I didn’t realize that what happened to me is considered sexual assault.

Photo Credit: https://publish.illinois.edu/dinopetrov-rhet102-portfolioprojeect/methaphor/

“But Alesha he’s a nice guy and you’re being passive aggressive.”

Yeah bitch, I’m talking to you.

I’m ready to fight someone bitch, and it’s about to be you.

Hey bitch.

There’s a bitch.

Fuck you bitch

Imma fuck you up bitch.

ALWAYS ASK PERMISSION.

Why? Lol. I clearly state in my bio I’m only there for friends. “Cute” This is why I log off for two weeks and don’t get back on lol.

Advantages I wish I had. (Some of these are not related to the article, but wanted to add them in anyways. Trigger Warning.)

Sure, having privilege doesn’t mean that everything is easy, perfect or that you don’t need to work to achieve things, but certainly make things easier. And let’s be honest, I wouldn’t mind the freedom men get not having to worry about being harassed or raped. Walking home alone at night without fear of simple being able to speak your mind and ask for raised without being considered “difficult” and being instead considered “assertive”.-Elisa Marino

  1. I would love the freedom that guys get and not have to worry about being harassed or assaulted. I’m one of those women that doesn’t like attention from men, I don’t define my worth based on it or being with one. Before gigs now, I usually think 10 steps ahead. What extra precautionary measures do I have to take to make sure I stay safe?

But I’m also Black. Being neurotypical doesn’t get me profiled by police, looked at suspiciously (and with disgust or disdain by too many) in public places, way too often, treated with the assumption I’m dumb by people way dumber than me (I’m not dumb, incidentally), ignored by my healthcare providers, condescended to even by people who supposedly know me whenever a new topic is being discussed. Denied opportunity to rent with no apparent cause, treated unprofessionally just about everywhere. I could go on. None of these things happen because I’m neuro atypical, because the majority of them are premised on no action on my part; people make based on the color of my skin; they act surprised when they find out I’m smart (which is fine the first time it happens but grating when it happens repeatedly).-(I forget who said this originally, as soon as I find it I’ll add the person)

Let’s talk about thing we get just for being white: I’m not questioned for being in a nice neighbourhood. It is assumed that I have a right to be there. I can usually skip burocracia or get an easier time at job interviews because I’m assumed to be the "right background" (That is an euphemism that means white, by the way). If I’m a tourist at US, I’m not harassed or assumed an illegal immigrant, hell, I might even get job offers. Hint: that doesn’t happen to other spanish speaking people who aren’t white. I could go on about all the white privilege we have. -(I forget who said this originally, as soon as I find it I’ll add the person)

White women are socialized to keep the status quo. They maintain the patriarchy by “knowing their place” while at the same time relying on white supremacy to keep some sort of power. Their internalized misogyny and (often subconscious) racism teaches them to use the backs of Black women as stairs they need to use to climb closer to the top of the white-male-made hierarchy. However, white men, especially white, cis, straight men, will always be at the top.-Savannah Worley

They never see relational aggression as multiple punches in the face from multiple people. They don’t see gossip as name-calling and shouting. They don’t see passive-aggression as the same as throwing a plate on the ground.

Most of the abuse I’ve experienced from white women came in a covert form. I’ve had nasty rumors spread about me, which ruined me emotionally, socially, and even financially

Passive-aggression isn’t just being indirect or making sarcastic remarks. It can be avoiding somebody, playing the silent treatment, stonewalling, lying (either blatantly or by omission), and other unseen tactics used to maintain total control over a relationship which should involve two people, not just one.

I’ve experienced triangulation, which is where a person within a conflict invites a third party into it instead of dealing with the situation themselves. The person forming the “triangle” controls all of the communication, often telling the third party what a horrible person their (in this context, often imagined) adversary is. It’s a tactic used to alienate and isolate someone.

They did all of that because they felt they were losing control over our friendship or whatever connection we had. White women are taught that they are above Black women and therefore they should have power over us.

You were conditioned to not see us as humans.

You are uncomfortable with having privilege because you have fought for what you have and found difficulties in your path. But other people work as hard and get even less, because they have extra obstacles to overcome. That is life. It might not be your fault, but you benefited from that regardless.-Elisa Marino

As your Black friend I am not here to assuage your guilt, to allow your ignorance nor to provide the diversity for your clique. (I’ll remember the person who quoted this in a bit)

Another thing that takes a lot of work but you think it "just happens". the loveable people I know go out of their ways to make people around them feel good. They care about those around them, remember important dates, make small presents, do favours, help others... the list of things those people are constantly doing for others is really long. They are actually good people that don’t expect anything in return. Unlike the self proclaimed "nice guys", that people is actually nice without labels or expecting something in return. And that is exactly the key, you seem to expect something in return and if you don’t get it, you deem it a privilege if others do. Yet, you don’t seem to appreciate what you have and get just for being there.

That happens to men and white people too. You are just used to that and think it is "normal". By the way, when men give things to woman they deem beautiful, they usually expect sex in return and some of them are quite aggressive about being "owed" sex and women being "teases" if they don’t "put out" regardless of the interest of the women on them and the women never having asked for any of that. But since you are a man, you probably haven’t really thought about the "cost" that it has for women. (Please forgive me for not remembering everyone who said these quotes).

By now, Cuomo and every man should understand that you do not have permission to touch women unless they have indicated the contact is acceptable. That is especially true for men in power, putting their hands on people over whom they have authority, who may find it difficult to reject the advances, however well-intentioned.

Cuomo is one of millions of men over many years who have made their subordinates uncomfortable with awkward conversation topics or unwanted physical contact. Ask almost any woman who has lived in the world. But he is one in a small number among those arrogant millions finally experiencing negative repercussions for his actions. That’s why his downfall is important. It sends a message – again – about what is and is not acceptable behavior. And what will happen if you are still confused.

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Alesha Peterson

Alesha Peterson

Howdy! Entrepreneurship, fitness, music, acting, real estate, tequila & investing is sexy. Idea for an article? Suggestions wanted! https://bit.ly/AleshasTribe