If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.
I look at this quote and go eh. I want people around but after being back stabbed, I rather go at it by myself 3/4 of the time.
But.
But.
But.
No person is an island, and we need healthy relationships to thrive.-Brianna Weist.
She’s one of my favorite Medium writers.
Sure. I like people. I don’t trust easily. And at the beginning of that article, she mentions that Johann Hari believes that not learning how to repair severed connections is the reason why we can suffer trauma. I had too many scenarios of people pretending to be my friend just to stab me in the back. Trauma isn’t the right word for me, more like cautious of people.
I want to see you happy and live your dream.
However. I am more careful about who I share my information with. I don’t share deep secrets with friends for a while.
If you get to know me, you will notice that I embrace solitude like it’s 2nd nature. Sure, Brianna I love having friends, and sharing deep connections. My main issue is dealing with backstabbers and growing up around people that thought the way to move up the ladder is to cut someone down. I will be the first to admit that like your title, Connection Is a Core Human Need, But We Are Terrible at It. I really suck at it. And there’s times where I rather be on my own island than have people around. (Opposite of your quote I know I know!)
As a entrepreneur, they warn you not to have businesses around one person because the business gotta be able to thrive without you around (or that’s the idea). And it will lead to burnout. I surprisingly agree. BUT.
Confession, being the only child growing up I do find it hard to trust people because I’ve had so many break my trust (see paragraph 5 backstabber section, also explained below).
Girls spreading gossip on me because they thought the boys were going to look at me over them.
Fighting me over guys because they wanted a guy’s attention THAT BAD.
Sharing secrets all over the school just to get in good with a popular group or (or selling you down the river for a price.)
Acting one way around one group of people, then acting different when you are with me by yourself, and then acting different again around another group of friends. Multiple Personalities?
I mean going to the ends of the earth to try to destroy someone.
Counting photos of how many clubs I was in.
Who cares and who has time to do that?
My response? Solitude. When friends were playing both sides of the fence, pretending to be loyal when they really wasn’t, I turned to martial arts, writing, volunteering and more. My self-esteem wasn’t build through peers, it was built through like-minds.
I picked sports, clubs and extra curricular activities based on my interest, not because a popular person in the friend group wanted to do it. Solitude forces you to think for yourself without outside influences.
Solitude is is the landscape in which creativity can grow. -Aytekin Tank
Solitude. Self esteem, self confidence and a desire to learn forged my path then and continues to forge my path to this day. I’m on my self-discovery journey daily.
I self taught myself how to play guitar and ukulele while having a few moments to myself.
While I agree with the quote that I titled this article with cold heartly, I’m conflicted as I write these articles because I have run some businesses on my own at the beginning, and as it grew I delegated it to other people.
No one motivates me to get up and workout everyday. It’s a promise I made at 15 and I keep it. IF people around me don’t want to work out? I workout anyways.
There’s many times I go to the food court on my own because I simply want to.
Go to the mall.
I watch a movie on my own. BECAUSE I WANTED TO.
My friends will tell you that I’m the life of the party. But when it’s time to break off, it’s time to break off and out.
I saw this you tube video that said that “Are you the kind of person that you rather be by yourself than be around toxic people or try to fit in?” It’s cool how these videos pop up as I write these articles.
I agree so hard.
I’m not saying that I’m going through life without friends. (Or am I suggesting you be a hermit).
Or shut people out completely.
I see the loneliness epidemic articles, tv segments and listings.
HOWEVER.
When it comes to romantic relationships especially, the pressure to be in a relationship at any costs is so high! I find every time I’m in Indiana, people are asking me
“boyfriend?”
“married?”
“engaged?”
“who are you dating”
“How old are you?”
“You’re too cute to be single”
GEEZZZZZ!
That last comment is not flattering.
What I don’t do.
Look at other relationship or engagement photos wishing that was me in that position.
Staring into space thinking that I’m missing out. If I’m not invited? It’s ok!
Doing something because other people want me to do it. I’m a big girl and I can make my own decisions.
What I do embrace.
Keeping my relationships private.
Instead of looking for the right person, BE THE RIGHT PERSON.
Living truthfully and authentically. What you see is what you get.
Love every stage of my life. Single or not, we are valuable regardless of our relationships with other people.
If you forget anything else from this article.
I don’t feel isolated.
I don’t feel left out.
I embrace peace & quiet.
Some people act like being alone is the worst. How about negative people keeping you down? That’s worst trust me.
I have the JOMO (THE JOY OF MISSING OUT). I don’t scroll social media wishing I had someone else’s life. I can be genuinely happy for another person without comparing.
Grace Bains is my hero. I love doing things alone and I wish people would quit worrying about it.
She wrote one of the best articles I’ve seen in my life.
I know there’s many others articles like it, but thank you for exposing a different view that they don’t discuss in the media. Not everyone is lonely.
Be on the lookout for my Art of Solitude article and JOMO article!
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Hello There! I’m Alesha! I’ve been involved in different businesses in several different capacities from being ceo, coo, co-founder, and more. I’ve learned so much from creating businesses, and I look forward to all the learning experiences I will have from starting new ventures. 2019 I’m excited to announce that I’m going to add more businesses to my portfolio. STAY TUNED! I’m going to introduce them sometime next year!
With one business I was involved with, we made it possible to install a little device with customized hardware and a SaaS solution implemented to the router, the business owner was able see live data about social media info collected.
With another company, we had professional internet marketing company that focus on digital marketing campaigns, services and jobs such as SEO, PPC, Online Reputation Management, and social media marketing.
With EYT, I oversaw day-to-day operations and keeping the CEO apprised of significant events;Yes I actually talk with my business partner on a daily basis. I created operations strategy and policies; Communicated strategy and policy to employees and interns; Fostering employee alignment with corporate goals; and overseeing human resource management. I also delegated tasks to my team.
With Bones’ Custom Guitar. We created custom guitars for musicians with imported wood. No one Bones’ guitar is the same.
The Wish Benefit Concert is a concert founded by Ayana Carter, Mel Sexton and Alesha Peterson. It’s privately held at Riley Hospital For Children.
