I’m Still Not Convinced My Black Life Matters To Some Of My White Friends

It’s been couple months out since George Floyd died. I still don’t think most of my friends care. Some of them do. Others don’t. As I write this article, Jacob Black was shot in the back 7 times, and Breanna Taylor still haven’t had no justice, but her family got a 12 million dollar settlement.

I’m taking most of this article from this one. So if you want to read this first, go head. It may make more sense if you do.

I was involved in an organization that definitely had subtle and slick forms of racism, the most dangerous kind. I had some great memories with the organization. But the signs were too big to ignore and I read the writing on the wall.

By dropping the APO portion and some of the stories of it, I figure more people would read it. I’m going to keep the “how you can help" responses in. I added a few new things in too.

I also wrote it after seeing so many people in my different friend circles post BLM posts and they didn’t stand up for black people when they had the chance. They were (and many of them still are) more interested in people pleasing and fitting in instead of standing up for what’s right. To be blunt, they were cowards and stayed silent. The Opposite Of Courage In Our Society Is Not Cowardice- It Is Conformity. It was too easy for you all to conform. They are not stupid and knew exactly how they were treating people. The only reason they are posting it is because it’s popular in the moment. AND it’s what their friends are doing. Only time will tell if they really mean it. At this point I’m not buying it. A lot of them don’t care about racism, black people or black causes, period. You got to do more than post a #blackouttueday post to fight racism.

Most of them uphold major prejudices until something like BLM becomes trending and then of course they feel the need to hop on the bandwagon for popularity reasons as opposed to moral and justice based reasons-Anonymous

I also write from a couple different angles (you will see what I’m saying as I read it). Hopefully after you go through the whole article, you will know I’m not leaving nothing to the imagination.

I do think George was a catalyst.

But I do notice conversations slowing down. And people are starting to get too relaxed. Racism is a never ending war and this is no time to get exhausted and tired.

1. As I try to explain to my white friends and relatives that ask, no one hates you because you’re white. I do not hate anyone for being white. Many races blood runs through my veins. Much love to you all. When we are standing up for Black rights, Asian rights, Latino rights, Native American rights and so on we are not putting white people down.

We rally around the group that needs support in that moment.

Photo Credit To Arlene. You are one of the few that constantly post, while others stay silent. I appreciate you sis! I will eventually edit this so your name is cut out, but my phone is broke now.

The point of trying to diversify representation on television, in movies and in entertainment and pop culture isn’t to negate white culture. Nor is it to take away stories or representation of white people. It’s just to make sure that other people — from Natives to immigrants to black people — are also seen. There’s also an important need for people to understand that multicultural representation is a net gain.-Kovie

What I hate is (sometimes this happens not always since leaving school) being treated a certain way because of my skin color. There’s a number of times where some of my own white brothers and sisters would correct me, overlook me, look down on me, ignore me, question me and outright disrespect me (this especially goes for some of the organizations I was in). I can tell that some of you think you’re better and superior. To be blunt, I really don’t discuss racism with most of my white friends or relatives because it doesn’t happen to them and they don’t care. I don’t hate any of them for it, but they don’t care. It doesn’t happen to them so it’s a non issue to them. General attitudes: Why change a system that benefits me? They will claim publicly that this isn’t true, but their actions say otherwise. (They fail to understand that’s there’s enough for everyone, and no one’s accomplishments is taking away from them). When they go back to their friend groups they are quick to chime in on the racist conversations but don’t have the balls to confront their friends about it.

If they are open to it, I’m here. I will continue to remind you: The most racism I’ve ever experienced was in school. Once I left school, 99.9999999% of the issues went away.

The most dangerous forms of racism is the unseen kinds, not direct insults. It’s practiced. It’s laid out in policies. It’s attitudes.

I can tell that a number of you in my life think that black people isn’t on the same level as you, and that you’re better. As Elyse points points out, I’m not gonna hold a banner for you because many of you now just decided to see black people as human beings, that it took a black guy to be killed on camera and to trend for it to catch your attention. That it took all of that for many of you to see black people or other poc, bipoc as your equal. Are you invested in this for the long haul? Or are you posting on social media to be politically correct, and 6 months from now you will go back to the same way you were before?

I appreciate you trying.

However.

I’m not buying it.

What I can do is give you a scout badge or reward of some sort for being a great pretender. Maybe a piece of your favorite candy? Maybe I can tell my agents how good your acting skills are and they could potentially manage you or get someone else to do it. If a role doesn’t fit for me I’ll be glad to pass it on to you. 😂

In other words.

I don’t believe that some of you see black people on the same level as you still, it’s not what you say, it’s what you do. Be aware that the simple act of posting quotes on social media, or participating in #BlackOutTuesday, is no substitute for making actionable long term change. It’s words.

I was told by a white friend a long time ago that they were/are told that white is right, white culture is the dominant culture, and it’s up to others to get to know them and fit in with them. It’s up to you as an individual to reject all this way of thinking and.

And.

And*

  • Stop thinking you are superior.
  • Stop thinking the world revolves around you. It’s not about you.
  • Stop thinking you know everything.
  • Stop interrupting people like your voice is the only one that matters. Let people finish what they are saying, then you speak.
  • Stop trying to shut black people/other poc down when they disagree with you.

White people do not think in terms of we. White people have the privilege to interact with the social and political structures of our society as individuals. You are “you,” I am “one of them.” Whites are often not directly affected by racial oppression even in their own community, so what does not affect them locally has little chance of affecting them regionally or nationally. They have no need, nor often any real desire, to think in terms of a group. They are supported by the system, and so are mostly unaffected by it.-John Metta, I Racist

Many of you have been taught early White people need to correct us non-White people because we are genetically inferior. We have our own minds; we have our own thoughts, and we see your actions and behaviors differently. Some of us don’t see you all as saviors, we see you as problems and major obstacles to progress upward mobility, and equality. Your savior views aren’t the right views, just White views.-Marley K.

That’s one of whiteness’ greatest strengths: being invisible. It’s considered the norm. Everything else is an outlier. It falls outside of that.-Kovie

I appreciate the BLM posts, but are you looking in the mirror to make sure that you’re not being racist yourself? Are you posting just for show and to look like the good person, just to get by? If you are going to be an black “ally”, do the work for life. This is not a sprint. This is a never ending marathon.

Your increase in “BLM” posts on social media does not make up for the years of inaction. You asking a lot of questions about what you can do is not going to heal a deep wound over night. Apologizing to Colin Kaepernick now, saying he was right this whole time will not get his quarterback job back. It does not take away years and years of injustice. No amount of donations can make this go away. It doesn’t make up for the fact you didn’t see racism as a problem before. It’s a little too late for all that.

Stop over posting and saturating everyone’s damn feed with your white guilt. Get off social media and prepare to do the mental work for the long haul.

Spend more time making a change in your attitudes instead of saying empty sorrys.

