JOMO (The Joy of Missing Out.)
— By Michael Leunig
Oh the joy of missing out.
When the world begins to shout
And rush towards that shining thing;
The latest bit of mental bling —
Trying to have it, see it, do it,
You simply know you won’t go through it;
The anxious clamouring and need
This restless hungry thing to feed.
Instead, you feel the loveliness;
The pleasure of your emptiness.
You spurn the treasure on the shelf
In favour of your peaceful self;
Without regret, without a doubt.
Oh the joy of missing out.
— By Michael Leunig
Post this. Reshare it. I found it on Justin Bariso’s blog.
===Heads Up. This article is one of my longer articles. If you want a 2 minute recap, here it is: In school especially grade school and college, if you read enough of my articles, I was not treated nice and thrown away. I was misunderstood. I didn’t fit in because I didn’t act the way people wanted me to act. It was so bad that the Huffington Post accepted my submission telling my story. Being the only child, I took this in every situation as making my own way instead of depending on others. (I gotta trust somebody but some have people made it hard for me to trust them). I was just a number and didn’t matter, and I watched how people treated the students with money. If college was not great due to politics and friends passing away, the one thing I was able to do is being able to connect with others when needed, and being able to get my friends in the organizations I couldn’t get myself in. I’m not the jealous type. Jomo is my bbf. =====================If you want to keep reading, continue on.
The opposite of FOMO, I love JOMO. My journey of being the only child made me embrace JOMO to it’s fullest.
I wouldn’t say I’m a top 10 draft pick in my extended family or in the cliques in my years of school. Being the only child, I didn’t try too hard to fit in nor do I try so hard to fit in that I compromise who I am.
Now that is understood.
I learned early that you are not going to get invited to everything and it’s not the end of the world. In my many life experiences, it was a blessing in disguise.
My supposed bff from around 5 years old did the ultimate form of betrayal. I’ll name her Susan. She tried to start a conflict between me and cousin at his 9th birthday party.
You don’t ask a little guy to pick her or me. Not a classy move.
Best friends don’t try to divide you and your family up. Best friends don’t cheat with your spouses or your sisters spouses. Further more, best friends don’t try to embarrass you at public events in a mixed crowd. Best friends don’t start trouble with you just to get attention on them.
There’s some boundaries and lines you don’t cross.
Here’s another person who called them selves my best friend in 6th grade. I can think back to my 13th birthday party where Dawn (I’ll name her Dawn) tried to sabatoch my birthday party.
I could have given her the reaction that she wanted for influencing everyone not to come to my party. Or enjoy it regardless and have a good time. I enjoyed it and had a good time. With my 2 friends that showed up. I made the best of it and I ended up HAVING A BLAST. I enjoyed it so much I joined a bowling league after that. Where two people were on each team.
The irony of that.
I sometimes wonder in my life why don’t people have it in them to think for themselves? And to draw conclusions about people through their own observations, instead of just taking people’s word as is? I concluded that people at my school didn’t think like this. Or have backbone. Geez.
Since that attempt to leave me devastated at my birthday party didn’t work she kept trying.
At the science fair, I placed and ended up going to sectionals. She knew that my award was mine, but she put her name on it and tried to pawn it off as hers. It was weeks before I got it back.
On the 8th grade trip there was a little rountiaboo between another guy and girl in the class. I was blamed for spreading rumors on this romance. She also told a friend to let me ride a roller coaster by myself and they knew I was afraid of heights. My friend at the time went along to get along and didn’t have any back bone. On the rumor part, I didn’t do anything, but everyone in the class believed Dawn at face value. (Later they found out I was the innocent party. I could really care less who was hooking up with who).
At this point, having friends like this means I didn’t need any enemies. (I’ve had amazing luck with best friends in my younger years. SIKE!). I became my own hero, and I naturally distanced myself from these “bffs.” I also realized that I couldn’t attach what they were doing to me personally. I’m not any less of a person because they were mean girls.
We can’t expect other people to fill our hearts or make us feel whole and complete. Whether that’s in the form of permission, validation, or love, when we expect to get those things from other people, and be expressed according to our specifications that not only puts unrealistic pressure on them. But, we enter situations in our lives from a place of scarcity, and deficiency.-Svarios Rao
We all went to a engineer camp. Dawn followed us to this camp, and influenced the same friend to room with her instead of me. I only found out after arriving at the camp that there was a switch in the roommate situation. She thought this would make me angry but it didn’t. I embraced the idea of getting to know someone else better.
I didn’t give her the angry reaction she wanted there.
I didn’t get angry over my 13th birthday party, the 8th grade trip, the science fair, or the camp.
Are you keeping count? (I’m really good with memory and I use this in acting. I remember things people wish I didn’t remember. I had to memorize my contacts because my business email deleted on me recently, more on that below.)
I ran for president of our class. And told her a detail that I asked her not to tell anyone. It was a test and she failed miserably. I did win Vice President, but she did spread rumors on me that didn’t help the situation.
