We live in a very relationship obsessed and oriented world.
Look at how people are currently talking about Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello.
Many can’t stay focused on their music, people apparently gotta know every steamy detail of what make outs they are making at the beach. I like em both, but Jesus give them their space.
I honest feel like when I watch their senorita performance during the VMA’s I’m invading their privacy, like I’m third wheeling them. So no I haven’t watched these videos over and over.
Thank you to June Breux and Natalie Brook for writing these two articles.
Getting Engaged Is Embarrassing
I’ve never been congratulated more for doing less
Getting Married Is Not An Accomplishment
Three months ago, my then-boyfriend, Craig, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I cried with excitement…
Oh by the way. I’m very much at peace right now.
1. I’m at peace about not being married.
2. The only kids I want at this point is dogs and cats. I asked my mother if she’s ok with me adopting cats and dogs and making those her grandkids.
Confession 1: I’m very creative. Up to this point every guy I’ve dated don’t understand my lifestyle or that a lot of my time goes into my creative projects. I’ve found instead of being supportive, they were clingy, suffocating, or whiney. I need my time to create, and I’ll have my home times. If I can find a guy who would leave me the f**** alone during my creative processes and let me be me I’ll rethink everything I said in this article. I’m very independent, adventurous and I won’t be tamed.
As Starre Julia Vartan ( and Carla Perissinotto) from What Introverts Can Teach Us About Being Alone pointed out because I live alone most of the time, doesn’t mean I’m lonely. It’s completely subjective. The loneliness epidemic doesn’t point this out: there’s some people who thrive on being solo. I rather be solo than someone come into my life trying to tell me what to do. Dr Phil pointed out:
“If you have to give up who you are to be half of a couple, the price is too high.”
How else I can explain this..
I’m not gonna regulate and control your life, and I ask that same respect in return. For example. If you’re in a band and been touring for the past 20 years, who am I to try to stop you if we started dating? I would just say keep going babe! Happen to have a startup and got long hours? I’m going to stay the f*** out your way so you can do your thing. I’m not gonna change you, all I ask is the same in return.
America is a extrovert-based society, as Laurie Helgoe pointed out. They got us all convinced that we gotta be with someone no matter what. Tuning out that noise because at the end of the day, I gotto live with it, not you. (I consider myself to be a mix of someone who loves people and hanging out. I also loves my solo time.) Just go read the article, its excellent.
Confession 2: I don’t trust easily. I was the only child growing up so alone time doesn’t bother me. I’ve had way too many people say they would be there just to leave. To have them leave when loved ones passed away was especially painful. The first ones who said they would be there were the first to leave.
I’ve ran into too many backstabbers and I only tried to be a good friend. After a lifetime of backstabbing, trust being broken, people lying, disappointments, and people being nasty, I’m very cautious and guarded. I don’t display my feelings easily because due to gossip, and people constantly breaking my trust. I was careful and still careful. I couldn’t get close to too many in my younger days. They wanted me to be and act a certain way, and since they couldn’t accept me for who I am/was, we part ways. I was around many bad people who wasn’t worth trusting. I’m not saying I dislike people. I’m careful around them, however.
Let me make it sound less like I am programmable robot. I was never sure who I can let my guard down to. I kept my eye on people who said I can trust them, because they were gossiping like hell. And as always, if someone is gossiping about someone else, they are gonna gossip about you too.
People throw around trust like confetti at a wedding, without really understanding the context of it and how it plays out in day to day life.
What I mean is when you put ALL your faith in other people hoping they will finally give you that feeling of peace, saftey, security, love, happiness, confidence, motivation, strength, comfort or whatever else that was stripped away from you due to a tramatic experience, you are setting yourself up for complete failure and contant disappointment-
Classic example: Instead of saying you will be there, just be there and don’t turn your back on me when things get rough. (I would never ask for anyone to solve all my problems by the way, it would be nice to have someone be there for you). This must be a tall order..That is what I asked and oh boy. I decided to make that person myself. I got tired of asking of others what they obviously couldn’t give me. Trust.
I had enough of this. Or trying to get it out of others. To protect myself from unnecessary physiological harm I proceed with caution. Nowadays you have to make sure that people don’t use the information you share while vulnerable against you. Or try to make fun of you, take sides and make a story out of it on your expense. It’s the worst if it happens and I hope you never have to experience that, and the people in your lives are genuinely there for you.
I have a big family so I hear A LOT of stories about relationships. The good, the bad and the downright ugly. I’m good homie.
Speaking of that thought.
A while back I said f*** it. I’ll volunteer & give back. I give, give, give, give, give. This will be my “people” time. You’ll see me sign up for every volunteer opportunity under the sun. When it’s time to go to my own castle that space is mine.
Everyone needs someone. Supposedly. That person is my dog. He’s perfect. He’s the most loving, non-judgemental, non-jealous caring creature I’ve ever met.
They say love is patient. Love is kind. It does not boast or brag. It is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking. Well here’s the rest of it.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4–7
My dog has all these qualities and more.
I posted that I was engaged as a joke. A JOKE. (Damn I thought people knew me better than this). It was April’s Fools Day 2015 or '16. No one noticed the date. Several relatives that I haven’t talked to in a while reached out and said
Um why? Can someone tell me what they are congratulating me for? I also did a prank on my mother, and set up a wedding for her in Belize. My mom said people inboxed her on Facebook saying congratulations and what presents do you want? Haha!
I laughed for days. (Shit guys and gals it started as a FB invite and y’all took it way too seriously.)
