No, Not All Fatherless Women Have “Daddy” Issues
When a good girl has been broken by the people she loves. She’s not selfish for focusing on herself. She been through a lot of shit. That pain she been through has made her life fall apart. So now she’s spending every waking moment trying to put herself back together, along with her life so that she can live her best life. STOP MAKING A GIRL FEEL GUITY FOR PUTTING HERSELF FIRST. She’s been putting everybody else first before her. How the feel is she supposed to live her best life, when you are draining the life out of her.-selflove_speaker.
(Drop a comment if you needed to hear this ladies, self love speaker was on one when he said that one.).
She’s ok with being alone because no one is there for her. She’s ok with being alone, she ain’t tripping. She’s tired of being there for everyone else’s needs but her own. When she needs someone by her side, ain’t nobody there for her. She’ll look around all day long not to find a single soul. The only soul she can find right now, is the one person that she’s seeing right in front of the mirror. And that’s her damn self. Cuz ain’t nobody got her more than she got herself. And none of y’all deserve a woman like that.-selflove_speaker
Key Points: I can’t miss what I never had.
- No one is coming to save me. I found unconditional love with my dog and animals, and that’s who I’m sticking with.
- When I realized only I can change my life, everything changed. No one can do it for me.
- I do not care about having a dad or missing out. I can’t sit around thinking about who doesn’t want to be bothered with me. I do not run through scenarios in my head of what could have been. It’s counterproductive.
- If you don’t need something, it doesn’t hurt when you don’t get it. If you are not looking for it, you don’t miss it.
- I’m not going to go search to fill a hole that comes up in my heart or any void with the affection of another man, it won’t work. Fill it with the love and strength I have for myself by myself!
- I cannot expect people to show me the same love I show them.
- The world doesn’t see me like I see myself.
Your friend likes older guys? Maybe she likes that they’re mature. She’s promiscuous? Maybe she just likes sex. She seems clingy? Maybe she’s just extremely passionate. Whatever choices we make in life should be of our own volition, and it’s no one’s job but our own to judge the “why” behind those behaviors.
Remember that society doesn’t define who you are as a person. You define who you are and the mark you make on the world.
No, not all fatherless girls have daddy issues. The one thing I hated growing up was people trying to make me feel less than because of who I did or didn’t have in my life.
My personal thing? I can’t miss what I never had. I never missed him or had an overwhelming since of agony because he wasn’t around.
I see articles like this and I feel for people that missed that fatherly figure in their life.
Because they know what it feels like to feel unwanted by the one person who was supposed to want you more than anything in the world. And they would never want to make anyone else feel that pain.
Why let someone let take up space in my mind when I’m clearly not taking up space in his? A lot of my trust and betrayals came from people (both males and females) actually in my life. And sure, him not “wanting” me speaks volumes, I also can’t force someone to be in my life if they don’t want to be in it. I just learned to not let people determine my self esteem and self-worth, even if they helped create me. People asked about him when I wasn’t asking about him myself; people in my grade school made it a point to try and rub it in about me not having a dad to be cruel, but some of it was I was breaking stereotypes; (how are they doing stuff without having two parents, because I can’t make it like that). The times I did try to look up to some males as father figures backfired. The situations ended up causing harm and I’m like you know what, this shit isn’t worth it. It made me realize that sometimes it’s ok to miss out. What the world is telling me what I’m missing out on? Hell let me miss out on the shit. At this point, I don’t think my dad being in my life would make any difference. I’ll never know, and I don’t sit around thinking about it. I take responsibility for my own life, regardless of who is or isn’t in it. If I decide to be promiscious, (), get a DUI, stay on the straight and narrow or get off and swerve, it’s my decision alone and no one else’s.
There were times when you have to be your own armor. There were times when you have to defend your own self when you were little because no one was there to protect you — to hug you and tell you “It’s okay Princess, daddy’s here.” You have become your own little princess and have put a crown on yourself because no one has done that for you. You have built your own shell — hard enough to not let anything crush you.
To the person reading this: I don’t know your story.