She also kept mentioning dark skin light skin comments. All the years I’ve known her, she always came up with a snark comment. You can tell that she had major issues and MORE issues in this area because she always kept bringing it up. “I’m a African princess and you are not comments” were a regular thing. Ignored. (Didn’t care about being a princess of any sort, to be seen as a princess based on my grade school standards wasn’t worth anything.)
My grade school didn’t always treat me nice because I didn’t act the way they wanted me to act. There were a lot of politics played, grades changed, and day to day interactions that were mean. They didn’t treat my mother nice at all. She proposed that we take a 8th grade trip and the teachers originally didn’t want to do it because there were too many kids.
Basically the attitude of the teachers: We are doing these “ghetto kids” a favor by teaching them and most of them don’t deserve to be over here anyways. I did like a few of my teachers from kindergarten to 3rd grade. I still keep in touch with a few to this day. But most of environment was hostile. The clique always had this problem.
I didn’t fall for cultural conditioning.
And the girls in my class? Many were jealous because I had light skin long hair. Dawn was the most outrageous about it.
I was fighting two battles. The teachers thinking they where better and doing you a favor because they are white. And girls wanting to beat you up and start light skin dark skin wars all the time. I didn’t mesh in anywhere, and as mean as they were I was ok with this.
Oh. The more money you had, the more they appeased you. Like many church communities, money pays the bills and run the church. Money is power, and I will tell you the power was definitely abused in my Catholic school community. (As you know, there’s a lot of national press on the abuse that went on in the Catholic church for years and years.)
My mom raised money for PTO and they took it sometimes to use towards other things.
At my 8th grade ceremony they showed my mom how much they appreciated her by giving a scholarship to another student purposely. They thought they would get a angry reaction out of us here too.
Nope. My high school heard about the dirty games and politics played. I was taken care of. High school was a blast.
I was happy to experience JOMO with people like this at my schoolI didn’t see these people as friends. Dawn and some of my grade school single handedly tried to destroy me in grade school and high school. (I don’t know how my grade school is like today because I don’t keep in touch. But I do hope it’s changed.)
They had busy bodies from my grade school ask about me in high school to try to keep up with what I was doing.
Medium family it gets better.
Dawn followed me into track and bowling and student council in high school. This girl had the audacity to tried to destroy me behind my back all these years but in my face? “Oh we can be friends?”
My mom heard her mom saying a comment about me not getting into the college I wanted. “And being popular doesn’t matter.” When my name was announced and the school, they flipped. I didn’t do anything but live my life. And ignored the crap out of them.
And guess what.
It gets better.
She approached a teacher at my high school to ask her if SHE could try to get us to be friends again. After all these attempts of sabotaging me didn’t work, she thought I want to be friends? You can’t beat them join them, huh?
It’s like when Marty Mcfly beat up Biff (and please tell me if I misspelled any names). After you stand up for yourself or don’t react to what people do, they want to be your friend. It’s the can’t beat them, join them theory. I never understood why some people respect you when they can’t get over on you or when them being mean doesn’t get next to you. Just treat people the way you want to be treated and you will get friends!
I truly think it was the kind of people I was around and the environment they grew up in.
WTF! She was nice to me in the library and started opening up to me like we were close friends for the past 4 years. I just saw it as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde aka multiple personalities. She must be from another planet. For those who keep asking if aliens do exist? They do. They drive around instead of using UFOS. I gotta make a joke out of the situations because in hindsight it wasn’t honorable to have someone like this be your friend.
I still believe in best friends. If I had a time machine I would like a chance at a do-it-yourself build your best friend from a robot package. The point I’m trying to make? Trust is very big, and once that trust is violated, it’s hard to go back. This applies in life, business and elsewhere. These people never had my best interest at heart. Shutting them out was a no brainer, because of a lack of trust. It’s super easy to give our trust to the wrong people.
Trust is a word we throw around alot, without always thinking about what it really means and how it works in different contexts of our lives.
Trust is the most sacred gift a customer can give you.
It takes weeks, months or years to build, and it’s the most effective tool to get what you want in life. If somebody really trusts you, they’ll reward you with money, connections and even their deepest secrets.
But entrepreneurs beware: trust is just as fragile as it is powerful.
What was once a mighty skyscraper can fall like so many Jenga blocks with an ill-timed mistruth or betrayal.
Some people treat trust like a bank account, depositing “good will” in order to withdraw favors later. This approach works, to a point.
Just remember that once you overdraft, that account has to close.-Daniel Dipiazza
I had to close many accounts. Many.
And at a memorial four to five years after high school, Dawn tried hard to hold down a conversation with me and reopen a closed friend account. What always made me pee in my pants is a mutual friend tried to get me to be friends with her and be her pitty party. I really don’t consider this group friends like I said, but they never were on my side and they played both sides of the fence.