Dear White people. We get it. You’re mad. However, your new level of indignation is no equal to our anger. Black people have been this mad for 400 years. You have been this mad for a month. Posting 99.9% more times on Instagram about how you’re handling your sudden wokeness to Black anger does not overcompensate for a lifetime of relative inaction. No fund exists that can fundraise away your guilt. -Michael K. Dowling

I always find it interesting when organizations and schools say they want more diversity, but people in them do underhanded things to make sure POC/BIPOC don’t stick around (like what those certain people did to me). They say one thing for the status quo, but exclude them to the point where they leave. Well intentioned white brothers and sisters I knew made these diversity programs, but sabotage them by not getting their own biases in check. They mean well, but ended up dishing out racism instead of helping them or treating them like a human being. One of my friends said he didn’t see himself as a minority or considered himself one until we were in school together. They label so much and try to make you think you can’t make it without them or if you don’t get help from this “minority” program, we will fail.

They say one thing to get funding. But they don’t practice what they preach. I see this happen ALL THE TIME.

Many diversity programs I’ve come across are halfhearted and for show. I generally avoid them to avoid being labeled and stereotyped.

Sometimes, I’m usually the only POC/BIPOC in the spaces that I go to. I made an investment once, and the operator said “It’s refreshing that you are not an old white man.” It does not bother me. Usually, other people make it a big deal when I don’t. I’m so used to it.

Reflection time.

  • Have you ever told a black person that they don’t act black?
  • Have you ever said you are blacker than someone?
  • Have you dismissed someone else’s story because it’s too “unbelievable” , played devil’s advocate, tell them to bring more prove or tell a black person to stop using the race excuse? And then in your mind you think: They are just using the race card, They need to just work a little harder. They need to just study a little more. They are lazy, ghetto, and from the wrong side of the tracks. (Be honest. I heard you and tested some of you before. Some of you said these things about other black people to me.)
  • Have you said black jokes?
  • Have you said racist jokes in the past? Make amends for it? Said the N word? (A story on that below).
  • Helped a black person out and you thought you were doing them a favor aka being a do gooder?
  • Bully someone, especially a POC out of a job and make them so uncomfortable that they don’t want to be there anymore? Bully a poc out of an organization and got others to gang up on people?
  • Seen a black person of excellence and you were gonna make sure they are not gonna get a head of you personally or professionally: spreading nasty rumors, not recommend them for a job, not invest in their business and so on?
  • Have you ever told someone you don’t see color? (The colorblind theory was mentioned to me once, but there’s different colors to be embraced and loved).
  • Have you seen a successful black person, and you give them the third degree? Are you willing to help someone else first because you are afraid of this person getting ahead of you and debunking all your stereotypes? Did you try to play a part in trying to keep a black person “in their place?”
  • Have you ever told someone “What is someone like you doing in a place like this?”
  • Have you ever questioned a black professional (i.e black professor, doctor, lawyer, engineer, etc) because you predetermined that their credentials can’t be real?
  • Called the police on a black person who was doing work in someone’s yard, and they had the company t-shirt, credentials, and car but posed a threat to you because of their skin color? The police showed up and yes they really are from the local gas/light/ company!
  • Have you clumped all black people into a category and jumped to conclusions? Have you still failed to realize that everyone is a individual with their own thoughts and opinions?
  • P.S: It’s amazing how people think black people are collective and the same but whites are individuals. I even had to remind people in my major at the time that I’m not the spokesperson for every black person here. The other black people don’t speak for me, I don’t speak for them.
  • Followed a black person through your neighborhood, because you predetermined that they were going to rob a house. After all, running and looking at your watch to check your pulse and heart rate is suspicious activity. 😡
  • Have you followed someone in the store?
  • Have you approached a black person and assumed they worked there? Assumed that they were the help and is there to serve you?
  • Have you gone out with your white friends and treated your black friends like they don’t exist? Does your personality change depending on which race of friends you are around? Have you and your white friends insulted black people?
  • Do you think black people look alike? Off the record, I would never say Samuel L Jackson, Morgan Freeman or Laurence Fishburne looked alike. Have some respect!
  • Have a black person ever told you they like country, opera, symphony music and you have a shell-shocked look on your face because it goes against your racial stereotypes?
  • Taken up the whole sidewalk and expected the black people to move out your way? After all, you’ve been taught that you’re better and the world revolves around you.
  • Saw a black person comb their hair, and say “ew that’s bad hair?”
  • See a black person in your white neighborhood, and assume that they will bring the property value down in your area? Purposely keep black people out of your all white organizations because you think it will bring the value of the organization down?
  • See a group of black people come into your business/space and you get scared?
  • Did you see the quote I posted? Do you appropriate black culture, but hate black people? Do you know the lyrics to black songs, but teach your children that black people are inferior to them and to not hang out with them? Do you like black food, clothes and shoes but will not go to a black person’s house and disrespect black culture?
  • Have you seen a tall black person and assume that they play sports?
  • Are quick to recognize a black person’s athletic abilities but are slow to recognize their smarts?
  • Do you always assume that black people isn’t registered to vote? Somehow you always approach the black people and ask them that question.
  • Will you read this, and say who in the hell do she think she is, because your white superiority complex will not allow you to just read, reflect and learn? Do you only value the views and opinions of white people and ignore non-white people because they don’t matter to you?
  • As you read this you see yourself in this or done this to someone? Does any of these questions offend you? Does it look like I give a f***? I don’t like some people stereotyping me, racially profiling me or treating me like I’m stupid either. So we both have something we don’t like! Woo!

And in some instances, I’m my white friend’s only black friend. Others are uncomfortable hanging out with black people (it shows). More on this below.

Every song or cry doesn’t have to be White centered. You don’t need a movement. You should move over and give others the space to protest. Look, listen, act. Don’t co-opt or outright steal a movement and they pretend it’s yours. Pirates do that stuff.-Marley K.

Here’s several reads that I suggest to everyone, no matter what color you are.

Inside Medium:

Your White Guilt Is Taking A Toll On Your Black Friends.

Dear White Friends, I See Right Through Your #BlackLivesMatters Posts

75 Things White People Can Do For Racial Injustice

Mediation on Whiteness

I, Racist

There’s no such thing as a White Ally

Insulting Things Alot of White People Do

A Quick Read For White People Who Don’t Consider Themselves Racist

It Took Me 34 Years To Realize I Was A Racist

What Happens When A White Person Talks About Race

The Unbearable Blackness Of Liking White People Shit

Dear White People, Please Stop Invading My Space

A Message From Your Safe Black Friends

Stop Asking Your Black Friends “How Are You”

White People Are Cashing Out Of Their BLM Currency

Racism Through The Eyes Of A Rural White America

How Well Intended White People Uphold Racism

How I Challenged A Privileged White Male Friend’s Racism

Outside Medium

Who Killed Vincent Chin (Film)

Yellow: Race in America Beyond Black and White, Frank Wu

The Making of Asian America: A History, Erica Lee

Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?: And Other Conversations About Race, Beverly Daniel Tatum

The New Jim Crow, Michelle Alexander

The Fire Next Time, James Baldwin

Between Me and The World, Tanehisi Coates

White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People To Talk About Racism, Robin DiAngelo

Stand Your Ground: Black Bodies and The Justice Of God, Kelly Brown Douglas

How To Be Anti-Racist, Ibram X Kendi

Stamped From The Beginning, Ibram X Kendi

So You Want To Talk About Race, Ijeoma Oluo

Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You, Jason Reynolds

American’s Original Sin, Jim Wallis

(I could keep going and going on resources for you to look at.)

