Don’t Open This Gawker Response

Hey There! My name is Alesha! Oh well. As I was posting, I found a whole slew of posts I missed from my 1st blog post. So I started over lol. You might read a few of my posts twice. I was trying to honor where I started after getting on Medium and whoops, In order to clearly understand my story, it’s best to read these in this order. It’s almost like reading chapter 4 then jumping to 15 lol. More in likely another mistake will happen. I even tried waking up at 4 am to play catch up haha. I thought I wanted to save these for a future book. I’ll stop posting the intros as soon as I stop digging from my old blog post bank. These are from 2014, a period from my school days. At this point, we were in 2015, just last year! This could probably use edits.

P.S. A good portion of my friends and family date interracially, and to me, I find it weird that people make an issue out of it to be honest. There’s bigger fish to fry.

In response to a Gawker post on dating. The title is a joke, I’m glad you opened.

http://gawker.com/the-reality-of-dating-white-women-when-youre-black-1585401039

Written around January 18th, just for your information.

I came across this article right after going out (which is really good, read) and it’s crazy timing because earlier in the night, I was asked if I like black guys by a black guy. My response was why do you ask such a question, and why do you ask me a thing when the music is on and I’m hanging out with friends. Bad timing dude. I do not hate anyone.

I fall indiscriminately in love as well. No, I don’t go around saying “hey I’m dating a white guy” or “hey I’m seeing a guy from Peru” haha. I look at the guy that I’m dating as a human being. I don’t have an agenda. I have the right to date who I want just like you have the right to date who you want. Some people will never get that. The guy I’m dating is not out of spite or to get back at black guys. I date men who treat me with respect, someone who I can be myself with, and someone who can make me a better person. I’m not running around saying “black men” don’t want me, I’m not entitled to any of you. I did not have a mindset of “hey I’m just going to date white men only.” I’ve dated men of all different backgrounds, and even though society pushes me to see their race, I see the person. Personality is huge to me. But I find all sorts of features attractive. I think Justin Bieber is hot. I think Chris Paul is hot. I think William Levy is hot. Just like you have the right to your preferences, I have a right to my preferences. And just because I have a preference, does not mean I find other looks unattractive. Don’t put a guilt trip on me. Understand? I do not find that a certain type of feature is superior or better: beat me up and kick my butt for not letting race (or my races) limit what I find attractive. I have no obligation to date black men (or any guy) due to pity of the past or based on what society says. My mom has always taught me to treat people the way I want to be treated and not judge people on race from an very early age. I’ve taken it to heart. She has never made me feel badly for bringing my guys home. I’ve been doing it for so long that I consider any and all stares ignorant. Or just plain jealously. Maybe they are just mad because my man is holding me on his shoulder and not there’s. I’m writing this post to address a lot of comments that I’ve been hearing when I go out. But with that being said, I don’t have to explain who I date to anyone, just like you don’t have to explain to me why you are dating the person you are dating. If your mind is limited then that’s your loss. It doesn’t even bother me, I’m with Ernest Baker on this one. All I can do is continue not giving a f*** and hope it won’t be this way one day.

Background on me. I’m of multi-racial background. I have family members all over the world. I went to Catholic high schools my whole life. I grew up around quality men in these schools (the ones that were not quality taught me which guys to steer clear of). When you date the best, you are not going any less. I went to a mainly white high school, and I never was into the street lifestyle. I did not rip and run the streets as a young teenager. My mom didn’t play that. However, My mom did tell me “you better not ever bring a guy home bagging his damn pants showing his damn underwear.” Not saying that all black males are thuggy (because no there are some extremely classy ones I’ve come across in my life) but the element that I’ve come across some of them expected me to be turned on by them starring at me, attempting to touch my butt and calling me b*****. This is not cute at all, and while there is an element of girls that find this kind of attention flattering, I DO NOT. I don’t know where some of you all learned that this is the way to pick up women.

