Relationship & Friendship Advice I Wish I Knew Before I Turned 18
I saw a horoscope that said my soulmate is near by, angels, guides, and angel numbers, ancestors, this is my response. Motherf8888ers. Go away please.
If that’s what looking out for me looks like, I’m good, holy shit go away. I got a glimpse of what you looking out for me looks like and I’m good.
Let me tell you a story… ❤️
A while ago I went through one of the most painful break-ups I’ve ever been through. In fact several, not just guys, but situations. Schools. Life.
I resent it and several situations because of how hard I overworked myself and pushed myself to the brink because of it. I burned out. Several of the things I spent a long time loving I don’t now. I’m disguised that I let something(s) get so close and to let more than one thing slip.
loved another with all your heart,’ Luka said. ‘What’s the use of being alive if you’ve never loved like that, not even once?
I think the grief was so hard because I loved it that deeply. Open, vulnerably, naively, without fear. Was I in for a rude awakening.
This was going to be forever, I lovingly thought at age 8.
Spent years and years being cast under a spell. Idiot like state of loving something openly, not even knowing how much pain it would cause down the road.
I didn’t see it coming.
No amount of prep, pre-college prep, military training, escape room hula hoops could have prepared me for all of that. (I will spare details for the interest of time) but all of it adversely affected my life, and to this day I don’t see life as the same. I loved deeply, I feel loss just as deeply when someone or something is gone from my life.
I think one of the reasons why a friend’s death hit me unusually hard in 2021 because I had a crush on him, and I’m thinking where in the f*** is all this deep feelings and sadness coming from? I haven’t felt this way for someone in a long time, I’m like wait was I in love? He never knew, so why does my feelings matter anyways? I’m thinking, my feelings don’t matter. Alesha, you are releasing a project named Avoider, and this is wayyyy outside of Avoider behavior. Dear, you are acting like you were in a relationship with him, it was always only going to be just a friendship, girl you trippin. Drop it. We were always just going to be just friends anyways. And if he was still alive, I would want him to be happy, even if it’s not with me. It’s my fault for catching feelings.
But when I Googled this. I said shit.
“So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.”
E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly
Grief isn’t just for the people who’ve left our lives.
It can also be grieving over a sense of what we’ve lost like a work position, a career, facing an illness (loss of health), or even changing circumstances or lost opportunities.
Grief is a process and we might still be carrying loss no matter how long ago the other person left our life or the situation changed.
And when we broke up, I was in so much pain that I couldn’t move. It was like I got hit with a freight train.
I felt like my entire world shattered into little pieces and there was no one there to pick up the pieces except for me. And truth be told. I adopted hardness out of necessity. Suppressing emotions at the place in question became a survival mechanism. Letting them see you sweat was a death wish, because they used the opportunity to kick you down into the ground further. Just to see how much you can take and how much diabolical pain you can go through.
There’s many times when I’m having a hard time and no one is there to lend a helping hand.
I made a commitment to myself. I looked at myself in the mirror.
❌ “I… will never… let a guy get that close to me again.”
Bitch self-motivational talk. Save yourself. Choose yourself.
if you truly work to break down the guard around your heart
Well no. Because it led to horrible things I will not get into here. My nickname is ice princess unless I can trust the person. Staying guarded unless I’m around a safe person.
And I was dead serious about it. And this is to a certain extend to this day. I generally get tired of asking for help that usually isn’t available. And when I did/do, I have had to go back and fix everything because the people in question made it worst. (I’m not even asking people to do it like me, I just want to know if I ask you to do something it will get done, I understand the need to be vulnerable and soft is still there, just careful who I reveal that side to.)
I never want to feel the pain of trusting someone completely and then breaking up with them, it was too much for me to take and I’m WAY TOO COMMITTED to success to let anything get in my way. (Yes MarkBFit, if you happen to be reading this, some of these lines are from you).
I loved without a wall.
I loved without a fortress. And it hurt like hell.
I loved deeply, I feel loss just as deeply when someone or something is gone from our lives. Honoring each loss is an important part of the human healing process. My processing involves rebelling against everything I thought I was (by the way rebelling is fun). I like this bad side to be honest. My journey involves learning to deal with the feelings of loss around my sense of who I was, who I thought I was going to be, who I’d be going forward, and who I am now. I really don’t want any association with most of the things I loved growing up, except my high school at this point.
You need to take the time you need to grieve. While some might see it as almost a luxury, it is actually a necessity for your physical and emotional health.
Hopefully one of these days I can look back with nostalgia, but it’s mostly sorrow. Me creating a new identity, finding interest in new things and exploring new ways of looking at things is my way to a fresh start. Or my version of it.
And my guard was up, as it always is. I’m telling guys that I have major history with. I don’t date blood brothers. We got too much history. We been through hell and back together, we buried mutual friends together. There’s some guys right now that want to get romantic close but I’m not letting them. (Plus lets be honest I have friends and cousins that will give me a stern talking to, like wtf are you desperate sis, let’s have a talk, YES THAT TALK. I have a group that if I ever get into that lovely blissful state, to smack me back down to reality). I love you as a friend, but when it comes to relationships, I’m not touching you with a 1000 foot pole. I clearly state that the only interest I have is hanging with animals. If it get’s too crazy, I will uninstall Facebook off my phone.
