Sometimes Being Alone Is The Upgrade
I had a conversation last week that made finishing this article a little bit easier.
True friends remain long after the last call — when the lights have gone out and you’re forced to stumble home. And even though they walk alongside you in the dark, they call, text, or message the next day and ask, are you okay?- Felicia C. Sullivan, Best Friends Forever Don’t Exist
I was trying to figure out if I should talk about my experiences on living life solo, why I have become more introverted (despite me being a people person) in recent years or why I’ve thrived being by myself. I’ll break it up into sections via stories.
Sometimes we expect so much from people because we are willing to give them that much. However it’s good to read the writing on the wall. Sometimes, we are asking more than the person is willing to give or capable of giving.
Sometimes, being alone is the upgrade.
Being alone isn’t bad. Other people try to make you feel bad for being alone. Cultural norms suggest that going to concerts, bars, movies is socially weird.
No one considers that it’s a gift that you can do what you want to do when you want to do it. You don’t have to go when others want to go. You don’t have to deal with
The conversation this past week? I told my new friend Brianna how so many so called best friends back stabbed me.
Here’s the 2 min scoop.
My first best friend was A, who’s mother passed away and she spent years trying to destroy me despite me trying to be nice. She tried to turn family members against me and got upset when my lil cousin sided with me. She added me on Facebook 6 months ago. 😰 That request got denied quick. Lowkey I refuse to deal with the drama.
My former best friend L thought it was cool to gossip and backstab me, and take direction from her mother to keep spreading gossip. She wanted to be my friend so bad in high school that she asked a nun teacher to persuade me to be her buddy. So she can have an opportunity to backstab again? No thank you.
My former best friend S sided with L, took my scholarship money, and to this day tries to play angel and get me to hang out with the person that backstabbed me. S & L are now best friends with each other.
When it comes to best friends in my life, I failed to hit the mark. Holy s****.
The only thing they are sorry about, especially A & L? That the things they did didn’t get the results they wanted, which was destroying me. They had a choice to stop the gossiping, stop the shit if they were truly sorry. You’re not sorry and regretful if you apologize, and KEEP DOING THE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER.
If someone is sorry, they apologize, stop the behavior, don’t do it again, get the help they need to reinforce the new changed behavior and DON’T DO IT AGAIN.
I was around a lot of insecure people growing up. And I was told I was cut from a different cloth and people misunderstood me. And people were jealous (and still are). It’s not an excuse. You don’t treat someone mean because they are different than you or you misunderstand them.
Then, when I think to let someone in, and be vulnerable like someone suggests, 9/10 times I ended up regretting it. And I think of a million reasons why I should have kept them at arm’s length.
I told one of current best friends that I sometimes wonder if nurturing relationships is worth the effort. I’m not as bad as my grandpa, he went into the woods and disappeared from people for months. Then again he may have been the smartest of them all.
Sometimes, being alone is the upgrade.
Sometimes people’s negativity can try to stop you from doing big things and thwarting your process.
Here’s a caption from Samuel J. Waters from Instagram (PLEASE MAKE THIS AN ARTICLE.)
10 hidden parallels between fireworks and life by Samuel J. Waters.
1️⃣: Don’t let your current circumstances dictate your future. Fireworks start as powder and cardboard.-Samuel J. Waters.
2️⃣: If you feel boxed up in societal expectations but know you’re meant for more, you are. You’re always one connection, one conversation, one decision away from a new life.-Samuel J. Waters.
3️⃣: Sometimes it takes an outside source to spark your inner flame. Keep an open mind when presented new ideas.-Samuel J. Waters.
4️⃣: To glow up, you have to shed your old programming & limiting beliefs. Sometimes it not about becoming the real you, but rather unbecoming everything that isn’t you.-Samuel J. Waters.
5️⃣: People will look at you differently on your journey and it’s okay. You’re representing the courage most people wish they had.-Samuel J. Waters.
6️⃣: The higher you rise, the more people notice. It doesn’t matter if they support you or not. Attention is currency.-Samuel J. Waters.
7️⃣: At times, the journey will be dark and lonely. You’ll question everything but don’t you dare quit. Fireworks explode when they appear to fizzle out.-Samuel J. Waters.
8️⃣: You won’t be celebrated everyday, but that doesn’t devalue your worth.-Samuel J. Waters.