Now, I’m going to apologize to all the black men that are sterotyped. This post does not apply to you at all. As stated above, there are too many unfortunate questions and situations I’ve come across and this does not apply to all of you. In fact, I know there’s several of you that understand where I’m coming from and I understand where you are coming from. You at this point can stop here or continue to read. Up to you. Many of the incidents that happens to me on a regular basis is highly offensive but I’m careful not to lump everyone in the same category.

To those random black men that ask if I like black men…(if some of the things I say above offend you, imagine how I feel when people say those things to me! This post is about to go another direction. If some of the things I say below offends you, deal with it, welcome to my life. These are some of my unique experiences from my prospective.)

1. I DO NOT HATE ANYONE. I love black men. I love white men. I love Asian men. I love Hispanic men. I love Indian men. I just love men. Again, I do not pick friends or the guys I date on race.

2. I really wish the comments on my “European looking features” would JUST STOP ALREADY. At times the comments go way too far. I know what I look like and don’t need to hear about it every five mintues. That’s why mirrors exist. Yes. Over the years in my life. I’ve had people tell me things that are straight up disturbing in nature. Comments: You are whiter looking than me, you are going to get better treatment than me. you have that “good” hair. You’re so cute that I know you have to be more than one race. What are you mixed with (that’s a popular one when I go out), your babies are going to be really cute (thanks for the added pressure by the way, my vsag is not a magician), what are you (I’m a human being you idiots)!!!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Do you know what you are saying to me?!?!?!??!?!
STOP!
STOP!
STOP!
STOP!
STOP!
Timeout.

For staters, I do not go around saying I’m cute. In your mind, you think I’m cuter than you. It’s pointed out to me. I do not have advantages because of looks and I don’t know where that comes from. A theory is European standards of beauty perhaps… Everyone has their challenges. I have my challenges. To think I have it easier because of how I look is absolutely INSANE. None of my white friends or relatives ever get those comments by the way.

If I went around telling these same people that said those comments to me “you have nappy hair, or African American hair” I’m pretty sure you would be ready to blow my brains out then run over my dead body with a truck. So why is it they think it’s ok to come up to me at random telling me “how good my European features” look? It bothers me because based on some of their comments their view of beauty is really one-sided. They put themselves down to compliment me and that’s disturbing. Really. There’s some esteem issues there, and I say that out of a place of respect and concern. I remember a girl told me “I wish I had hair like yours.” My mom quickly interjected and said “No you don’t” “You want what you have.” “What you have is very attractive, you should flaunt your beauty baby girl.”

I say this part to let it be known: I had racist remarks from both white and black people equally, and it’s sad. I have white running in my veins, black running in my veins, native American along with other cultures running in my veins. I love and respect people, but sometimes that favor is not returned. I remember one time I was hanging out and a person said “Hey you like hanging around a lot of white folks do you?” And I just walked away. Excuse me for seeing people for people and not judging them on race and and excuse you for observing me so hard. If what I said above you offends you, imagine how it makes me feel when people say that to me.

4. To the random black guys that keep asking me if I like black guys. Again, I don’t know why you all like to come up to me and ask me about race topics, especially when I’m out with friends. If I saw you hanging out with white people, or dating someone white, latina, etc, I would not walk up to you saying “what you got against black women?”I do not get that same respect in return, but that’s ok. The only reason why I use white, black in this context because I’m trying to get my point across. Meet me in person and you will know I don’t see race like that. But to get back to the point: That’s none of my business who you are hanging out with and who you are dating. If you are happy than that’s all that matters.

Screw what people in the world are saying about your dating life, their minds are limited and that’s their loss, not yours.

Sidenote: And not to be cocky, if you are watching me that closely to see who I hang out with, that’s stalkerish and you need to find something better to do. Just saying. I wouldn’t be that ballsy to walk up to someone in the club saying that. I honestly don’t care about who you are dating in the first place.

