Dear with your fear. Everyone’s is afraid in this business, actors, and everywhere else. Nothing is certain, no one has the answers and very few people are willing to put themselves out there enough to truly be seen. No one wants to deal with the profound heartbreak of being told by a casting director, a network executive, or all of America that the art they created was crap. But that’s what it takes to make it. You have to push past the fear. And that starts with taking a fierce inventory of what your fear is and where it guides you. Sometimes it’s laziness, sometimes it’s working too hard on the wrong thing. Either way, you have to know where your fear is sabotaging you, and chances are it may be really hard to see. Where you’ll find it is in the patterns of behavior you’re currently following that keep leading you to the same place. What you want to do-making it big in this business-is going to require a serious disruption to your current patterns of behavior. To find yourself in a profoundly different place than you are now, you’re going to have to change profoundly. You’ll have to learn to deal with your fear. HOW TO BREAK THE HABITUAL PATTERN: This is not easy and even becoming a highly trained performer doesn’t mean you will know how to combat fear. Johnathan Gorman
Before You Read This: I had this as a draft in my LinkedIn profile for a year. LinkedIn restricted my account, and I couldn’t access anything. There’s mistakes in this I’m sure. If you catch anything outrageous, help a fellow human out and let me know.
A year ago today, I made the decision that led me to having a new band, a new modeling contract, a new record label today. The circumstances were scary and people though I was so doomed and I was bound to fail. In their mind, I had the perfect anti-resume, everything they said I shouldn’t do I did and it paid off. As I write this, I’m celebrating my bday (and I’m going to break this post up into several posts to move things along). That quote was posted for acting people, but it can apply in other areas as well.
Can you guess the #1 thing that haunts people? Here’s the top regret, via Huffington Post:
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled.
Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”
Remember this with all your work, not just in your career (as quoted in the article by Benjamin Hardy I think, why change a beautiful quote from a article?).
Are you wishing that you can live your life the way you dreamed of in your sleep? Do you live one life in your head, but the life you are currently living just doesn’t match? During my schooling years, I used to wonder about that when people said “Can’t wait until you reach your full potential?”
What do they mean by that crap? So I started exploring that and being stuck in a rut, period.
It’s creepy to think about, but can you imagine how many don’t live out their dreams due to fear, or the fear of what others think of them? Can you think of how many people go to their graves not living to their full potential or how many ideas will never exist? They never experience the confidence they are capable of. They never achieve the successes they dreamed of. Their final breaths are filled with thoughts of “If only I did this”, “What if I did that?” Would you be interested in overcoming the challenges that hold you back in life, many of which you will not even be aware of if you could? If you think in future terms, are you afraid that in the future that you wish you did things differently now?
Do you want to be sitting on a rocking chair in your later years wishing you’d done things differently?
Do you want to be able to look back with pride and wow your grandchildren with stories of what you experienced and achieved? And if you’re already a grandpa or grandma, well the great news is it is never too late (unless you are dead haha) to make the change that changes everything. As long as you have blood flowing in you there’s still hope! It’s crazy how people want to change the world but they don’t want to start with themselves! And even better, you can pass on the 411 onto your loved ones and provide them with everything they need to take control of their future.
Now, whilst we are all motivated by pleasure, we are TWICE as motivated to avoid pain, be it physical or emotional. And it is this human drive to avoid pain that limits so many peoples lives. Or the fear of thinking you will experience pain.
Or maybe you can come up with other situations that you would feel uncomfortable in. The point is, we all have things that we avoid (the moving away from pain motivator) because it triggers unconscious fear. And that avoidance limits our behavior, personality, success and fulfillment in life. The result of these fears is most people spend their entire life in their comfort zone. They do the same thing, day in day out, over and over never really going after their dreams and creating a life worth living. I felt this hamster wheel while in school and didn’t fully realize it until I read the writing the wall. What society was telling me what I needed to do and what I wanted to do was completely different! (For example, I hate when people ask about boyfriends or husbands, like it’s the only thing in life that should wake me up in morning. What about asking about my passions or what things that makes me, myself happy? I tend to keep my private life private!)
Are you wanting more self-esteem? More happiness? More success? More unforgettable experiences? More freedom to be yourself without fear? More control over yourself? More outer peace? I could go on and on. People around the planet are ignoring that yearning inside of them for more and just accepting their life as the way it is to either fit in to the norm or not knowing any other way to be.
Remember, the main human goal to side step pain at all costs! So the way the brain sees it, if you experience emotional or physical pain in the presence of a certain object or situation, it wants you to avoid ever experiencing that again. So each time you encounter it it will release the Fight Or Flight response chemicals with the intention of making you side step the pain.