P.S. I’m dead serious, whomever told guys that randomly calling a girl through Facebook messenger many times, sending tons of messages is a way to a girl’s heart is absolutely insane. Why…
And I mean it.
… Been there, done that, bad move, not happening.
I’m just as stubborn.
I’m to the point where I will not deal with anything I don’t have to, and when it comes to painful things I really need to stop while I’m ahead.
If you use the line that God told me that we were meant to be in love (which guys have tried on me before) my eye brow will be raised, that religious line is one I will not fall for.
The fall from grace was so bad that I would not want to take that sort of risk. (I do take risks when it comes to investments, money always come back, people not so much, sometimes they come back but not always).
======
Being the product of a single parent this…..
Abandonment issues that…
Promiscuous this…..engaging in risky sexual behaviors.
I hate my dad for a long time for what he did to me that day.
Many people in my life throughout the years wanted to throw a label on me because of his decision. I’m not defined by him or the decisions he made, yet I keep getting indirectly blamed for it because of his decisions, not mine.
(My position is I can’t miss what I never had, and I cannot make someone be in my life who doesn’t want to be there. I don’t want to keep blaming people or circumstances (and trust it’s definitely justified in many instances, because there is some things that are really out of your control). While some things I may relate to when I read an article, one size doesn’t fit all. Maybe some fatherless people feel that way and really want to find their dads and others don’t. I personally didn’t care about my dad not being there growing up, but others made it an issue when I didn’t. I don’t know what it would have been like to have a dad in my life, and I do not sit around thinking about it. I tried to look up to other men to be my fatherly figure just to end up being betrayed and my trust being broken. I learned that sometimes it’s ok to miss out and not be included. I know people who come from two parent families and still have problems. No matter where you come from anyone can run into problems. Life is not black and white, and if I do decide to be “promiscuous”, isn’t that my decision? At some point, if you read the rest of this I do acknowledge my feelings, but ultimately I take the stance that I’m responsible for my own life and my own decisions regardless of who is or isn’t in my life. When I’m bad, I just ride the wave and enjoy it. Never let anyone determine your self worth, even if they helped create you.)
And even once that hate subsided, there was still this little girl with a broken heart that felt unsafe. I specially felt unsafe many times growing up, from the mean girls. I felt like a lot of people didn’t have my back, so I naturally kept my guard up.
I always identified as a hopeless romantic — because I think that day my heart broke into so many pieces that I didn’t think it would ever mend. I want love and relationships for other people if that’s what they want and are truly happy, but I don’t really want it for myself at this point. If being vulnerable causes that amount of pain I’m good.
I learned that I can’t trust guys, a lot of people. I have to keep my guard up, I can never let people get too close because over the years I’ve had people betray my trust, backstab, and gossip…People have said they cared and didn’t mean it. And sure friends that I have opened up to tell me not to clam up and to enjoy life. That I do. Vulnerability is described as a kind of sword that you freely give to someone else. It’s practically giving another person an opportunity to deeply wound you with what you share. I’ve learned everyone is not safe or trustworthy, and it’s good to be choosy. It’s good to be choosy about who you share things with. It’s like the saying — “don’t cast your pearls before swine.”
Because the one guy that everyone says was supposed to be there, abandoned me and made a decision not to be in my life. He was never there and never cared to be there, so I had to be strong for myself by myself. Asking anyone to stay or trusting someone completely has been out of the question for me my whole life. Then the guy I thought I could trust as a religious leader and fatherly figure violated my trust and did the ultimate form of betrayal (we shall leave the details out). TO MY CORE I always, always, always felt UNSAFE and Not Being Able TO Trust The People Society Says I’m Supposed to Trust.
When the Three of Cups card shows up in a reading, it brings forward new friendships, relationships, and partnerships that are actually in alignment with your soul.
For a while, you may have felt a little lonely — especially during the chaos that seemed to consume most of 2021.
The most consistent thing that I’ve heard from many of my clients during this time is that many people seemed to just be “falling out of their lives.”
Have you experienced this recently, Alesha?
If it’s been difficult with losing old friends, disconnecting with family members that just don’t seem to support you or understand who you truly are, and even move away from jobs that no longer serve you, you’re truly in alignment with The Universe’s energy.
Don’t worry!
This isolated feeling is coming to a close with the divine message of fulfilling partnership and friendship with the 3 of Cups card.
As challenging as vibrating past your old friends and family might have been, it was completely necessary to isolate and improve yourself by yourself.
It’s necessary for me to isolate and improve myself by myself. Just off the record, I rather be “lonely” than around backstabbers, trouble makers, drama queens, and people who pretend to be your friend but they are not. The drama is not worth it.
