I have different folders of people in my mind.
- If you were/are a toxic person in my life, I wish you well but stay away.
2. If we disconnected because we haven’t seen each other in a long time, I’m up for reconnecting (this has happened recently).
I’ve been seeing this pop up in my feed lately.
Holding a Grudge Can Be Good for You
Remembering the ways people hurt us in the past helps us protect ourselves in the future
And you know it’s a sign when you see this on television (RIGHT BEFORE MY FILM SHOOT!)
How to forgive and seek forgiveness: Rabbi Steve Leder weighs in
We've all been in a position where we seek forgiveness from those we love. Rabbi Steve Leder, author of "More Beautiful…
If you were a toxic person in my life, I wish you well but stay away.
I had a group of people in different periods of my life that were massive gossip queens, would stab me in the back every chance they got, and basically did everything they could to make my life a living hell in school. For these people I stay away. I wish them well as long as they stay the hell away from me. No grade school reunions for me! High school reunions are the reunions I’ll show up to, because they were nicer and more genuine.
Rabbi Leder mentioned that in order to receive and give forgiveness
#1. Stop the destructive behavior
#2. Feel true regret
#3 Confess your wrong
#4 Make A Plan
A huge part of being successful is who you surround yourself with. If my friends are wanting to know how I turned it around in a few short years with multiple businesses, bookings for acting and creating music, I would credit who I surrounded myself with at the top of my success list..
If you are around people who are secretly jealous, throwing any form of negative energy at you, even that can keep you down. As a top performer (or if you are headed in that direction, unfortunately some people hate to see you do well! Surround yourself with other top performers and people who are secure in themselves.)
With friends like the ones in school, I didn’t need enemies. I made a decision to keep them out of my life because that tendency to be toxic was always there. They didn’t stop the destructive behavior, they kept doing it! If it wasn’t me they were gossiping about, they gossiped about other people! They wouldn’t even acknowledge that they were spreading gossip, and thought I was that stupid to tell them a secret again after testing them. I only told one person something and it spread across the school. That’s how I knew they were not friends, and people that I happen to go to school with. When this period of my life is over, so will be my interaction with them.
People still mistake my kindness for weakness all the time, and I see right through that ingenuine behavior. Have you ever had people in your life treat you mean despite being nice?
The biggest thing I learned as a teenager is that I needed more secure friends. As a result I started surrounding myself with confident and secure people. The secure part makes a huge difference. Trust is very important to me in friendships.
I don’t need to hear comments about my light skin long hair everyday. I rather hear about other people’s accomplishments, instead of competing! Since leaving school and the toxic people behind it hasn’t been an issue.
#1. I don’t think about how people wronged me every single day of every single moment. I’m not a victim (as I tried to explain to people in the years of my schooling.)
I was simply asking both teachers and professors alike to stop treating me like a victim because having a victim mentality limits you.
A victim mentality suggests the idea that another person must do for you what you are unable to do for yourself; Victim mentality pushes tolerance of undesired circumstances, which eventually breaks an person’s will to change. In some cases, victims actually prefer the comfort of the familiar, choosing to keep things the way they are as opposed to the discomfort of making things better. Everyone else’s wins means my loss. Will this type of thinking help me in the long run? No.
To stop being a victim doesn’t mean to trivialize the horror in your life, to deny it, gloss over it or repress it. However, it does mean you don’t have to justify, wail, moan, complain or seek revenge. You just leave it alone.-Robert Anthony
I don’t expect any apologies, nor for them to stop the destructive behavior or to even acknowledge any wrongdoing.
I don’t think about them and I stay 20 miles away from them.
When I see the same behavior in a person I’m getting to know, I can go to the folder in my mind that says “Hey! I’ve seen this before, you know how to handle it Alesha!”
#2. I give people too many chances. Because we all make mistakes! I make a lot of mistakes. I also don’t get mad over petty crap. I will give someone the shirt off my back. I will pay for food and not expect nothing in return. However, when someone crosses that line, that’s it. Even I have my limits. It takes me a lot to let go of someone. When I do it’s because it’s too toxic. For instance, one of my childhood best friends tried to turn a family member against me, started trouble with other family members, and told my school that my mother was going to go pick them up (without talking to my mother ABOUT IT MIND YOU.) I forgave other instances previously. I understood that her mother passed. But I wasn’t going to continue to be her whipping board either, continuing to let her spread nasty gossip on me. It was obvious that she needed more help than me being there for her. At that point I couldn’t trust. I lowkey prefer my own company many times because I was the only child growing up and I love solitude.
I love being social and going out with people as well. If I have to keep looking over my shoulder when a person is around, the friendship is not going to work.
More on this in my JOMO article coming out on May 19th, 2019, and my Solitude article coming out on May 26th, 2019. In many instances in my life, I enjoyed missing out.
A “grudge” is something else by definition. I don’t see any reason to put a positive spin on it.
Why hold on to the grudge even if it’s a mindful and an innocent one? What is the actual benefit it serves in your…
Interesting perspective. I enjoyed the read!
I do think another word for grudge may be helpful here… or maybe that’s part of the draw? I just feel like your message…
What is your take on grudges? Do you hold them? Do you remember to keep yourself safe like I do? Have you ever re-friended someone after they put you through hell? I love reading some comments on it.
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Hello There! I’m Alesha! I’ve been involved in different businesses in several different capacities from being ceo, coo, co-founder, and more. I’ve learned so much from creating businesses, and I look forward to all the learning experiences I will have from starting new ventures. 2019 I’m excited to announce that I’m going to add more businesses to my portfolio. STAY TUNED! I’m going to introduce them sometime next year!
With one business I was involved with, we made it possible to install a little device with customized hardware and a SaaS solution implemented to the router, the business owner was able see live data about social media info collected.
With another company, we had professional internet marketing company that focus on digital marketing campaigns, services and jobs such as SEO, PPC, Online Reputation Management, and social media marketing.
With EYT, I oversaw day-to-day operations and keeping the CEO apprised of significant events;Yes I actually talk with my business partner on a daily basis. I created operations strategy and policies; Communicated strategy and policy to employees and interns; Fostering employee alignment with corporate goals; and overseeing human resource management. I also delegated tasks to my team.
With Bones’ Custom Guitar. We created custom guitars for musicians with imported wood. No one Bones’ guitar is the same.
The Wish Benefit Concert is a concert founded by Ayana Carter, Mel Sexton and Alesha Peterson. It’s privately held at Riley Hospital For Children.