Continue to stand up for what is right. But don’t forget to do some soul searching and look in the mirror and make sure you’re not perpetuating the problem.

A Few Stories To Get A Basic Understanding Of Where I’m Coming From

An real life example of a true white ally

(And why some people really do have their heart in the right place).

Me and my mom were walking around City Market.

This black guy starts following us around, turned down every aisle we turned down, and so on. It was so obvious he was following us. He was a bad stalker.

This white lady business owner quickly and swiftly came to our defense. She knew immediately that the guy was harassing us and got him thrown out.

She went through all that effort, (more than some of the friends I’ve known for years would do) and she didn’t even know us?

This one is a keeper.

We got a new friend out of it, and I got a new place to eat. Yummy. A foodie’s dream come true.

The Bottom Line Here…

Black people have a lot to address in the community, because yes while racism happens, we can also be our own worst enemy.

I can tell you many stories of black guys and gals disrespecting me, following me, kicking me down, being jealous, acting racist (not black enough comments, lite-bright comments) and a white friend or non black friend coming to my defense. I have many loving black friends and family, but I gotta be honest and say a lot of my so called “people" hasn’t been the nicest towards me.

I’ve experienced racism from both black and white people. People (especially my black classmates) over the years thought my lighter skin gives me an advantage or white privilege. Not true in my case. It just gave my black classmates an excuse and reason to find someone to pick on, because in their mind I was the “hottest girl in the class”. The things I’ve heard in my life doesn’t shock me anymore. I’ve heard many cruel comments from both black and white people and it doesn’t surprise me.

I think it’s a big mistake to simplify the world into “whiteness is inherently evil,” but I can’t much blame a black guy who’s tempted to do that.

As you wisely point out, the race you’re born into is beyond your control. It’s not an accomplishment, and should be a source of neither pride nor shame. What you can be proud of — or ashamed of — is your own conduct in the world, and especially how you treat children, animals, and enemies who are at your mercy.-J.O Manning

Everyone has a choice on how they choose to treat people AND to treat people the way they want to be treated. (I mention this below also-the girls in my class had some serious deep-seeded issues.) My classmates could have thought “you know what, this isn’t right.” BUT THEY DIDN’T. They were more concerned with fitting in. My “white brothers” in my former organization COULD HAVE done the right thing and stood up to the racism they saw. But they remained silent and wanted to also fit in.

Could have, should have, would have. But did you?

People in both instances? Were and still are interested in looking out for themselves more than taking a stand. After all they won’t want to lose their position and too afraid of being disliked.

Remember that you always have the power to be kind to people surrounding you despite outside pressures to be like everyone else.

On the other hand 1….

People, just because someone has white skin does not mean they are “automatically” oppressing you. I’ve had a lot of bad run ins with a lot of white people and black people alike throughout my years of school, but I don’t go around thinking everyone is like that, because they are not. I have a lot of friends of all kinds of backgrounds because I told you multiple times throughout my articles I don’t pick friends based on skin color; if we click, we click. I bonded with a lot of friends over tequila. Sometimes, I do notice when I’m with my white friends/other group, some black people give me dirty looks. I’m going to hang out with whomever I want, and you are gonna f*** off. (In fact I would suggest to them instead of staring so hard to learn about people from other backgrounds yourself. Your worldview is enhanced and enriched so much from learning about cultures other than your own). Same thing from black dudes when they see me dating a white guy or a non-black guy. Do I trip when I see a white girl on your arm? Nope. Do I personally think you are rejecting black women because you fell in love who you fell in love with? Nope. (Although some say otherwise in these threads I see). Happy as hell for you. I have to remind them all the time : mind your own business hun. :D Because when you are dating who you want I’m definitely not into your business.

I don’t own you, and you don’t own me. As long as your happy, I’m happy for you. You do you, and I’mma do me. We even. :D

Obviously there are more serious aspects to it. But for the everyday stuff like The Chainsmokers, or a vapid rom-com, it allows me to stop thinking about race for a bit. Even though we can never really stop thinking about race. And I guess it shows how, in some ways, we participate in that invisibility of whiteness just by enjoying that. But as a black person you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. (laughs)

Again, whiteness’ greatest strength is its invisibility. But divorced from having to think about those things, you can see yourself in some of the basic storylines of a movie like Lady Bird — if that makes sense. Unlike when you’re watching a movie featuring black people, in which you’re all of a sudden so hammered with identity. In a lot of white culture, you can relate to it without being heavily invested in it.

I have zero problems with any black person stanning for Meryl Streep… for her work. Meryl Streep is also a very good example of the invisibility of whiteness. We can all love her because we don’t have to think about Meryl Streep’s race. We can just focus on her work. That’s not the same for any black actor. When we think of Angela Bassett or Viola Davis, we think of these powerhouses, and we always talk about them in the context of not only their work and their art, but their blackness, their black womanhood. But the invisibility of Meryl Streep’s whiteness allows her to be great in this way where her race never comes up.-Kovie, The Unbearable Blackness Of Liking White People Shit

I’ve had black people accuse me of thinking I’m better. The antics of my jealous black classmates was nearly unforgivable.

This is why I befriended many more people outside my school, especially the Dragon Ball Z Warriors. Those characters are the bff’s I never had. I need Goku to teach me instant transmission lol.

I often think about how much black people seem to hate other black people, but especially hate black women, and I always wonder who treats us worse, i.e. black men or other black women, because I honestly can’t tell.-Ren Simon

On The Other Hand 2….

I do not speak for other light skinned/bi-racial/multi-racial/(how you identify) individuals. How people of multi-racial backgrounds identify themselves comes up all the time and is an individual decision and journey. Everyone has their own life experiences.

Do we benefit from European standards of beauty? I’ve heard many opinions over the years from fellow light/bi-racial/multi-racial people.

Let me put it this way to explain my way of thinking.

I have tons white friends who have family businesses that their great-grandparents made and they are millionaires 10 times over. I think it’s great that you have money out the wazoo.

I think it’s great that you don’t have to not have money worries for life, that you have a family business (or 2 or 3) to go to.

I have black friends who have made it. Are successful millionaires in their own right. Did they benefit from white privilege? Nope. They thrived and was successful despite.

Hispanic friends that made it. Did they benefit from white privilege? Nope. They thrived and was successful despite.

Asian friends that made it. Did they benefit from white privilege. Nope. They made it despite.

I’m not gonna put every group on the planet here, but you get my point.

I’m happy for them all and don’t have a jealous bone in my body.

