Hey There! My name is Alesha! This was technically supposed to be my 19th post. Oh well. As I was posting, I found a whole slew of posts I missed from my 1st blog post. So I started over lol. You might read a few of my posts twice. I was trying to honor where I started after getting on Medium and whoops, In order to clearly understand my story, it’s best to read these in this order. It’s almost like reading chapter 4 then jumping to 15 lol. More in likely another mistake will happen. I even tried waking up at 4 am to play catch up haha. I thought I wanted to save these for a future book. I’ll stop posting the intros as soon as I stop digging from my old blog post bank. These are from 2014, a period from my school days. No edits (yet) but raw in nature. I held a position called pledge trainer during a weird period because I was fighting my school, dealing with friends passing away and family emergencies. I tried my best, and I realized my best was never enough. I still remember people reaching out to me, and I was scared as hell to tell them what was going on. I don’t judge people who lost a friend or loved one to medical issues, suicides and murder. I don’t judge their grieving process. For some people, they are never the same. I watched family members who were deeply affected by other family members passing away. I resent the fact that my college thought I was lying just to miss a day or two of classes. I would never joke about suicides or deaths period. We really got to work on attitudes towards suicide and mental illness in general, I was not taken seriously. Just for the record, I miss some of the people and the experiences. I will never miss how I felt. I will venture to say watching friends pass away to suicide changed me to the point where I don’t like talking about college. I just don’t. No judging, deal ? Here’s one of my fall from grace stories.
P.S. The original title of this was The moments I thought I would no longer be APO AG’s Female PT. No I really don’t think I was the worst anymore. I made that the title so you would open up the post. And yes I work on my CEO skills everyday.
I’m back a month later with yet another deep one. I’ll go through and edit it later. Read on at your own risk, you will be here for a while. I hold nothing back in my posts.
For the record, my beloved org did nothing to try and take this position away from me.
But that place almost did, twice. I was not going to let them take my position away from me.
When I was elected as female PT, I WAS BEYOND STOKED. I had family deaths and so much going on that this was a miracle. I don’t know how I got through my classes this semester. I missed classes to attend funerals and I won’t get too descriptive on this second part but a person I knew did something really bad to another person I knew. I hope you can read inbtwn the lines of what I’m trying to say. If you know you know.
APO AG is the one of the few orgs that gives me a chance to hold positions and be on eboard and for that I thank you. Believe it or not, this position that I wanted for the longest was almost ripped away from me twice.
OK, remember the part where I said I went to a lot of family funerals? Well because of that, I was missing a ton of classes, so to save myself from failing courses I dropped a few. Let’s fast forward to fall semester 2014. I lost my financial aid because of this, and in my appeal I explained to them that I had a lot of family deaths and I didnt want to get on academic probation. They told me that my family deaths wasnt a good enough excuse. Would you have stayed in classes that you knew you were flagging in? If you miss a certain amount of classes you fail automatically. Am I wrong? Is there something I’m not seeing? If that’s the case, let me know.
I mean, they are entitled to their decision, but if family deaths isn’t a good enough excuse, then what is? Am I screwed in the brain for thinking they are wrong, or are they wrong? I’ve had a lot of hardships in college and I was also really sick (none of my friends know this because I don’t talk about it) and it’s been set back after setback after set back. It’s crazy because one of my APO bros told me family first. The one semester I put my family first I faced the ultimate form of betrayal, and I almost got really close to being cancelled and losing it all, including being Alpha Phi Omega’s Alpha Gamma’s female pledge trainer. Even with all this happening, I still performed my job duties and did the best I could with classes. To try and come up with 10± grand in two weeks when you are not working full time gigs is not fun. I did not make up excuses and tell my brothers and friends how bad it really was. I ran it by a few of them and told them to keep it quiet. Just in case I was dropped, I did make sure that I did as much as I could, and I was eyeing out a few replacements. (I can think of a few great female pt’s around me, I told them so already.)
