How To Kill Jealousy Once And For All
I was never the jealous type in school. Here’s how I keep it at bay for life.
Influenced by many articles on Medium also. If I quote you in this post, know that your article or comments flattered me.
You Can’t Become What You Hate Or Despise
“I realised back in the day that I cannot become what I hate or despise. The masses will never understand this and unfortunately it is for this reason why in society the rich associate with other rich folks due to this crazy jealousy and envy and other negative energies. -Paulo
So let me ask you something.
Do you want to be successful but hate the successful with every fiber of your being? That isn’t going to work.
Jealousy is a negative energy. By throwing this out in the universe, you are keeping good and successful vibes away from you.
By being happy for others, you will attract happiness and success to you.
When you are in your lane, no one else is you.
At that point, you realize there is room for everyone.
You Have To Stop Thinking That Other People’s Success And Happiness Is Your Loss
I pointed this out in this sister/brother article.
There’s enough room for everyone at the table. There’s no point in being a backstabber. There’s enough food for everyone at the table to eat.
It’s a mind set. No one’s success is taking from your shine. You can clap for others, it won’t hurt you.
If you are interested in reading more, go to it. Or finish this article and go back to this one. Up to you.
Being Ungrateful For What You Have
Jealousy can come out of being ungrateful for what we already have. In other words you’re focusing on other people’s blessings instead of your own!
We sometimes look at others’ successes, and want something we don’t have. We want to experience what that person is experiencing.
Have I seen other people have things that I want? Absolutely! Is that an excuse to hate on them? Absolutely not.
What I learned early in life (as Paulo pointed out) you can’t hate or despise what you want to become. If you want to be successful, don’t hate on successful people. Take the opportunity to learn from them instead.
Are there things that I want that others have? Sure. But will I slash someone’s tires, have the green monster take over and spend hours wishing they will have something bad happen to them? No.
Important note: Just because someone is different that you (culturally, background, the whole 9 yards) doesn’t give you any excuse to treat them mean or to try to make their life miserable. Someone is threatening to you because they live life different? Or something that you don’t understand appear threatening to you? Look inside yourself and do some soul searching. Quit hating.
Someone’s cuter? Smarter? Doing something better? Are they doing something that you wish you had the guts to do? Remember that there is one you. They have their gifts but you have yours. Focusing too much time on what others have takes time away from you. Time that you could have been using towards one of your gifts.
As Tal Mandelbaum points out:
And this is the moment for us to remember that we don’t want to be them, we want to be who we are and to be certain that who we are is just as good and valuable.
We need to remember that we have our own special path and our own special challenges to overcome and no one’s successes can stand in the way of us becoming the best you can be.
If anything, it can only give us the encouragement and motivation to fulfill ourselves.
Instead of aspiring to be someone else, look in the mirror and make that person yourself. Grow into the person that you want to become. Learn from the successful.
Easier said than done?
Don’t think too much about social media. No one is posting their failures.-Paul Turner
Go through the what I’m thankful and grateful for exercise. Sounds corny. But do you have a home to go to? People that love you?
The next time you see a Sam and Danielle or a Suzy and Dan are flying off to the Maldives for their honeymoons? They are both moving into a luxurious, mansion instead of getting jealous, say:
“That’s amazing”
“Congratulations”
At least I have a home to go to, there’s many people that don’t have that.
I have a pet that loves me, many people don’t have that.
I have a car, many people don’t have that.
A mansion would be nice, but I am enough already. I AM ENOUGH.
(Karim Boubker thank you! As you noticed I made my own example though haha.)
Next time you see a group of friends hang out and don’t invite you? See a wedding on Facebook and feel the sting? (This happens to me all the time with my college friends, from my APO group to my supposed Catholic family. I’m not invited to weddings, social outings and so on. I’m surviving and thriving despite, so can you, even if your feelings are hurt anyways).
This is what you can do (I also do the same thing.)
Wish the best for them!
