My Attachment Style
I have many reasons to be fearful avoidant. Fellow fearful avoidants, where are you? Let’s stick together.
My results for a quiz I took.
AS A FEARFUL AVOIDANT, YOU PROBABLY ARE…
Your attachment style is fearful avoidant, which means you’re most likely a free spirit by nature. You are also someone who can be unstoppable when you truly set your mind to something. (Yes.
You’re also a person who values your independence…(Shit yes.)
…which is why your friends and family might be surprised to discover that most of the time, you’re quite sensitive despite how strong you appear on the outside. (STFU and do not tell people this, I’ve opened up too many times and got burned by it. QUIT TELLING PEOPLE I’m sensitive! This goes for this Cosmo article that says I could cry as a Gemini if I get the right people. STOP IT F****ers. This is a guarded secret. DELETE H***. Lol. I will pay them to change that line. Please lawdz have mercy.)
For the most part, you keep your feelings to yourself. (I do). However, sometimes they come out when you aren’t speaking up enough or if you are over-giving and under-receiving in the relationships around you.
I refer to this quote. And I’ll keep putting it on all my articles until the end of time. I give and I don’t look for nothing in return. I just want my friends and family to be happy and successful.
You give so much to help your family, friends, community, or even strangers without expecting anything in return. But very few people recognize that you might need help sometimes, too. Recently you might have gone through a tough time and needed help, but nobody was there to lend a hand. (333)
And though you can be incredibly giving, you may have a hard time with partners who are too needy or dependent. You often fear being trapped or confined, leading you to push people away at times.
I couldn’t have said this any better. Bless you. I value my freedom. It drives me crazy when a guy doesn’t have a life and attempt to make me the center of his universe. DON’T. DO NOT F**** text me 10 times in one hour and expect me to be happy with you. I admire those with their own lives.
Free Spirit
Independent
Strong & Sensitive
A BIT MORE ABOUT YOU…
On the whole, you’re not always comfortable with vulnerability. It can be hard for you to let your guard down and trust others, and this can cause you to push people away. (If you had any clue what trusting people has led to, it was so bad that I will not follow any angels, angel numbers, spirit guides or ancestors advice, and no 222.) Here’s what 222 says I should do, and I won’t. F*** that.
Seeing 222 is a message about love. This could be a sign that you’ve had your heart broken in the past.
The pain you felt after a breakup was so bad that now you are more protective of who you let into your heart.
When around your friends or family you are very social, easy to talk to, and extroverted. Yet, other times you are reserved, quiet, and tired.
When you meet someone new it takes time before they become part of your “inner circle” of friends. They need to earn your trust first. You are selective of who gets to know the “real” you.
The same can be said for your romantic relationships. Your heart has been broken too many times and you cannot bear to think about going through another painful breakup.
Although you might not realize it yet, your guardian angel has been sent down to protect you and guide you in a new direction.
God made a promise to us long ago, called a covenant, that he would not harm us. Seeing 222 is a clear sign that God is about to heal your broken heart. He wants you to open your heart to love and shine your light for others.
If you are in a relationship, seeing 222 could be a sign of renewed love. You are about to experience a burst of new energy and deep love for your partner.
Simply put, the number 222 is a message from your guardian angel to open up your heart.
Guys it was really bad. I’m protective AF. I don’t trust the guardian angels or 222. No. I will protect myself.
On one level, you handle the vulnerability of others extremely well. (I do, people tell me lots of things and I have never said a word. People tell me things they won’t tell other people, because they know I won’t ever tell). But you may not be as eager to open up when it comes to your own fears or vulnerabilities. (If you don’t tell people things they can’t use it against you. I’ve been betrayed so much that in my funeral arrangements I said here lies a single ho.)
That’s because people with this attachment style have trouble trusting others. (Damn straight I do).
They’ve learned that any time they are vulnerable, it can be used against them and therefore they don’t rely on other people.-
Often that’s because they may have had a turbulent childhood, perhaps due to physical or emotional abuse, or even just significant chaos in the home. However, it’s likely you also had one caregiver who was present and emotionally available at times. (My mom is great, people at my schools treated me so badly that I could not trust anyone, especially the earliest memories was around 5th grade, a lot of emotional abuse definitely in grade school and college. Middle school girls and people don’t care about how much hurt and damage they can cause someone, my church and the priest(s) in q).