I don’t generalize, and everyone has a different experience, fatherless or not. Ideally, it’s great to have two parents. But sometimes it doesn’t pan out this way, and it’s better to have one great parent than two bad ones or grow up in abusive situations. From my personal experience, I’ve seen people from two parent families more messed up than people that come from single parent situations. I even know some people where they wished one parent would have gotten away from the abusive one, or wish they cut ties with a toxic parent sooner and are currently estranged. One size doesn’t fit all and everyone is going to face obstacles and challenges, no matter who is and isn’t in your life. The one thing I didn’t like growing up was people treating me like a victim based on another person’s decisions. Or when I see something on television saying kids of single parents are more in likely to be this way. Or always putting single parents in the worst light. I can’t control what other people do or do some fancy dance to draw them in to me. I think no matter what situation we find ourselves in, we need to extend each other some grace and be supportive of each other.
Although you have learned to help yourself and put on a tough-as-nails exterior, take a deep breath and realize that sometimes it is okay to soften your shell and ask for others to support and understand you. This does not make you weak, it makes you strong beyond belief.
I always keep it for real on here.
With that being said: Could me not having a dad affect my perspective, my views, the way I see the world and especially, my standpoint on relationships? You bet. If I could get a dollar for every time someone treated me differently or treated me like a victim, I would be a millionaire 100 times over.
Could there be paths and life experiences closed off to me because my experiences, hurts, betrayals and protective patterns makes me want to keep some distance between myself and most people? Possibly. I won’t deny that (heard that point in a Psy2Go video and it resonated, I got the exact quote in another article, I’ll find it later). I also won’t deny that the full human experience may be closed off to me in certain areas. My dad had nothing to do with this. It was the some of the toxic people in my life that caused hurts. (People underestimate the trauma and PTSD that comes from your female friends betraying you.)
Is this a thing? Yes.
“Things will just continue to manifest in the energy that it was created until you make the conscious decision to unpack where it came from.”
But here’s the bigger thing.
Instead of being angry and looking for the love, security and support that some can’t and aren’t willing to give (i.e. being angry at those whom you feel could not love you and protect you as a child). If you don’t need something, it doesn’t hurt when you don’t get it. If you are not looking for it, you don’t miss it. I made a decision to choose myself and help myself. I do not want to depend on others and I don’t want them depending on me either. In my head, some people will stick around forever. Others only stay in your life for a season. People can and will leave without prior notice or warning.
I’m also not going to fill the void solely by seeking it from men and romantic relationships. I’m not going to go search to fill any void or any hole in my heart with the affection of another man, it won’t work. I’ll fill it with the love and strength I have for myself.
I cannot make anyone stay or come into my life. In my head, most people don’t stick around. I’ve had people tell me that they will always be there, just to run at the first sign of blood. If a guy wants to stay, he will. I would want him to stay out of desire, not because of obligation or need anyways.
You’re allowed to have grown up without a father and not have issues. Yet somehow, society likes to make us think that a lot of our life and/or relationship mistakes have to do with the fact that our father wasn’t present, when in fact, mistakes are a part of life.- Katiuscia Maria,
Society does do a great job of making you think you have some personality traits or quirks if your dad wasn’t around: Society has ingrained in us the stigma of “daddy issues,” attributing certain behaviors to growing up without a father. There are stereotypical behaviors that fit this description: dating men older than you, being promiscuous, clingy, or dating a lot of guys at one time, or a habit of dysfunctional relationships. As Maria pointed out: society likes to make us think that a lot of our life and/or relationship mistakes and issues have to do with the fact that our father wasn’t present, when in fact, mistakes are a part of life.
If I f*** up, it’s not because of my absent old man. It’s just me living my life.
Unspoken fact: You can grown up without a father and not have issues. Many children who grow up without fathers turn out perfectly fine.
Besides the typical outbursts, stereotypes, and behaviors associated with “daddy issues,” there are some other misconceptions about fatherless women and girls.
#1. Fatherless kids have a higher risk of negative outcomes, including poverty and behavioral problems.
It always drives me crazy when I see the stereotypical single parent sob story on tv. (I won’t go into the into all the television-single parent slob stories.)