In college, the one service organization I did get into? I ran into them too. You know that one person at your job that comes up with millions of reasons not to like you, and tries to make your life miserable on purpose?
Let’s call her Carly. I would set up a service project? She would say all kinds of negative feedback about it. I come to the office? She said hello to everyone but me. At elections? She would say horrible things to the point where I was told about it by another brother. Needless to say her influence was unfortunately too strong in a negative way. Some people voted based on what she said, not by their own conclusions.
Carly said a snark comment saying “you’ll never graduate on time.”
And as usual, mutual parties knew what was happening and said nothing or participated in being gossip queens and kings along with her!
In these scenarios, I was happy to experience JOMO. The backstabber Dawn asked me to hang out directly and indirectly and I graciously turned them all down. Carly unfortunately influenced others to not vote for me and to exclude me. I lived it. I breath it. My forever it? Is JOMO.
I still live and breath JOMO now.
I have connected with like-minded people. They know (or should know) I admire them if they have money, but I’m not gonna ask them for it. I want my own. I won’t name drop your name either. I wouldn’t say I’m a top 10 draft pick in my extended family or in the cliques in my years of school. For the most part, if people can’t use you they don’t want to be bothered with you. It would be nice if people liked you for you instead of what you have. But we don’t live in the perfect world. But in this weird twist, people still tried to keep up with what I was doing. And still do. I find out later that old teachers and people from my 8th grade class counted pictures of my high school senior year book. Yet they tried to cut me down every chance they could. These are not friends and I was happy to have JOMO here. I didn’t see them as people to fit in with nor did I try to compromise who I am to fit in. I don’t really show-off or announce every move I make on social media, which in this weird way makes you intriguing.
The people from my grade school weren’t born racists, stereotypers or backstabbers. Somewhere in their life path, it was cultivated inside them.
By distancing myself from these people, life is drama free. JOMO is a blessing.
I wouldn’t say grudges, or I think about these people everyday because I don’t. But I do remember the ways people have tried to hurt me so I can protect myself accordingly in the future.
You don’t know for sure when things start to change.
Sometimes you can point to a moment, a word, a conversation or experience when you made a decision.
Took a step.
Revealed a truth, or became aware of one.
Awareness is the point of change, but you don’t always know when the awareness comes. It can grow slowly inside of you for years, decades. Then one day, you take the giant leap.
To everyone else, it seems sudden. Unexpected, unforeseen.
But it’s been growing inside of you for so long. It is the natural next step. It is your only possible move.
It is the blooming of a seed that was planted long ago.
It is growth.-Annie Mueller
My moment came when I stopped tolerating shit. When I realize I am more I deserve more and I demand more.
Which leads into my next point.
The wave that Susan, Dawn, Carly, and some my grade school teachers caught trying to destroy me was bigger than the one they were trying to create for me. In other words, whatever you put out you will get back. Sometimes people see something in you that they wish they had in themselves. Recognize this. And give people enough rope to hang themselves with.
Ironically, around the same time I got my first executive board position, I noticed people started distancing themselves from her. There was a big rift in the chapter. People started treating her the same way she was treating me. She got a taste of her own medicine. She could put it out but couldn’t take it. I did not see her around that often. I’m not gonna lie it was peaceful to have a lot less rumors being spread around. Not seeing her that much was peaceful. She opened up to me at the bar once. Another alien experience. Haha.
Dawn? At the high school reunion she mentions that she never left Indianapolis. All those years of backstabbing did nothing for her. Gossiping didn’t increase her popularity or increase her opportunities in social work. Trying to make my life miserable didn’t help her be successful. So I tell people this as a warning and cautionary tale: rumor spreading does nothing for you or your life. Eventually you will reap what you sow. It might get you in the popular friend group in high school or your job. But what comes around goes around. People tried to get me to be friends with her over the years and I said a repeating no thank you. Can you imagine where gossips queens and kings would be if they spent no time cutting people and most of their time solving a problem, or coming up with ideas instead of talking about people? Imagine how much more productive they would be.
Watch God Friended Me Season 1 Episode 16: Scenes from an Italian Restaurant - Full show on CBS All…
When the God Account sends Miles and Cara the name of Sophia (Stella Maeve), a sous chef, they decide to help when they…
That chef went far to sabotage that lady by getting a friend to revoke her liquor license.
The guy said that if she’s successful with the restaurant, she will make us look bad and asked the dad “Do you realize how talented your daughter is?”
I know it’s just a episode. But it got me thinking. This is why people tried to destroy me at different periods of my life. I was threatening. But it never worked. Keep that in mind. When you are talented, sometimes people try to sabotage you.
Make sure you rise and go high when folks go low, as Michelle Obama says.
How I apply JOMO in my life on a daily basis.