Fill up your schedule with so many activities you don’t think about it. FOMO can be killed if you are living your own life. Honestly getting invited would be nice, but getting accepted is not a requirement. Self-love is the best acceptance, acceptance from the outside is secondary.
Believe it or not, you have more than what some others have and you should be grateful!
Be grateful and appreciative for what you have.
Wish the best for others. Trust me you will be a lot better off. The karma and time you spend hating is not worth it (read a story below, it’s not worth it).
They have their blessings and you have your blessings.
You have no earthly idea what they had to go through
You scoff at couples like Sam and Danielle and Suzy and Dan for making big moves like getting a mansion or being able to travel to Fiji with a snap of a finger. You want that private jet they have right?
As I point out in my 4 Reasons Why People Hate On Your Success article, you hate on someone without having any context or idea of what they went through.
“The success they get often destroys them because they don’t know how to handle it and borrowed it off the library shelf of those that came before them.
What you don’t see is all the shit that went wrong in Joe’s life. He doesn’t talk about it because it doesn’t get all the likes. Copying Joe is pointless. Joe’s life is not your life and even if you spend every minute of every day with him, you will never understand it fully. Copying people who have success can be a really flawed strategy.”-Tim Denning
Being jealous of someone who has success is a flawed strategy. Everyone’s story of success will be different. And not all will follow a straightforward path.
“People don’t care about your struggle. They only want to deal with finished products, winners. On one hand, it’s annoying because some people will think you’re lucky even though you worked really hard. But on the other hand, your failures don’t count against you.
When people go to the Amazon page for Choose Yourself and see 1,946 reviews, do they go search through his back catalog to make sure his previous books were good before they decide to buy? No.-Ayodeji Awosika
Experiment: When you see someone in a lamo, if you start to feel that green envious monster come out and before you start b****** about how much better they have it than you, think of it like this:
They must have worked hard as hell to get that and they deserve all the success they can get.
Your struggles and failures isn’t noticed or judged once you reach your pinnacle. They assume you had it easy, call you an overnight sensation once they see your successes.
Another example.
Imagine what our world would be like if everyone loved themselves so much that they weren’t threatened by other people’s opinions or skin colors or sexual preferences or talents or education or possessions or lack of possessions or religious beliefs or customs or their general tendency to just be whoever the hell they are….
Me? I’m learning to step out of a comfort zone to discover my potential for greatness, what helps me do this is not comparing or concerning myself with validation. A hard yet rewarding mental practice.- angelina_dani
I notice people are always hateful comments about fit people. Or after seeing someone with the six pack abs about how into themselves they are, just like this picture below. (And the quote above).
My question is are you willing to put in the work? Even if they are “genetically” blessed, are you willing to find your own process, get the help if needed to get your results?
If so, GET TO WORK. If not, step aside and shut it. Keep admiring the people who put in the work from the sidelines. The “getting to work” part doesn’t apply to just work outs, it applies to every area in your life.
Why I’m Not Jealous Of Other Singers
(Or football players for that matter)
This is why most people will remain in mediocrity. Most people would rather complain that others have it better than actually doing the work.-Anthony Moore
Gonzalo Ziadi used Elon Musk, but I’ll use a different example.
Even though Ariana Grande is very smart, very important, drop dead gorgeous and very successful, I’m not jealous. In fact I’m really happy for her and a big fan. She’s very gifted. She deserves all the success because she works hard at it.
When Taylor, Miley or Camila releases new music, I get happy! Same for Beyonce, RiRi and more.
As Ziadi points out, why would you have trouble being happy for them?
After all, clapping for someone else doesn’t dim your successes as I stated above. You have no idea what someone has been through to get where they are. Your struggles are rarely judged once you get to the top.
And hating on others is not going to make your situation better!
Do you want to make the sacrifices they made to get where they are? Put in the hard work? Are you willing to face the struggles that will come your way? For all the successes that you see, there’s also obstacles and walls they face.
