I Crashed And Burned. And I Ended Up Saving Myself
I read this and wanted to write my own version.
I knew that with this next surgery I’m going to be out for a year again.
At the time of this writing, it’s 6/22/2022. I’m trying to prepare for the idea that I won’t be doing nothing for a year, because the last time this happened that’s how long it took for me to heal. They told me 4 to 8 months, but my body was not back to functional. As a workout person, I’m like this new normal of taking all this time off is not cool with me. In my earlier 20’s, I would have never dreamed that when I would hit 25 and for the rest of my life, that each one of these surgeries would be a routine.
The pressure on me is super high. The past couple of years I experienced a lot of deaths in my life. Just a few weeks before, the Catholic funerals rolled in, the one of my auntie had really bad singing, and made my bad ear go insane. A few lawsuits a few years prior (like 2019ish). And people are not going to believe this, but due to bad treatment I received at a workplace, it was suggested to me I take out a lawsuit due to racial discrimination. My family reunion is coming up in 3 weeks.
My plate was full and loaded.
I’m yall. I literally don’t feel well enough to go after someone right now. I’m all for picking my battles and standing up for myself. But fuck.
The pressure on me was high, and I maxed out before.
I feel this same way.
#1. I faced cruel seasons alone, and this was/is no different.
#2. I surprisingly found that many people disappeared on me, with a combo of just saying silent. When I needed/wanted support, it’s never there. I have to beg for it more than most.
On one hand, I keep myself at a safe distance and don’t always reach out. I usually just try to find ways to help myself without bugging people too much.
But Alesha isn’t isolating yourself too much a bad thing?
I rather be by myself than hurt. Or ask for help just to experience more suffering, and I would have been better off dealing with it on my own.
On the other hand, I’ve had so many life experiences and betrayals that suggest to me that it’s easier and safer to face difficult seasons alone. My true blues Amelia and Steve Bello have been the rare exception rather than the rule. (And a few others I’m not tagging).
I don’t want to believe how ugly the world is sometimes.
But I see things for what they are, not for what I want them to be or wish them to be. I’ve seen and experienced the ugly.
I’m going to add Savanah’s Worley’s List Here, because the people that care and reach out constantly can make a difference. At different periods of my life, did I not only want to burden, I was made to believe I was one by several groups I ran in in upper education.
It’s 2022 at the time of this writing, but by the time you read it, it will be 2023. I had to write a ton of content ahead of time to stay consistent despite what’s happening. 🔥🙌
2023 update, wanted to clear up some things after looking at it this evening (8/20/2023):
#1. I do not beg, (never really did beg) or look for people to be there for me anymore.
I’ll have to admit after watching friends pass away over and over again I broke my normal protocol and reached out because it started to be alot. Oh boy that was a blip and f***ing stupid. I was like you know what. It came with too many strings attached, people talking shit behind my back, and people not being so nice. I would have been better off not saying a word. After I decided to take matters into my own hands? I grew my Youtubes, have speaking engagements all around the world, and have my successes in my own ways. While I’m not suggesting to shun people off completely, in many times in my life, people made things worst. There’s methods I use that I touch on in my loner article.
#2. The people I mess with don’t play. I’ve always been told that I’m hard on myself, but the people I mess with/follow/get around ARE HARDER. No one is coming to save you.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CwBDgcys7Kk/
https://www.instagram.com/p/CwIyvEXstlC/
You NEED to show up, regardless of the circumstance.
You need to keep doing work, even if you don’t see results. And when you see the results, you need to have the wisdom to multiply it and the wisdom to sustain it.
Be unconditional. DO THE WORK NO MATTER WHAT.
You NEED to train yourself to be disciplined.
Self-confidence comes from doing WHAT you said you were going to do. 👑
I was the reason why my Youtube wasn’t popping for years, so I made different choices and ta ta! (He uses the example of 10k a month, I used my Youtube channels).