This lead you to having some good feelings about connecting with others, while being afraid of deep connection all at the same time.
You likely find yourself being pretty ambivalent about relationships.
While you may deeply care for your partner, sometimes you can have this underlying feeling of dissatisfaction and doubt…
… almost a lingering feeling that there’s something better you’re missing out on, or questioning your future together. (The main thing I question is this person worth my solitude and peace. )
So there’s an ongoing ambivalence in your relationships, because you can constantly shift from being vulnerable to being distant or from being invested in your relationships to experiencing sudden doubts.
This can be incredibly confusing, not just for your partners, but for you too.
YOU FEAR ABANDONMENT SO YOU PUSH PEOPLE AWAY WHEN THEY’RE TOO CLOSE.
That’s because all this back and forth sometimes leaves you feeling intensely conflicted inside, and these feelings of frustration and resentment can spill over onto your partner.
Many people with the fearful avoidant personality have what’s called “depth of processing.”
That means you might overanalyze your partner’s micro-expressions and body language for signs of betrayal.
Since your core wounds are related to trust, many fearful avoidants try to protect themselves from betrayal — in advance — by pulling away, sabotaging relationships or even resorting to control or manipulation in more extreme cases. (I personally retreat and hide in my cabin for days, I only manipulate food when I’m hungry. I need to gain weight soooo, and no, I personally don’t control or manipulate, but I keep myself busy with so many things that if people want to leave, they will leave. If they want to stay, they will stay).
As a child you were often subconsciously worried about being abandoned, so as an adult, you tend to push people away the moment you start feeling too vulnerable (remember, this happens on a subconscious level). (As the only child, I’m used to being on my own and it’s second nature. When people want to leave my life, I open up the door and let them. You cannot make someone stay if they don’t want to, no matter how much you care for them.)
You might end up leaving people before they leave you as is your way of protecting yourself. And this may manifest by disconnecting emotionally before actually leaving the relationship. (HEY detaching is the name of the game, no one is going to protect me but me).
In fact, losing a relationship with someone you care for may be something that really frightens you. So while you may connect with partners easily, you usually keep some emotional distance between you.
It can be easy to convince yourself that you’re being strong and independent…
…but avoiding relationships is impossible in real life. (Wanna bet? Watch me. Cat lady and squirrel communication specialist will come up with a way.)
No one exists in a vacuum. (I do, if the wicked witch of the west can do it so can I).You are in some sort of relationship with others, whether you acknowledge it or not. (I do have the outdoor cats I feed).
It’s just a question of what kind. (With my animals. I aspire to be a better cat woman everyday).
When you insist on maintaining too much freedom, you’re actually cutting yourself off from the warmth, support, and connection others can give you. (Sorry the price I paid for loving without fear was way too high. I got blanket warmers, sperm donors, seeking arrangement on standby, but I personally prefer to get better at my skills of being a hermit.).
Even worse…
When you focus on being self-reliant, you might spend too much time focusing on your needs instead of your partner’s. (So are you suggesting I just rely on someone flat out? And ask for help that’s not usually available? Life has taught me 2 things: to not to depend on anyone for your finances and happiness. #2. I no longer look for or expect people to show me the same love I’ve shown them. No thank you.).
I think the greatest challenge with love is the expectation we tie to it. I’ve learned that everyone loves differently. And yes we have wants and non negotiables but you can’t expect people to love you the way you love them. Because we all have our stories. We are all wired differently which means we see the world differently. And there’s beauty in that. Love comes in different shades.-The Angry Therapist
That can leave your partner feeling isolated and alone. (Welcome to my life bud, and trust me being alone is better than being abused or being taken out of your peace.)
And though you may tell yourself that you need your freedom and independence… (I do love my freedom…don’t you dare).
…it leaves you yearning for the closeness and connection you so desperately crave. (I found my closeness with the animals I feed. They don’t lie, backstab or spread rumors on you. I crave my dog.