9️⃣: There are others out there like you, and when you join forces, amazing things happen. Everyone loves the finale.-Samuel J. Waters.
🔟: Just as a single spark causes an eruption of lights, the ripple effect of your decisions impacts many. There are people out there hoping and praying for whatever it is you’re capable of creating.-Samuel J. Waters.
After a bad go around at a scholarship, I probably won’t believe that anyone will truly take care of me financially without getting something out of it again. Read past articles for the details. For the most recent one where I get closest to describing it, read here.
If a guy comes around claiming that he wants to be my ride or die, I’ll listen to the words.
Then make sure I’m financially good regardless. My first question? How many additional income streams will I need?
I’ve had way too many people say they would take care of me just to throw me away like trash.
Last week one of my friends told our mutual friend that she would give her a ride. The next day we were told that she got stood up, because the car had two flats. She had to walk to work in the cold.
That car had two flats like I’m in Vietnam right now.
This is what you get for depending on people, Brianna said.
ALWAYS HAVE YOUR OWN WAY, she said.
Sometimes, Your Journey is Alone…
-
✅People Will Leave You
✅People Will Doubt Your Abilities
✅People Will Stab you in the Back
✅People Will Criticize your Path
-
EMBRACE THOSE TIMES❗️
-
Being a kid with low Education & Multi-Millionaires Dreams was Far Fetched & Hard to Believe…
-
As easy as It was For my Teachers, Family, & Peers to Tell Me…
-
I Wasn't Going to AMOUNT TO ANYTHING…👎
-
I HAD to Listen to That Whisper in My Ear👂
-
Telling Me THE EXACT OPPOSITE🎯
-
🔥Im Great
🔥Im Enough
🔥Im PERFECT the WAY I WAS BUILT
-
Do Not RUSH the ALONE Process❌
-
GOD has you in that Alone Season For A Reason🙏
-
To DROWN out the NOISE of the World…🌎
-
To Hear The Whisper Of:
💯ENCOURAGEMENT
💯GUIDANCE
💯HOPE
💯& FAITH
-
6yrs Later🗓
-
Who Would’ve Known…
-
I TURNED ALL MY UNBELIEVERS TO MY BIGGEST FANS‼️
-
-
NEVER GIVE UP❌🧢 -realraphaelvargas
Story #1
I love people, and consider myself the life of the party WHEN I make it out to bars. In recent years, I’ve become more introverted. I’ve always been a loner anyways. I’m getting used to not being invited, not going out, and looking on social media instead.
I don’t see it as being left out or fomo, I see it as living vicariously through them.
If I go to sleep before I make it out to bars, you more in likely won’t see me. Blankets and my dog gets comfy to cuddle with.
Every once in a while I can get up in the spur of the moment around 12 and go out. It depends on who I’m going out with. Some of my friend groups want to stay out until 4 am. Others want to be in by 10 pm.
Story #2
Imagine what our world would be like if everyone loved themselves so much that they weren’t threatened by other people’s opinions or skin colors or sexual preferences or talents or education or possessions or lack of possessions or religious beliefs or customs or their general tendency to just be whoever the hell they are….
Me? I’m learning to step out of a comfort zone to discover my potential for greatness, what helps me do this is not comparing or concerning myself with validation. A hard yet rewarding mental practice.-angelina_dani
I’m definitely a solo foodie. Yeah there’s times where I invite friends when I know they will enjoy the meal. My hesitation about going to a restaurant because I’ll be there by myself is non-existent. I don’t care about what others think about me being by myself either. I genuinely enjoy my own company.
Is freedom a feeling?
What do you believe?With a belief you create your ideology then you give it value then you act.
I am curious what the humans believe to be true? 🧐What If in what you believe today converts tomorrow to a lie?
Whats in between a belief and a non belief?
Be open minded to everything thats crosses your current reality.What if its showing you a new awareness? ♎️🗽🧩- markpancis
I’ve also become interested in seeking out volunteering opportunities without knowing anyone previously in the organization. I’ve volunteered my whole life but I find myself in the mix of new random opportunities lately.
I also find that having spontaneous conversations with people I’ve volunteered with have bloomed into nice friendships. Briana understands my loner ways quicker than my friends that’s known me for years!
