Every relationship needs boundaries to be healthy, happy and whole. When you enter an intimate relationship, you do not go from being an individual with your own set of values, beliefs, and needs to become a single entity. You are close, loving, and responsive to each other’s needs but you still possess a self-identity and need to function competently as a stand-alone individual in all other relationships and interactions.- Dr. Alexandra Domelle
God bless these people for writing these quotes. Single has never been scary or pathetic to me. I low-key prefer it.
I’m not a relationship coach, expert or don’t even consider myself such. I’m just a lady who’s tired of the questions about my relationships in my life.
It’s getting to a point where I wear headphones to make people think I’m listening to music. Recently I walked through the Salesforce Tower and my mom told me the security guard asked if I have autism because of the headphones.
You know that wearing headphones are a normal trend right? I responded. And headphones offer better sound quality in general than earbuds?
I rather them ask questions about the sound quality or size of my headphones than the boy question. You pick your battles and you can’t win them all.
I am an expert of ghosting a event when introductions come around and they say “HEY ALESHA I GOT A SON WANNA MET HIM?”
No thank you…
I am an expert of staying away from people if I need to. Ha.
The way I see it, if people want a relationship get their own. Or play matchmaker with someone else..Lawdz.
As I write this, more and more keep asking.
Other people are worried about it more than I am. Because I don’t care.
Even in the music industry, I had to and continue to come down on guys hard. I always appreciate the ones who keep it music friendly. In Indianapolis and other places, they drop hints about my relationship status and I have to nip it in the bud. It doesn’t happen as much other places but when it does I say
My statement: I’m here to record music. I have no interest in any romantic relationships with you. I appreciate feed back on how to make my songs better.
At this rate, I rather hear someone say how good or how much a song sucks than to ask about my “boyfriend.”
My relationship with myself is the most important. No guy determines my self esteem or self worth. Ever.
According to Shani Silver, she said
I would really love is the next time I tell someone I don’t want to have kids, they’re able to look at me and reply in sincere honesty, “Good for you.”
I agree with this, instead of everyone and their momma trying to convince you that it’s something you have to do or should want to do.
They throw love around like it’s confetti at a wedding. How about me liking you and being able to be in a room with you for longer than 10 minutes? If you don’t make better look perfect, I’m out.
Partners come and go, but the relationship with myself is forever. Sara preach. I’m in your sermon if you ever have one, I gotcha girlfriend.
Me and the guy are on and off. I like alone time, and many don’t seem to understand that it’s my solitude. I have a identity that I want to keep, and a purpose that that I’m on.
Independence helps you establish your own identity, carve your niche, and become self-reliant.-Menwit Staff
He wants to get married (and tried to put the pressure on several times). I’m not going to post an engaged status on Facebook just to appease your family and friends and to keep up with what so and so is doing.
And the same thing that Kris’s article said. The only good reason is “because everyone else is doing it?”
Um how about living life on our own terms and ignore the joneses?
I don’t owe the world anything. Like, I’m also a talented visual artist but few people know this about me. I don’t owe the world art, and I don’t owe it kids.-Kris Gage
Personally? I thought with him being a little bit older than the 20’s crowd we would be over that hump. But I’m learning that people compete and want to be socially acceptable at all ages to please other people. People do way too much to please other people. Please yourself. I don’t owe the world nothing, and me not going along to get along is not the end of the world.
I’m referring to other articles because it relates to me so much. Being independent is looked down on, because it doesn’t involve needing or wanting a guy (at times). I was told stories that 50 years ago or so women needed men to buy houses, get credit cards and so on.
But things have changed.
These articles are SPOT on and truthfully I don’t think I needed to write this articles because I can refer to these babies:
Tick Tick Tick, says My Millennial Biological Clock
Instagram reminded me today why I don’t want kids
Why Does No One Believe Me When I Say I Don’t Want Kids?
Originally published on Elite Daily, 6/22/16
But here’s my best attempt and this is the follow-up article to this article:
I'm Engaged. But Not In The Way You Think.