Yes, some single parents really need the help. Yes, some people out there fit the role and fit the stereotypes. Some people really
But notice I’m using the word some. Not everyone is the same way. Not one size fits all. Not all single parents need help. I personally know of some two parent families that needed the help more than the single. Also keep in mind that some married people could use the help, too.
What the researchers don’t say. Everyone is not the same.
1. You will make bad dating decisions, and we don’t know how to pick men.
We will always pick the wrong men huh?
Okay, so you dated an asshole, which must be because your mom left your dad, right? Not necessarily. You need to consider the real reasons you dated him. Maybe you picked the intriguing hot guy that seemed so nice. Maybe you went against your initial gut instinct and decided to try dating him anyways (guilty!). Or maybe you were blindsided, and he was just a creep. No relationship or dating experience is perfect, and life is full of mistakes and finding ourselves. We’re allowed to mess up. It’s how we learn.
Maybe I dated that guy way back when because I like bad boys? Or I went against my gut instinct? It has nothing to due with my dad being there or not being there.
“But Alesha, not having a dad may have impacted you in ways you haven’t realized.”
Even if in some way it has, I don’t sit around thinking about it or wallowing in it much.
(Yes, this article is influenced by the article, but you will notice I will quote this and other articles I see and make it my own.)
2. We all go through periods in our lives that leave us feeling empty, numb, and drained. The emptiness isn’t always correlated with not having a father.
We all go through periods in our lives that leave us feeling empty, numb, and drained. We feel emotionally void, or literally like the life has been taken out of us. Life has thrown some misfortune my way over the years that at times has left me feeling empty, but none of it stems from the fact that my dad was absent. My mom left my dad when I wasn’t even two, and over the years she’s done an exceptional job at balancing both parental roles. I’ve also had great father figures in my life with my grandpa and uncles, so I’ve never “lacked” a father. I’ve never felt sad when thinking about who’s going to walk me down the aisle one day, nor have I felt compelled to fill my life with poor behaviors and then blame my actions on being fatherless.
When I act out, or have an off day, it’s not because I’m thinking about someone who was never in my life. It might just be because I want to, had a shot of Fuji water or Tequlia, made a funny face because my doctor gave me a Covid shot, whatever.
Maybe I’m acting a kind of way or quiet because someone close to me passed away? It might be because. I also don’t blame my actions or misfortunes from school on being fatherless. That’s people being cruel because they wanted to be anyways! To me, it’s like bringing up a person in my life that was never apart of the equation.
If I decide to be a sex vixen or promiscious, this is my decision. Ultimately, I make the decisions and take responsibility for what happens in my life, regardless of who or who isn’t in it. At some point, you got to take ownership in what you do and stop blaming others. What happened to you and who abandoned you is not your fault, you have zero accountability. What you do with, how you deal with your feelings
Now, do I have a hardened shell? Yes. Some of the topics that people bring up in some of the fatherless articles I do relate to (and I’m speaking from my personal experience. When I write these articles, I do not speak for everyone or every fatherless lady. You would need to speak to that individual's experience of not having a dad or having a dad. Again, one size doesn’t fit all.).
Although you have learned to help yourself and put on a tough-as-nails exterior, take a deep breath and realize that sometimes it is okay to soften your shell and ask for others to support and understand you.
There were times when you have to be your own armor. There were times when you have to defend your own self when you were little because no one was there to protect you — to hug you and tell you “It’s okay Princess, daddy’s here.” You have become your own little princess and have put a crown on yourself because no one has done that for you. You have built your own shell — hard enough to not let anything crush you.
Damn straight I have a tough as nails exterior. Are there times when I needed the help and didn’t ask for it? You bet. My hardened shell and tough as-nails exterior came from betrayals and hurts from people in my life, not people who were never there, i.e. my dad.
Did I try to look up to other father figures? Sure. But then in many of those cases, they also wasn’t great people and it was best to be without. Sometimes it’s ok to miss out on what the world tries to say you are missing out on. Ideally, it’s great to have two loving parents. In my instance, I can’t miss what I never had and I just was thankful for what I did have. You make due with what you got. I got male cousins and friends.
I haven’t overly obsessed about my father walking me down the aisle (I don’t plan on getting married or having kids anyways!). I look at my friends and cousins with dads and I don’t get jealous. I just admire and live it voraciously through them.