1.Being a lifelong Catholic, some of the worst people I met in my life were in a church pew on Sunday. (See the grade school sections of this article). They would call themselves “Woke Christians”, “God’s Child,” “Filled with the Holy Ghost or the Holy Spirit.” But Monday through Saturday they treat people awfully. There were some major things that happened since in my first parish that’s so uncomfortable I don’t want to talk about it in this post, but I did mention a few. I experience JOMO by leaving the state of Indiana and finding new parishes to go to. I can even say the Catholic church somewhat destroyed my family after being told stories. I don’t think I will leave the Catholic church, but I do visit Hillsong in NYC, First Baptist In Atlanta and church pillowcase, deacon sheet and assistant blanket. I also like to hang in any cafeteria, hence making me a honorary cafeteria Catholic. Food has treated me nicer than a lot of people anyways.
2. I don’t compare myself on social media. I can be happy for others and their lives on social media. I put my phone on airplane mode all the time. It’s a peace of mind I love.
3. I’m not invited to weddings. I’m ok with this. It’s their day, not mine. Being in entrepreneurship and entertainment you are not available like others want you to be. Some of my friends took it as me not wanting to hang. Not true. But I just want to make my life better and that’s how they choose to see it. Are they going to pay my bills? Didn’t think so. I told several friends hell I can be the last person you add or put me on your cut list. No hard feelings.
4. In school, it would have been cool to experience Greek life with some of the traumas that I experienced. Hell they didn’t want me either, just keeping it real. I still got involved as much as I could and helped some of my friends get into the sorority houses that I couldn’t during rush. I had a lot of Greek connections, both fraternity and sororities. I went to barn dances, formals, and participated in frat boy ceremonies for initiation. If other areas in my college life was disastrous due to the stereotyping, labeling, and watching my friends pass away, I made the best mind breaks for myself the best way I knew how.
Speaking of that, here’s a juicy back story. I hung out at the Pi Kapps chapter alot. I hung out at other chapters too, but Pi Kapps was in my top 10.
Zeta Tau Alphas hung out there, and I got to know them on a deep level. I knew several from high school. I got to know other sororities too because I never put all my eggs in one basket. There was something special about them, like this is the connection I’ve always wanted my whole life. Nobody at this level was making light skin dark skin comments. We connected on being human. I felt up close what having sisters would be like, because I was the only child growing up.
At the time, again, I had a lot of friends pass away from suicide. They found someone dead in their dorm room, and it was a mutual friend’s friend at my dorm. He was closer to him than I was. This was the first of many of my friends passing away in school. The last time I counted it’s more than 8 that passed either to suicide or a health issue.
I don’t know how many of you lost a friend or family member to suicide or something else. In other periods of my life I was strong for my friends. I was thinking why did I miss the mark here? Could I have done something more to keep them here? My college taking my scholarship after my friends passed made me think I was a bad friend. Or God was punishing me for something else. It doesn’t feel good. To this day I don’t like burdening people.
And one more thing, I’ll repeat what my friend Teresita said.
“From what I have noticed, news of suicides leads to more suicides and suicide attempts. It makes people think about it more and that they could do it too. I am not an expert, but it is something I have noticed.
As always, you can reach out to me and we can talk. Even if you haven’t talked to me in years, i will pick up the phone. If i don’t, KEEP CALLING until I do. And if you don’t want to talk to me, here is the National Suicide Prevention number: 1–800–273–8255.”
Even if I haven’t talked to you in years. Message me. I’m famous for disappearing off the face of the earth to do work.
Back to the article.
Also I was set up with 20 hours as a first semester freshman, and I asked to lighten the load because I’m new to this school. (I have 100s of emails from school that I showed my legal team.) Attending a catholic high school doesn’t guarantee me success at all. I was never a cocky student and thought I had it in the bag. You know it’s bad when the dean of students admit that “you were set up to fail”. So many things happened to me in the school of technology that no amount of articles I write on here, Huffington, Forbes or elsewhere could ever help me come up with the language to describe what I was dealing with. (I will keep trying and I will let you know if I can ever come up with a article that comes close. This article landed me on the Huffington Post.)
I was able to get my mind off being discriminated against, plots to kick me out of the school of technology and seeing friends dead while hanging out with Zetas. I don’t know what heaven is like. It felt like I absorbed euphoria, morphine and eating at the food court at the same time. I felt high. It felt like cloud 9 after attending several 20 something’s funerals.
(Sidenote: I was also really attracted to their volunteer work and study tables. More than the parties I volunteered a lot when I was younger. I volunteer to this day. I founded a few charities based on volunteering.)
Pi Kappers were like:
They want you to be a member so bad. You should join.
I heard it from so many Pi Kappers. Even the ones I wasn’t as close with. I was in the restroom and over heard a group saying.
Those Zeta Tau Alphas adore that Alesha girl. They keep talking about her.
Rush came and I was cut so quick that there should be a record for how quick I was dropped in the Guinness Book of World Records. Hell they didn’t want me that bad. At this point, I’m unwanted trash that they took out to the dumpsters. Getting close to people got me punished. I was dragged through the mud. I turned to solitude. JOMO.
