This was technically supposed to be my second Medium post. Oh well. As I was posting, I found a whole slew of posts I missed from my 1st blog post. I was trying to honor where I started and whoops. In order to clearly understand, it’s best to read these in this order. It’s almost like reading chapter 4 then jumping to 15 lol. More in likely another mistake will happen, waking up at 4 am to play catch up haha. You might be reading a few of these posts twice. This is like a journal of my school days, which I washed my hands of and threw away. I avoid these days like the plague. Jon Brownell is a cool dude. I came across his story in 2014ish.
Reading Jon Brownell’s bio on his Facebook page changed me. If you don’t know who he is, you should. After reading it, it blew me away. I’m going to make a very short and simple statement; Too many times, limits were/are placed on me that I didn’t place on myself. I love my friends from college, but I’ve been through somethings there that are simply unacceptable and I wish on no one. I’m going to choose my words carefully from this point.
Like Jon, I notice throughout my life, many people didn’t expect a lot out of me, for various reasons that I choose not to get into during this post at the moment. If I were to scratch the surface (and this longer post is my scratching the surface) I constantly found myself breaking stereotypes that people threw on me, exceeding expectations that they had for me. They had a preconceived notion of how I was supposed to be. Many times were expecting for me and rooting for me to fail.
I still find myself doing the same today. I even had a professor tell me “I didn’t expect that from someone like you.” My question is what were you expecting? Why can’t you get to know me first before throwing me in a category and putting me on your “Do Not Call List?” Going through things like that makes me sensitive and aware of it. I’m mindful of what I say, and I get to know people before “assuming things.” It’s way too easy to categorize.
I take the road less traveled; I give people the chance that I’m not even given at times I’ve received. It’s not cool to judge and stereotype someone because they are different than you or live a lifestyle that’s different than yours that you don’t understand. I have been subject to criticism because I think differently and look at things from a different perspective; but I wouldn’t change a thing.
I guess what disappointed me is I was so excited about attending all through grade school and high school. Then I find out that it’s not what it’s cracked up to be. I wanted to attend this college to grow as a person, make mistakes, bounce back from mistakes, I never expected it to be given to me and I never expected college to be a cakewalk. I never expected it to be easy. The last thing I expected was this place to tell me that I’m at a disadvantage every chance they get, put hurtful labels on me, and putting negatively in my head that I’m always blocking out. Why is it sometimes they make things a bigger issue than it needs to be? I think you all might know which direction this is headed and some of you might get the point I’m trying to make. I refuse to make this a 100 page post. But if I have a positive outlook about things, why sometimes does it have to change when I enter the room? I ran into some angels that made my life better (a paragraph dedicated to them is below, towards the end of this).
Sidenote: I had a friend recently tell me that he didn’t believe that some professors can give you grades based on liking you or not. Then after he entered college, that changed. It’s not supposed to happen like that, but it happens. Trust me, I know. I even had a few professors admit it to me. That’s the way it is.
I want to point out: I’m not the perfect student, I make mistakes, as stated above. However I will not tolerate anyone at that level calling me stupid no longer. They have different ways of telling me (and I know exactly what they are saying even though they don’t think I know, the joke is on them). The biggest insult was a professor telling me I’m not capable of college level work.
I’ll never forget what people said, some of the comments said to me not so much as an act of revenge, but to help others that are going through adversity. I’m not happy that I had to go through certain things, but I’ll know how to deal with adversity in the future. These experiences made me the person I am today. For people in my life that think I have it easy or calls me a spoiled brat has no idea. It’s called the art of keeping a straight face and not talking about it. If you feel like you are having it rough and have no one to turn to, I understand you.
The more success stories I come across, the more I realize that the most successful people have gone though heartbreaking setbacks to get to the position they are in today. After all, your journey is rarely judged once you reach the top. When the cameras flashing on you, no one is thinking about the struggles you been through. I see myself being successful even though I haven’t reached that point yet. Does that make any sense? I believe in me even though many around me don’t.
And to all my friends from college (and elsewhere) that support me, I love you all. I’m happy to see that most of had/have great college experiences. You won’t understand it unless you been through it, and I wish it on no one. I’m happy you don’t have to understand it. Thank you for being inspiration to me, and doing things I didn’t have the chance to do. Believe it or not, I live it through you! I never hated on you or gotten jealous of you; like I told several of you, if you have an advantage over me, use it! It’s tough and frustrating dealing with things that are out of your control. I do not regret you, I can’t imagine life without you. I just really question why I thought of it all as a dreamboat for all my life. I won’t mention the name when I’m asked, it’s not because I’ve gotten cocky but I rather not talk about it bc it’s painful. (You have my permission to tone me down if I ever get bad or cocky). Good luck trying to get me to like the joint like I once did. I’m glad that the things that happened/happens to me isn’t your reality.
To the people and the organizations that gave me a chance. Thank you. You have no earthly idea how much you mean to me. I’m emotionally invested because you gave me the chance that many did not. You make it easier to deal with life’s painful moments. I give you my heart. Good people are very hard to find nowadays, and when you find them, keep them close. I want to share my future successes with you, and spoil you rotten only if you let me! Let me know if you need something, you know who you are.
I will follow up on this blog one day. I pray that God will put me in an position to let others know what is possible. I will have plenty of stories to tell one day. I got into a little bit today but this post is not the right time or place (it’s scary that this longer blog is my little bit, sad but true!) I will have my time to speak and when my moment comes, I will take it. When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on so long in the first place. No matter what you are going through, or what limits are being thrown your way, know that dreams can true. (I put those quotes in there because I look at them all the time myself.) Jon Brownell is a great example of what’s possible. Go read his bio and like his page!