We’re regularly asked to suffer on the page for a voyeuristic White gaze, that feeds off cathartic writing from people of color. It allows the reader to consume pain without feeling guilty. This is a trend. These are words on a page. This is not real. Our stories, and the trauma that births them, manufacture high demand for stories that only see us through the lens of pain. It further incentivizes editors, publishers, and even Hollywood to demand people of color root out their pain and hold it up for everyone to see — often with insufficient compensation for the emotional labor required, and a boatload of profit for the industries that exploit us. From Yes, I’m A Black Writer — But I Can’t Write About Race Anymore by Assad Abderemane

On the Otherhand 3:

I’ve known some white people that grew up in very hard circumstances and wasn’t born with a silver spoon in their mouth. One of my friends passed away this year (one of several). I had no idea he was gone until I checked on him on Facebook. I was like what the f*** another one of my homies gone? We were going to link up and he was gonna be my bartender on tour. I heard he was working on his rapping skills.

I got white friends who literally have grown up in worst circumstances than me. I also have white friends right now who are really having a hard time.

A lot of white men in the United States are suffering from unemployment, failing health, epidemic levels of social isolation and mental health challenges. A lot of white men are on the streets, victims of combat PTSD and economic disasters. Millions of white men are victims of our man box culture of masculinity that expects us to win every day and doesn’t give a damn about us when we stop winning. When we tell men whose lives have fallen apart, that they have white privilege, it can be difficult for them to hear.-Mark Greene, From A Simple Thought Experiment on White Privilege That Anyone Can Understand

Because privilege is an easier word to accept than supremacist when discussed around issues of race. It also soothes the feelings of white people who would rather learn about all the benefits they are perceived to have over Black people, even if those benefits are unearned, rather than their collective atrocities against Black people. They can use the points and details of its definition to refute and debate the efficacy of the term. They can apply guilt about being privileged because they are now consciously “accepting” the truth of their dominance over Black people but without accountability or responsibility. They can show concern and sadness about the disparities without owning the blame, since as individuals, they are the beneficiaries of a legacy, the inheritors, not the creators of the ideology that gave birth to the system that produced the disparities. A Look into the White Centered Euphemistic World of White Supremacy and Racism: White Privilege, Dr. Cynthia Alease Smith

If I present the argument of white privilege to them (and it’s existence), they will say that I’m more privileged than them. The conversation goes no where. And to they will tell me to get the hell out of here girlfriend lol. Then we will go out to bars and drink with each other lol.

You’ve been blessed with* <INSERT TERM> attributed to your race, many of which you may not even be aware of. Everything from how you see yourself in the media, generational wealth, educational advantages due to where you grew up, police and judicial biases, and political advantages. These all have an impact on how you exist in the world. They are benefits and blessings not afforded those in marginalized groups of race and identity. They don’t detract from the hard work you’ve done in life. But they do mean that your race was never a hindrance to that work or success., It May Be Time to Retire the Term “White Privilege” by Ron Dawson

You may not personally experience racial privilege afforded to you because of individual traits, but simply by being White you have historically been afforded opportunities and treated more fairly than other racial groups. Acknowledge that someone could have experienced something negatively, based on experience and history, regardless of your intention. Own that you might have contributed to that impact, despite your good intentions.-Deborah L. Plummer

More on this below, but I do not think about who has what advantages over me. Or who’s ahead of me or who’s behind me. Because I spent more time moving myself forward.

The girls who treated me like dirt from school have/had some deep seeded insecurities that had nothing to do with me that they need to sort out on their own time and life journeys. They unfairly targeted me because of my light skin, and you should NEVER treat someone mean because of their skin color. Or because you think someone is cuter than you.

(I read somewhere that as a light-skinned person, you need to stand up for other black people. Yes I will definitely call out any injustice that I see. If you know me, I stand up for my friends regardless of skin color. I do not pick friends based on skin color, I pick friends based on content of character. If we click, we click. However, I refuse to take bad treatment from anyone in the process. One of the people I was nicest to in grade school was the one of the worst people I met in my life, and she constantly brought up the light skin/dark skin debate. At this point her intentions were to destroy me throughout grade school and high school and I stayed away from her ever since. I’m not going to be anyone’s whipping board.)

Newsflash: Even if you think someone has some sort of advantage over you, financial, skin color, upbringing, privilege, etc that’s still no excuse to treat them like dirt.

No one has control over the skin they were born in. But you, I and everyone does have control over how you treat people. I’m not making apologies for my complexion nor am I going to hang around people who have insecurities over their features and choose to treat me badly.

I love the skin that I’m in, and hang out with people who are very secure in themselves and love themselves. Hell, they don’t care about that and their personality shines so brightly they light up a room.

I know this is easier said than done. But people of color (and everyone really) need to let go of the European standards of beauty and love the skin that they are in (The article, and the video around the last 10 seconds, I think they deleted it and I got to find it lol).

It’s the same idea that one of my friends once said that light skinned people get more attention then they do. And some even say that being “light skinned” allows you to fit in better, that we are seen as good, and less threatening because of our “hues”. No amount of assimilation will shield you from the racism in the United States. And no matter how light you are, to the world you are still a black person, and they throw the black stuff on you, then you catch it from within the black community, because they think that you think you’re “cute and or whiter than they are”.

There’s also a thing that too many people like to do: put you in a box and categorize you instead of getting to know you as a human being.

Here’s my response to those friends (ripped from a conversation I had).

There’s going to be people that don’t like you for whatever reason. There’s people out there that don’t like me either. Instead of focusing on the people or men that don’t like you, focus on the ones that do. Maybe he ain’t your type, maybe you dodged a bullet and they are not your people. What if he laid eyes on you and you find out he was a dud? And yes there’s people out here that are cruel and say harsh things. But once you find your tribe the people who don’t mean nothing slips in the rear view mirror. Getting their attention or not means nothing.

Don’t worry about the men/women who don’t like you, because there will be plenty others that do! And will love you for you.

Have you considered that there’s some people don’t like light-skinned women? Do you think I think about it? Nope. Once you stop basing your self-esteem and self worth on other people, it’s a great place to be in. There’s people who don’t like me for whatever reason, and I choose not to focus on them, I focus on the people that love me for me!

I have friends of all shades who attract more guys than me when we go out to bars or when we are out and about.

I also have a tendency to hang out with people who love the skin that they are in. It’s no competition. It’s a different mature vibe. Life is too short for the catty girls or guys is or isn’t looking at me shit.

And I’m not caring about what guy is or not looking at me, keeping count of the numbers I do or don’t get. They get guy’s eyes that night? Good for them. Get it gurrlllll.

I would suggest everyone read Why I Stop Being Jealous Of My Beautiful Friends post. It explores the journey of being ok with her more beautiful friends getting attention because the fact of the matter is:

“Over the years, I stopped being jealous of my beautiful friends. Getting so much attention from men also means attracting the jaundiced eye of the patriarchy, with it’s simultaneous desire to prop women up even as it tears them down.” -Nicole Peeler

As a lady who gets a lot of attention, I would love harassment free days/nights at bars. I would love to be able to enjoy my time with friends without some guy taping on my shoulder or trying to follow me around. There’s some of us who genuinely want to eat our salad hang with our friends, and be left alone. Even in sweatpants and no make up, I still get unwanted attention. I was looking over old party photos recently, because one of my favorite party places in the world closed. Besides dressing up occasionally to look nice for myself, I never cared about grabbing a dude’s attention like that. I’ve literally gone out to bars in sweatpants and no makeup and still can’t get no peace from the fellas.

