The Art Of Solitude
We fear the silence of existence, we dread boredom and instead choose aimless distraction, and we can’t help but run from the problems of our emotions into the false comforts of the mind.-Zat Rana, Blaise Pascal
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.-Blaise Pascal
Zat Rana brings up a good point. Why be alone when you never have to? We are connected more than ever through social media, but the connection with ourselves isn’t as strong.
Rana also points out that the answer is that never being alone is not the same thing as never feeling alone. Worse yet, the less comfortable you are with solitude, the more likely it is that you won’t know yourself.
And then, you’ll spend even more time avoiding it to focus elsewhere. Your focus will be getting distracted to avoid being alone or being bored.
You can send a message to someone in Facebook messenger, but can you talk to that person in real life? In the process of seeking connection to avoid being alone, Rana points you’ll become addicted to the same technologies that were meant to set you free.
I have thousands of friends on Facebook and will admit that I’m not close to all of them. They were people that I interacted with at different times in my life. When that part of my life was over, I didn’t hear from them as much.
Do I still keep in touch with plenty of them? Sure.
On another note. I’ve been in dozens of different food court countless times. No big deal. I’ve gone on 3 mile runs and mini marathons alone too.
Are you here by yourself?
I say yeah, why?
“Omg I can’t imagine going to the food court or anywhere by myself. It’s absoluting terrifying.
They give me the look like I robbed the government ham.
Are you sure you don’t want to sit with us?
I have heard this several times.
Sometimes I did take them up on it. Usually this is my time where I like to change spaces. I came up with songs on my own alone time. Even when I’m running, I jotted down the ideas I got in my head.
Usually people who asked me this hung out in groups a lot, which is their choice. No biggie.They won’t move unless so and so moved. They are not going to that social event unless they are there.
They don’t consider thinking for themselves and seeing if it’s something they would like individually. Depending too much on others can destroy your uniqueness. It’s ok to not do what other people are doing.
We can’t expect other people to fill our hearts or make us feel whole and complete. Whether that’s in the form of permission, validation, or love, when we expect to get those things from other people, and be expressed according to our specifications that not only puts unrealistic pressure on them. But, we enter situations in our lives from a place of scarcity, and deficiency.-Shrivas Rao
Solitude is my happy place. When people were backstabbing, I go to solitude. It’s like the peace of mind that I can always rely on in a very noisy world. For the most part, if people can’t use you they don’t want to be bothered with you. It would be nice if people liked you for you instead of what you have. If you read my JOMO article, you know that it’s my pleasure to leave my so-called best friends behind. With “best friends” like that, I don’t need enemies.
It’s very common, it’s also still very taboo to do things on your own. How can you think and know what to think if you are not by yourself in reflection? Solitude shouldn’t be seen been as a social isolation. Loneliness is painful. You dislike the idea of being alone, and is hurtful. Solitude is a state of mind. It’s being present with your subconscious mind.
Even in the music industry, I had to and continue to come down on guys hard. I always appreciate the ones who keep it music friendly. In Indianapolis and other places, they drop hints about my relationship status and I have to nip it in the bud. It doesn’t happen as much other places but when it does?
My statement: I’m here to record music. I have no interest in any romantic relationships with you. I appreciate feed back on how to make my songs better.
At this point, I rather hear someone say how good or how much a song sucks than to ask about my “boyfriend.”
I send in many vocals for my music projects to my Chicago, LA and New York music people. I get a since of solitude here over the fact that they respect my space, but they also see me as a creative person and their intentions are good.
According to Neel Burton, by setting aside dependent emotions and constraining compromises, we free ourselves up for problem solving, creativity, and spirituality. If we can embrace solitude, this opportunity to adjust and refine our perspectives creates the strength and security for still greater solitude and, in time, the substance and meaning that guards against loneliness.
Table for 2? They ask you at restaurants.
When I’m not with friends or family, I have to correct them and say “It’s just me.”
Server: Did someone not show up for a date?
Me: I’m just a foodie. I don’t care if the date bailed or not. I’ll go to the restaurant and enjoy the meal. But no date. Peace of mind desired, wanted. I heard you have a great selection that I would like to try.
It’s nice to be able to think clearly with your own thoughts.
