Life Has Gotten That Much More Complicated

Hey There! My name is Alesha! Oh well. As I was posting, I found a whole slew of posts I missed from my 1st blog post. So I started over lol. You might read a few of my posts twice. I was trying to honor where I started after getting on Medium and whoops, In order to clearly understand my story, it’s best to read these in this order. It’s almost like reading chapter 4 then jumping to 15 lol. More in likely another mistake will happen. I even tried waking up at 4 am to play catch up haha. I thought I wanted to save these for a future book. I’ll stop posting the intros as soon as I stop digging from my old blog post bank. These are from 2014, a period from my school days. At this point, we were in 2015, just last year! This could probably use edits. I almost can’t believe I cared so much and the things that mattered so much don’t matter anymore.

Life has gotten that much more complicated and as tensions continue to rise, I feel more and more caught up in the middle. I have a interesting perspective on racism and hate based on some of my experiences. After reading over this, you may start to understand why.

I do not think what SAE at OU said was right at all. Can I confess something to people reading this post? I have been in rooms where similar hateful things were said. I have grown pretty tight with some people and they are comfortable with saying what’s on their mind around me. Suprisingly in college. The only thing I will say is I did speak up and told them that some things you said should stay behind closed doors. I won’t mention what I heard. I did not flip off the handle on them and get mad at them, I used the opportunity to talk to them about it.

I recently watched a Dr. Phil episode where they talked about the SAE incident. Dr Phil asked (or said something along the lines of) why would people say these sorts of things? Are they really that stupid?

The guy who he was talking to said yes, some people just don’t get what they are saying and really don’t see anything wrong with what they are saying because it doesn’t affect them/they don’t see it as offensive. He explained it like this: “It doesn’t make it any less wrong that they said that. Let’s just say that these group of kids grew up with the same group of kids their whole life without any diversity in their circles. They may not have a racist bone in their body with their families teaching them right from wrong (you know the whole 9 yards). They may not have the intention of being racist. But they also may have grew up using some of these racists jokes because it doesn’t effect anyone in their group . He made it very clear that what they did is WRONG-which it was-but offered insight on the whole thing. Dr Phil still didn’t buy it, by the way. I actually have stories with two different outcomes.

Story #1: I was in a sport in high school. I won’t say which sport this happened in. But one friend said “ Hey n***** to the black guy. Then the black guy said “hey c****** back to him. These two guys were really great friends and understood that when the coaches came back around, that is language you don’t speak. I DONT recommend you go out saying those words (or offensive) everywhere around mixed company just because you are tight with your friends. You have permission from your friends to say what you want, but some of those words should just stay within your group of friends and not spoken publically.

Will I get offended if my friends say choice words to me? No, because I have those kinds of relationships with a few of my friends. We prank each other and have certain nicknames for each other. For example, few of my friends call each other b**** and s*** when they see each other because that’s how they greet each other. But most of my friends, we don’t really use choice words towards each other, its not apart of our language. So I don’t even think of it to use it. But I do caution my friends that the whole world doesn’t think like me and just always be careful with the words that say publically.

Story #2. I had a friend tell me that someone told them that they will automatically get all the black roles in the department BC they are the only black there, so congratulations. This person doesn’t see how what she said is wrong. I tried to get them to report it. I honestly think that some incidents don’t get addressed because they are not reported.

Story #3. I separated myself from the department myself because several people kept making an issue of race too much in my opinion (the students are great by the way). I can’t live my life having limited beliefs because they have limited beliefs. I refuse to walk in audition rooms in Chicago and LA with the attitude “Omg I’m different than everyone else here. The casting directors will have something against me.”

Have you heard that you yourself can get in the way of your own success? It’s so true. I’m not saying I should be naive and live under a rock and say racism doesn’t exist. Trying to ignore it in the hopes that it will just go away is not going to help. I may not post Facebook statuses about these things, but I do write these honest and revealing posts on these blogs to let people know I do pay attention.

Anyways, if I spent too much time trying to figure out why I didn’t get cast for certain roles then I wouldn’t be doing my job as a actor/actress (by the way, is the term actress still a thing?). I have too many auditions, music projects and modeling projects to focus on the jobs I didn’t get. I don’t think I would’ve had some of my awesome experiences I had if I had listened to skewed perceptions/opinions.

Like I said above. If I had the attitude that they expected me to have, I don’t think I would have some of the connections I have, I wouldn’t have gotten in some of the acting companies I’ve gotten into, and wouldn’t be involved in some of the projects I’m involved in. They definitely underestimate me and don’t believe in me and it shows. They don’t expect me to turn out to be anything. I’ve started reaching out to other people outside of college to help me out, and it’s paying off.

Story #4. Black guys, I hope most of you don’t get offended by these next few paragraphs. I’m not talking about all of you. I love you but several of you hurt me more than you care to realize.