This article is not what you think. Just read it first, no congratulations needed.
I don’t want to settle just to say I have someone. I’m not waking up in the middle of the night thinking that I’m missing out. I have never chased a guy or defined my worth by having one in my life. I stopped asking for support truthfully when I found that I couldn’t trust people in my life. Do I ask for help? Absolutely. Then my some of the family goes behind my back and tells everyone what they did and what not.
It’s shocking how much of life is guided by the proper order of small talk. Graduating, getting a job, meeting someone, dating them, getting engaged, getting married, having a baby. That’s the proper, acceptable order. That’s the order that won’t get you gossiped about in synagogue at the High Holidays. Then you become the one who dishes out the small talk.-Shani Silver
I think it would be great if all kinds of life decisions were acceptable. Remaining childless, cohabiting with friends, living in yurts. I’d love it if every decision I’ve ever made that didn’t make for good small talk still had the same ability to elicit approval and pride from my friends and family. But I think we’ve been conditioned.-Shani Silver
We definitely have been conditioned Shani. I get called selfish for not wanting to live the way others live. For carving my life path and choosing my own purpose. And the power is I don’t care. I’ve taken my power.
Guy friends I know you take the heat to find a wife and have kids. As a lady when you say you don’t want marriage or have kids? Shit hits the fan. I don’t want kids right now if ever.
It’s our duty to want to be nurturers, mothers, and be everything to everybody. If we don’t…..(Glenn Close said in her Golden Globe speech that women have to find personal fulfillment. I COULDN’T HAVE SAID IT ANY BETTER.)
“OMG WILL YOU BE LONELY.
My response: NO I won’t be. Only child over here. I LIKE SOLITUDE.
“OMG YOUR BLOODLINE WILL NOT BE PASSED ON.”
My response: Yes it will. There’s so many Petersons around re-populating I don’t have to worry about it. I got 6th cousins right now so as I write this, our family bloodline is strong. Technically we are also Peters, Pattersons, um and a lot more last names that I can’t think of.
And yes, Dan I know the title of your story is feeling bad for not wanting kids, but for me personally I got tired of the “aw you will be a cute wife for someone someday” and it just turned me off completely. And “aw what will they look like.”(Being multiracial, everybody and their mother plays these genetic games and try to hook you up with anything with pants, and come up with all kinds of combinations of what they think your future kids will look like. Jesus Christ help me. Calm down people!
“Omg you would be a great mother and wife.”
I give them a cold stare. And then say
No. If there is a horrible wife and mother award, I should be one of the first to get it. I’m not a bad person, there’s obligations that are required with that and I’m not interested.
Either Google “7 things to never say to mixed people” or read these:
10 Things Interracial Couples Wish You'd Stop Asking Them
It's been more than fifty years since the landmark Loving v. Virginia case invalidated laws banning interracial…
Here's the Uncomfortable Truth About What Dating Is Like as a Biracial Person
Nobody walks away from online dating without a negative story or two, whether it's having to fend off the guy who won't…
8 Things To Never Say To A Mixed Race Person
The Disney College Program, three little words that may or may not forever change your perspective of the world…
12 Things You Should Never Say To a Mixed Person
1. Are you more [insert ethnicity] or [insert ethnicity]? This is such a dumb question, especially if I tell you I'm…
7 Ridiculous Things Not to Say to Mixed Race People
I am mixed race. There are many ways to be mixed race - the dictionary defines it as people whose parents or ancestors…
What Are You?
It's ridiculous I had to keep addressing this, especially in my earlier years.
23 Things You Should Never Say To A Person Of Mixed Race
Don't get me wrong; I love being multiracial and am beyond thankful for the experiences I've had because of it. What…
At this point in the conversation, I ghost them. PLUS They act like you are supposed to be so grateful that they are playing matchmaker by saying “Hey I got a son”. I’m even more turned off at this point and then I exit the building to return to my castle of solitude.….)
