends committed suicide and I was asked to pray for them.
I hope they at least enjoy watching me scare the crap out of myself on roller coasters and rides that flip me upside down. The nerve of those rides haha.
I hide things well. I’ve been made fun of and kicked down on several occasions in my younger years, so opening up and trusting people can be hard for me. I’m not saying I never open up or never trust people-my friends know this side of me more than anyone else. But it takes me longer. And when I do? I’m honest. I make music on a deeper level, not worrying about people using what happened against me in the future. (For those who get
a thrill of kicking down others, you’ll reap what you sow. I won’t have to do anything to you because you will do it to yourself. Believe that.)
I’ve been working on this project on the side. I’ve have some life experiences that makes me go there. (I have a music album in me about all this). I don’t want anyone getting scared or worried, but this project will shed some light on how I feel. This project will let you inside my head and my life on a different level. If my friends think they know me, after listening to this they will get to know me again. I just want to take the time to say that there’s still a stigma against mental illness. I know from firsthand experience. It’s not a joke. Please support people with depression and mental illnesses please, PLEASE. I BEG YOU. PLEASE. I’ve watched friends and family suffer with it (I won’t go into details here, not the appropriate place to do so). I’ve lost way too many to suicide and two of my favorite
actors committed suicide and it bothers me. R.I.P. Lee Thompson Young (August 19th, 2013) and Robin Williams (August 11th, 2014).
I want to introduce you to my “Bury My Diploma Beside You.”
Bury My Diploma Besides You
1. Bury My Diploma Besides You.
2. You don’t love me (Do I cross your mind)
4. Just in ‘14.
5. What if the people you love don’t understand you.
6. The secret we share.
7. I wish I could have saved you.
8. I miss the old me.
9. 2 sides of my conscience.
10. This promise I made.
Bonus Track. Fight through pain
Bonus Track 2. Smile through pain (it will go away one day)
This is just introducing you to it. I may change some things around, add tracks, take away tracks, etc. I’ll keep you posted.
I’ve seen several friends post a lot about depression these past few days. It’s crazy because the day before Robin Williams passed away, I saw this link posted on my friend’s wall.
Who wants to looked down on and labeled for admitting that they have a problem? That Buzzfeed post hits it on the head.
Check this out: 21 things no one tells you about being depressed
My friend posted a wonderful post today. I’ll sum it up the best way I can, but she said people who live with depression are some of the bravest people, to suffer pain in silence is not easy; there is shame associated with depression because it makes you seem weak (or should I say people see you as weak) I’ll say personally it’s been painful to deal with friends committing suicide and attempting it. I’ll have the chance to tell a lot more of my story in “Bury My Diploma Besides You” including why I chose the title. Everything will be made clearer in the future, I promise.
If you are not feeling the love (I understand you more than you think) I love you! Know you are loved. I’m writing lyrics to “Bury My Diploma Besides You” now. It might take months for me to get project the way I want it to; I’ve edited lyrics, beats, and song titles so many times and finally I have a
list I’m happy with (I edited it early this morning too, 8/12/2014).
Newsflash. NEWSFLASH. I just found out the other day (8/13/2014) that I’m a triple major. OMG HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? I went to a advisor the other day and she said you know you have 3 programs on there. Seriously I had no clue. I’ve been having a hard time, so I FIND THIS FACT INSANE. Apparently I have enough credits/classes to qualify? Oh my goodness. There’s many people in my circle that tells me that I’m more intelligent than I give myself credit for; there’s a reason some professors are giving you a hard time, they see something in you. Ok? I suppose? If you say so. Just because you struggle doesn’t mean you’re a failure. But this triple major thing is surprising me and I’m not going to talk about it unless they ask…..
So I might have a diploma to bury besides my departed loved ones sooner than I think. People would have to read this post or be on my twitter to know about this new triple major status I stumbled in. As far as most are concerned, I’m still a double major making a plan to exit stage left and quickly. I think it’s a mistake.
“You — you alone will have the stars as no one else has them… In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing, And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night… You — only you — will have the stars that can laugh.”