5. Interracial couples. Honestly when I see you, I see you as a happy couple. Not a “white” woman dating a “black” man or a “black” woman dating a “white” man or an “Asian” woman dating a “Hispanic” man. Thank you for existing because just keeping it real: I wouldn’t exist if people like you didn’t exist. There’s some people who overlooked race, fell in love and tata I came along a few generations later. And thank you to everyone out there that continues to look past race and just love.

Here’s the real twisted part about this whole thing. Most of my 1st cousins are products of bi-racial couples. Yet there’s an element of people in my family that still are not comfortable with hanging out with people of different races. By the way, want to know a secret?

I’m not the DIRECT product of a bi-racial couple. But I’m mistaken for being biracial ALL THE TIME. Surprised? It wouldn’t be fair to call myself bi-racial. See, my parents (especially my dad’s side of the family wooo) have many different races running through their veins from my grandparents.

6. I’ve been told by many that some of these guys think I’m the hottest thing walking and I have an exotic look and they can’t help but stare. They may not see a girl that’s as exotic as you in their neighborhood.

I know right. Wow. Can anyone out there reading this understand that I don’t find this flattering. It’s annoying.

Look. I don’t care if they think I’m the cutest thing. Mean mugging, grabbing my butt, name calling is not ok and simply unacceptable. It’s a way of thinking and a culture that needs to change. Seriously it aggravates me when people tell me “Aw he/they just think your cute.”

THAT DOESN’T EXCUSE THE BEHAVIOR. Damn it leave me alone and find a girl that likes that kind of attention because I don’t. Speaking of that…..

I’ve gotten guys kicked out, fired from jobs for harassing me and my girls. I will make sure as often as possible that I make it known that’s it’s not ok starting with myself. If I ever have sons, I’ll rip them in two if I catch them treating girls like that. I recently took a navy seal hell week course and I learned some nice methods. Don’t try me future sons.

I may take up more navy seal trainings and courses to make sure I remember and keep what I learn in my mind.

7. Going along with #6. I’m not going to take disrespect. Name calling me because I don’t let you take advantage or me is really immature on your part and shows me your character. I’m not another notch under your belt or a damn toy for you to play with.

8. Even if I dated someone who I suspected was of bi-racial or multiracial background, I would not walk up to them right away like some and say “WHOA you’re really pretty what are you mixed with!” Or be rude and stare at them like an idiot. I would get to know them and their family and over time I’m sure I would find out about their background.

Do I get that respect. Yes I do. The guy I’m dating walked up to me like a normal human being really respectful and said hello my name is. The very first night we met he defended me, like my knight in shining armor. That really attracted me to him. A guy that knows how to be a man and respect a lady. We enjoy each other’s company.

I did not pick the guy I’m dating because of race. He treats me like a princess and passed the tests that many guys have failed. He did not walk up to me like most and say “whoa what are you mixed with” or stare at me for long periods of time or try to pressure me to do things that I don’t want to do. He tells me how cute I am. So compliments from random guys are nice I suppose but it doesn’t mean as much.

9. No you can’t do better than my man, sorry. The simple fact that you have to ask me if I like black men means that you don’t know me. You’re assuming things on what you observe and that’s hurtful. If respecting people who are different than me, getting to know people and making them feel welcomed makes me in your mind a sellout THAN SO BE IT. Calling me names and labeling me is not going to change me or make me be who you want me to be. (I DON’T HAVE TO BE LIKE YOU or CHANGE WHAT I CALL MYSELF TO SATISFY WHAT YOU WANT TO CALL ME.) It will result in me saying away from you. Also, in a sense, the fact that some of you fill the need to point out who I hang around with is in my opinion racist and hateful. If you don’t like racist things happening to you then why turn around and put someone else through that?

3/22/2015 After looking over this, I realize this is similar and can fit well with my newest blog post “Life Has Gotten That Much More Complicated.” Go read that!

-Alesha

Hello! I’m Alesha! I’m a musician, actress, entrepreneur and writer. Follow on Twitter. If you like what I’m writing, give me a heart and share! :) I like hearts.