Fast foward to 9/3/2014
I’m so glad I visited Chicago. I visited businesses that I now have connections to and I can seek out advice from them about several situations in college (I do have several questions to ask of them.) I’m not a 9 to 5er but I admit I found some companies that I really enjoy. Tek Systems and Coyote has my heart. If I ever want to get a regular job to gain experiences, I would want to work for these two.
The first one, Tek Systems has really stolen my heart. Someone asked if GPA mattered. They said it helps but no. How much grit and how hard you work does. That is really sticking to me because there’s always been pressure on me in college to raise it up higher, it was never good enough to them. They said they want you to tell a story. They want to know if obstacles are happening in your life, could you dig deep and still get the job done? (BTW YES I CAN.) How you deal with challenges, and he said something like if your ship crashes, do you swim back and try again? If your ship crashes again, do you swim back and try again, how many times are you willing to go through that cycle setback after setback after setback until you are successful? I screamed inside me because that’s what’s happening to me right now. Basically Ill tell them that while holding 4 APO AG positions, and attending family funerals I managed to pass my classes (that I didn’t drop) that semester. That next semester I managed to perform eboard duties and make no excuses despite that place threatening me to drop me from classes and colleges all together. I was dangerously close to losing my dream job. That’s just two of them. Ive performed some of my best work while crashing and burning inside and being under extremely high levels of stress. Honestly I dont know why certain things happened but I managed to get things done and keep calm through utter disasters. (Moments I’ve had I keep that away from friends and from work unless I really trust them). Trust me I’ll have so MANY stories to tell in songs and future employers if I go that route. And for that institution, it won’t be so pretty. You will regret how you treat some people. (Notice how I didn’t say you will regret how they treated me, I heard other horror stories that makes my skin crawl.)
Lessons Learned Here:
1. No one cares or considers your hardships.
OK, I looked at this from their perspective, and here’s what they are more in likely thinking about me:
“This kid is a slacker, she’s wasting our money, she must be effin around.”
Answer: No Im not one of your top honor students. But I try really hard despite everything. Me being really sick for like 4+ semesters put me really behind. I guess I was wrong for trying so hard on my school work despite my condition(s). I wonder if I should have dropped then come back, but it would’ve been really hard to get my scholarship back. Because once you leave school for any reason (even if its the most legit reason in the world) I may not have been able to get it again back then. Some may call it perserving, I call it being slightly naive. Several of my friends are judgmental, the other day I ran into one saying “finish up”. (It’s great to see you again, lol.) This is how much they do know. Just for the record, I tend not to tell people around me how difficult things are.
I’ve always said they don’t take mental illnesses, illnesses, and hardships into consideration and THEY DON’T CARE. Can I be wrong sometimes?!?!
Even with doctors notes from 2 different places (and with the Deans Of Students), to this day I personally think several professors thought I was lying to them. The way I felt wasn’t a joke. If I didn’t seek treatment for it I may have been taken out of here, that’s how bad it was. Apparently I had really bad versions of my conditions, and I was like yikes!?!? Somethings happened to me my first few years of school that highly sadden me, I must add that’s probably some of the reason I got so sick. I wanted to get back to speed so I could finish up courses as soon as I could. (You’re still responsible for homework you miss). This was before APO, I would’ve never met them which is scary to think about. This is probably why I like hanging around them and my friends really bad. After losing friends and almost losing everything myself, I love them from upclose and afar. I always love seeing them, and I won’t take them for granted. As I’m writing this, I learned that Joan Rivers passed away. :( She was here one day, gone the next. I always end conversations with “I love you” or “much love” because you never know when its going to end, so I live life to the fullest.
If you want to know the conditions I had, ask and message me. It’s not something I brag about. If you think I deserve the treatment I’m getting from my institution, let me know. I’m not trying to be cold or put myself down but if I’m at any fault here please tell me about the side of the story I’m not understanding. If you can shed some light on the subject please do. I’m trying to get out of there really bad without flunking out and once I do it will take my friends to water board me, threaten me, or hold me at gunpoint to get me to mention the name or visit. I’ll be stubborn. Now with that being said, if someone you love and care about tells you to do something, do it, like if someone was getting married or having a bachorette party, and if I was invited, shit I would go…biting my tongue the whole time.