I date different men from different cultures. I’ve dated black guys as well. Do you know who insults me the most? I have to be honest. Some black guys. Why? Some of them have said things like “What are you” and “You’re too cute to be just one race” (I KNOW RIGHT. IT’S SO BAD) “You have big pretty lips” “I’m blacker than you, not as pretty as you though, in fact you’re not black at all” “You’re white and Hispanic right? You’re too pretty to say just black” “One of your parents have to be white, is it your mom or dad because your just too pretty (they think these are compliments and they ARE NOT COMPLIMENTS AND IT’S NOT FUNNY).

Is your jaw dropped after reading that?. How do you think I felt when they said it to me? Do they even hear themselves speak when they talk to me?

Do you want me to keep going? Because I could. My question is this. Why do they think it’s ok to say these things to me while I’m out and about with friends? These are unexcusable deal breakers and when I run into some black guys that say these things to me, I address it then walk away. If you’re going to insult me before you get to know me you won’t have the privilege to date me. From my dating experiences, guys from other races do not say those insulting things to me. Some people say “aww they don’t know any better because they are ignorant and they think you’re so pretty.” WELL THEY NEED TO LEARN BETTER. I don’t care how pretty they think I am they have no right to insult me. That’s hurtful and to turn around and say hateful things to me when you don’t like people saying hateful and racist things to you…

On another note. I have so many black men in my family and as friends in my life that are not this way. Notice how I say some black guys have said awful things to me and not all. But to the unfortunate incidents that I’ve had, and to the black guys who said those insulting and awful things to me: you’re forgiven, but I see hate and hurt in you. Sometimes when people are hurting or grieving they lash out. Heard of the quote that hurt people hurt people. It’s true because you proved it. Many of you know how much hate hurts, why would you turn around and put someone else through that? I slightly disagree with sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me because THE WORDS that several of you have said to me does hurt! For people that have been historically hurt and traumatized by racism, I find that too many people in same group of people have said the most hateful words to me. In other words. Too many black guys have said the most awful, hateful and most disgusting statements towards me. I’m sorry to say. I really don’t care what hate I receive after writing this post. I’m being honest about what happens to me in my life. If I can’t handle backlash here or on YouTube or elsewhere after many of my college experiences then I should be ashamed of myself.

The same hate that we as a nation are trying to destroy is the same hate that some of you are putting back out there.

One more situation that I like to address. I’m so tired of these same group of black males saying that I hate them, you don’t give us a chance, do you like us, why do you hang out with those white, Indian, Asian or Hispanic people?

After insulting me, some of you have the audacity to take notes on who I hang out with? And start the nasty rumors that I hate you? First and foremost, YOU guys need to find something else better to do instead of watching my every move. That’s creepy and weird. Get a girlfriend because I’m not it. Secondly, hanging out with other people who are different than me is not a racist act towards you. You don’t own me. If welcoming people from different cultures, treating them the way I want to be treated, and learning about different cultures provokes you to call me a sellout, well knock yourselves out. I’m sold. (By the way, calling me a name, or b**** because you can’t have your way with me sexually or I refuse those sexual advances is immature on your part). I have the right to hangout with who I want to hang out with and YOU have the right to hangout with who you want to hang out with. I dont pick friends based on race, I pick friends based on the way they treat me. The most important, I refuse to hang out with people who are physically, mentally and emotionally abusive. Lustfully staring at me and grabbing my butt is not an appropriate introduction and it doesnt make a great first impression. Being the daughter of a lawyer grabbing my butt is assault because it’s unwanted contact. If I remember that you made any hateful or inappropriate contact with me I stay away from you, simple. I don’t hate black men. I hate how I’m treated by some of you when I go out. I hate that some of you stare at me like you want to rip my clothes off. I HATE AND CANNOT STAND MEAN MUGGING. I consider this extremely ignorant and obnoxious. I hate that some of you do rude things to me and my friends. I hate how I’m harassed by some of you. I hate the sins, NOT THE SINNER. Does that make sense? And the biggest thing is: I don’t care what race you are. You treat me mean I stay away from you.

And for the 100th time, despite how several of you have hurt me, I don’t hate black guys. If you have to ask me “Do I like black guys” then you don’t know me well enough. I’m not clumping a whole race of men saying that all of you are bad because that is not true.

While looks help, I date guys based on personality. Needless to say that all these guys who call themselves hitting on me with these insulting statements didn’t get a chance with me. Even with everything I said above, I’m not society and I won’t make excuses or take abuse or abusive words from any guy. You say those things to me? Simple solution. I’ll stay away from you. I have many family and friends in my life that don’t say those things or treat me nasty. So why hang out with people who are hateful?

Story #6. Let’s flashback to grade school for a minute. (Keep in mind the whole time that I have white, black, native american, etc in me like I’ve said many times before). I’m going to speak in plain English just like I said above so their is no mystery in what I’m saying. I’m not holding back because of fear.

