I felt this quote deep in my soul, II
The shoe fits, so I’m wearing this.
One of my peeps on Instagram said she felt attacked. I don’t.
No matter how you are, people are going to say something. I’ve had so many breakthroughs as a solo person people keep asking me how I’m doing it. I couldn’t keep making my loner article longer. So here’s the part two.
Here’s part 1.
I kept being let down in my life by friends, and people I was supposed to be able to trust for many years.
I gave people chances, just for them to stab me in the back one too many times.
I opened myself up for support, just to get burned on the stake and dashed into thousands of pieces.
I reached out for help several times, just to get no responses, texts left on read, and people talking more shit behind my back. And end up getting called names, being called and labeled a problem, and thrown away like trash.
If I didn’t do it, it wasn’t going to get done way too many times to count.
And the help that everyone says is/was there? Doesn’t exist when you need it. I sadly found out the hard way.
I saw that I was seen as the strong one, and one day I subconsciously decided to be independent of everyone (I will only go to my mom). I do not care what other articles and what people have said.
So I had three choices to make:
I. Either let people get next to me and let the weight squash me.
II. Become a little stubborn hardball, and not let anyone crush me. Or not let them get the better of me. Take my destiny into my own hands. Shut out the outside world and not live for others. Flush that shitty well-intentioned advice down the toliet and re-write the script and story of my life moving forward. Make a life of being a rebel. Learn. Teach myself.
III. Give up and die a early death.
You should know the one I picked by now…
I’m in the station of my life where.
A. Help. I do not look for it. (If it comes amazing, but I do not expect it like I desired in my early teens. If you are not looking for it, you won’t be disappointed when it doesn’t come. My expectations for myself is pretty high, but for people it’s low. )
B. I’m ok with missing out. I’m in a different mode right now. I do not care what events I miss out on. I’m actually one of the few that can be HAPPY at looking at other’s photos on social media without comparing myself. What’s meant for me will come for me. Once you free your mind of comparison, jealousy, wanting what others have, & wishing you were there? It’s a new level of freedom.
C. I’m doing so many cool and “gnarly” things that people are wondering how in the f**** is she doing that. I even look like I’m superhuman to some people. I’m not superhuman, I just realize if I don’t do it, it won’t get done. I also give credit to ironclad discipline. Waiting around for others at different periods of my life put me in a bad spot. Putting my trust in others too many times put me in a bad place. At that point, I decided that I WILL NOT put the keys to my happiness in someone else’s pocket. This is not the path for everyone, but my independent streak is taking me to a lot of cool places.
D. Caged heart forever status. (I do have friends that got through to my steel armor, and trust me I don’t make it easy.). People will drain the niceness out of you, then wonder what happened.
I volunteer and am very social when called to be. But for the most part I don’t think most are worth the effort.
E. Non traditional reinforcements. I went through some of my hardest periods alone, which included watching friends pass away in school. I knew I wasn’t going to get the help or support that I needed after some time. Sometimes I sat quietly in my thoughts. Others I got some friends who were army and navy seal trained. I told them to pretend that they were my superiors, not my friend. I wanted them to put me through the most grueling and hardest workouts. 4 am type shit. I became hard on purpose. And if they felt I was getting too soft, stack on the weights and get more aggressive. Hell knock my teeth out and a bruised eye if you have to (so the strained ankle and bruised eye thing happened before, it doesn’t hurt as badly as seeing friends in a coffin). Since the school showed no mercy, I needed a huge ass distraction that equally showed no mercy. I’m not into religion anymore, but I went to belief systems outside my own at the time. People never showed up. When my first round of friends died, I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I learned several techniques that allows me to deal, because I realized that people wasn’t going to be there, don’t want to be there, or don’t have the capacity to be there. Warning, it’s not for everyone, and not everyone can handle it because it’s grueling (Ideally it’s great to have people to talk to and not carry all that weight. But it is what it is.)
A couple of times, I felt pain at every muscle and bone in my body, up to my finger tips. It took two weeks every time for my body to feel somewhat normal after that.
Warning for the second time, it’s not for everyone, and not everyone can handle it because it’s grueling…..
But if you can make it to the other side? You will be unbreakable and unstoppable. And the things people do to you will seem like nothing, and you will be Telfon.
Poll time. Have you ever noticed during painful experiences some people just disappear on you?
Nowadays I don’t expect anyone to be there (except mom of course). And any other friends, family and cousins that check in is a lovely bonus.
If you know you don’t/haven’t come from a supportive situation for years, why look for it?
And nowadays, I just say listen. I’ll handle it. Because looking for them to be there was surely going to lead to disappointment for many years.
Let me give an example here. I do not look for anyone to recognize my birthday. You know those people that always call/text/say it’s their birthday just to look for something? The ones who want you to do something for your birthday but they never do anything for yours? I find ways to make my birthday special, even if others don’t acknowledge it.
But notice the difference, I’m not putting the power or expectation in others. As Dr. Phil stated, it’s the violation of our expectations that causes the deepest cuts.
Quotes:
You have to learn the difference between someone disrespecting you vs. feeling disrespected. Emotional ears hear from a place of offense. Sometimes it’s not what they said, it’s what YOU are triggered by. And unless you know your triggers, you’ll see everything as an attack.-Alchemichealing
At some point, you have to be real with yourself about the gap between the life you want to live and the life that your daily habits are leading you towards. -Mitchell C. Clark
Try to understand yourself without judging yourself. There’s so much freedom to be found on the other side of shame. When you choose to be honest with yourself about your shortcomings, you make space for the season of transformation that you need.-Mitchell C. Clark
Lying to yourself might bring you comfort in the moment, but the truth will set you free. -Mitchell C. Clark.
F. I stopped expecting me in other people.
G. I don’t and never do want anyone to feel sorry for me and my medical issues. The fact that my doctors basically told me I can’t have kids is a non-issue. Im child free anyways! In recent months, I’ve been telling my cousins they are my legacy, and they make me proud. I would like to get to a point where I don’t feel grueling pain and headaches on a weekly basis. And stabbing pains every time I eat. There’s plenty of people having kids for me, I’ll be fine.
H. Life ain’t a competition and I’m operating in my own universe right now. If you are trying to compete with me, you are in a league of your own. I do not want what’s yours, and you can’t have what’s mine. Cheers.
I. The things that most other people trip over I don’t. People sometimes have done things just to see if they can get a reaction out of me. The only thing I will tell you is I’ve gotten good at taking the bricks that people throw at me and building empires out of them. I hope you find the biggest bricks.
J. When you take the road less traveled, you will get hate.
An unfortunate part of doing anything significant is that you’ll get hate. Sometimes, lots of it.
People will criticize you for spending money differently. You might lose friends if you decline those weekly happy hours at your local bar. It’s not always easy, but ignoring hate is integral to building wealth.-Steve Adock
Just because your neighbors bought a brand new car, boat or house doesn’t mean you need to.
The best way to ignore the Joneses is to stay focused on your own goals.
I’ve been used to being lied on, people spreading gossip on me, and trying to control how others see me. And I don’t even think about it. Listen if you want to listen to the lies, go ahead. Be my guest.
When I grew my Youtubes, I focused on Youtube. I stopped snapping my friends. I stopped getting on Facebook. Because my friends are not my audience.
It’s 2023!🔥🙌
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