The bottom line is no one was my hero. They will never be my hero. The nice sorority director couldn’t fix it. People started avoiding me, licking out their tongues at me and accusing me of following them around. Even a friend named Lyndsay changed on me after joining sororities. I didn’t exist.
5. I was able to spend time at the ZTA house for a film project a few years later. It made me happy to recapture lost connected feelings of euphoria, morphine and food court eating. The person who complained about it the most? The former president and one of the ones I built a strong connection with. At this point, I was thinking Jesus why did I spent so much time wanting to attend this school growing up. Everyone involved in the film project told me to ignore her. So I did.
JOMO here? Was blocking them off. It takes me a lot to block someone off. She was like I’m going to go to the current president and tell her. I didn’t care. Maybe she did? Who knows. I told her I’m going to post what I want to post. To try to take away my joy playing a character wasn’t cool.
9/30/2019 Update. I’ve been traveling around the country lately filming. I had some really honest conversations with Greek folks at college towns everywhere, from the deep south, out west and up north. And on online forums. It’s an ongoing conversation.
I’ve had people tell me STRAIGHT UP, no holding back, 100% honesty. One of the most realest and illest conversations below.
Person 1:“You were probably rejected because you were not pure white, I’m just being honest and straightforward with you. POC might say you’re “half white” or have the looks because of your “euro features”, but in the world of sororities, you’re gonna be seen as black even if you are multiracial. They told me the next time I film in a sorority or fraternity house, look on the walls and at the member’s pictures from the past 10 to 20 years. Do you notice a pattern of no diversity? If so, you got your answer. Many of them also will dump you if you don’t have money. Your friends that you had the connection with at various sororities may not have been racist and their intentions genuine, but the members of the house might have said hell no, and your friends may not have had the pull you think they had.
Person 1: OR. Or. maybe THEY are the reason why you’re not a member in the first place. They might be the biggest cutthroats in the world. In your face they may have appeared to like you. But when they went back to their sorority house they probably wasn’t thinking about you. They are not gonna vote for you when everybody else in the house didn’t. If they did you will never know it.
Person 2: Think about it, when you were dropped did they come give you a hug and not hide behind some sorority director, or sorority house? I’m not saying I’m a perfect person or friend. But one of my friends didn’t get in, but I did. I was in the sorority for a year. I marched my ass right to their dorm room and gave them a hug. Was it awkward? You bet your ass. But I was still a friend despite the awkwardness. We are still friends to this day.
Person 3: Grades my foot they told me. They said trust me, if a rushee’s parent came in with a 100,000 to a 1 million donation, a legacy, and a rich ass daddy or mommy do you really think they are gonna turn you down? They will find a way for that person, even if it’s through the back door. Hell look at the Felicity Huffman situation. Money is power and it pays to have it or be connected to someone with deep pockets. They use grades to weed people out. Grades do matter, but money matters more. They don’t care that a professor was racist, did something sexually harassing, a death in the family or whatever. THEY DON’T CARE. They don’t consider any circumstances or hardships. Should they? Yes, but they don’t care. If you rushed and they looking for a reason to dump your ass and you don’t have the grades? You out homie.
Person 4. Remember this Alesha. Honorary memberships DO EXIST. They took in Bertie McConnell at ZTA , Alicia Keys at Alpha Kappa Alpha , and Aretha Franklin at Delta Sigma Theta. These organizations are not stupid. If they think they are gonna get money or good publicity they are going to do it. Some have good intentions but they usually want something or the person they are extending the offer to had significant successes…Or they got a big donation.
Person 5: It’s good to hear that people other than white are getting in, but we still have a long way to go. They probably didn’t want your ass, Alesha. Just saying.
Person 6: I consider myself to be a non-sorority sorority girl. If they took me in they definitely should have taken you. Maybe you were on a racist campus.
Both the thread, replies and comments I’ve gotten in person was really long, that I can’t put it all here. This JOMO article is already long enough.
They told me a little about the voting process, but not enough to give away ritual secrets and stuff like that. I told them I have no plans to go back to school so that ship has already sailed.
They also pointed out instances where people were denied because of their race. They gave me so many links to read that it’s ridiculous.
The Truth About Racism at Southern Sororities
When you apply for just about any job, internship, scholarship or college, you'll probably see a section on the…
I notice after I read tons of articles, Owlcation and after looking at the ZTA description I’m like, maybe it is true after all. In my heart of hearts, I don’t want to believe that. I don’t.
Honestly this is the heart to heart conversations that I could not get throughout my college experience, yet I can travel all over and get more honest answers from people I barely know. They kept it real without holding back anything. I appreciated their sincere honesty. I’m a lost cause at this point, but I can continue to at least help my cousins and friends behind me, who have gotten in sororities despite race.
