Happy Women’s Day

I relate to you the most. A special group of ladies I didn’t forget about.

I wasn’t exactly sure what to name this. A rare mid-week article. I don’t write like too often.

Full discloser: Before writing this, I filmed an draining scene. Super tired. If you catch a bad typo please just tell me, shit.

When I was writing the mother’s day article, I came up with this article right away.

This group is overlooked and underappreciated often. Even called selfish at times.

In several of my auntie groups, people complained about all the mother’s day messages they got because they made the decision not to be a mother. And they still got the “Happy Mother’s Day” message.

While I’m supporting all my friends who are married with children, I don’t see it for me. I’m living that life vicariously through my friends. Maybe in my last lifetime I did it or a future lifetime I might. Idk about this lifetime at the moment.

Not so surprise bombshell.

I decided for now and in the near future to be childfree also. Can I change my mind? Sure. But don’t bank on it. But I recently submitted some answers on this publication (can’t name it yet) as to why I want to remain child-free. I’ll keep it short and simple below.

  1. When I was younger and watched peers chase down guys, I used to wonder why in the world is their worth defined by someone outside themselves? Society norms pushes the idea of having children on women since they were little girls. While they were following their mothering instincts of finding a mate, I was chasing after building businesses and being financially successful at an early age (I started a pet sitting business in high school). Since I was in high school, I had nightmares about getting pregnant and being stuck with the responsibility of raising children. I think some mothers have kids as accessories, or to fill a void in their life that won’t necessarily be filled by having a kid. I do not want to have a child to get child support or have a kid because I expect them to take care of me when I get old. People think that women without kids will die alone. Actually, there’s no guarantee that your children will care for you when you’re old.
  2. Due to a medical issue I’m not gonna discuss at this time, don’t think I can have them. I’ll just say it was a tumor at first.
  3. Acting schedule and my business schedule is a zoo. A freaken zoo. Add music in the mix and my schedule is full.
  4. I’m a fun auntie and have offered free baby sitting for my mom friends. Mom’s self care is very important to me, and I’ve noticed over the years that when the kids come around, my girls’ mental health and well being generally goes to the back burner. She’s expected to be everything to everybody (regardless if they didn’t mean for it to get this way). Usually, she bears the grunt of child-rearing activities, household tasks, expectations, work, and is expected to balance everything with a perfect smile on her face. IF I can step in to see to it that she can have some time to her self, this would be great. I have no obligations, traditional roles, ego stroking or expectations to follow and yes, I’m a happier than society likes to admit to. So I usually tell my mommy friends to put the hardest work on me, because I can catch up on sleep, I’m a b***** on my own time. When I’m in my castle, I’m truly at peace. (I’ll find the other honest posts on Medium relating to this later, but generally speaking mom does way more).
  5. At this point in my life, I just don’t want kids and I’m not so sure that’s going to change. To be completely blunt, I like my freedom, space and there’s times when I don’t want to be bothered (and it’s not because I’m a mean person). Being the only child growing up+pandemic=I’ve become more of a solidary kind of person.

Here’s my (short) love note:

I love how you have the guts to be you in a world that’s constantly trying to make you be something you don’t want to be.

Be you loves. Keep leading life on your own terms.

There’s webpages like this that still goes along with the theory that we, childfree women are left behind without children (i.e. lifeless, babyless, dead, REALLY GTFOH!!!)

Suggested Articles:

I’m in My 40s, Child-Free and Happy. Why Won’t Anyone Believe Me? — The New York Times (nytimes.com)

They Didn’t Have Children and, Most Said, They Don’t Have Regrets — The New York Times (nytimes.com)

Suggested Groups For Support:

Celebrate Child-Free Day In August!

I’d like to normalize being a woman who isn’t a “mother”. Celebrate me on International Women’s Day.- Genevieve Sullivan

I’m okay with being acknowledged as an auntie, pet mom, teacher, etc. But I hate when it seems to come from people’s assumptions that I must feel like I’m missing something. Nope. I’ve consciously chosen not to be a mother and I don’t need or want that label.-Gena Raymond

People who do this often assume we’re missing something/feeling left out! Like we need them to award us a consolation prize

How You (Yes You) Can Be Supportive PERIOD.

  1. If you meet an adult woman, please don’t ask her about kids or if/when she is having any.
  2. Don’t assume having kids/starting a family is the next step for everyone. Everyone is living life on their own terms and has their own timelines.
  3. Be so busy with your own life so you don’t have to ask about others. Just a thought.
  4. Read #1 100s of times. Read #2 100s of times.

It’s 2021 🔥🙌

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