It amazes me when it comes to relationships, weddings and engagements how quick people go crazy. You will congratulate me when some guy puts a piece of metal on my finger, but won’t text back for days otherwise. Or text back when I ask a simple question like where’s a good place to eat in your city? What in the hell? I guess as June Bruenx pointed out, they are congratulating you for showing up, being vulnerable and putting your heart in a position to be crushed at any time.
I think due to some of my experiences I’m just not into the hype. I can scroll through social media and be happy for others but not want the same things.
What if a lifetime of scattered disappointments and rejections have taught you to be cautious and guarded, lest your publicly displayed emotions serve as a humiliating reminder that you’re a human? -June Beaux
What if due to a combination of your upbringing and personality, you consider displaying unmitigated enthusiasm to be a weakness? What if you treat every deviant emotion and errant excitement as something to be controlled, to be quelled until only a socially acceptable amount remains (or none at all)-June Beaux
How about congratulating someone for making it through a bad day? How about giving someone a pat on a back for following through on a goal? How about congratulating someone for the small accomplishments? Even if it’s just getting out the door instead of laying in your bed all day? Just a thought.
I have several categories of people in my family (some friends fall into this).
A. The ones who are married and think they are better. They fit into society’s rules. They are perfect, everyone else is not. They act like they have the answers to everything. Sometimes I don’t hear from my married friends as much. (Not all of them are like this but it’s enough to make a category).
B. The ones who never been married or in a relationship but wishes they were. Then they play matchmaker and have so much advice about relationships. (My thing is, why don’t they use their own “advice” for their own lives and leave mine alone? I’m not a subject who wishes to be used for experiments.)
C. Some people can’t believe loners are happy by themselves. They got rejected or somehow left behind. (Not considering that just maybe, maybe these group of people won’t settle.)
D. The people who do feel lonely and don’t want to be by themselves.
E. The people who don’t have any standards and settle with anyone just to say they are with someone. Everytime you see them they are with someone else. They have kids everywhere.
F. The people who marry for the right reasons. They found someone they want to spend the rest of their life with.
G. If you don’t see your category go here. Haha.
I’m a C b***** all the way.
Basically read articles on why Elon Musk’s spouses left him. It takes a very special person to let someone live their purpose. And not get mad because they are not the center of attention.
I watched Daniel Perez’s video and he mentioned that he felt bad for doing things by himself. I’m happy that some of the comments mentioned their experiences of doing things alone. Daniel, don’t feel bad for doing things by yourself. Welcome to the club.
I go to things by myself often, so no my soloness doesn’t kill me. According to John Cacioppo, loneliness refers to the perception that one’s social relationships are inadequate in light of ones preferences for social involvement.
In other words, the most toxic physical and mental health effects of loneliness were found to be preceived isolation. Vartan pointed out that experts say that loneliness and it’s adverse effects are mostly related to how a person regards their alone time or solitude.
Loneliness is a feeling rather than a behavior, like smoking or being sedentary. That’s why people can say they feel lonely even when they have close friends, a loving family, or a supportive partner. On the other hand, there are others-typically regarded as introverts-who are comfortable being alone and yet rarely experience loneliness.-Starre Julia Vartan
If you are feeling lonely already, these feelings can also increase when you are already experiencing loss, insecurities, then you look on social media and “think this is what your life should look like.” This can be very misleading..
Yes I do have family and friends that I hang out with. I’m not a complete hermit, lol. But I love being a solo traveler. Like superpurplemoon says, it allows you to enjoy the freedom to do what you want. It’s truly a gift. I can just be. I don’t have to respond back. I don’t have to. I can just BE.
Being alone was such an enjoyable experience for me. Truly a gift. Don't feel bad about being alone. Just enjoy the freedom to do what you want.-Superpurplemoon
I’ve had enough experiences with many people to keep them at a distance until I’m 100% sure I can trust them. Repeated for the 100th time. I’ve had more people get jealous, start acting strangely when they think I started/ is doing better, spill my secrets after they said they wouldn’t, and are more trouble than they are worth. I said f**** it. I need secure people in my life and if I have to strike it on my own until I find them, so be it.
Being solo isn’t pathetic, it’s a blessing. It’s better to be than to be around a warm electric blanket than people who are nothing but trouble. Trust me it’s not worth the headache.
If you ever want a broadway buddy while I’m in New York, I would be glad to join you.
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Hello There! I’m Alesha! I’ve been involved in different businesses in several different capacities from being ceo, coo, co-founder, and more. I’ve learned so much from creating businesses, and I look forward to all the learning experiences I will have from starting new ventures. 2019 I’m excited to announce that I’m going to add more businesses to my portfolio. STAY TUNED! I’m going to introduce them sometime next year!
With one business I was involved with, we made it possible to install a little device with customized hardware and a SaaS solution implemented to the router, the business owner was able see live data about social media info collected.
With another company, we had professional internet marketing company that focus on digital marketing campaigns, services and jobs such as SEO, PPC, Online Reputation Management, and social media marketing.
With EYT, I oversaw day-to-day operations and keeping the CEO apprised of significant events;Yes I actually talk with my business partner on a daily basis. I created operations strategy and policies; Communicated strategy and policy to employees and interns; Fostering employee alignment with corporate goals; and overseeing human resource management. I also delegated tasks to my team.
With Bones’ Custom Guitar. We created custom guitars for musicians with imported wood. No one Bones’ guitar is the same.
The Wish Benefit Concert is a concert founded by Ayana Carter, Mel Sexton and Alesha Peterson. It’s privately held at Riley Hospital For Children.