Now that I got them popping, people act like I’m a damn saint, and I’m not. I just made different choices, owned my shortcomings, fixed my mistakes and stuck with it until it worked.
I would NEVER depend on family and friends to make and schedule my content out for me. I do it, and have content scheduled out for years.
I keep my work ethic and discipline in check on a regular basis, despite me not feeling great, having pounding headaches, being in and out of the hospital, and having surgeries. I’m super hard on myself. To the point where some people don’t recognize me anymore.
Too many people have let me down in my life, so to trust them in any way, shape or form is crazy.
So why depend on them? I don’t. I look in the mirror and say hey Alesha, it’s me and you b*****. Lets go.
So now that I’m doing this. People want me to go back to the softie Alesha they once knew? Unless I can trust you, I won’t.
As MarkBFit says, maybe the reason why you aren’t successful in what you want? Is because you are paying attention to your f**** feelings instead of paying attention to the results.
Yes, there’s days when I don’t feel like working out, and I put it off until afternoon, but I make myself workout on those days. I don’t quit. There’s some days when I say eh, maybe 3 months of content scheduled out is fine. Then I’m like nope, Alesha, lets keep going while I’m feeling 60% today, because tomorrow I could have the headache or stabbing pains from hell, and I rather not put it off, my conditions are unpredictable and all over the place.
I don’t get too comfortable. I’m always thinking of ways to keep it going; I’m relentless and aggressive. I fall 10 times, and I will bounce back 100 times and show no mercy. I’m known for bouncing back and taking the bricks thrown at me to build empires.
#3. My favorite motivational line to myself. Get your a8s up.
As you know, I’ve lost a lot of friends to suicide. But I remember when a few friends attempted suicide, I waited for help.
And waited.
And waited.
And waited.
We were ignored.
And guess what. They never came.
I’m not a mental health professional. I’m just a friend, and I knew at that point this was all above my paygrade. But I had to make a split decision in that moment. Honey. Nobody is coming, so get your ass up and do something.
Same with my workouts. Or when I got to write blog posts. Or make content. Alesha, no one is coming to do this for you. Get yo ass up.
#4. For my own good, I have to think people don’t care, unless they prove otherwise.
People are in the following categories unless they prove otherwise.
They don’t care, don’t know what to say. They don’t want to be bothered, and don’t want to say it.
I’ve had too many people disappear on me for years.
Then I started to disappear to see what the hype was. (Being the only child, didn’t mind the solitude).
The difference btwn me and my friends? When I disappear, I came back with a successful story/business. My friends will tell you I cut back on them from 2021 up until now. Why? Because I’ve been cultivating, and creating successes (and yeah I did have medical issues that made me MIA too). Now people are wondering whoa how did she? I used one of the many hurtful things that people did to me all the time, and turned it into a way to be a success with it.
#5. You will not see me play victim or talk about woe it’s me. Pain drives people away, and no one wants to hear the shit everyday or every time they are around you.
Yes. I’ve had a lot of loss, death and medical issues. But on my YouTubes, I post fitness, food and quote videos just to name a few. I keep it positive. I don’t go
omgggggg I lost so many friends to this and that everyday.
Everyday.
More in likely, I will ask about your favorite food or something.
It’s healthy to work through it with trusted folks. But I don’t discuss what happened to me in person 9 out of 10 times. For my own sake, I assume people don’t care, and life goes on like business as usual.
You won’t see me project, or take out my pain on anyone. It’s not their fault that things isn’t/wasn’t so great at different periods. It’s life, and everyone deals with something sometimes. It wasn’t my friends fault that my school treated me like shit. I didn’t say anything to any of them. I’m one of the ones that’s really good at hiding behind a smile. And keeping positive regardless. I’m the strong one, and this is the role I was given.
#6. Fall 10 times, bounce back 100 times and show no mercy.
Imagine if every time something bad happens to you, you can turn it into financial freedom, success, another income stream, or something good. This is exactly what is happening in front of your eyes. I’ve become good at this. Stay tuned.
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