Why do always seek approval from outside ourselves? Is solitude really that awful to where we can’t spend time doing self exploratory work? Or just having peace of mind eating a meal? Many times, we base our self esteem on outside sources. As a result we live our lives inauthentically and unfulfilled. We end up living for others and not ourselves. We will seek athletes to be examples in the areas of our lives where we are supposedly not. We put celebrities on pedestals that we wouldn’t put ourselves on. Our friends have to like what we are doing before we totally “go for it.” We look for permission, approval, likes, acceptance from other people first instead of valuing the opinion of ourselves the most. Solitude seekers seek living truthfully in their own truth and pursuing their own goals without outside influence. If we allow solitude, subconsciously, we can find answers to questions and seek answers to pressing issues. Companionship is frequently encouraged to fight the fear of being alone. Marriage is usually not wanting to be with one person all the time while pushing others away. You will still have friends and relationships with family members. It’s usually a desire to fill a void and not ever be “alone” again. To have a person that you know will be your person.
Ironically, it is common to experience loneliness within a relationship because the it is no longer what we are expecting. We seek validation but lose ourselves and our identities while trying to get our needs and wants met through another person. It blows our self-esteem. It no longer nurtures, but takes away.
Additionally, Burton states we tend to think of lonely people as single people, confusing people who are lonely with people who are alone, and people who are alone with people who are single. But people who are single are not necessarily alone, and people who are alone are not necessarily lonely. Conversely, it is possible and even common to feel at our loneliest when completely surrounded by partner, friends, and family. Based on extensive research, Bella DePaulo of the University of California has argued that, in aggregate, single people are in fact more sociable, self-sufficient, and fulfilled than married people despite the disadvantages and discrimination that they are made to suffer. Many people choose to remain single, and some even choose to isolate themselves, or, at least, not to actively seek out social interaction. Such ‘loners’—the very term is pejorative, implying as it does abnormality and deviousness—may revel in a rich inner life or simply dislike or distrust the company of others, which, they feel, comes with more costs than benefits.
(If you read my JOMO article you might begin to understand why there are times when I want to purchase my own private island not to be heard or seen for months at a time.)
Solitude promotes inner richness and the opportunity for growth if we allow it to. The world tries to make you be what you are not. To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
By removing ourselves from the haters, distractions, constraints, and opinions imposed upon us by others, solitude frees us to reconnect with ourselves and with the world and to come up with fresh perspectives. By having a strong sense of self purpose and confidence, your life has more meaning. You and your life story will be largely protected from the feelings of being “alone, regardless of the scenarios and challenges you stumble into. You won’t feel the need to explain yourself to anyone. You will be telfon, you will be unstoppable.
Solitude removes us from the mindless humdrum of everyday life into a higher consciousness which reconnects us with ourselves and our deepest humanity, and also with the natural world, which quickens into our muse and companion. -Neel Burton
We don’t have to wait on what other’s think of us. We don’t have to move when someone else moves. We don’t.
Everything that we are searching for is always within us, but we are always looking on the outside for validation.
Pain or pleasure, joy or misery, agony or ecstasy, happens only inside you. Human folly is that people are always trying to extract joy from outside. You may use outside as stimulus or trigger, but the real thing always comes from within. — Sadghuru, Inner Engineering
There’s studies that claim that if you are doing things by yourself, your health goes to the wayside. Google “couples have better health”. You also see it on prime time way more.
“THERE’S A Loneliness Epidemic.”
“More than ever, people are feeling more alone.”
Have you looked at this and considered that maybe it’s a way of getting you to do what they want?
“Blessed are those who do not fear solitude, who are not afraid of their own company, who are not always desperately looking for something todo, something to amuse themselves with, something to judge. If you are never alone, you cannot know yourself.”
Look, I’m not saying not be social and isolate yourself from people. Yes I would come off my private island sometimes to say hello. For me, it has to be the right ones, and I’m not gonna settle for less just for the sake of doing so or for appearances sake. In this article they did admit that if you don’t have a relationship to be happy, and you can get that same feel from friendships.
“maintaining strong friendships could provide a similar emotional prop.”
We are groomed from a early age to be in relationships. It’s like the only thing we are supposed to strive for. Think of all the disney movies we see. Cinderella as a princess getting her glass slipper, riding away in a carriage. What’s seen on a movie is definitely different than real life. Relationships usually don’t play out like the fairy tales.
But wait.
Google singles have better health and it get’s real interesting.
It’s a matter of which side of the argument you want to be on, and what agenda you want to fill.
Next time you turn on the t.v., take note of how many times the person or a celebrity is asked about their personal life, “is there someone special in your life?” Some celebrities like J.Lo will say that’s none of your business or “I don’t talk about my personal life.” Heath Ledger said it best. Everyone you meet always asks if you have a career, are married or own a house as if life was some kind of grocery list. But nobody ever asks if you are happy.
They don’t ever ask if you are happy. Regardless of your status.