One time I did buy my dad a Happy Father’s Day keychain back in first grade. And I still got it. I thought it would be cool to give it to him one day. When I was wishing for something that would never happen, I just said screw it, he doesn’t want me or want to be bothered, let focus on the people that do want to be bothered. Lol.
I never wondered about my dad a lot anyways. I’m to the point where I don’t even think of him at all. It’s not something I’m meant to experience in this lifetime…It’s out of my hands and out of my control. And getting angry at others for what I never had is not going to remedy the situation or make up for lost time. With that being said, if I’m game to meet any and all cousins, and any brothers or sisters I might have out there on that side of the family. (It’s clear as day that my dad and his siblings are not interested, and I don’t know what they been told).
Could I make songs on the subject at some point? Sure. But one song about “dad” doesn’t mean I think about not having a dad all day, every day. Like I said, I’m to the point where I don’t care if I ever met him or not…..(Hugs to those who want to meet their dad or father, I hope you do find the answers you are looking for one day.)
At this point, I almost like to say he passed so people stop asking the questions. Thinking about or obsessing over someone who never wanted me or doesn’t want to be in my life is not productive. There’s so many people who desire to be in my life, why focus on the ones that don’t? Why let someone take up rent in my mind when I’m clearly not taking up rent in theirs's?
People at different points in my life were not and still isn’t trustworthy. Not letting them see you sweat, and suppressing your emotions was (and still to a certain extent) a survival tactic. Speaking of that point….
3. Abandonment isn’t always connected with having a dad (or not). If you are dealing with abandonment issues, it’s best to dig a little deeper to figure out what’s causing it. Not the automatic society imposed “daddy issues.”
You will always have a fear of abandonment. Abandonment has nothing to do with having a dad or not. Moms can abandon and be emotionally absent as well. Friendships and romantic relationships can fall apart at any point, and the feeling of abandonment can be very real. It’s best to pinpoint what’s making you feel that way and deal with it, through therapy or whatever means will help you. You don’t “always” have this fear. It can be there, and then it can be gone.
The truth is, picking the wrong partner, feeling an internal void, or fearing abandonment are very real, and can pertain to anyone, regardless of upbringing.
No one’s family life or personal life is perfect, we all have some kind of issue that we don’t publicize. I know plenty of women who had seemingly perfect lives growing up that demonstrate some of the behaviors society would define as having “daddy issues.” It doesn’t mean they do, it just means they’re living their lives in the way they want.
I know people, both guys and girls, who come from two parent families that have more issues than a magazine stand. And I’m not saying this to be funny, but they also have the classic daddy symptoms that people say ladies without fathers have.
4. Too many people in society try to make you feel bad for daddy not being in the picture, but it wasn’t your fault. You can’t control other people’s decisions.
I’ve said this multiple times, the sad reality is you can’t make someone be in your life when they don’t want to be-this doesn’t go just for daddy. It goes for friendships and relationships. People can go at anytime without prior warning.
It’s crazy, because people growing up tried to make me feel bad about not having a dad, or acting like I had something wrong with me to due with him not being there. I was unconcerned and unbothered, more people around me asked about him and made me feel like I was missing something. I couldn’t believe people at that time was so calculated and cruel about it.
The labels and stereotypes based on someone else’s decisions? Are you kidding me?
Don’t fix something that isn’t broken. If I’m not making it a issue, why were they? It was the strangest thing to me.
5. Too many push relationships and in this male-oriented society, tries to make you feel less than or missing out on something if you don’t have this or that.
WEEK OF February 14–20, 2022
St. Valentine is coming to town on Monday, February 14, arriving at the international terminal. (Please be patient while he goes through customs.) If you’re looking for love, don’t expect to find it in the same-old faces or places. The reason? Your ruler Mercury is returning to Aquarius and your ninth house of global adventures after getting sidetracked by last month’s retrograde. Don’t be surprised if you’re already thinking, “Cupid, draw back your bow…but, uh, aim it in another direction, please.” Nothing wrong with mingling sans strings, Gemini! But you know how Murphy’s Law works: Just when you swear off love, it seems to show up unexpectedly.