2. When you take something, 9 out of 10 times it always comes with strings attached.
I don’t like taking money, when I said yes to the scholarship I slightly feared if I had a hardship or two that’s out of my control of any kind how much they would have my back. Again, I wish I was wrong sometimes.
3. She parties a lot.
No I really don’t. I hang out with friends just like you would. In the times I’ve had a great time, I post about it, sure. (I do not have many happy school memories so I owe my apoers and my friends who I went out with through out the years a huge thank you. You made my mainly a disaster of a college career worth dealing with. You’re the reason why I have happy memories.) I just don’t post about how hard I work because I don’t think its necessary. Just for the record I work at everything I do, it doesn’t show as much in college courses. It’s crazy because I’ve been cutting back on how much I go out lately and people been trying to get me to come out. I’ve cut back so much that they think I left. The scene is fine without me. If I do come out I’m not as crazy. I’ve cut back on how much time I spend in the “office”-apoers know what I’m taking about. I cut back on service as well. Some say they miss seeing me in the office. (But PT stuff is getting done & that’s the most important. Well I could say class work also, I don’t know why I mention it though…) I will return to my old self one day. Watch. I’m at a place that killed my spirit when I put my family first. This is how they treat some people when they are down. Well, let me be very specific: this is how they are treating me.
I deleted most of friends’ #s out of my current flip phone (working on getting another one soon, I want out of the stone ages). No, I’m not mad at any of you lovely people, I don’t want the flip phone texting you without me knowing it haha.
To any and all potential future employers: my GPA is not a 4.6., but know if you can look past the GPA and give me a chance, I’ll work my tail off. The few orgs that have given me a chance trust me with executive board positions, let me show you why they trust me. ;) I don’t mind showing what I can do. I don’t expect it to be easy, but I’ve always wanted to be apart of something bigger than myself.
To the 25 year old making 6 figures that told us to not be discouraged by a low GPA if we had one: thank you. To the one that said he’s not on dean’s list. I’m not either buddy. By a long shot. (P.S. Salute to everyone with the high GPA and degrees out there, I’m not bashing you at all. Do you always.)
I’m on James Altucher’s email list, and he always sent me some great advice.
Reading things like this is always encouraging, especially when it comes in your email box. This email was “How to Get Rid Of Your Excuses” and this paragraph was under “I don’t have a degree.”
“Google’s HR person even just announced that GPA’s in school are a waste to look at. And that more and more of their hires have no college degrees at all!The world is changing and you have to grasp it now. It used to be that a stranger knew he could cooperate with you if you had that stupid piece of paper. But now there are many ways you can show you can deliver value even without that paper. Come up with ten ideas how you can escape the trap of the degree and demonstrate you still have value. Ideas for the company you want to work for, or the person you want to work with. Or just go get a camera and start making movies without a film degree. When Andy Samberg was starting atSaturday Night Live he didn’t just huddle in the writer’s room with everyone else and try to come up with jokes. Too much competition! He took a camera, with his buddies Jorm and Akiva, and went out and shot “Lazy Sunday” which was the first Youtube video to get over 100,000,000 views and became his first SNL Digital Short. He didn’t wait to rise through the ranks and hopefully get a joke or a sketch produced. He went out and produced it himself. Before Macklemore’s “Thrift Shop” rap song got a billion views on YouTube he turned down every record label. He realized he didn’t need them. Didn’t need the validation they have provided for over sixty years to generations of artists.
The distribution is here to reach the world no matter what your field is.
You validate yourself now through your work.”
4. Even with what I said above, to most around me my worth is tied to “that piece of paper.”
To be honest, to come up with $ to make up for the scholarship/aid (or whatever you want to call it) being gone, I just might have to take a professional model gig in Chicago and else where while being PT. Yes, PT stuff will always get done. Filming projects interferes with classes and music if I tour the way I should, I’ll leave all together. Working a regular college job is not going to cut it or get me the funds I need. Also, I’m already having a hard time in school, more of my time needs to be put towards homework, not being taken away by a normal college job. I’m not a huge fan of college really and if you give me a reason not to do homework, trust me I’ll take it. I do not need any more reasons to put off homework. I’m not kidding. If you can get enough $ in one gig to pay off your college bill, would you take it? The catch is to get the gig(s). What’s helping me as PT is we did a lot of that over the summer. So I won’t lie to any of you reading this. I have applied for a few model castings to bring in some more $. Not sorry. You do what you have to do.