The agenda is being with someone, and if not, we will guilt you or pressure you to be with someone to fit into society’s mode.
Off the record thought I think a lot of my rejections in school came from people misunderstanding me. And a tad bit of jealously because of my confidence. I would see girls trying so hard to get a guy’s attention. So damn hard.
As from Nicole Peeler from I’m no longer jealous of my beautiful friends pointed out, getting so much attention from men also means attracting the jaundiced eye of the patriarchy, with its simultaneous desire to prop women up even as it tears them down.
I got the attention, had guys buying me drinks when I went out to bars and guess what? I didn’t try that hard, nor did I base my self-esteem on guys. I didn’t care then, I don’t care now. If I go out to bars and get no attention from men? I would be happy as a lamb. I low-key prefer my own company and want to be left alone with my own Tequlia drinks anyways, especially if I’m coming up with ideas for new songs. If I could go out again without being bothered I would be the happiest girl in the world. If you read enough of my articles you know this about me: instead of looking for your self esteem from people, I work on goals and accomplish them. I’ll take martial arts classes or take a defensive driving course. I’ll volunteer. Or go to the places I want to visit.
I find gardening a form of solitude. (Hint: being a foodie and loving food like I do learning how to grow it is the next natural step haha.) I post food on my Instagram on a regular basis. Here’s the babies I should post more often. Ain’t they cute?
Well, the answer is that never being alone is not the same thing as never feeling alone. Worse yet, the less comfortable you are with solitude, the more likely it is that you won’t know yourself. And then, you’ll spend even more time avoiding it to focus elsewhere. In the process, you’ll become addicted to the same technologies that were meant to set you free.-Zat Rana
Human beings experience the pain associated with loss much more vividly than the joy of experiencing a gain. What this means is that humans are more often motivated by avoiding loss (and pain) than pleasure, and can overreact to perceived losses.-Matty Ford, Loss Aversion
Solitude shouldn’t be been as a loss.
Many people have time-wasting and uncomfortable discussions with themselves. By zeroing in on having productive and insightful discussions with yourself, you will learn how to have better discussions with others.
Every day we’re faced with almost insurmountable odds, and a seemingly infinite amount of problems to solve and fires to put out.
However, there is one thing that stands alone as the hardest (and most important) thing we as entrepreneurs have to master.
Our Selves.
It is our duty and obligation to our businesses… to our families… to ourselves, that we learn to become our own masters, and the creators of our own destinies.
Doing so means the difference between mediocrity and excellence;
Between living out your highest expression, and not;
Between fulfillment and unfulfillment;
Between a life filled with freedom, contribution, and abundance — and a life filled with restriction, missed opportunities, and lack.
Self-mastery is the biggest force-multiplier there is; it makes everything in your life better.-Daniel DiPiazza
Master yourself. You can’t change the world unless you start with yourself.
If you have a lot of angst in your life, you may have to talk it (and think it) through. I will admit I didn’t talk about many of the things that happened to me in school towards most people. I did a lot of thinking because my trust of people is VERY LOW.
If you’re facing what seems like an insurmountable and daunting situation, you could take steps.
This can be done with questions.
This can be done with tools.
This can be done with conversations with people you trust.
Spirit Animals aka the articles that influenced this one. I always give credit where it is due. I know I may have forgotten a few articles on here. My bad. God bless these people for writing these articles.
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Hello There! I’m Alesha! I’ve been involved in different businesses in several different capacities from being ceo, coo, co-founder, and more. I’ve learned so much from creating businesses, and I look forward to all the learning experiences I will have from starting new ventures. 2019 I’m excited to announce that I’m going to add more businesses to my portfolio. STAY TUNED! I’m going to introduce them sometime next year!
With one business I was involved with, we made it possible to install a little device with customized hardware and a SaaS solution implemented to the router, the business owner was able see live data about social media info collected.
With another company, we had professional internet marketing company that focus on digital marketing campaigns, services and jobs such as SEO, PPC, Online Reputation Management, and social media marketing.
With EYT, I oversaw day-to-day operations and keeping the CEO apprised of significant events;Yes I actually talk with my business partner on a daily basis. I created operations strategy and policies; Communicated strategy and policy to employees and interns; Fostering employee alignment with corporate goals; and overseeing human resource management. I also delegated tasks to my team.
With Bones’ Custom Guitar. We created custom guitars for musicians with imported wood. No one Bones’ guitar is the same.
The Wish Benefit Concert is a concert founded by Ayana Carter, Mel Sexton and Alesha Peterson. It’s privately held at Riley Hospital For Children.