10.8.2019 And the conversations are getting so deep that I had to step in and say that I’ll be a cat and dog person. Everything is not a race issue. I did keep mentioning that a lot of my black friends got in despite. Maybe I’m something they didn’t want. I’m a big girl and a loner so it’s no biggie. I just wanted to try to be apart of something bigger than myself and to try to not enjoy isolation too much haha. At the Made in America event, I got yet another story about how this girl got blackballed from a Theta house because the girl got mad at the rushee’s brother. (I’m shortening up the story). The Thetas told all her sisters to not vote in this girl.
Issues I had with this:
#1 Why would you believe this girl aka your sorority sister at face value? Are we still at the age where we believe everything someone tells you without doing your own investigating? What if in the end you found out your sorority sister lied? And you dumped potentially a great person? You never know what people can turn out to be.
(FYI I have a huge multiracial family. I have white cousins, black cousins, hispanic cousins, biracial cousins and so on). FYI. I no longer have interest in being a ZTA. I still love Bertie McConnell though! RIP angel.
6. Naturally after that, I experience JOMO by keeping most folks at arms length. APO (Alpha Phi Omega) girls reached out to me to ask if I was ok. I wondered when they would give up on me and throw me away like trash (they did, read above to not invited to weddings). Because opening up before got me in trouble and made me feel unwanted, I didn’t say a word to anyone ever again. I shut off as a form of protection. I don’t like burdening people either (your second reminder). Like I said, while few people reached out, many more started distancing themselves from me when friends passed away. Some people told me that they didn’t know what to say or how to react. In my humble opinion I just don’t think they cared. I watched at a distance how my friends at the time supported other people. I really hate to say that they may have been happy to see someone unhappy. Based on how I was treated they didn’t care.
7.I joined dance marathon and was able to help out with high school dance marathons. This is why I give back so much to IU Health to this day through my Wish Concert Series, Indy Rev and so on. It’s my indirect way of saying thank you for giving me a chance through turbulent school years. And thank you for helping my granny while on she was on this earth.
8. I surprisingly find that creating beats and recording music very calming. If you read my updated Why Friends And Family Don’t Support Your Music, I don’t care about fame. I have 4 albums worth of music from this school period that’s unreleased. (I posted it then took it down because I mixed and mastered it and I’m going to get someone else to do it). Did they like I was recording music about my experiences for rushing, friend’s deaths ztas and so on? No. But it was my story.
9. A program called Old Masters kicked me to the curve. They would bring professionals on campus and you would pick their brains about what they did in the real world. I went to the open event and networked anyways.
10.BGR cut me quicker than rush. Make that two World Records. I felt like my opportunities and experiences were cut short due to things out of my control. I read James Altucher’s list on alternatives to college. I am playing catch-up as we speak.
11. Dance 2Xs cut me as well. So I started uploading my own dance videos. In many instances I became my own hero instead of depending on people. Sounds terrible because not trusting anyone isn’t good either, but here was the scenario in school: I was just thrown away like trash (re-read the ZTA paragraph 5 times). Ok. My personal thoughts: What can I do now to pass the time. I’ll find other ways to be creative.
12. Remember what I said about me trying to get elected in organizations right? I noticed when I ran for president that there was a underlying agenda to sabotage it. I was around power hungry people that wanted to boost their resumes for jobs. The most common thing I heard behind my back was that I don’t follow through. They couldn’t be honest about it with me to a face to face conversation.
School really punishes people for making mistakes, (going through deaths in my case) and being a outsider. In business and in the real world, you are rewarded.
After running my own businesses in the real world, I realized that I was misunderstood, taken for granted and my talents were not wanted. (I make more mistakes now in my businesses and in life than I could ever do in school. Trust me.)
13. I got involved in the church and did retreats. $2 Sunday meals were a regular hangout. But I noticed that when it came to deeper connections and finding someone to confide in, that was harder for me (like I said 100 times, being vulnerable before got me in trouble before, with losing my scholarship among other things). I usually sat at different Sunday dinner tables because people hung out with their regular friend groups. I wasn’t in a core church friend group, and that’s ok.
14. I wasn’t invited to Friends givings or spring break. I gave back and volunteered instead.(I travel a lot now to make up for missed opportunities like spring break, study abroad or friends giving). I actually went back to my high school retreat and was a retreat leader. Just for the record I’m not the most holiest person in the world. I curse like a sailor. Trust me haha. It’s fun to try to reconnect with the school where I had the strongest connection. And F*** was the word that I learned quickly first semester to come to terms with what I was dealing with, especially 1st semester.
14. On a different note. I tried out for several orgs to grow, and to be apart of something bigger than myself. To build relationships with people. Not for the numbers or just for the resume to look fancy. I got heavily involved in every org that took me. I can tell stories.
Have you heard of people who just have tons of things on their resume but for the life of them, couldn’t tell you what they did in them?
Are you building a life or a resume? Are you experiencing JOMO or FOMO?