So, if you want me to stay (which I’m still here), every once in a while I might have to take a quick trip. As far as homework? Well normally I get a head and stay ahead because again I don’t like doing it in the first place. Not going to lie, I’m a little behind because I stopped doing gigs to zero in on homework (which means a lot less money) because at the beginning I thought the appeal would go through. Since I lost it, now I have to keep money coming in and sitting on my butt is not going to do that. I had $ to spoil on senior friends during senior week 2k14 but at the current moment I do not. (It might change next week or 6 months lets hope so). This is a living nightmare.
I do want to say this: Having Pledge Trainer being taken away from me due to being dropped was/isn’t going to happened. Like mostly everyone else, you are tyrants when it comes to getting your money, and yes you were going to get your money. Do you all really think sending threatening emails helps the situation? (In big red bold letters at that! Wow people.)
Let me see here: That place can try to tell me how much I’ll have it harder in life, tell me that I’m the only one in my major, keep reminding me of things I have no control
Check. Check. Old news. I know this.
I’ll even live with the fact that the major I came in to college with (CGT) is more in likely not the major I’ll finish with. I’ll live with that failure, which I’m actually to be honest with you, I’m starting to imagine a future without it. That major has cost me nothing but grief throughout my time in school and since I more in likely won’t finish in it, no one will ever know the damage. It is possible to end up with a technology like job even though I don’t have a major in it. As far as theatre is concerned? I’m grooming my skills other places. Remember, just because you went to a theatre school (college) does not mean you will get cast in projects, this was told to me by casting directors Ive grown closer to. I’m glad I found this out a few years ago and ever since I’ve had a whole new approach. However, i will support my friends that get cast in the theatre department; im not hating on you and I never have. I will always wish you the best. I really heart you. I don’t want you all (students) thinking I disappeared because I’m mad at you. I disappear to plan out my next move. Look, I’m the type of person that if it doesn’t work out one place I hit the road and look different places until I find the right spot for me. That’s always been my style. Several have not always been so fair to me but I’m glad they see something in you. :) When I see you I always say “dominate the theatre department.” My wish for you is to do the things I don’t have opportunity to do at this level so I can live it variously through you.
I’ll always support my theatre peeps. Up close and a far. I’m not too fond of the school but I’m fond of you.
They can stereotype me and discriminate me and fail me in courses (which is wrong). BUT I was not going to let them take PT away from me. That was one battle I planned on winning in.
OK, so let me play into the fact that others have an advantage over me, as it is told to me many times. My response to you all is SO WHAT. I’m happy for them. I’ll keep casting my net out further other places. Do whining and crying about it changes it any? If I have to have a stronger resume, and work 100x harder so be it, in the end it will make me a stronger person and make me have life experiences that I otherwise wouldn’t have. I admit the many things that happened to me in college is extremely hurtful, and being rejected from many orgs (30 and counting, I honestly lost count after 20. I’ve kept all my rejection emails as proof) is not fun. But is talking about how others have an advantage over me helping me move forward? NO! I’ve told my friends if they have an advantage over me, use it for crying out loud. (I’m happy for bros, friends and people around me that get the “likes”. One of my artist friends averages bwtn 70 to 150 likes on his posts. I’m like YAYY! I’ve been told that I’m popular once and I find it hard to believe. I’m not cool enough to get likes like that. ;) But the people around me are and I admire them for it.) Just for the record, working hard (and smart) is in my blood. Just because something is harder doesn’t mean I can’t get it. I resent that place for too many of them telling me what I cannot do…let’s shift the focus on what I can do already. If I don’t come around much, there’s a reason. I do not need negative people in my life. I have enough people trying to knock me down.