I also suggest you read Yes, My Twin Sister Is Hotter Than Me. The lady in the story is also named Alicia (hey name buddy). Same thing here, looking back I used to wonder why people used to keep up with me so much, why they were so obsessed, and like Alicia in the story? Teachers even asked my peers what I was doing in high school to keep up with me. Some of it was racist-based because I didn’t act the way a black person in their mind should act. Also, I was considered the nicest looking in the class by several (others said it to me lol). A person is a person, regardless of what they look like. The lack of focus on me as a person was also extremely disturbing-grade school and some high school peers spent more time trying to cut me instead of getting to know me. Some stories below.

Evelyn is so right, get to know a person AND HAVE A CONVERSATION instead of judging a person by their looks. You might even enjoy the conversation REGARDLESS OF THE VIEW. We as a society have A LONG way to go before we get to that point. When it boils down to it, we are judged by what we look like.

For years, I couldn’t quite grasp that our society judges people on how they look, and the beautiful ones have an advantage. Today, a good-looking mugshot can take you from convicted felon to working fashion model.

And this leg up in life makes it easy to hate someone more fortunate than ourselves. It’s simpler to be envious of others than accept who we are sometimes.-Evelyn Martinez

(I watch crime shows, and it doesn’t end well for some of the ladies/guys in the stories. The friends of the attractive girl/boy are still alive, the attractive person is dead. Don’t always consider your position a curse. )

As you find out in life, bars isn’t the best place to meet people.

Not getting attention can be a blessing in itself. Just saying.

Tragic Twist Of Fate

I’m going to speak in complete English here again.

I’ve had black family members killed by black people. (I was told some stories of what went down).

One of my white friends that went to church with me was killed by another white guy in school.

A white friend that I was in a service organization with was killed by cops.

My classmate’s brother was killed this summer by a black guy.

It’s all tragic. Someone lost their lives in each of the situations.

It still gets the most uproar and attention when a white cop kills a black person which also is tragic. Shooting someone in the back 7 times is unnecessary. Beating someone up to kill them is unnecessary.

(And you know if this was a black person in this clip, this would never happen. This guy was clearly intoxicated. THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL WHITE PRIVILEGE by the way.)

When I see incidents like this happening, I wonder why some white cops hate black people so much and treat them this way? After reading this article, and doing research, it traces back to slave times where whites were taught that they were superior to blacks, and some current policing practices is traced back to slave times.

When cops put on the uniform my understanding for a while (especially as a kid) was they are supposed to be held to a higher standard. And to protect and serve.

Nowadays, I’m asking protect and serve who? Intoxicated white guys maybe?

But have you heard of that one quote that red, white and blue is freedom except when it’s the lights flashing behind you?

When red, white and blue is flashing behind you, look out. And pray. (And put one of those HD cameras in your car to record everything along with the smartphones).

I’ve volunteered with cops. I have great memories with the G.R.E.A.T program. I also have a cop friend or two here and there. But there’s also been times where we would call the cops in a black neighborhood and they would take their time, show up hours later, and treat you like you’re stupid. In a white neighborhood/low crime/wealthy area it’s a whole different ball game. It’s so different. You should be able to get equal treatment and service regardless of the neighborhood you are in. But the world doesn’t work like that.

I hope we can get to a place where we can address injustices that we are seeing a lot lately between white cops/black people BUT not leave out the other murder scenarios that happens more often (my scenarios mentioned above).

Nowadays, we are able to catch injustices on tape. Imagine if we didn’t have cameras on our phones. The racism displayed against black people over the years wasn’t believed, now it is.

I don’t dislike all cops (because there is some good ones,) I just dislike the systematic racism too many of them display.

What do you think?

Now Back To The Main Plot:

If you don’t see racism, it’s because you don’t want to. You are the problem.

Racism is yours, and you keep sticking me with the bill. You benefit from racism, but I am burdened by it, and this is the most expensive buffet where you can gorge yourself and where I have yet to eat. You can dive deep into the pasta, and pass on the carrots and peas. You can pick what you want and ignore what you don’t and leave when you’re finished. Sometimes I can see the food that I’m not allowed to touch. But, I am never permitted to leave the joint until I’ve paid both bills.-Catherine Pugh

Another time, I heard a black church leader say “Tell them Mexicans that….”

Whoa.

Whoa.

Did they tell you that they are from Mexico? How do you know that they are Mexicans? You’re assuming based on a preconceived notion. Not everyone who is Hispanic is from Mexico. Never assume and get to know people as human beings. “Maria” shouldn’t signify all Hispanics and Latinas.

Telling someone to go back to where they come from is bad.

I couldn’t believe he was saying that. And this guy calls himself a church leader?

Public service announcement: As black people, when we hear another black person say something mean or racist, we gotta hold them accountable.

And why would you be racist toward someone and you don’t want someone being racist towards you?

On the other hand, white people(my middle school teachers) tried to keep me down by trying to sabotage me through bias, stereotyping and lowering my grades and claiming it was a mistake (another story that I wrote in another post).

Sometimes, no one is on your side and you really are on your own.

“Black is still not human to you. To you, we have no weaknesses and we have no emotions. To you, we are not sensitive, and to you, we are not allowed our space to grieve. No, black people to you are symbols that you are better, that you are good. You have denied us our right to live with dignity and now you are denying our right to die with it.” -Elyse Cizek

3. I do not spend time thinking about who has what privilege or advantage over me. News flash: I’m not gonna make anyone feel guilty for their “white privilege”. I spend more time moving myself forward, and figuring out how to put myself at an advantage in my own way. I’m not a race card girl or someone who likes to play victim. I’m not going to wake up in the morning saying “hey something racist is gonna happen to me today.” I spend more time talking about food, joking around, playing video games, auditioning, creating businesses and so on. See my Instagram for more lol (give me more food photos like pizza, donuts, cookies, yummy). My foodie posts are really stupid but fun haha.

But when there’s an obvious racist incident happening, I call it out.

Generations of dehumanization, systematic strategies to keep blacks in subservient positions, the ever present fear — especially of those who are supposed to be their protectors, those who have vowed to “protect and serve.” What white people have done to black people over hundreds of years is so shameful, there are no words to adequately hold the reality.