I pose this question because I see too many people worrying about their resume so they’re employable after school instead of creating a life where they don’t need a job in the first place. Again in school, they tell you to get good grades, get a good job, be a good employee, etc. They throw this around like it’s the path to building wealth or being financially free. Derek Thompson even admitted that we treat our jobs like religion. We are taught to have faith in something that can fire us at anytime. We shouldn’t have passion in our jobs, but we are taught this all the time. It’s a really good article.
Next thing they tell you is to build up your resume. “Join this org, build your resume.”
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying don’t create a resume. But, are your intentions in the right place? Are you going to put the time in it? Or are you just going to the tryouts just to say you were involved enough to look good on paper?
I’m also suggesting is that you should set up your lifestyle so you don’t have to cater to what other people "want you to be," or "Think you should be."
When I started focusing on building an online business and leveraging my skills to stand out from the crowd? Guess what? I started getting 100s of messages from people from LinkedIn and elsewhere. I saw my experiences in school as a prerequisite of what I could experience at a job: politics, cut throating and getting my hopes up just to get sold down the river.
15. Entrepreneurship and entertainment continues to give me JOMO in a way people reading this may not be able to understand. It’s when Lady Gaga was asked how much winning the Oscar meant to her? You won’t be able to understand the experiences unless you go through it.
16. When I audition for projects, they don’t care what my background, my skin color is or what school I went to. They want to know if I can be the character in a given moment. Will I be a professional on set? Can you take what you know and apply it? We are very credential oriented world, but can you get the results?
17. When I connect with a business partner, do you think they care about what’s on my resume? They want to get results. You might have all the PHDs in the world, but if you ain’t applying what you know, what’s the use?
My business email got deleted around the time of this article being written (around February 15th, 2019). I surprisingly didn’t freak out when it happened. I kept my cool, but emailed mostly everyone on my Medium page, Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, and everyone that I wrote a Huffington Post on. It was work but definitely worth it.
Not only did I experience the JOMO of a filled business email account, after reconnecting with people I haven’t talked to in a while, I got even more opportunities.
Remember the part when I said my memory was good? I got most of my contacts back, and after I got my business email back I was surprised to see that I resubbed to all my email lists.
I found out that I backed up all my data on my USB drives.
But getting back into some of my accounts has been a trip!
During Valentine’s day, do you get envious when you see others getting flowers?
Instead of being envious for what you don’t have, be grateful for what you do have. There’s 365 days a year and different forms of love. Do things to feel good about yourself on V-day or any other of the 365 days of the year we have.
My secret tip: My relationship with myself is the most important. Valentine’s Day is a day like any other day. Build your self esteem and confidence on the inside and don’t let outside influences determine your self worth. My mom told me in 3rd grade to not get jealous of people, you have your blessings and people have theirs. This is why I can be happy for friends getting in the sorority houses of their choice. I love spring break photos. I love wedding photos. And friendsgiving photos. I still like ZTA, Delta Sigma Thetas (mom’s org), APO (Alpha Phi Omega) and greeks, but at a major distance. I mean I’m in Japan distance. The real piece of the pie distance would be to go to outer space distance. A couple of dimensions away would be sweeeetttttt.
Me Included? Awesome. Me not included? Awesome.
Instead of looking for your self esteem from people, I work on goals and accomplish them. I’ll take martial arts classes or take a defensive driving course. Or go to the places I want to visit.
If you have to, get a coach to figure out what your blocks and strengths are.
Off the record thought I think a lot of my rejections in school came from people misunderstanding me. And a tad bit of jealously because of my confidence. I would see girls trying so hard to get a guy’s attention. So damn hard. I still see some women trying hard to get a guy’s attention.
As from Nicole Peeler from I’m no longer jealous of my beautiful friends pointed out, getting so much attention from men also means attracting the jaundiced eye of the patriarchy, with its simultaneous desire to prop women up even as it tears them down.
I got the attention, had guys buying me drinks when I went out to bars and guess what? I didn’t try that hard, nor did I base my self-esteem on guys. I didn’t care then, I don’t care now. If I go out and get no attention from men? I would be happy as a lamb. If I could go out again without being bothered or a guy making a pass at me I would be the happiest girl in the world. I get the attention from guys now and it’s unwanted. If you read enough of my articles you know this about me: instead of looking for your self esteem from people, I work on goals and accomplish them. I’ll take martial arts classes or take a defensive driving course. I’ll volunteer. Or go to the places I want to visit.
This is the type of confidence I have that I can tell that other people hate. Despite the rejections and people treating me mean, no one will take this confidence away from me. I will go out to bars without make-up right now. This confidence comes from building your self-esteem inside, not from other people or outside sources.
This is why I hate riding the bus in Indy. I applied to be an ambassador but I can’t stand the idea of guys looking at me like they want to rip my clothes off. I’m a human being, not a hunk of meat to look at. A bus driver asked my mom about dating me. Some women would love this attention and die for it. I HATE IT. I hate when dudes sit next to me in the library thinking that’s flattering or makes my day. It doesn’t. I’m either studying spanish, a new script, writing a blog post or writing a new song. Hate is a strong word. But I REALLY despise my solitude or studying being disturbed.