Again, Check. Check. Old news. I know this. Moving forward anyways. Who says life is fair. Because unfortunately it’s not. Pledge trainer (Fall 2014) is mine.
I don’t know how proud I’ll make my mom and bros in college but I’ll make it up to everyone in the real world. I’m trying to wrap up this college phase so I can go to the next one. Just know l look forward to the real world part of my life. This college phase has not been so pretty and I’m really ready to close this book. I’ll die trying. Many keep telling me to appreciate it but it hasn’t been the most fabulous thing (my bros and friends are gold) and I’ve outstayed my welcome. They don’t know the story.
Basically I’m enduring something I do not enjoy to get degrees that I won’t use.
(And seriously a sidenote. So far I’m a technology major and a liberal arts major. This debate over what major is better should really stop. It’s the person.)
I’ve had several members ask where I was that Wednesday.
I missed my first active meeting as a eboard member to travel to Chicago to seek advice on funding because I lost my scholarship/financial aid due to family deaths. And I also wanted tips on how to move forward in college with everything going on. I collected business cards because I didnt want to talk to them with so many people around. My eyes were really opened. I had to go where the business people were and I saw a opportunity and jumped on it. I still worked on pledge trainer and class stuff while in Chicago, I promise. Just because I’m away doesn’t mean I slack off.
I hated that I missed that meeting (and a forum involving racial issues). But let’s put it in perspective lovelys. I rather miss one meeting and still be your female PT then be dropped from school all together and not be your female PT at all. I didn’t want to say anything to most of you because I wasn’t sure how it was going to turn out. I welcome any and all pledge trainer stress, successes, failures and bashings. It’s better than what I face in college and in my courses, honestly. People have told me how hard the PT position was going to be. It’s actually been very fullfilling. Plus I have an awesome male PT by my side! :) I had every reason in the world to call it quits, but I had a greater reason to fight back. You lovelys.
Here’s the other thing, my reign as female PT won’t last forever, so I’m enjoy every beautiful moment of it. Its scary to think that I was so close to losing it all.
I’ve always worried about something like this happening to me as a eboard member and that’s why I didn’t run for eboard positions in the past. Losing elections wasn’t the worst thing for me, winning the position and emailing the whole chapter saying I’m not returning to school is a lot worst. I’m on the fence about running for other eboard positions due to situations like this. We will see. This might sound crazy, but every time I’ve gotten elected for something I look in the audience to see who could step up and replace me just in case some crap goes down.
As bad as I want to leave, I hung on and fought for you. This was one time I lost and had outside sources come through but Im not always so sure if it will always be that way. I usually finish at a humbling 2nd place (or 3rd). Y’all been very loyal to a wierdo and all I’ve ever wanted was a chance.
I’m loyal to you and I love you all.
I really mean what I said above. I do but some of you still hurt me quite a bit. Remember the part where I said I’m brutally honest? Here it is.
Recently after doing pledge trainer stuff, one friday night before a rain storm I was headed home. I’m not sure if she saw that I saw her, but she avoided me like the plaque. I’m like damn, rejected by my own bro? (we call each other bros, FYI.) Geez! I’m used to that sort of treatment from everywhere else on campus but now from some of you too?? (This helps confirm how ‘popular’ I am, I really do appreciate the kinds words but I don’t believe you. I’ll need way more convincing of that. I was the only child growing up and its great to feel wanted but I’ve gotten used to doing things on my own, I don’t wait on people. How productive would it be for me to sit in my room waiting on people to call?). I do notice my surroundings a lot more than people would think. I wouldve spoke but it look like she didnt want me seeing her with this dude. Like seriously, you don’t have to make any special moves to avoid me. If you don’t want to be bothered, just say so. I got the message loud and clear. I will not bother you on your dates. I get that the date is set for 2, not a third wheel. But seriously is this how we treat each other as brothers, or should I say is this how some of us treat each other?? If so that’s scary to think about. I secretly worry for my pledge babies. You can treat me this way all you want but all I ask is: do not treat my pledge babies this way. If I find out this is the case I won’t be happy.