We have to distinguish between our jealousy of someone’s success or ability and our jealousy of someone’s journey.-Gonzalo Ziadi
What motivates Ariana does nothing for me. I do have interest in being a singer with more sales. However I really have no interest in being famous, no interest in being ripped to pieces when I make a mistake or getting press attention about who my boyfriend is. No thank you. I have my email tribe and I walk the streets in peace.
It’s crazy to be jealous about someone else’s success when I can do the same thing and putting in the work. There’s nothing keeping me from improving my skills as an artist by practicing. Are you willing to put in the time to hone in on your craft? Yes, get to work. No, go to the side and clap for those who put in the work.
I don’t want to be anyone else. I don’t wake up in the morning wondering what so and so is up to. I have my own journey made exclusively just for me.
I have no reason to be jealous of Ariana, Taylor or anyone else in my industries (this includes entertainment, entrepreneurship and so on).
This is the primary reason why I cannot hate on Tom Brady. The guy puts in the work and deserves everything he’s received. And it’s a classic example of people hating to see you win over and over again. AND people hate to see you do better than them. I’m from Colts Nation and can give credit where it’s due. :D
Choose to learn, grow and develop your skills while everyone else is stuck where they are, complaining about those passing them up. -Anthony Moore
Jealousy doesn’t work
Time you spent being jealous of others is time they spent working and learning. You could be more successful by focusing on #1, yourself.
Worrying about what others are doing, or how much better they are doing than you doesn’t work. Focusing on beating others doesn’t work. Envy, jealousy and resentment doesn't work.-Anthony Moore
It’s easy to get into negative habits like gossiping, putting others down because people unfortunately thrive on it. It might make some feel better to criticize those who take action to justify the inaction in their lives.
Negative press gets more play than positive. People would rather consume negative content than focus on personal development. It’s up to you to drown out the noise and focus on yourself. It’s up to you to stop hating on the action takers and make the moves in your life necessary.
It’s so easy to join your gossiping co-workers or friends then work on a passion project. Stop gossiping and spend that time getting educated and growing.
Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
-Many people think in terms of “I have to do what my colleague/co-worker instead of doing what’s best for me-Grant Cardone
-When you choose not to be jealous, you realize that there isn’t any competition-it’s just you, and doing your best.-Anthony Moore
As Moore points out:
Stay In Your Lane.
Focus on yourself.
Instead of spending time comparing yourself to other people, grow yourself.
Have a hobby you want to try? Go for it.
Have vacation destinations you want to go to? Book that trip. If you get FOMO from scrolling social media, don’t scroll. Make your own adventures.
Moore also points out that you should focus on your own growth instead of worrying about other’s successes and results. Your outcome matters the most.
Don’t compare your chapter 1 with someone’s chapter 100.
Every moment you spend being jealous is a moment wasted. When you stop trying to keep up with the Joneses, you can put all that energy and focus on yourself.
If you constantly look to the actions of others , you rarely act like yourself.
It doesn’t matter how much faster they are going. It doesn’t matter how faster you are going. If you keep focusing on other lanes, you are gonna crash.
The only person you are competing with is yourself.
Being Jealous Is Like Drinking Poison And Expecting The Other Person To Die
Besides reading some lovely medium articles, I actually have some stories of people being jealous. After watching how jealousy played out for these folks, I never want to be jealous of anyone nor would I ever want to put all that energy on trying to hurt someone. Shit, the karma ain’t worth it. The regret ain’t worth it. The time you won’t ever get back ain’t worth it.
To this day, they don’t even know that I know.
On my 8th grade trip a guy and a girl got into a romantic moment. Because my mother went on the trip, I got blamed for spreading the rumor. But it was this girl named Dawn (from my JOMO article) and her mother who spread it. But people believed them at face-value.
Keep this in mind. I kept to myself, and generally left people the f**** alone. I heard many things, but didn’t spread it. If you don’t want people spreading rumors on me, why do it to others.
Read more of my JOMO article to hear more of the antics. But basically the girl attempted to make my life a living hell. Rumors ran rampant, gossiping was a major thing. My principle wasn’t safe from nasty rumors.