While you’re toasting with friends, you could swoon for a sweet talker from a different cultural background. Philosophical conversations may arouse more than your intellectual curiosity, so let your sapiosexual side lead. Attached? Your ideal scenario would involve slipping off for a spontaneous getaway. If that’s not possible, a staycation at a boutique hotel could set the right mood. But don’t lounge in bed ordering room service. You’ll want to be out and about, whether you’re seeing a show or exploring the area on foot. PS: With Mercury here until March 9, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to enjoy this vibe!
Wednesday brings another surge of romantic promise when love planets Venus and Mars strike a sexy chord in Capricorn. With your eighth house of sizzle and seduction getting hit by these twin beams, you could find yourself feeling frisky. And thanks to the full moon in Leo loosening your tongue the very same day, it’s going to be hard to keep any intense feelings under wraps. But hang on, Gemini! It’s probably smart to be a LITTLE bit strategic about this. Timing matters and you don’t want to deliver your declaration of love five minutes before bae rushes into a pitch meeting or has to drop off the kids to their ex. In fact, these cosmic events could be real eye-openers for Geminis who have, perhaps, been a little too “caught up in the moment.” Restraint is sexy — even if you have to override your natural sense of FOMO.
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If you’ve been loosely tethered to Earth for the past month, drift on back this weekend. On Friday the Sun floats into Pisces and your tenth house of career, fueling your ambition tanks for a month-long mission. Professional aspirations take priority, and with dreamy Pisces ruling this realm, you’ll have plenty of opportunity to apply your creativity and imagination to this process. Find ways to network with other ambitious souls, whether you’re attending a virtual conference or signing up for a mastermind weekend. While you love to work in partnership, this cosmic cycle coaxes you into the lead role. Give a solo project the airtime it deserves. You can still collaborate, Gem, but in this case, with a team of people who are there to bring forward YOUR vision.
I think in some ways, people pushed the issue and wanted to know about my dad because we live in a male-oriented society that likes to make us (women) feel less than if we don’t have them in our lives in some way, shape or form. Or to always make them feel included, or to keep figuring out ways to make us ladies dependent on them. Or keeping us ladies at home, uneducated, and iggoratn (ignorant). Some even want us to make us think that being mom and wife is their only purpose, when being father isn’t their only purpose. Or put everyone else in front of you. One of my good guy friends even confessed: If my wife ever figures out the money part, instead of being essential, I’ll become unnecessary.
(And I’ll go ahead and throw this one in. When you have a multi-racial look, i.e. light skin/bi-racial look, European standards of beauty, people claim they are “curious” about my features. People have asked if my dad is white or Native American or something. I’m not a curiosity, an exotic zoo animal, or something you can pick apart at your convenience. I’m a human being with feelings just like you. And you should only approach that person’s background/ethnicity/races if the person is comfortable with revealing that to you. If not, I personally think it’s rude…)
Indocrunmating you with things with what people think they should know so they can fit in, instead of teaching us to be ourselves.
I see this play out when people ask me about a man in my life. And guys that keep nagging me even though I say I don’t want to be bothered. If I want a boyfriend, I can have one at anytime, I’m loving my solo existence. No one can make me happy but me. (And fellas, I hope you find the love you are looking for, but I’m not the one. Good luck in life and love, and I hope you find someone else to pester sooner rather than later!)
My self-esteem and self worth is not based on a man, and it never will be. I do not sit around expecting someone to save me.
A nation is as strong as it’s families. They have to push marriage to keep the family structure going, I suppose.
My response?
Again, my dad isn’t a nice person. I seriously don’t think having him around would have necessarily made my life better.
Like I said, I actually know of some people who wished their dad would come back into their life. And actually got their wish. And they told me it was a nightmare and they wish they didn’t spend so much time wanting a dad or wishing he was back in their life. It ended up being a nightmare.
Everything that glitters isn’t gold and it’s not what it seems. If you want your dad back in your life and you happen to be reading this, I hope it works out for you. I never really did want or pray or did any of that stuff. I knew it wasn’t going to happen, so I never had my hopes up too high.
“But Alesha, he’s in your DNA. And you have some of him in you.”