5. I want to hang out with you bros, and I love being in your life. You are the shine in sunshine. (Especially salute to the ones that graduated.) But I’m not going to invite myself along or come around if I’m not wanted….and that’s the truth. Or beg. Like you know what, I admire several of you and will tell you that many times. You’re inspiration. But as much as I love you, I’m not going to break my neck. Someone I admired once in a sorority was very mean. I thought she was really cool because she did things that I couldn’t do….and then she acted like she didn’t know me. She made it really obvious that she thought I was beneath her. I’m glad now I did not get in the same house that she did. My bros were and always will be the better choice no matter what. You’re changing, but I won’t abandon you.
I always enjoy seeing you and hanging out even if it’s 5 seconds. You fill full my life in ways I can’t describe.
I admit for several of you: I’m not in your top 10, I might not be your pick as your bridemate, I might be the last person in the world you think about. I might have turned many of you against me without knowing it because of what I say in these posts. I’m happy you don’t have to live with what I have to live with in college. I still will always wish you all the happiness in the world. I’ll have love for you. I never have hated on people for their successes. I miss them but I’m not so sure if they miss me. I never resented the fact that many of you had better treatment or get the support I don’t get; I DO resent the fact that the people who do get the support take it for granted. Sometimes as young bloods we can be so rude. For instance, if someone invites you to something, at least tell them you are coming or not? There’s people that don’t get invited to things at all and get left out in the cold, what is wrong with you? I would kill to get the backing that some of you are getting….and some of you just take it and waste it and it angers me inside. I’m thinking do they want to live my college life for a bit? Because I guarantee you would be changed if you experienced the things I experience and go through on a daily basis. (I had a friend tell me once that he took a few of my CGT courses, and he wanted to die. Well how in the hell do you think I feel dude lol. He told me he doesn’t know how I do it. To be honest with you, I don’t know how I do it either. What makes it crazier is I probably won’t finish in CGT and I went through unnecessary pain for nothing.)
And beloved bros, even though I said what I said above, I’m enjoying every minute of you. When I leave I won’t be a frequent visitor or that alum that comes around a lot. Trust me I won’t be. Unless its by force, as stated above. I’ll visit you in your cities or just know where I land at is a home for you. I hope I make an impact on you by teaching you what I know because once leave (esp you young bloods that recently joined), you more in likely won’t see me on campus. Even though there’s a few iffy situations that goes down I’m still very fond of most of you….
I care (partially because I’m a idiot), but I really question who would be there when disaster strikes. I do not put all my business in the street, (FYI you still dont know everything, as revealing as this & my last 5 to 6 posts are I keep most of it to myself) but I do notice no one really makes a special effort to reach out to you, and unfortunately most people do not care enough to. Let me be more clear: they don’t care enough about me to. As far as asking for help? I did reach out to a professor asking for tips and I was ignored. This has always been the case when I’ve asked for help on things like this and indie go go campaigns and dance marathons. Yep. I don’t mind asking for help but I won’t beg. At the end of the night, I go my way and the peeps I love go their own way.
6. After being kicked out of a org (yep it happened, Fall 2014 style again, I put my family first and attended funerals. I could have said that was the case to try to stay but I don’t think it would’ve helped much.) I decided to print up all the rejection letters I’ve gotten through email. The phone calls I didn’t record but I can just tell you the stories. You all are probably thinking it’s mentally and emotionally abusing myself. But one day, someone somewhere will say “I have it easy” “you have everything given to you.” I will have a thick stack of papers to be read. No no no, if you say that you will underestimate my story. I have to admit this time if something happens in my family, I will have to pick between attending and showing respect or being disrespectful to keep from being dropped. This will be a extremely hard personal decision. I did not think this college thing would drag out so freaken long. Salute to everyone out there that sticks with it even though there’s every reason in the world to quit.
(What makes it worst the person that told me to get lost I think is really cool, I’ve gotten used to people I admire throwing me away. Honestly.)
I look at this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhAP7qWCBAg)
And this (Jim Carrey Motivational Video). I know the suffering won’t last forever. I won’t ever do anything to hurt my family and friends. I’ll deal with the pain.