After a while, the other girls in my grade school class realized I didn’t do a thing. I was the innocent person caught in the crossfire. They tried to be friends with me in high school, but I stayed away from the devils. I was cordial, but kept them out of my circles and out of my life.
Moral of the story:
I tell high schoolers, college folks adults and everyone I can that story for a reason. How did gossiping serve those people? Does it benefit their life growth in any way? Nope. They are right where they are living in mediocrity. The energy that person spent trying to destroy me ended up destroying her. The time they spent trying to gossip could have been spent creating, finding your life purpose and growing as people.
Being jealous can backfire. Put jealousy in its place once and for all.
My thing is
- I find by hanging out with people who have more than me, they are not worried about what I have. They don’t worry about my travels because they travel themselves. (I’m not saying diss the people I went to school with, I meet them where they are. If they are open to understanding cool, but it’s not my job to get them to understand if their intention to misunderstand. I don’t even go into the multiple income stream thing, because they look like an anvil dropped on their heads.)
- Sometimes when you have an idea, people will destroy it because seeing you do well or better will threaten them. After all, why do strangers support you more than the people you know? The people you know have a tough time accepting you come from the same place but they are still in the same place. Do it anyways and find secure people to hang with.
Speaking of that.
Do you find that you are the one people are jealous of?
- Do you have things going for you and gifted in ways that others around you are not?
- Do you find people treating you mean and you did absolutely nothing to them?
- Watch these videos below.
As Brendon pointed out, sometimes when becoming or being better, people are afraid that you will forget about them.
The harsh reality?
Remember when we were kids, and they told us when we can be whatever we wanted to be? Then WHEN WE ACTUALLY become successful or become what we want to be, people start hating on you?
In the perfect world, jealousy wouldn’t exist and we would genuinely support each other without selfish intentions. Boy this isn’t the case.
Personal example 1. When I was dealing with my friends’ deaths, I wanted to reach out for help, but I found that organizations kept rejecting me. At that point I found myself relying more on myself than people. To this day, I don’t rely on people as much. Being strong was and is my only option when others let me down. Alpha Phi Omega (APO) people was the closest source of strength. We would call each other “brothers”.
Now, when I created my startups, and it looked like I was doing better, quite a few of them started avoiding me. I remember running into a group on the handlebar on Monument Circle. I haven’t seen them for a while and I said hello. The girls from my own chapter gave me some of the dirtiest looks, like I took their boyfriends and ran to the altar with them. It looked like they wanted to jump off the handlebar and beat me up, like my presence was threatening to them. The guys were cool.
Same thing at Indy Rev and other Riley Children For Hospital events. A girl from my own pledge class started walking in another direction, and said “huh there she is, avoid her avoid her.” Basically the mean girl things that you see in the mean girl movies.
We took a oath to be “brothers” and be examples of leadership, friendship and service and yall acting like that? Is there a section in the bylaws that deals with jealous and insecure brothers? :D I’ll keep the memories we share, because the “brotherhood” and friendship is no longer there.
Sidenote: Sometimes I’m convinced the people that never joined APO or other college organizations was the smartest of them all. As much as I would have appreciated the support and bonding had I got in all the organizations I tried out for I sometimes wonder. I spent time trying to get my other friends to join so I can have people to do service projects with. They told me to f*** off and I understand what they meant now. Most of these orgs just want your money after you leave school anyways 😂.
The harsh reality ? You gotta get rid of dead weight and negative people. They are the same ones that will try to keep you from the successes and being your best self, stomping you down on the way to the top. And come around claiming they know you later.
Don’t be a d*** and overly brag. If you shout from the mountain top too much, people may react. Should you care? Of course not. Why make yourself a target if you don’t have to?