This anger needs to come out. Black people need to express it — individually and collectively, and white people need to listen, hear and repent. Only then will we be able — TOGETHER — to build a more just reality. Only then will we be able to respectfully listen to each other and work together at the table. How long will this take? How long will we white people need to listen to angry blame for sins we didn’t know we were committing? As long as it takes.-Jeanine Czech

4. Treat people the way you want to be treated. I don’t have to be in your inner circle, I’m not asking to be. I rather not be your token or someone you think your better than subconsciously. With some of the dirty looks, I can tell you talk about me like a dog. When I started my own businesses and joined other organizations, I realized how disrespected I was by my some of my organizations in school. I scratched my own itch by creating my own businesses, traveling and acting. I took control of my own destiny instead of expecting someone else to save or validate me. I’ve gotten quite adept at saving myself; when you learn to walk the road less traveled by yourself, you end up being a stronger person by default. Yeah I know, many people say you can’t do everything alone. I don’t go along with the agenda that you gotta have someone to be successful. But I have done plenty alone and will continue to do so.

I’m not gonna be the go to person for the the people I can’t go to. I’m no longer going to look for any of you to look out for me, I’ll look in the mirror and make that person myself. No one is responsible for my happiness except me. I’ll be my own social chair person.

A. You see them as human beings, but they see you as a 2nd class citizen not on their level.

At the surface they might not appear racist but under the surface they are. They don’t want to take instructions and be told what to do from someone black. It’s sad but true. Look at how some people disrespected Obama, you know on some level they would have done it to you.

He didn’t do everything perfect and there was some of his policies I disagreed with. However. You and I know Obama faced some of the backlash he faced because of his race.

Leaders in the organizations I was in? They were mostly white men. That was all they needed to see. They showed me their rosters of diversity in their chapter and that’s when we both saw the writing on the wall.

At the subconscious level, there is some people out here who think that white males are the only people who can run things. Sad but true. Read this starting at paragraph 3. There’s people out there that still think a woman’s place is being a wife and mother. My response? My place is wherever I want to be.

Sure vulnerability is an important part in building trust and relationships. But Karen’s concerns in this story is a thing: sometimes it’s best not to tell information to someone just for them to use it against you at a later time. Not only did I find out some of my white brothers and sisters were talking behind my back they were making up lies too! To this day I’m careful who I share info with.

You consistently ask me to trust you and your leadership choices when you know they don’t care about me or my issues. Every time we Black folks trust White people to do the right thing for us when they have power or are in positions of trust, they find a way to benefit from that position for personal or collective gain.- Marley K, Insulting Things A Lot Of White People Do

Another example of white privilege:

I got so tired of some white people throughout my school years putting me in the same box like everyone else and assuming things.

Some of you take the worst examples of other groups and think that everyone is the same way.

If I can get to know you as an individual why can’t you extend the same grace?

B. Some act one way when they are with this group. Another way with this group and another way with this group. I learned some of your personalities change depending on who you’re around. I get it, you don’t want me hanging around you and your white friends at the lakehouse. Some of you don’t want black friends period. I got the memo. I wasn’t born yesterday.

This is why when anything happens in the women community outside of white women those same “allies” are characteristically silent. That’s their trademark. They don’t share those stories on social media, they don’t talk about them at conferences except in a tokenistic capacity and they don’t champion those stories because those stories don’t matter.-DarkSkyLady

Some of you have even gone as far as befriending other POC (Asians, East Asians, Middle Eastern, etc) but will exclude BIPOC (black, indigenous). You don’t want to look racist, but under the surface you are. And here’s the thing: I’ve said this many times before. I’m not the one to tell anyone who they should be friends with. But if you lack diversity in your friend groups, that’s a reflection on you. When I look at wedding photos and there’s a sea of white in there, I figure that’s how you wanted it to be. I don’t even take it personally.

And even in some instances, I’m my white friend’s only black friend. Others are uncomfortable hanging out with black people (it shows). They want to say they are diverse by saying they have me as a friend, but they really are not.

I’m not analyzing each of your 20 personalities, trying to figure out which one you bring out depending on who you are around.

But if you could, dears, the next time I reach out if you don’t want to hang, just say you’re not a priority instead of saying you’re too busy. Or just have the balls and say you don’t want to. I can tell some of you are blowing me off, and it’s so obvious. I do try to make a point to make people feel included and welcome, even if I’m not that close to them. I try not to make the effort with a lot of you though, because your effort in me is non-existent. People’s effort in you reflect their interest. If I can have this level of honesty and transparency in this post and the twin video, I expect that same respect in return. If you wanna hang I’m here, but I’m not gonna make you be in my life if you don’t want to be. I’m not going to insert myself into yours. When I see some of you, I’ll keep my distance.

Have you been direct to me about how you felt about me over the years? Be honest now. If I could be a fly on the wall I betcha I would hear you call me dirt and everything else under the sun. I could write a book.

If you don’t want a diverse group of friends or don’t have a diverse group of friends, that’s a reflection on you.

Her whiteness definitely does because whiteness is a disregard for the suffering of others outside of whiteness. It’s the attitude of “well, they treat me good so *shrug” mentality that ignores all else. It is what white women fall back on when they are scared or uncomfortable because whiteness enshrouds them in a cushion so that the impact is lessened.-DarkSkyLady

When it’s orchestrated by the women who have no issue being “firestarters,” and then when the flames become uncontrollable, their victimhood takes centerstage, as Black women are conveniently described as the ones holding the matchstick.-Ezinne Ukoha

C. Go directly to D. (This was a pledge trainer story, and most people in the real world don’t know what the f*** a pledge trainer is unless you are/was in the organization.)

D. When you have successes, true friends should be rooting for you and wanting the best for you. Life is not a competition. I noticed when I started making moves, it was radio silence-kinda like when they were silent when all the racist things was happening in my life before George Floyd passed. But all of sudden I realized how many silent teammates I had starting on May 25th, 2020.

You talking about you can’t breathe? Oh really now? Do you want me to message some of you individually on the instances when you had your knee on my neck? If you are tired of hearing about racism, imagine how tired you would be if you lived with it!

I always noticed some of my white friends started acting strangely and dead silent when I started going to places like Miami, LA, New York and making moves.

You can tell that I surpassed their expectations and their ideals of how a black person supposed to be. I mindf***** them. Their parents told them that they are superior, and no one else but them can do things. That they are better. Then here comes me, mind you, a single black lady traveling more than they do, showing up at expensive places (the same places they claim costs too much money), have some successful businesses under my belt and more. It goes against what “their society” told them. I’m exceeding their expectations and some of them don’t know how to handle it. I don’t have a man and don’t plan on marrying either. So if I do bad, it’s my fault. If I do good, it’s my fault. Either way it’s my responsibility. (I’m not trying to brag here, the bigger message is right after the “if my strength intimidates you photo, keep reading to get the point).

It’s sad that some people have limited minds. Or that some have to participate in low level activities like gossiping to attempt to heal their self esteem by ragging on others. Because if it was the other way around I would be clapping like hell for them. And congratulating them.

When you wrote me off, and still continue to write me of, do I treat you mean? No I don’t.

So.

When the jealous, comparison and competition game is there I’m out homie. Low key I hate jealousy, envy and the mindset that comes with it. If I can be happy for you even if my life goes downhill, why can’t you show the same love in return? These are the moments where I wanted to distance myself from my quite a few people when I saw this kind of toxic behavior happen. I rather be by myself.

If my strength intimates you, I hope you know that’s a weakness of yours and it’s not my problem.

