Conflict Resolution Tips

I actually used this list recently, thank you Dr. Nehamistry.

• I feel scared when you raise your voice and yell.
• I feel disrespected when you dismiss my concerns after I have stated them.
• Please stop threatening me with ultimatums and that you will break up with me unless you actually mean it. We say really hurtful things to each other when we get mad and later regret it. (Off the record, as a single person, someone breaking up is like freedom to me, I’ll open the door and gladly let a guy walk out of it. )
• Bringing up different issues from the past is causing confusion. I hear you and that’s important, let’s get back to it later. For now, can we try to resolve this?
• Let’s both please try not to raise our voices. We agreed after our previous disagreement that we will work on resolving better.
• I need a break to understand what is happening to me. I want to have this conversation with a clearer mind and calmer emotions.
• This is difficult. I need time to process this, lets come back to this conversation tomorrow afternoon.
• You are talking over me, please let me finish.
• We both have our non-negotiables in this relationship. I want to respect yours. How else can we compromise.
• I’m sensing growing resentment btwn the both of us especially when things go unresolved. I want to be there for you like you are for me. Can we talk through this now rather than sweeping it under the rug?
• I want to accept your apology, yet it is difficult because I have heard this in the past. I want to see changed behavior and that looks like (whatever that is goes here).
• We need support with communication.
• Something I am working on is staying present. This is hard for me. This is new for me. Please be patient with me as I am trying to do the same for myself. Now, where were we?
• That worked then. This is now. Our life is different, our new reality is different. Can we try to find a resolution that works at this stage in our life?

Dr. Neha Mistry advice.

1. Ask yourself, why am I upset?
2. Practice emotion regulation skills as needed.
3. Discuss one thing at a time
4. Resentment grows from unresolved conflict and you can still return to resolve that previous issue later.
5. Disagree with kindness and respect.
6. No degrading language, swearing, name calling, etc.
7. Take your time.
8. Ask for breaks.
9. Commit to come back later.
10. Pause.
11. Take turns.
12. Give each other time to express and listen.

It’s 2022 at the time of this writing, but by the time you read it, it will be 2023. I had to write a ton of content ahead of time to stay consistent despite what’s happening. 🔥🙌

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