As this quote says below, if you go to events and be in the moment instead of focusing on who’s with or not with you, you’re not thinking about having a clique with you. Solitude allows you to be, instead of react. Solitude allows you to get lost in the music and in the crowd (on purpose). When you are with other people, sometimes you miss opportunities to meet other people.
If your approach to concerts and music festivals is based on what you see in social media feeds — that they’re places to go with your friends, to sing along together to your favorite songs, and to post photos and videos of the great time you’re all having — then of course it will feel uncomfortable to be there by yourself. But if you look at a concert as a performance to take in and enjoy as a member of the audience, you’ll remember there’s no need to feel ashamed of being there without an entourage. Solitude invites you to get lost in the music.- Kelly L. Davis, The Art Of Being Alone In A Crowd
Story #3
I find that this one guy who likes me is trying too hard, this guy I’ll call John. Have you ever had someone chase you down to the point where it’s a turnoff (i.e. sending you tons of messages, calling often or just plan too desperate?)
You don’t need to hoot and holla like we are in a rodeo. Or send me 100s of messages. A guy would be completing with my comfort zone, not other people.
My on again and off again guy never approached me like that which was very attractive. He approached me normally and we were friends first. I never been the one to dive in head first in the relationship arena (in the start-up arena I definitely dive in head first).
I tried to reconnect with a old friend named Jon 2. We were in a scholarship program together. We been back and forth on which bar, and I’ve always made a mental note to bring a group of friends to me.
And he said the dreaded words:
“Do you wanna hook up?”
I said f*** no. I never saw him in that light, and I always seen him as the dorky friend to go eat food with. Nothing more.
If they wanna catch this independent girl’s heart (I should say stomach haha) they gotta stop blowing up my social media like they are nuts. And stop being desperate. Living your purpose and living your life is way more attractive then calling me 100 times. I’ll look at the phone and wonder if you have a life.
For Every Door That Was Slammed in My Face…Im Coming to Buy The Dam Building..👑
-
Starting Out, no1 Believe in me..
-
Watching my Momma work 2 Jobs..Tryna single Handedly Support My Disabled Brother and I.. 👀
-
I Told Her.
-
“Imma Get into This Real Estate Wholesaling thing…become a Millionaire..& Retire u Momma…”
-
Instead of Support…We Argued EVERY DAY…Told me It’l Never work..I dont have a College Degree & Barely High school.. to Get a Job Instead..
-
Didnt Listen..Stayed Focused 💯
-
-
Then Sold all My music Equipment to Pay A “Mentor”. -
My Entire NETWorth..a Whopping $2,000. 💵 -
Just to Get Robbed…& Left With Nothing.. ❌
-
Didnt Stop me..Stayed Focused..💯
-
-
After losing almost all my Money…I Tried to Get a Job at a Real Estate Investment Company..
-
In the Interview. I was Chuckled at by the Interviewee..Saying a Guy as “Unrefined” as me Would never make it In Real Estate.
And To find Something more suitable….
-
Mocking me out the Building…
-
-
Well..
-
6 years Later..
-
I RETIRED MY MOTHER.
-
-
6 Years Later.
-
I Get a Call from That Mentor that ROBBED ME. Apologizing…Asking to Repay me and If I can Teach Him..
-
-
6 Years Later.
-
I Pull up To an 200 Person Event Im Speaking At..
-
Just to See the Guy That Mocked me in that Interview…
-
In The Crowd..There to LISTEN & LEARN from My “Unrefined” Self..
-
Not Knowing I was the Guest speaker..
-
-
GOD Sure works in Funny ways…🙏🏽
-
-
But this is a Story…That When People Try to Slam Doors in Your Face..
-
Or Doubt you..
-
Get Motivated…💯
-
Come back…
-
& Metaphorically…Buy the DAM building..🏢
-
-
$380k+ In Assignment Fees Closing this Month BTW. (Swipe Left)
-
In 8 Diffrent Markets
-
With Another $80k Added before Month End.
-
Lets Buy a Lot of Buildings. & Donate Millions.
-
Thank You Father God-realraphaelvargas
Story #4
As Kelly L. Davis pointed out, it’s easier to buy single tickets than getting a whole group of tickets. You won’t have to figure out who’s paying for everybody, or come up with a compromise over who wants to get to the concert early or who wants to get there when the headliner starts.
If I want to get a nosebleed section at Banker’s Life FieldHouse, I can. If I want to be in the front row of Madison Garden, I can be. If I want to enjoy a small festival and stop at every booth, I can.