If my successes intimidates you, I hope you know that’s a weakness of yours and it’s not my problem.

Did I try to destroy you when you had your moments? Or when something great happens to you do I try to steal the spotlight from you? . So STOP DOING IT to everyone else AND GROW THE F*** UP. That’s easier said than done but I figure I say it anyways in capital caps.

There’s gonna be times where it may appear that someone is ahead of you, behind you and at the same pace as you. Comparison is a thief of joy and I never played that game. What’s meant for you is meant for you. What’s meant for me is meant for me.

But to me it never mattered because I was and always will be happy for you. Period!

And here’s the sad part: the more you try to help yourself and move up in world, the more some people try to kick you down. I found some of these people and attitudes within some of my friends! How can you say my black life matters, when all some of you wanted to do was look down on me and have someone to make fun of? Someone that you can say your better than? Before any of you clap back and say it isn’t true think about the amount of times you run from me and give me dirty looks when you see me in public.

Do you have any class left in you? Face the music and stop running if you have beef with me. I’m an alpha lady and I’m being as direct and real as I want you to be towards me. I’m not going to go behind your back. If I’m equal like your BLM posts say I am (or maybe you’re just showing fake love which I suspect 🤔), let’s start with an honest conversation with each other and work it out. This article is me diving in head first. Let’s make REALLY make a change.

You never can tell what someone has been through to get where they are, by the way. This is why I’ll never hate on a successful person.

Anyways.

I like doing nice things for people and expect nothing in return. I like volunteering and giving back.

Do you think a black person can’t afford to give out expensive gifts or attend expensive gigs? Did someone in your past tell you that black people isn’t capable of attending charity fundraisers where tickets are $250, $500 or $1000 or more? Do you think that a black person can’t afford to give you a $100, $250 or $1000 gift? That’s a racist way of thinking.

For a while, I considered you brothers from other mothers and I say this out of a place of love:

Please stop thinking that you are the only ones that can do things. You’re not the only ones who can afford the finer things in life. The media likes to put black people and other POC in a bad light on television. There’s so many people out here doing great things. There’s black excellence all around you. Stop believing the all the negative stereotypes. OPEN your eyes and look. Get some counseling, diversity and bias training. Have honest conversation with your white circles on how you treat and think of black people in your day to day life.

Examples of Black Excellence That Needs To Normalized

If you are an example of excellence, I’ll add you on here. :D There’s so many people doing great things everyday. Open your eyes and look.

I plan on doing a whole another article on my Native American and other roots too.

5. I still wish my friends, and acquaintances the best and I’m up for conversation anytime. I’ve talked with many people I haven’t talked to years because I’ve been reaching out throughout this pandemic. I made the video and this post because people asked for it. It’s was not made to call people out (it may feel this way to some), it’s to share my story and educate at the same time. Some of you over the years told me not to take it personal. So here’s my turn to say the same thing in this article. What I’m saying in this whole article is out of a place of tough love. I don’t hate any of you. This is the kick in the a*** conversation I wanted to have with quite a few of you. Much love to you and I’ll check you everytime I need to. I don’t care if you don’t like what I’m writing. 👊. I don’t like how a number of you treat me. We are even. ❤

P.S. The next time I ask you your honest opinion I want your 100% take. You better not hold nothing back. Don’t throw me out in the cold, and expect to hang out when it’s warm.

Wanted: True blues that want to ride on the bus with me when the limo breaks down.

6. When you see racism in your life, do not be a bystander. For example. When you see your work colleague bully a POC, call it out. When you have the chance to elect a POC into power or a position, do it. Do not expect them to be perfect, put unrealistic standards on them or expect them to be 10× perfect. Give them the same “privilege” and benefit of the doubt that you give your white friends. Agree to disagree, talk things out. Think with your own mind instead of always going with your friends or what’s popular at the moment.

Black lives cannot matter if Black Americans are not part of an organization’s daily decision-making body, senior management, or corporate board.- Angela-Neal Barnett

Have you ever had someone in your work place or organization have so much influence that that’s the go to person, and what they say goes?

Can you think of the trailblazers in your workplace/organization? The people who move up the corporate ladder with ease, or get voted in because they win popularity contests. OR they really know their shit and people like them.

It was great to see lady trailblazers.

To have walking encyclopedias was great.

But.

Tip 4: Make sure you get more than one perspective. And make up your own mind against outside influences. I went to heavy hitters to ask questions, but I also asked others, even the ones that wasn’t as popular.

7. When someone tells you their stories about the racism they have experienced, or tells you that you were racists towards them, do not make it about you. Or try to justify it, make yourself look like a know-it-all or try to deny it. It’s easy to dismiss something that doesn’t happen to you. I initially didn’t say anything about what was happening with me throughout school because I didn’t think my friends cared, and I didn’t want people spreading it around. People can’t use it against you if they don’t know about it. Grade school throughout college, kids can be some cruel people. A rat race.

Listen. Education yourself. I still educate myself all the time. Just because you are black doesn’t mean you know everything about racism.

So with all due respect.

Every time a tragedy happens (and hopefully it doesn’t happen again) don’t wait until something bad like that happens to ask “what you can do?” Keep the dialogue and conversation going year around. Share posts in quiet times too, not just in times of chaos. Support black and other POC businesses year around, not just when you see a post telling you to do so.

Do you know what Black Wall Street is? If you don’t, Google it.

Do you know what redlining is? If you don’t, Google it.

Study black history year around, not just in February.

8. Check your own biases, stereotypes, prejudices in your own life. Get to know people individually. Stop labeling and putting people in the same category because it makes you more comfortable. One black person’s opinion doesn’t mean others will think the same way. Another theory is that black people are automatically compatible with each other, and automatically going to be friends just because we share the same race. Wrong.

Me personally? I pick friends based on content of character. If we click, we click. If we don’t, we don’t.

9. Get to know people outside your culture. I’m not faulting anyone if your current circle of close friends is all white. I’m not faulting you for growing close with who you’re close with. I’m not gonna police you and tell you that you need to “diversify your assets.”

However.

Do not post pictures with people and say that you have black/poc friends for the sake of having black/poc friends. Having one black friend in your photos doesn’t mean diversity, it’s tokenism. REALLY get to know people. Invite people over for Thanksgiving. Ask them thought provoking questions to get to know them. Invite them to the bachelor parties. Invite them to your weddings (you can leave me out no problem. Congratulations, may you live a happy life together ❤). Let them into your world, and take an adventure into their world.

In a lot of my time in school, I was never in the inner circles, and that’s ok. We did projects together, but as far as deeper friendships? Not so much. As you grow older, you realize your friends isn’t really your friends.

I didn’t go out here saying “Hey I’m gonna go meet more Asian/this group of people today.” I put myself out there and we connected on being human. We happen to like tequila too, lol. But the more we got to know each other, we ended up being great friends!

I heard several white relatives say that they should get black friends when Barack Obama was elected president. You should have been expanding your horizons anyways….Do not say things like this and get to know people as human beings.