Archangel E only visits the messengers of the Divine here on Earth, so you’re very special, indeed.
With all of the craziness that goes on in the world, she can sense that you’re ready to help humanity restore order once again.
As you can probably tell over the years, it’s been difficult for you to “fit in” here on Earth.
What’s popular and mainstream rubs you the wrong way because it typically goes against your morality.
It seems like what’s on TV, social media, or in the news doesn’t really align with what you know your soul wants to do.
That’s because you’re different, Alesha.
In fact, Archangel E channeled through me to let you know that you’re here to shine your unique light upon the world, stirring humanity back towards love and light!
Relationship & Friendship Advice I Wish I Knew Before I Turned 18
(Some of this is SpiritualWord, Keishornescott, And You Will Be Able To Tell Which One Is Mine).
#1. You better watch the people that bounce back from everything that was meant to destroy them.
#1a. Nothing Will Hurt You More Than Chasing Someone Who Doesn’t Want TO Be Caught. (This goes for friendships too)
#2. Sometimes you need to accept the fact that they don’t love you how you love them. (This goes for friendships).
#3. Don’t be in love with someone or something that you ignore how horrible they’re treating you.
This. I added “something” because I’m telling you, I was in a bliss, vulnerable state for a long time, loved openly, vulnerably and genuinely especially around the age of 18. I got my ass ripped apart and was told to stick with the situation because it was going to get better. The more I stuck with it, the worst it got. It hurts and it I don’t see life the same like I once did. I resent it and several situations because of how hard I overworked myself and pushed myself to the brink because of it. I burned out. No matter what I did or didn’t do, it got worst.
If something is not working out do yourself and your heart a favor, get the hell out of there. The longer you are in the lion’s den, the longer it will take for you to get over, and some traumas can change how you see life forever. Get out of there so you can attract the people that love you.
#4. If you are doing the best you can, and your partner still don’t appreciate you. You are doing the best you can for the wrong person.
#5. You deserve someone and friends that’s sure about you.
#6. Stop wondering if they care about you. If you have to ask, the answer is no.
#7. Indecision is a decision, period.
If something is not working out do yourself and your heart a favor, get the hell out of there. The longer you are in the lion’s den, the longer it will take for you to get over, and some traumas can change how you see life forever. Get out of there so you can attract the people that love you.
#8. If you don’t respect yourself in a relationship, this is a red flag. If you disrespect yourself because you need someone, you are saying two things: you can disrespect me too because I need you. #2 I will disrespect you two when I don’t need you anymore or when it comes to the significant need.
#9. No one talks about the trauma that comes from your female friends betraying you.
Everyone is not your friend, and I experienced the worst betrayals from girls in grade school and higher ed. (Thank you cousin for posting this..)
My first childhood best friend tried to turn my family against me, which is a huge no no. You don’t try to divide families up. You stay in your lane. period. Her mom passed away, and I was on the receiving end of a lot of vicious behavior, and I only tried to be a good friend. The second one spent years trying to destroy me, and was always secretly jealous. She managed to turn the whole class against me. They spent high school trying to say we were cool but I could never trust any of them.
And to this day, they wonder why I don’t get in touch. These are the type of people that are so destructive that I could not see them in the same way, I would be looking over my shoulder. With “friends” like this, I would not need enemies.
I’ve written plenty of stories, but I rather be by myself in the middle of the dessert than be friends with them.
I got my girls (and guys), but I’m very careful with who I trust. I prefer to be a cat lady and hermit nowadays. I’m not kidding about this. I started a Youtube channel to document my adventures taking care of animals.
This could be a sign that you’ve had your heart broken in the past.
The pain you felt after a breakup was so bad that now you are more protective of who you let into your heart.
When around your friends or family you are very social, easy to talk to, and extroverted. Yet, other times you are reserved, quiet, and tired.
When you meet someone new it takes time before they become part of your “inner circle” of friends. They need to earn your trust first. You are selective of who gets to know the “real” you.
There’s a lot of people that know me, but who I trust is a whole different deep level. It takes years for some people to get there, and some people I know will never get in there. I keep them at arms length for my safety.
The same can be said for your romantic relationships. Your heart has been broken too many times and you cannot bear to think about going through another painful breakup.
Protective and selective is an understatement.
Another form of trauma is receiving a friend request from the girl in question, and another one is one of your former friends that was destructive in nature going around telling everyone that you are friends in 2022. And that you just talked recently. And we haven’t talked in years. F*** help me. I wouldn’t let either one of them back into my life, and I wouldn’t touch them with the thousand foot pole.
Shit. I’m writing a whole article on this. Look for this article around July 2022.
It’s 2022 🔥🙌
If you like what you’ve read, please recommend it so others can read it as well. Please tell me what you want me to write about here!
Interested in having my Medium stories sent to your inbox? Sign up here!
Interested in what I done? Check out my LinkedIn profile I barely use lol. I’ll update it to add the new current businesses I’m working on one of these days. I haven’t updated it in months.