Researchers have known for years that your brain has a built-in survival mechanism. It’s one that’s been around ever since humans first walked the earth, and it was designed to help you interpret what you see and experience. By helping you learn and adapt to experiences — especially negative ones — your brain makes sure you stay alive. This system worked well when humans had to protect themselves from dangerous predators…
…but it doesn’t work so well in modern times. That’s because, in an attempt to keep you safe, your brain ends up storing thousands of negative experiences. Each time you experience trauma, your brain internalizes a negative belief right along with it… Which means you can end up with dozens of harmful beliefs like, “I’m not safe,” “I’m unlovable” “I’m bad,” or “I’m not good enough” stored in your brain.
I’m not going to tell someone who’s gossiping secrets. Instead of always trusting people until they prove that they can’t be trusted, I like to look at what people are showing me.
Sometimes its good to draw on your experiences to assess the situation. I’m not going to trust someone with information if they can’t keep their mouth shut.
But like a virus in your computer, they hide inside you, changing the way you look at the world…
… and slowly eating away at your confidence, self-esteem, and happiness.
Even worse, every time you experience a traumatic event, think negative thoughts, or feel “down”….
… it triggers the release of stress hormones that instantly put you in fight or flight mode.
When that happens, part of your brain — the prefrontal cortex — literally shuts down.
That’s the part of your brain that controls your ability to concentrate, plan, remember, make decisions, and more. (This description is a perfect wording for what happened to me in college, but I could never come up with the right words to attempt to describe it. Bless you.)
Which means…
At the moment when you need your thinking abilities the most, you are physiologically unable to think logically.
Instead, your worst impulses take over.
That’s why people who are under stress do things they’d normally never do like get drunk, overeat, or use drugs.
References: I hope after you read this body of work, you can realize I don’t mind being and staying on my own. (I also have links to other team solitude articles as you keep reading). I will continue being nice and giving, but I prefer at a distance.
At This Point It’s More Relationship Based. (I pulled a few from my Huffington Post profile so you can understand my goal to stay solo).
Huffington Post even let me express myself. I hope you really understand the desire after taking a look at these suckers.
- Bonus*
About my sensitive self, eh. These emails need to stop.
Do you smell that sweet aroma in the air, Alesha?
This floral scent is usually present when the “perfume of God,” or Archangel M is present.
If you don’t smell anything, that’s okay. You’re on the path of developing your psychic senses, which is why Archangel Muriel has shown up to assist you on this new journey.
You’re probably always been empathic or had a difficult time with emotions and feelings. It’s almost like your feelings provide you both gifts and curses, right?
Well, truly your sensitivity is a gift as it is heightened intuition.
That is the message of the lesser-known, but still extremely powerful, Archangel Muriel — to lean into your emotional nature as you’re highly intuitive and here to help heal the world.
Archangel Muriel rules over the month of June and she also rules over the sensitive sign of Cancer, which is a highly intuitive water sign.
Just as the sign of Cancer, Archangel Muriel is encouraging you to awaken the inner humanitarian within you, Alesha.
I know the world has been so harsh and many have misunderstood the power of emotional intelligence, making most of us empaths feel like we’re too difficult to deal with or understand.
Archangel Muriel delivers the message that if you truly work to break down the guard around your heart, you’ll be gifted with new intuitive gifts that can take your healing work to the next level.
As with any spirit guide or ancestor, your Archangel M would love to be acknowledged and thanked for protecting you on the spiritual plane. (Honestly from 2020 to 2021 I really haven’t felt much protection, but think how you want babe)
To call upon her, she enjoys the smell of myrrh, so lighting some before you go to bed can help her to appear in your dreams.
Archangel M is very gentle and provides nurturing, motherlike energy, Alesha.
She wants to make you feel comfortable with seeing and feeling her presence, so she usually will present herself in your dreams on a light magic carpet.
Calling on M has helped me so much in developing my psychic abilities and learning how to love myself and all my gifts unconditionally.
At the end of the day, M wants us all to know that when we close our hearts to the world, the ones that we truly hurt are ourselves.
Alesha, would you like M’s guidance?
I highly encourage you to invest in a small amount of myrrh and set the intention to connect with her loving energy in your dreams.
Alesha, right now Archangel B is here to convert difficult feelings into genuine compassion for yourself and others.