I just like to say he was a sperm donor? Is this cool? :D
7. The World Doesn’t See Me Like I See Myself
To finish off. And anyone else who doesn’t have an active father. Please don’t use that as an excuse not to fulfill your full potential and stay on a positive path. You don’t need a dad, and honestly you don’t need anyone if you are determined.
Just like you can’t paint a whole school/black/white people (whatever example you want to put there) by one experience, not all fatherless women/girls are not the same. WE ARE NOT THE SAME. If you notice throughout this article, I speak from my personal experiences. I cannot and will not speak for other fatherless ladies. You have to ask people individually what their experiences are, and if some common traits are formed, or you find someone you can relate to, ok.
To paint me as a:
Victim
Reject
All because of the actions of someone/something out of my control throughout the years of my life? I never understood it. My dad is not a great person, and for society to expect me to worship him like he’s a saint or try to pistol whip me into thinking that I’m missing something because he’s not in my life is ridiculous. His absence speaks volumes. The man doesn’t want to be bothered.
While I can’t manage other people’s perceptions and emotions. I’ve always seen myself as:
A victor
Resilient
Tough as nails.
Hardened shell
I do have a hardened shell and tough exterior because no one’s gonna protect me and care for me if I don’t care for myself. I soften it only around safe people. I have a pretty stoic, laidback, and chill vibe. Could I soften up sometimes? For sure. But keep in mind that everyone is not a friend, and not everyone is safe to be vulnerable with.
I and only me can reach my goals in life. I study hard (sometimes lol), work hard, be my best, do my best, without anyone, whether that being my Dad or not, telling me what I’m capable of.
Your friend likes older guys? Maybe she likes that they’re mature. She’s promiscuous? Maybe she just likes sex. She seems clingy? Maybe she’s just extremely passionate. Whatever choices we make in life should be of our own volition, and it’s no one’s job but our own to judge the “why” behind those behaviors.
Remember that society doesn’t define who you are as a person. You define who you are and the mark you make on the world.
You have to live for yourself and not other people.
When I see the advice in the fatherless and relationship articles, I take the good and leave most. Sometimes it’s good to see other people’s perspectives. At the same time, the people who wrote those articles/giving the advice/pushing relationships have not lived my life. I have to live with whatever is in my life, not them. I will do what works for me (like I always say, you do you.) I rather them call me
“clammed up”
“distant”
“fearful avoidant”
“but life is harder without people to support you.”
I’ve learned that some people that pretend to be in your corner sometimes isn’t. And sometimes people come in your life just to mess you up. The price I paid for trusting the wrong people was too high at different periods of my life. Sure, I may be cutting myself off from the warmth, support, that people can show me…The harsh consequences ain’t worth it to me, being badly hurt multiple times isn’t worth it, the obligations and being tied down isn’t worth it. And I may change my mind about relationships and my dad. But I’m not counting on it nor will I let others pressure me to behave against my values.
They can call me all the names they want. If it works for me, it works. I make my bed, and lie in it. Some of my experiences makes me value my alone time. I still go out and have my circles of peeps. But I also like to isolate; and more and more I’m quiet and reserved. I do not trust easily. At one period of my life, I thought I used to feel strongly about marriage and having kids but lately I’ve found myself slowly drifting away from that ideal and more toward the idea that maybe I didn’t really want to get married and have kids. To each one it’s own. It’s my choices and decisions.
Just live your life as you see fit, and don’t let anyone with their opposing opinions bring you down — and likewise, it would be better if you didn’t start aggressively preaching your life view to others who do want relationships or do what to to find their dads.
Same yesss, emotions and romantic relationships are way too complicated for me, or j could say I don’t have enough braincells for that ahahah. But just the whole concept of being with someone, coming home to someone and loving someone just doesn’t appeal to me, I don’t really want to have to remember a special date and celebrate it, don’t really want to go out or count down with someone on the New Years, don’t really want to buy a house or buy a car with someone, don’t really want to, especially, break up and go through the trouble of avoiding them/talking it out/moving theirs or my stuff out etc. They seem burdensome to me and honestly there’s no need for these to exist in my life for me to live happily and content. It is and should be totally normal to want and have different goals in life, because different things make us happy, we are all different, unique people!