One rejection didn’t keep me from trying again and again and again. It took me 4 years of trying out for orgs in school to finally get a chance at being in something bigger than myself. Finally volunteering. Finally a usher. Finally volunteering at dance marathons and doing something productive. People thought by pulling stunts on me they would get a angry reaction. I didn’t give them any reaction and it pissed them off. You pay a price for blazing your own trail, a bigger price for fitting in to society. You have to challenge the status quo to make a mark on society. Not go along to get along with the masses.
Bonus #18: My mom didn’t get me licenced in driving in high school and I secretly HATED depending on people for a long time and I still do. Depending on others put me in bad positions. Do you want to start at the top of this article and see how far I got when I depended on people? Exactly. So I taught myself and I make a point to continually learn by taking driving courses. I’m no Will Power though haha. It’s highly frustrating when people in your own family come up with every excuse in the world why you can’t do something. This is why I started ignoring well intentioned advice on how getting a job is the way to financial security. The 16 year old in me said FIGURE IT THE F*** out and the 18 year old in me said F*** it I’m doing it without you.
I have my dog and my warm electric blankets to keep me warm at least. Animals are so loyal when people are not. Borderline wanting to be a dog and cat mom forever.
I also find my JOMO from gardening along with music. (Hint: being a foodie and loving food like I do and posting Instagram photos like crazy learning how to grow it is the next natural step haha.)
JOMO for me is like the friend that’s not going to backstab you. JOMO indeed is the friend that’s solitude, trust and peace. It’s not jealous or envious. It’s a lifestyle.
To end this article (finally) I never took out my rejections, friends’ deaths, or situations I was/am in on other people. I stayed happy for others. However, I am very careful on who I trust and I REALLY proceed with caution. I will distance myself from people if needed (I’m doing this as I write this article and it’s so peaceful. Leaving Indiana often is my spirit animal). I did the best I could in the situations that I was given. I stay 100 miles away from gossip queens. Good deck or bad deck, I play the cards that I’m given. If you meet me in person, you may not even know that this stuff happened to me. I’m a jokester, talk about food like there is no tomorrow. I also decided to make Fat Tuesday and every national food holiday my own. Haha.
In school especially grade school and college, if you read enough of my articles, I was not treated nice and thrown away. I was misunderstood. I didn’t fit in because I didn’t act the way people wanted me to act. It was so bad that the Huffington Post accepted my submission telling my story. Being the only child, I took this in every situation as making my own way instead of depending on others. (I gotta trust somebody but some have people made it hard for me to trust them). I was just a number and didn’t matter, and I watched how people treated the students with money. If college was not great due to politics and friends passing away, the one thing I was able to do is being able to connect with others when needed, and being able to get my friends in the organizations I couldn’t get myself in. I’m not the jealous type. Jomo is my bbf
Here’s questions to think about to embrace JOMO and challenge the status quo. (Found these from Daniel Dipiazza and over the internet).
- How do I stop living to please others and start really living for myself?
- How do I learn to say no more often?
- Do you believe that you are worthy of your own time, your own love and your own money?
- Do you ever dress up for no reason? Just for you?
- Do you treat yourself with love, with care, and with respect?
- Do you treat yourself as well as you treat other people?
- Who do I really want to become in life?
- How do I develop myself physically, mentally, and emotionally?
- How do I master my finances and become wealthy?
- How can I become more connected to my creative and spiritual sides?
- How do I overcome loss, pain, or uncertainty and still thrive?
- How do I create meaningful, thriving relationships with people I care about?
Anyone want to join the JOMO journey with me?
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Hello There! I’m Alesha! I’ve been involved in different businesses in several different capacities from being ceo, coo, co-founder, and more. I’ve learned so much from creating businesses, and I look forward to all the learning experiences I will have from starting new ventures. 2019 I’m excited to announce that I’m going to add more businesses to my portfolio. STAY TUNED! I’m going to introduce them sometime next year!
With one business I was involved with, we made it possible to install a little device with customized hardware and a SaaS solution implemented to the router, the business owner was able see live data about social media info collected.
With another company, we had professional internet marketing company that focus on digital marketing campaigns, services and jobs such as SEO, PPC, Online Reputation Management, and social media marketing.
With EYT, I oversaw day-to-day operations and keeping the CEO apprised of significant events;Yes I actually talk with my business partner on a daily basis. I created operations strategy and policies; Communicated strategy and policy to employees and interns; Fostering employee alignment with corporate goals; and overseeing human resource management. I also delegated tasks to my team.
With Bones’ Custom Guitar. We created custom guitars for musicians with imported wood. No one Bones’ guitar is the same.
The Wish Benefit Concert is a concert founded by Ayana Carter, Mel Sexton and Alesha Peterson. It’s privately held at Riley Hospital For Children.