I have friends of many diverse backgrounds; Many different races runs through my veins, like I said above. I’m not asking you to do something I’m not doing myself.

If you are doing this already, great! This is old news to you. If not get started.

10. Yes, I heard the N word from school and white friends alike. It didn’t shock me. They were comfortable enough with me and felt like they could say it. Have some of them called me the N word? Absolutely! They felt like we were close enough with me to do so. What I told them is don’t use the N word. As close friends, you joke around and call each other words of endearment correct? Call me a tequila drinking b****, but do not use the N word. I don’t use it. I don’t use the c word. If you run for office one day, and some one who is looking to dig up dirt on sees of video of you saying the N word from 20 years ago in your college days? There’s nothing I can do to help you. Me saying you’re not a racist is not going to help you. Avoid the N word. DO NOT DRESS UP IN BLACKFACE FOR HALLOWEEN. Do not dress in blackface at all. Avoid.

11. If something ever happens to me, please don’t be a hypocrite and pretend that you care when you make it extremely clear how you feel about me now while I’m still living. You don’t care about me, stop pretending.

If they catch me on camera kicking the bucket, would you send the footage to your family and friends trying to free yourself from your guilt of your own racism and call it reform? Your sudden increase in BLM posts on social media does not make up for the years and years of inaction. Years and years of your mean treatment. Years and years of talking about me behind my back. Years and years of being fake and phonies.

It doesn’t make up for when I ran into a few of you in public. How can you say and post BLM when my black life doesn’t matter to you? While I do think some of you have your hearts in the right place, others of you made it clear how you feel about me. Are you going to continue to educate yourself on racism to years to come? Or are you only gonna post on social media in times of distress? Fronting appearances is a strong suit for a lot of you, and I can see right through the bullshit. I can see right through the BLM posts. I can see through empty apologies. Prove me wrong by being more inclusive in your everyday lives. ❤ I don’t want to hear you say it. Be it and do it.

I’m not gonna sit here and police you, big brother you and spend hours looking at your profiles and see if you’re “furthering the black cause.” It’s ultimately up to you. You have to want to do the right thing. No amount of diversity or bias training won’t help you if you don’t want to learn.

How can you talk about you’re an “ally” when in the same breath you say they are an angry black woman or an angry black man? Especially when someone is trying to tell you their story? Take the time to listen and get your knee off their necks. Let them breathe.

Several of you mistaked my kindness for weakness over the years. How can you say you’re my brother when you stayed silent? How can you expect me to know if you’re on my side when you send so many mixed messages?

How many of you have the backbone to absorb what I’m saying, and not run away and hide under a rock in la la land?

There’s are all sorts of conscious and unconscious ways that white people defensively protect a racist system, even when they don’t think they are a racist.-Caitlin Johnstone

She is unable to differentiate her participation within a racist system (upwardly mobile, not racially profiled, able to move to White suburbs, etc.) from an accusation that she, individually, is a racist. Without being able to make that differentiation, White people in general decide to vigorously defend their own personal non-racism, or point out that it doesn’t exist because they don’t see it.-John Metta, I, Racist

To finally finish this and recap this :

  • If you are gonna be mean to some, nice to others, I don’t want to associate with an organization or people who can’t or won’t make an effort to make people different from them feel welcomed. Not everyone does this.
  • If you can’t be honest with me to my face about an issue, then I can’t trust you. The fact that many of you went behind my back tells me alot about your characters.
  • I don’t want to be a person you run from when you are with your white friends. I don’t want to be the person you lie on, telling people that I follow you around to feel better about your yourself. To be blunt if you can’t treat people the way you want to be treated and be yourself across the board, I rather not be around you.
  • No matter how accomplished I am, there is always going to be some people in this world that will judge me by my skin color only. At the very core of things you don’t see me as your equal, more as someone you want to look down on. As far as I’m concerned, some of you could give a flying f*** over the issues that concerns me, although you pretend to care every now and then like right now. It’s so easy to jump on the George Floyd bandwagon and say “Omg I love you.” Over posting BLM posts is very hypocritical to me because some of you have made it clear how much you care about me. Maybe, just maybe you care about other black lives, because you don’t care about my life. Opinion: some of you are opportunists, you are using this Black Lives Matters movement to make yourself look real when you’re not. You’re being coattail riders. Have you found a way to profit off the BLM movement yet while you’re at it? Again, prove me wrong.
  • “The most disrespected person in America is the black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America is the black woman.” Even if some of you didn’t ask, I was not going to continue to sit here and continue to watch some of you overload my feed with BLM matters and not say something eventually. In many ways over the years you’ve proven that you have zero respect for me. You don’t care to understand and don’t care. If you don’t get it, ask me directly if you have any backbone, or if you are too scared of me to talk to me like an adult re-read this article. Let me know if you see typos too. I could really make this article over an hour long with all the microaggressions, subtle bias, and discrimination that some of you shown over the years but I won’t. The most racism I ever experienced was in school. My real world life is a 370 (not just 360) difference with a blue moon occurrence of racism from time to time. Ren definitely hits the mark in her article. Because when it boils down to it, black women are usually hated by everyone.
  • When someone doesn’t root for your success and wants to kick you down on the way to the top, why be around them? I make it a point to build others up instead of tearing them down.
  • If you are tired of hearing about racism, imagine how tired you would be if you had to experience it? Just a thought.
  • There is nothing anyone can say or do to take this back or make it go away. It’s a part of my story, and I use it to uplift and educate others at this point. Instead of saying sorry when you think you did nothing wrong in the first place (let’s be honest with ourselves here) educate yourself on racism. Do not stereotype other people like some of you did me. Be nicer. Check yourself often. Be the “ally” that you say you are on social media. One of my favorite writers don’t consider any of you allies, and I don’t blame her.
  • There’s been many people who ask me about my story and I always include this. When people see the cool things, many of them don’t see what you been through to get to the top. Many people have gone out of their way to kick me down. Since so many people have been so deliberate in tearing me down, I’m going to be extra deliberate in building others up.
  • I understand that there’s some people that’s not gonna ever care because they don’t have to deal with it. When they stay silent, I assume they side with the oppressor and they don’t care to understand where I’m coming from.

“Black is still not human to you. To you, we have no weaknesses and we have no emotions. To you, we are not sensitive, and to you, we are not allowed our space to grieve. No, black people to you are symbols that you are better, that you are good. You have denied us our right to live with dignity and now you are denying our right to die with it.” -Elyse Cizek

There is so much more I could write. I think I got my point across. Making this article any longer would be a crime.

Have similar experiences in your workplace/other organization?

There is so much more work to do to make it equal for all. Discrimination based on race, sex, gender identity, should not exist.

I know I took you, the audience through several different angles. I appreciate you for making it to the end.

Howdy! Entrepreneurship, fitness, music, acting, real estate, tequila & investing is sexy. Idea for an article? Suggestions wanted! https://bit.ly/AleshasTribe

Howdy! Entrepreneurship, fitness, music, acting, real estate, tequila & investing is sexy. Idea for an article? Suggestions wanted! https://bit.ly/AleshasTribe