Sometimes you’re meant for bigger and better things, and the people around you isn’t your soul tribe. The point I guess I can say is in this lifetime, I wasn’t meant to meet or know my dad for a specific purpose?
Your single fatherless friend likes older men? Or dates guys 20 years older or younger? Instead of assuming it’s some unresolved deep “daddy issues,” maybe, just maybe she likes the maturity and stability? Just a thought.
She has a high sex drive? Makes sex tapes out the wazoo? Promiscious? Maybe she just likes sex. Instead of assuming she has daddy issues? Maybe she wants to create a sex toy company and explore her naughty side. Maybe she wants to be a sex education teacher or be a sex coach. Again, maybe she just likes sex.
She seems clingy? Maybe she really cares about you as a friend or person, or passionate about what she’s doing. Maybe, they are loyal friends and can love like no other. At the end of the day, we all just want to love and be loved. Maybe, she wants a chance to soften that tough shell and hard as nails exterior and be able to ask for love and support from those who care about her–then have a chance to accept it.
In your eyes she’s acting “weird.” Guess what? No one has to answer to you or live up to your standards of what normal is. We all have unique personalities, interests and quirks that make us all weird.
Found my dad on Facebook. Never met him.
Messaged him on Facebook.
He has been active everyday and still hasn’t responding.
He aids the stereotype of a “baby’s daddy”
But this isn’t about him
It’s about me.
And anyone else who doesn’t have an active father
Please don’t use that as an excuse not to fulfill your full potential and stay on a positive path
You don’t need a dad, and honestly you don’t need anyone if you are determined
Not to say it isn’t an amazing feeling to be loved.
But I did have an amazing grandpa.
Guess I got lucky.
Goodbye “dad”
P.S. I’m not mad and I never usually put my business out. But this…..oh this had to be said.
I’ll continue being GREAT!-Ronnie Edmonds
And anyone else who doesn’t have an active father
Please don’t use that as an excuse not to fulfill your full potential and stay on a positive path
You don’t need a dad, and honestly you don’t need anyone if you are determined
8. Live your life as you see fit and the best to you. Live for yourself, not other people.
All my life, I was told I’m supposed to want this, and I’m supposed to want that. I’m supposed to want this, and I’m supposed to want to be that. Enough of that bullshit. Getting burned enough times made me realize I wasn’t listening to myself enough.
you did the best with what you could do with the knowledge that you had at that time.
Enough of this bullshit too angel numbers, ancestors and guides. Once I took the helms of my own puppet (i.e. becoming my own puppet master), things shifted.
If fear of intimacy is negatively impacting your life, the first step is to understand that they aren’t your fault and give yourself some grace.
Don’t blame yourself. You didn’t have any choice of over your circumstances as a child, and you didn’t ask to be traumatized.
You have zero accountability over what happened to you.
I know it was out of my control, but what’s within my control is not putting myself in the situations. If I see similar toxic situations being displayed, I don’t have to be stupid about it and just walk in front of a train wreck. I do not have to let people walk all over me either.
While well intentioned, many people have led me down the wrong path. They were only teaching me what they knew when I was little, and I got access to what they were taught. After all, they can’t teach me about being a millionaire if they never been one themselves.
I know it was out of my control, but what’s within my control is not putting myself in the situations. If I see similar toxic situations being displayed, I don’t have to be stupid about it and just walk in front of a train wreck. I don’t and won’t let people walk all over me.
- I was in several emotionally abusive, toxic and unsupportive environments from many sides (both grade school and upper ed, more on this below). This is truly one of the earliest experiences where I did not feel safe, and I had to adopt hardness, and suppress my emotions to cope with what was going on around me. I had a lot of friend-enemies, and these people were not trustworthy, letting them see that they effected you, shed a tear or letting them see you sweat was bad. They got a thrill of seeing you suffer. Many times I couldn’t trust and get close to anyone, and felt like no one had my back for years (and sometimes it still feels this way, hey I know the animals got my back at least). I didn’t act black the way they acted black. I liked Dragon Ball Z while they chased boys down. I attended cosplay (I do not dress up like some of my Gen Con friends and Comic Con. These people did not care about me. Instead of giving them the license to make fun of me in an already bad situation, I kept it to myself.