Personal example 2. I’ve noticed my Facebook friend numbers are dropping after being in NYC. All my life I found myself being around jealous people. I never fit people’s agenda or acted the way they think I should act. APO folks avoiding me or giving me mean looks at events is not the first time that has happened to me. I’ve gotten used to not fitting in anywhere, I’m a big girl at this point. I did nothing to them but minded my own business.
I made up my mind to thrive despite and hang out with people who have more or who are secure. I stripped myself of the deadweight, and see it as a blessing when they remove me from social media. (It’s like they are taking the trash out for me). My friends are not tripping about my million when they have 500 million. OR when they are secure in themselves. The school & college friends who are still down knows I’m the same gal they met at the Tequlia bar. The “brothers” who are still down know me as the girl they don’t have to invite to their weddings. Just an occasional catchup over a drink or lunch is cool haha. I just work/worked at it. You see what I’m saying? I also mentioned this in my article called “Tai’s The Law Of 33%”. It’s another sibling to “How can we stop thinking that other people’s successes is our loss”. It’s not your job to make others feel better by making yourself small.
If you find that people are acting jealous of you, there’s something special about you. You might think there’s something wrong with you because of how mean they are treating you. It’s them. Don’t let people stop you and your shine.
A sucessful person will also help you become successful. A powerful character is someone helping you become successful before they become successful themselves.
If you are a “get” it or “got” it going on gal or guy, you don’t have to be intimidated by other people who got it going on!
When you appreciate yourself for who you are, you don’t have to be intimidated by other people who got it going on. I know Cassandra was directing this video for women to look at, but it applies to everyone.
As a person who has been on the receiving end of girls and women hating on me for years, I appreciated watching this.
You wait for the manifestation of YAH’s presence in, upon, through and with you. It may mean that your family will mistreat you, sell you out, lie on you and forget about you…..BUT ONE DAY…THEY WILL confess what they RECOGNIZED and failed to ACKNOWLEDGE about you all along! The Lord is WITH YOU as HE was with JOSEPH! Shalom! Genesis 39: 1–5- (GraceTruthTeacher)
THEY WILL confess what they RECOGNIZED and failed to ACKNOWLEDGE about you all along!
(I’m not really waiting or expecting acknowledgement. That would be the day if they confessed all that. Those are apologies I’m not ever gonna get, and I’m not waiting around for. The scripture is beautiful despite. The jealousy lets me know I’m in the right direction.)
In Conclusion
It’s human nature for people to be jealous. You see what others are doing or experiencing, and you want in too right?
When you have something that others don’t, you start to become intimidating or threatening. It’s normal to want a piece of the pie to eat for yourself. What’s not natural is going out of your way to destroy people that have the things you want or spend hours on ways to take pot shots. Check yourself and check the jealousy before it destroys you.
Be grateful for what you have. If you want more, work on it and use the successful as inspiration. Find your own gifts and talents instead of hating on someone else.
If necessary, talk to a professional if your jealousy is destroying your life and your relationships with the people around you.
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Hello There! I’m Alesha! I’ve been involved in different businesses in several different capacities from being ceo, coo, co-founder, and more. I’ve learned so much from creating businesses, and I look forward to all the learning experiences I will have from starting new ventures. 2019 I’m excited to announce that I’m going to add more businesses to my portfolio. STAY TUNED! I’m going to introduce them sometime next year!
With one business I was involved with, we made it possible to install a little device with customized hardware and a SaaS solution implemented to the router, the business owner was able see live data about social media info collected.
With another company, we had professional internet marketing company that focus on digital marketing campaigns, services and jobs such as SEO, PPC, Online Reputation Management, and social media marketing.
With EYT, I oversaw day-to-day operations and keeping the CEO apprised of significant events;Yes I actually talk with my business partner on a daily basis. I created operations strategy and policies; Communicated strategy and policy to employees and interns; Fostering employee alignment with corporate goals; and overseeing human resource management. I also delegated tasks to my team.
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The Wish Benefit Concert is a concert founded by Ayana Carter, Mel Sexton and Alesha Peterson. It’s privately held at Riley Hospital For Children.