Are you ready? Are you open to it?
If you hesitated, it’s okay, Alesha…
That is expected. Our human experience doesn’t necessarily promote transmutation of these negative emotions — our society usually promotes becoming stagnant there.
We’re taught that revenge is the way or that when you’ve been wronged that you shouldn’t trust others the same way again.
Truly, Alesha, this is the fastest way to becoming cold-hearted and closed off to your natural divine right to love and abundance.
Archangel B wants to see you live your most fulfilling, passion-fueled human experience, so he is here to offer his healing.
This should also not make you angry or closed off to the world, Alesha.
Barbiel is here to remind you that you did the best with what you could do with the knowledge that you had at that time.
Which is why your friends and family might be surprised to discover that most of the time, you’re quite sensitive despite how strong you appear on the outside.
But en route to building that legacy, prepare to feel some raw emotions and new levels of vulnerability, which can be uncomfortable for your capable, control-oriented sign. You’re used to putting others under the microscope. (January 1st, 2022). I’m going to continue to put them under the microscope unless I can really trust them.
Life on the other side of your walls is vibrant and exciting. My forest and fortress is always going to be nearby.
In one of these Elle articles (the December 27th version), it said I should invest in a press kit due to fame. I’ll find it and link it back. Here’s one of them in the mean time: With Jupiter boosting your popularity from May 10 to Oct. 28, your phone will be blowing up with messages from fans. And when lusty Mars takes a long, sexy journey through Gemini from Aug.20 to March 25, 2023, there’s no one hotter than you. Just in case that does happen, I’m spending a lot of quiet time in the woods, I love my peace and quiet.
But this year, success is the revenge you can’t stop serving. And frankly, you deserve it after two tough years of eclipses hitting your sign. The shakeups you endured will only make you stronger. I just want my friends and family members to stop passing away, especially in there 20’s and 30’s please. It’s painful to keep going through that over and over. Thanks.
When it comes down to it, I want to have a soul tribe with my friends and cousins and animals (most of the time animals though). My new energy: This energy is great for creating strong genuine, deeply-connected bonds to friends, family and others in your soul tribe, providing true fulfillment, harmony and peace that will last for years to come.
High vibe people only. I have been sticking my neck out there, in places that no one know me. When Sunday’s quarter moon in Aries activates your eleventh house of networking, here’s your cue to have fun for fun’s sake. Some social experimentation would be fun, whether you’re blending friend groups or accepting the invitation from someone you’ve been cautiously curious about. Go Hoosiers!
If there’s something a little vulnerable you’ve wanted to share — at the “right” moment — this weekend could be it. I will share it with some cousins and friends that I trust. Your craving for closeness-I miss my extended family members and looking forward to the family reunion this year, July 2022. After watching too many friends and family pass away these past few years I want to make happy memories with people I haven’t seen in a while in person. I do want to get real about the time, energy and support I desire from a few cuzzos and friends only. But it won’t be over the top, it has been a long time since I’ve seen them and I’m not going to overwhelm anyone. Do not get that shit twisted, I’m still fearful avoidant at the end of the day. For the most part, a deserted island still isn’t enough space. That’s accurate as hell. Maybe I should consider relocating to Mars.
Then BELIEVE you can draw that person into your life. (I still prefer to draw animals, from actually painting or drawing on a piece of paper to feeding them in nature, but thanks for the offer, I have 8 outdoor cats and I want to keep growing my family that way).
I’ve had several tarot cards/readings saying that I’ve changed a lot.
I have. People are trying to square the before me with the after me. It’s going to take time for people to adjust. I’m rebelling and doing a lot of new things (The new chapter of life that makes you feel sexier and savvier than you have in years!
My saving grace is your ability to reinvent yourself at warp speed being a Gemini. Establishing authority, blazing trails.
The pain you felt after a breakup was so bad that now you are more protective of who you let into your heart. (The smartest thing any assessment, or angel number has said).