There’s nothing cute about me being a mother, just keeping it real. Geez. And the kids are not me. They would be their own people, not people to shove my dreams on. For example, you see parents pushing their kids into showbiz because they secretly wish they were famous and in the entertainment industry. IF I want to do something, I do it myself, and let my brats have their own life.
It’s thankless work that I’m not sure that I’m really up for or interested in.
At this point? I don’t on having kids end or proposals.
On the relationship end? It would be nice to have a supportive shoulder. Someone to be there for you when they said they would. Someone that will help you with no strings attached.
If you want to have a friend to watch romantic Disney movies with? I’m game. I’m not going to ruin it and say romance doesn’t exist. It does. But not for me and I’m not gonna ruin the moment for anyone else.
Girls night out. Sure! I’m a chicks before dudes kind of girl anyways.
When it’s time to go home to my own bed, in my own space, that’s my castle. I like that I don’t have to answer to anyone.
What turns me off personally (this is like the 4th time I mention what turns me off in this article).
Needy people. I have friends (and had boyfriends) that will call me 10 times and say “hey” and it’s highly annoying. Both guys and girls, have you ever had that friend that keeps texting you “whatsup” or “hey” and that’s the only thing they tell you. Get a life please…
People trying to say that the simple act of marriage will make you happy. The cute wife comments sound nice but they won’t work on me. How can you expect other people to make you happy? How do you know if he/she can be trusted with that sort of power and responsibility?
I wrote this in this article and it still sticks with me to this day.
2 Lessons I’ve Learned About Friendships
What is the most powerful lessons I’ve learned about relationships? And what I wish I learned earlier?
By letting people decide how happy you are, you give away the most basic control of yourself to people that may or may not turn out to be good for you, or even responsible enough to be trusted with your happiness.
Fact: Kids don’t actually make us happier
Since the 1980s, at least two-dozen studies have shown that the quality of marriage decreases once the couple has kids. Studies also show that when kids leave the nest, parents are happier than any other time in their relationship.
We choose to be in relationship because we like you, not because we can’t live without you.-Stacey Becker
The argument that marriage and kids will automatically make me happy won’t work. To any of my Medium family reading this. I will need way more convincing than that.
We know how to save money and are actively interested in planning for our own retirement. We know what a 401K plan is. -Stacey Becker
I also know what multiple income streams are.
I low-key rather be single, and like many others before and after me (the silent portion of the population they don’t want to showcase on tv). Why are people who like to do things alone considered lonely? For the 100th time, and I will repeat this forever. I love doing things alone, and I wish people quit worrying about it.
I may get married. I might not. I may or may not have kids. I’m not worried about it like other people back at home in Indiana are.
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Hello There! I’m Alesha! I’ve been involved in different businesses in several different capacities from being ceo, coo, co-founder, and more. I’ve learned so much from creating businesses, and I look forward to all the learning experiences I will have from starting new ventures. 2019 I’m excited to announce that I’m going to add more businesses to my portfolio. STAY TUNED! I’m going to introduce them sometime next year!
With one business I was involved with, we made it possible to install a little device with customized hardware and a SaaS solution implemented to the router, the business owner was able see live data about social media info collected.
With another company, we had professional internet marketing company that focus on digital marketing campaigns, services and jobs such as SEO, PPC, Online Reputation Management, and social media marketing.
With EYT, I oversaw day-to-day operations and keeping the CEO apprised of significant events;Yes I actually talk with my business partner on a daily basis. I created operations strategy and policies; Communicated strategy and policy to employees and interns; Fostering employee alignment with corporate goals; and overseeing human resource management. I also delegated tasks to my team.
With Bones’ Custom Guitar. We created custom guitars for musicians with imported wood. No one Bones’ guitar is the same.
The Wish Benefit Concert is a concert founded by Ayana Carter, Mel Sexton and Alesha Peterson. It’s privately held at Riley Hospital For Children.