So for example let’s say you are 23 years old and have started at a new job. There you are at your first day of work and you’re in a meeting with your new boss and colleagues and the boss asks a question. You have an idea and think you have the solution. You’re about to speak but…
Your unconscious mind has found a “period” in your past experiences where you answered questions at school and fellow classmates laughed when you got it wrong. The puppeteer pulling the strings of your life hands you your insecure alter ego because it doesn’t want you to make the same mistake again. Keep safe and don’t feel no pain, your brain thinks.
Confession. This has happened to me before several times in school.
The result is doubting yourself. Thoughts such as “I don’t want my new co workers to think I’m too smart or the boss’s ass kisser” and “if I get this wrong it would be so embarrassing, and they will think I’m stupid” enter your conscious mind. You decide to pick the safe route, and say nothing. Your brain chalks that up as being the right move because you remained emotionally unharmed. Have this ever happened to you and you kicked yourself afterwards for not saying a word? And even worst, when someone else said what you were thinking and got a ton of respect for it?
Let’s say you wanted to take up dance. All your life you’ve wanted to start dancing in the mirror or enroll in classes . The 411 is you are attached to the outcome of you looking “sexy” while dancing, yet the chances of that happening when you take your first class is not likely. Everyone starts from somewhere! When you first learn how to dance, you won’t be a 10. But the fear of being made fun of drives the attachment to being perfect. It makes you more in likely to avoid dancing because you’re not certain you will look “sexy” or impressive.
Could the reason you don’t think you suffer with these fears be because you stay in your comfort zone, never experiencing discomfort and the possibility of being judged, failing, entering the unknown and so on?
If you were at a wedding with a lot of people you don’t know would you dance? If not, why not? You may say you don’t enjoy dancing. Could that be because you fear judgement, or did fear judgement in the past and therefore associated dancing with discomfort and avoided doing it?
Each time you repeat the same process that habit becomes more and more likely until eventually you don’t even consider answering the question, dancing or pursuing your passion. It becomes an autopilot habit! You repeat the behavior and don’t even realize you are doing it!
Over time your brain stops seeing speaking openly at a meeting as just speaking openly at a meeting. It stops seeing dancing as just dancing! It attaches a meaning to openly speaking and dancing and the meaning will be based on your past experiences with them. If that meaning is painful, you will experience trembling hands, shaky voice, increase in heart rate and because they are uncomfortable feelings you will be inclined to try to avoid these, in order to avoid those feelings.
Throughout your life your has made connections between objects and whether or not they equal pleasure or pain, safety or danger. If the object equals ‘danger’ the brain will trigger the Fight Or Flight response, and these feelings will either make us want to fight (anger, defensiveness) or run (avoidance).
As well as objects the brain also puts situations into the positive or negative folder. If a certain situation, such as answering questions in class and getting called a smart ass and being left out by peers, triggers the Fight Or Flight response a certain amount of time, it will soon be filed as dangerous and painful and each time you go to answer a question in class you’ll feel a tug telling you not to do it and a level of nervousness. Soon you may avoid answering questions at all, not just in class as a kid in life as an adult.
This is where you change your ways in order to be loved and accepted by other people. You often don’t say what you really want to say. You say yes when you want to say no. You put others before you and their opinions above your own.
Great place to stop for now! This was actually meant to be a lot longer but I have a ton more celebrating to do! Muahaha! It’s 2019!
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Hello There! I’m Alesha! I’ve been involved in different businesses in several different capacities from being ceo, coo, co-founder, and more. I’ve learned so much from creating businesses, and I look forward to all the learning experiences I will have from starting new ventures. 2019 I’m excited to announce that I’m going to add more businesses to my portfolio. STAY TUNED! I’m going to introduce them sometime next year!
With one business I was involved with, we made it possible to install a little device with customized hardware and a SaaS solution implemented to the router, the business owner was able see live data about social media info collected.
With another company, we had professional internet marketing company that focus on digital marketing campaigns, services and jobs such as SEO, PPC, Online Reputation Management, and social media marketing.
With EYT, I oversaw day-to-day operations and keeping the CEO apprised of significant events;Yes I actually talk with my business partner on a daily basis. I created operations strategy and policies; Communicated strategy and policy to employees and interns; Fostering employee alignment with corporate goals; and overseeing human resource management. I also delegated tasks to my team.
With Bones’ Custom Guitar. We created custom guitars for musicians with imported wood. No one Bones’ guitar is the same.
The Wish Benefit Concert is a concert founded by Ayana Carter, Mel Sexton and Alesha Peterson. It’s privately held at Riley Hospital For Children.