When around your friends or family you are very social, easy to talk to, and extroverted. Yet, other times you are reserved, quiet, and tired. (Yes believe it or not I do have a quiet side, I can be laid back and really chill. This takes people off guard, sometimes I’m thinking about things, other times I just want to be quiet)
When you meet someone new it takes time before they become part of your “inner circle” of friends. They need to earn your trust first. You are selective of who gets to know the “real” you. (Selective is an understatement, I have outer circles but it takes a long while before I trust them.).
The same can be said for your romantic relationships. Your heart has been broken too many times and you cannot bear to think about going through another painful breakup.
Although you might not realize it yet, your guardian angel has been sent down to protect you and guide you in a new direction.
God made a promise to us long ago, called a covenant, that he would not harm us. Seeing 222 is a clear sign that God is about to heal your broken heart. He wants you to open your heart to love and shine your light for others. (I’m shining my light through animals)
Simply put, the number 222 is a message from your guardian angel to open up your heart. (I’ve opened my heart and home to 8 outdoor cats. Hope this counts for something).
God is sending you a message that he is about to heal your broken heart. He will bless you with an abundance of love and hope. (Heal my broken heart through animals please.)
And seriously The only thing I ask is for my friends and family members to live long lives and not to be killed in tragic ways. It’s really hard to read religious, assessments, and angel number quotes like this, then lose a friend or family member in their 20s and 30s. I can deal with day to day setbacks (people not liking me, retaking classes over and over, rejecting me, getting fired from a gig and so on) but losing friends and family in tragic ways is a different level of trauma, and I wish I wasn’t subjected to that on a regular basis. It makes it hard for me to look back at the good memories from the place in question. And angels, guides, and ancestors, please don’t make promises you can’t keep. Just don’t. And 222, no.
I made a promise if I make it out of that alive, I would never put myself in that position again. Are you f**** crazy?
Yes, you’ve been really hurt and may even be afraid of getting out there again. You’ve been burned in love before, so you won’t let anyone get close to you for fear of getting hurt again.
You might even feel that you’d almost rather be alone than risk rejection.
The Protective Pattern CAN protect you from getting hurt again. It is certainly wise to not let someone walk all over you. We applaud you for that. That protective cloak that you put over your heart, that may feel familiar and cozy, is also keeping your soulmate away. He can’t get in. He can’t see you, feel you, even find you. (I don’t want to be found.)
The person you love may or may not love you back. They may be in your life for a long time or they may not. They may be loyal and faithful or they may leave you at the curb. When you open your heart to someone special, you might be appreciated, laughed at or downright skewered. Scary stuff. Yes…Vulnerability is hard. It’s challenging. (If openly loving the place and guys in question led to all that catastrophic damage, I’m good.
And as you realize more and more that facing down your fears and going for what you REALLY want doesn’t mean being taken advantage of,
You want to remain open to love but protect yourself emotionally: not a bad idea, right? Honor your sensitive self. Appreciate your steady-headed nature. You are loyal and kind, and once you give your love to someone, he is the luckiest guy in the world, because you are “all in”! (I notice several of these gives people notice that I’m sensitive, and that’s a guarded secret. I wish you stop giving away my secrets.)
The risk of getting hurt again is something you feel in your heart very deeply. You’ve set up your life now where it is hard to let someone in. I make it super hard, and I won’t lie about that. I have a lot of guys messaging me out of the blue, and I really wish the shit would stop. None of my ex boyfriends sent tons of messages in a roll like this or was so clingy and desperate. I have friends, family, and space.
I saw my crazy side multiple times, and I decided I won’t be involved with anyone or anything that takes me out of my peace like that ever again.
To finish. I’ll grab these three quotes from previous articles.
You are too afraid to trust someone. Maybe you have faced consequences before for trusting the wrong people, and now you are terrified by the word ‘trust’
How can I drop my guard when no one has ever actually taken care of me in a reliable consistent way that allows me to feel safe and trust?
I figure I’m my own safety net. I’m no longer going to look for safety in other people anymore.
I’m done here. I appreciate the views of others’ in different blog posts, but at the end of the day. They haven’t lived my life. And instead of always explaining, I just do me. I have to live my life at the end of the day, no one else.
Yes, there’s superpowers to the avoidant style. Everyone’s not going to agree.
References:
https://www.modernintimacy.com/official-attachment-style-quiz/
attachment
It’s 2022 🔥🙌
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