The Dark Art Of Pretending You’re Ok

A response to one of my favorite articles. A year or so later.

I’ve had to become good at this: Pretending that all is well and it isn’t, many times in my life.

Either a) the people in my life at different periods were not trustworthy, and you are better off dealing with the situations by yourself instead of trusting the wrong people. Why tell someone what’s really on your mind just to realize that telling them was a mistake or made to feel worst about a situation?

I will refer to one of my favorite quotes until the end of time:

I’m not saying hold it in forever. Find someone that’s worthy of your trust. And when you feel safe enough, open up. I’m ok with admitting that I’m wrong or not ok with something, or not ok. And this is coming from someone who is bad at asking for help. I will run circles by myself for a hot minute. My biggest thing in asking for help is seeing this. Is making sure the person is safe. Feeling safe and protected in someone’s energy and with someone is a different level.

If you are reading this sorry if:

• If the people around you (that goes for family and friends too) isn’t trustworthy or when things go sour, they are no where to be found.
• You are the strong friend. You are always checking in on everyone, but everyone is not checking in on you.

• When you are let down by people you are supposed to be able to trust. I know how hard it is to trust after the people who were supposed to be there for you weren’t.
• If you are too afraid to trust someone, because you faced harsh and cruel consequences over trusting someone.
• You are afraid to get close to people, because of all the possible pain and destruction, and havoc that can follow. You been hurt so bad, that you feel like you can’t trust anyone. You can’t enjoy and give into trusting someone, because the pain you experienced was so bad and traumatizing that you hold yourself back to protect yourself.
• You been shown better than you been told that it’s easier to face difficult seasons by yourself.
• You saw your crazy side, and you promised yourself that you wouldn’t let anyone take you out of your peace like that again.
• It put you in the one of the worst emotional states of your life.
• It hurt and traumatized you so bad that you are changed emotionally, mentally, and psychologically.
• You are too afraid to show your emotions, because you don’t want to fall off an emotional cliff.

I can speak for myself.

I am tired.

I am empty.

I gave love everything I had, sometimes at my own cost.

I am tired of doing it all over again.

I am tired of waiting for calls that never come.

I am tired of running after someone for their affections.

I am tired of not getting anything in return.

I really don’t know if I have it in me to love anyone.

Maybe someday, but not today.

Today, I got no love to give.

The Dark Art of Pretending You Are Fine

Black Dads, Black Daughters: Burdens and Bravery

How I Dealt With My White Husband’s “Racism Fatigue”

It’s 2022 at the time of this writing, but by the time you read it, it will be 2023. I had to write a ton of content ahead of time to stay consistent despite what’s happening. 🔥🙌

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