I’m not saying I don’t enjoy other’s company because I do.
I made this clear above: I’m really comfortable with my own company.
The World is Changing… Are YOU? 🤔
-
It’s 2018 and right now we’re seeing the largest transfer from Employment to Entrepreneurship since The Great Depression.
-
College is no longer a “golden ticket” to a guaranteed career… Nor are there even enough jobs to sustain all of the new grads coming out of school this spring. #SadTruth 🙁
-
As of 2010, almost 70% of our work force in the US was employed by Corporations and Big Government.
-
With major retailers going bankrupt left and right and the lowest percentage of trust in our government in the last 30 years… Maybe you can read between the lines and see how dependency on these giants is actually not a very good thing at all. ❌
-
Now this post is NOT meant to put down jobs or scare anyone into a frenzy… but instead I simply want to bring awareness to the amazing opportunity these conditions are giving us.
-
If you look around you know exactly what I’m talking about…
-
No longer is it necessary to endure 4–6 years of College, rack up Tens of Thousands of dollars in Debt, only to put yourself in a position to be paying back that debt for the next 20–40 years.
-
Talk about an uphill battle!
-
Now, instead of going to college, people all over the world are leveraging the knowledge of the internet by purchasing Digital Courses which actually teach them how to build a Profitable Business around the things they are truly passionate about.-iamlorenzo_g
Story #5
I decided to leave a terrible college behind, and it amazes me how many of my college friends stopped talking to me. I’ve written many articles about jealousy amongst friends and my personal experiences, but I do know this for a fact:
Being a loner allows me to deal with people abandoning me. It’s not devastating. It’s like they are doing me a favor by removing toxicity out of my life.
I just say “oh here’s another person who hates to see me doing well, let’s close the chapter in this book.” ❤😺
I never got strung out over breakups over dudes, because my worth is never defined by being with one of them.
Sounds terrible in hindsight, but you gotta be a strong person when you take the road less traveled.
Awkward exhanges from former friends is the norm for me.
I’ve found the less I depend on people the better I’ll be.
As a dropout.. College, I appreciate you. (Have a story for you guys) ⬇️
4 years ago I made one of the biggest decisions of my life, going to college. Most of my friends were, so I felt like I needed to follow.
This decision changed me.
I realized that I’ve been lying to my self. Chasing what other people were doing, and hiding from what I really wanted.
My elementary school time capsule came in the mail. My realization hit me even harder.
“What do you want to be when you’re older?”
My 7 year old self said: “I want to build skateboards and sell them to other kids.”
Although this idea wasn’t appealing to me anymore, it taught me something huge.
Life isn’t about doing what you’re told, or being around the crowd.
My 7 year old self knew that it’s about doing you. I guess I became blinded.
Life is about taking your passion towards what you love and desire, and just running with it…
Whether your dream is big or small, it doesn’t matter. It’ll be hard to feel free if you aren’t chasing that desire within.
So I stopped lying to my self, and stopped following other people.
I gathered my hobbies, found a way to make a living out of it, and left school.
This decision has rewarded me with so many amazing opportunities. Opportunities that would’ve never came my way If I kept hiding.
Why am I sharing this?
Because sometimes we don’t realize a wrong decision can lead you to a great place. We also forget that tomorrow is NEVER guaranteed. So let’s stop wasting precious time and be who we want to be, and do what we want to do.jaykecox
Story #6
I’m observing a situation up close right now that continuously backs up my loner theory of why I should depend on no one but myself.
When it rains, it pours. You find out how people are when you are in a bad spot.
I’ve noticed that I kept people’s secrets, but when I needed someone to keep my secrets? It spread like wildfire. Every once in a while I found a diamond in the rough.
In my life, I’ve had people say “I’ll be there” then never answer when you reach out. It forced me to come up with unique ways to have my own resources no matter what.
This is why I have multiple income streams and 20 entrepreneurs I can go to if I need temp. (More on this later)
The situation?
This person has no long term job. He said that he gave to other people when they needed it, but finds his “friends” not offering him the same help in return.
He gave a lot to his church, but says the same church he gave to? They are putting him through all kinds of trouble to get money for everyday expenses.
He said he’s gonna do things different when he gets back on his feet. (Including no money to his church).
I don’t know what this “Fort” link leads to.