The people who matter most will be there to protect, comfort, or console them. In theory. The people what was supposedly supposed to be there was the enemies. This happened a lot.
Inadvertently learned that they have to take care of themselves because no one has their back. I inadvertently learned that I have to take care of myself because no one had my back. And it has happened multiple times in my life, and while I wasn’t happy or necessarily prepared for it, I saw it before.
Anxiety due to their inability to seek comfort from others. Can I point out that the people in the situation(s) were the main source of the pain. Seeking comfort from them was like shaking hands with the devils. They were not good people or good friends. It’s better to get it on your own, than seek it (support, comfort, your needs) from bad people.
Life has taught them to believe that their voice isn’t likely to be heard, anyway. They solve the issues by removing themselves from the situation. Is someone hanging up on you and not returning phone calls when you need help supportive? No. Is them stabbing you in the back the minute you leave the room and pretending to be a friend in your face good? Hell no! You have to know the difference between giving up and knowing when you have enough. When something is out of your control and no matter what you do, it’s not going to work out and it’s time for a change. Sometimes, the damage is beyond repair, and it’s best to cut your losses and walk from the situation (s). I’m going to tell you, cutting lies with some things I’ve loved for years is one of the best things I’ve ever done. If something is not serving you, why keep beating yourself up, revisiting the places, retriggering and keep bringing back those bad memories, and keep trying to make it work with situations and people that’s not working? Sometimes holding on is more damaging than letting go.
Who don’t believe their needs will ever be met. they lose trust in their environment or circumstances. Attachment styles develop in infancy and early childhood as involuntary biological behaviors that help us stay safe. After a certain period of their needs not being met. Feeling unsafe or unprotected. They are more easily able to disconnect from people and circumstances.
No one acknowledges the effects that childhood trauma or trauma generally speaking has on you, nor do they care. Especially the people that dished it out don’t care, and people underestimate the PTSD that can come from your friends (in my case female) friends betraying you.
I know of 3 scenarios right now.
By all outward appearances they were a nuclear family. Mom at home, dad worked, lots of kids and dogs, lived on a rural property by a lake.
don’t you sit there and tell me that the mom being from a large family benefitted her. That living in a religious family that kept all the abuse and struggle secret was somehow noble.
I come from a large family, and there’s secrets for days. Being from a larger family doesn’t always mean happiness.
I know of someone who murdered their spouse and left their kids
Many people are already *in* marriages when they realize they’d rather be alone, thus initiating a divorce!
To be honest, once deeply hurt, the heart will find it really difficult to be vulnerable again, to be able to trust again, to be able to speak freely without holding back again, without being open again, without being able to express everything you think again, without being the OLD YOU again.
The heart always wants what it wants. If you truly love someone that true love will never go. You will try to learn to live with that pain, time will lessen the pain though it may never heal completely. You may never be foolish again in love.
Second time being in love requires courage. It requires being able to trust again and being vulnerable again. It requires strength to break that wall that you would have built around yourself, your heart. But it is more mature. It is not to replace the true first love. This time around it will be more mature and more understanding. It may or may not happen again, but your heart will learn to live with that pain.
Confession: I did think about dropping my fearful avoidant ways for a guy I liked, then he passed away. On top of being burned in love several times, it’s something I’m keeping my distance from for a bit. At this point, no guy have convinced me that they are more peaceful than my solitude. Looking for someone that doesn’t want to be found (i.e. my dad) is not peaceful; it’s a waste of time and counterproductive. I do not want anyone or anything that doesn’t want me.
No matter what life situation you’re in (with father or not, relationship or not), I just think we need to extend each other some grace, and stop trying to tell each other how to live and how to be. I would love it if people quit asking me my age to try to set me up with some guy (when I clearly state that I don’t want to be bothered), and I would love it if people stop asking me to desire someone (i.e. my dad) who doesn’t want to be in my life. What this boils down to is accepting each other for who we are and stop trying to make other people how we want them to be or think they should be.
It’s 2022 🔥🙌
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