But on a happy note, for the places that shows hard work pays off in my life? Working out & so far PT, the one job I almost lost, twice. I can say I put 10,000 hours in for both, easy. I was looking at PT as a job around 2012 and was taking notes ever since. Sorry if this sounds creepy, but I looked at all the PTs in the chapter during my time and looked at what they did.) And the best part? I’m no where near done on either (workouts are a lifelong thing). Now as far as the PT stuff, time will tell if 10,000 hours I already put in pays off. We did a lot in the summer which helps, the other part is dealing with classes. (I appreciate the fact that people tell me I’m going great and they see all the work I’m putting into PT but people. I put that same drive in school work and I don’t get the same results and it drives me nuts. It makes it look like I’m lazy. For me personally, hard work pays off in everything in my life except the college arena.) The key is to stay calm despite the personal stuff going on and still get work done. If it ever got to be too much, I would just say. I’m not going to drop the ball because things isn’t right with me. However, I do not judge people who wouldn’t be able to handle this pressure because I do not wish it on anyone. As I’m writing this on (9/9/2014) I got word once again that 2 young people at the high school level committed suicide in my area. I don’t know what it’s going to take to get people to take mental illnesses seriously.) God forbid if I get kicked out of school, but if that happens at least I have my music, modeling gigs and great memories from my bros (and from dance marathons, and awakening.)
Things will go wrong, but surprisingly putting in my hours and doing my best as PT is the least I can do. Thank you for not kicking me out or throwing me away despite me missing meetings, APO. I’ll do what I can while I’m here-I’m working on getting out as soon as I can, take my word for this. Things get awkward sometimes but I’m not leaving APO-and when I do finally leave school (which for the sake of my mental state I hope extremely soon) I’ll have love from a far. You won’t be seeing much of me but know I’ll care. I refuse to be that alum that comes back alot (but not bashing those that do, whatever you do with your time is your decision). I will make sure I’m so busy that I wont have that kind of time. But know you can always reach out to a bro. I hope I make an impact on you the way you make an impact on me.
I have my work cut out for me as PT but this is what I signed up for. The fact that their was a delay on the t-shirts doesn’t scare me, the fact that things will go wrong doesn’t scare me. I will gladly take the blame for things that go wrong as PT. I almost lost it all so I embrace every pretty, ugly, and nasty thing as PT (BTW, the nastiest PT & APO thing and comments isn’t as bad as funerals, funeral planning, end of life decision making, emergency room visits, threats in your email box saying if you don’t pay you will be dropped, and hate crimes against you, just to give you a little perspective. I’m not going to let things purposely slip, and if they do I take the blame, no biggie.)
My college ranks #2 for hate crimes. :( :( :( which makes me REALLY sad. I look at that and can’t believe what I’m seeing. I love and appreciate the fact that people around me are working on solutions. I used to love it, I spent the young years of my life wearing t-shirts. Dear friends, I know you love the place from looking at many of the photos. Out of respect for you and my mom (she went to school there) I won’t say anything negative or say “this place sucks” but at the same time I won’t claim it. You will notice on my social networks I leave that area blank. There’s so many sweet peas in my life from that place. It’s going to be very hard for you to get me to love it again. I’m not saying its impossible to convince me but for this one you will have your work cut out for you. Good luck.
I’m not sure if this will be my first and only eboard position, maybe, maybe not. I may run for other things but it doesn’t guarantee I’ll win. No matter what I’ll put in my best effort. (Sometimes I find it hard to wrap my mind around that I’m indeed the female PT, even when my reign is over, I’ll say something like: they had faith in me, a crazy person? Wait a minute, they did.)
My hardest battles during my reign wasn’t even PT related. So it helps me face the other challenges that come up because there will be many. I honestly came into this position knowing that things will go wrong, but know I’ll give it my all. So help me God.
Signed your fall 2014 Female Pledge Trainer,
The weird one that’s petrified of heights & gets on roller coasters anyways,
I love my bros. Past. Present. Future. 4ever. LFS.
Theatre. Awakening. Dance Marathon. Love you peeps too.