I had so many of my so called “black” friends say “You’re light-skinned and think your cuter than me” and you have that good hair and did everything to keep me down. I never did say I was cuter than anyone else. That is what they had in their minds. I had people pretend to be my friends and I found out that they were spreading rumors on me. I even had a girl think that I had an advantage over her because of how I looked. She even mentioned to me a few times “I’m glad I don’t have that light skin like you do.” She made it matter when I didnt say anything about it. I realized then that skin color did matter to many people in my classes, even though my mom really taught me to treat people with the up most respect and be the better person as often as possible. I unfortunately had a few white teachers that thought they were better than me and made it really clear. My mom overheard a teacher saying “these kids wouldnt be nothing without us” and “and these kids couldn’t afford this type of education.” So I had a crash courses then, at a really young age on how much racism really does happen, and different forms of racism. Even if I didn’t recognize it or realize it was happening, the racism was there. Even if with every situation I tried to look for the golden lining. How my mom handled one situation still influences me today.

I was around 9 years old and I was with my mom. This girl came up to both of us and said “Your daughter is really pretty, I wish I had hair and skin like hers.” How my mom answered this made all the difference.

I walked away because I was really surprised at what I just heard. I overheard my mom say “You don’t want to look like my daughter and have her hair. You want to love you for you. You’re unique and there isn’t another you.”

I like to say a few things about this.

#1. I don’t get why people all my life think I’ve had it easy or I get things handed to me because of my skin color or how I look. THIS IS NOT TRUE. If I told you 10% of the things that happened to me in college people would not be saying those things to me. I work towards goals and have struggles too. Just like everybody does. I don’t have a free pass like some people think I do. A lot of things bother me but do I make a long drawn out Facebook status about it to bother my friends and bring attention to myself every time something bad or unfortunate happens? No. If anything, I’ll post about a modeling project or something.

#2. There are times when I don’t feel welcomed on my own college campus. It’s not nothing that my bros or my friends did. I see all the headlines on the news lately. What if you received racism and hate from different angles and not really sure who would understand? After this semester I’m considering not going out anymore on my campus. I’ve had awesome times with friends and the awful experiences I had isnt scaring me off. I just really want to focus on music, acting, and modeling projects off campus. Plus my crafts isn’t as hateful. (I had a dream that I was performing and it felt amazing. IT FELT SO REAL. I’m mad that I woke up!)

Story #7. This happened recently. Me and my mom was minding our own business and a group of girls tried to start a fight with us to test us. We stood up for ourselves to let them know we were not afraid of them but still. Because we don’t act like you or into the lifestyle you are into you are going to pick a fight with someone? We don’t have to act like you or do things to fit in with you. I don’t show this side of me around my friends or my apoers, but I can defend myself if needed. People mistake my kindness for weakness all the time and constantly test me.

Speaking of that. I stopped trying to fit in a long time ago. I try to be a great friend to people despite my experiences but it is not returned a lot of the time.

I’m just pointing these things out so you can attempt to understand why I absolutely feel caught up in th middle of a nasty crossfire. Sidenote: I have family that are cops and I also had relatives that were harmed by cops. Awkward.

Believe it or not, I like this list and follow it:

http://www.diversityinc.com/things-not-to-say/9-things-never-to-say-to-white-colleagues/

Do I have the attitude that everyone in the world is out to get me? Even though I have my fair share of haters (just like everyone does) NO. Am I aware that some people may not have the experiences I have (and are fortunate not to experience). Yes. Will I hate them and be jealous of them because some of them have obvious and any advantages over me? NO. :)

While I’ve heard many racist things in my life from both sides of the table, I would follow the example this lady has done (and have done so before). http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/andreas-krebs/racism-on-twitter_b_6598134.html

I realize after writing this that life just is complicated with twists and turns.

I’ve been told by several people that I deal with situations that most people don’t deal with or don’t understand. With that in mind, I have to be hard as rocks to be able to deal with these situations. I confess I held a few positions in the organizations I’m in throughout my semesters. After talking with a few people, I realize that the semesters that they claimed that I didn’t do that great in I had a lot of these situations happen a long with other family situations. I didn’t say anything because people don’t like excuses (legit or not). I got my financial aid taken away because I went to family funerals (long complicated story). I’ve been told that many people don’t care about what’s happening with you. After my scholarship was taken from me, that fact was proven to be true.

The only thing I’ve always asked is this: tell me what I’m doing wrong so I can try and fix it.

I’ve also been told by some in my organizations that they may not tell you what you did wrong so they can try to use it against you in elections in your various organizations. People that I love, please prove this wrong. I still believe inside me that you all are better than that. Say it ain’t so.

I don’t want to worry the crap out of you all with what is happening to me and that is why I stopped coming around. I haven’t been talking as much either because there is a lot on my mind. I DO try to keep my snapchats entertaining, just saying. And for the 1,000th time. I don’t hate anyone.

Life is that much more complicated.

If I can’t handle Hollywood and the entertainment industry after all these experiences from college and elsewhere then I should be ashamed of myself.

Alesha

P.S. This might be my last blog post on here (not on actual Medium, I mentioned this in my other blog). I may switch to a new platform because I notice that on a few of my posts a block appears and blocks out my words. I don’t like that!

Now I’m on Medium.

Hello! I’m Alesha! I’m a musician, actress, entrepreneur and writer. Follow on Twitter. If you like what I’m writing, give me a heart and share! :) I like hearts.