To those women that offer unconditional love and support
Some after mother’s day thoughts.
Btw, thank you to the cousins for posting these quotes, otherwise I wouldn’t have seen them.
To women everywhere:
To the woman who loves unconditionally.
To the woman that cures every wound.
She gives without wanting anything in return, she fights battles no one’s aware of, she struggles and yet she still smiles, she scarifies but never once whines. Such is a woman of beauty and grace. Such is the power of her embrace. One day isn’t enough to express our gratitude but this one’s all about you.
To mothers:
Thank you for all the sacrifices you make day in and out.
Here’s to the new mothers out there, that sacrificed their sleep and energy, who are still struggling and learning, but not once giving up. Who are always exhausted but still manage to smile and work. You deserve to know that you are doing good. It might not be easy, but you are stronger than you know. Pooja Amritkar
To my childfree women.
(this is the longest section)
I have a special shootout for you, because I’m also in this group.
I would say around the age of 18ish, I thought being a mom was in my future. Around the age of 25, however, that changed. Some things when down, changed how I saw life. And life just made me realize that being a mom is not for me. I shared my stories and life experiences in my How To Thrive as A Loner article. I’m not going to repeat what I said here. Several people in my group was like “See Alesha, you had experiences where you experienced what motherhood was like without being there, and how people treated you. Imagine being in a permanent situation where you couldn’t walk away”. I also have several medical issues and doctors are like it’s not in the cards for you. I was like cool beans! I’m positive about this, and I rather put more support and energy towards my friends and cousins being moms (some of them really want to be moms more than life, and I’m their biggest cheerleader).
Despite my experiences. I do not know what being a mother is like and never will. I saw my life flash before my eyes. I experienced exhaustion, burnout, and was unappreciated. I listened to well intentioned, shit bag advice about living life. I was told to do this, do that and I’ll be successful and happy. I hated my life so bad listening to that shit. I decided to no longer follow societal rules. I know there’s women out there that’s living with it day in and day out, and I wanted to write this to say I see you, moms. And while I appreciate the unconditional love and support you give to kids, I saw early on it’s not my path. But being in that dark place, I do want to step up for the moms in my life as much as possible, even if it’s just being a safe place to vent. Mom’s self care and mental health is top priority to me as an auntie.
As someone who went with the tide and met the expectations of society, I’m always impressed with people (women in particular) who have the self-awareness to choose what they want rather than going along with what’s chosen for them. I may have still chosen the life that I’ve led and I’m not unhappy with where I am in my life. But to begin choosing at 39 when choices are necessarily limited highlights that I had significantly more options open to me than I realized. I hope I raise my children to be as aware of their own desires. Well done for living your truth.
I also saw how the help I could have really used at the time didn’t exist. And it doesn’t. I shutter to think if it was a permanent situation and I would just have to learn how to deal with it. I’m making choices for my happiness and peace. I’m not living for others. To be frank, those situations had me f**** up. I rebelled. I do not care about FOMO. I don’t care on missing out. If I miss an event, that’s fine. I’m just in a different mode nowadays.
I re-wrote the script of my life story and here I am today.
I told my cousins they are my legacies, and I don’t want them feeling sorry for me because I CAN’T/don’t want kids. Due to my medical issues, some days I don’t know which way is up and don’t want to stomach anything else. Trust me when I say I’ll be fine.
Yes, cousins, and friends. The family dynamics will change when you bring kids into the world. There’s a chance you will have less time/energy to hang out. Your priorities change. You may not want to hang out with me, and prefer to be with your family. And guess what. This is totally ok. We will make it count when we can.
I’ve found people who’s childfree like me. And you made your life decision and are happy with it.
I’m sure despite you saying this, you get bugged about being someone’s parent, and it’s annoying af. You made up your mind, and you have a right to live life as you choose.
Thank you for being brave enough to be yourself in a world that’s trying to make you be everything you are not.
Every Mother’s Day, we are bombarded with images of the families with kids.
But we can make our own DIY familes. Mine is the friends that stayed with me through the storms. The dog that sits on my lap.
Having kids isn’t the only way to leave a legacy. I can have a park named after me. A building can have my name on it. I could create a scholarship in my name. I could create a trust that can donate to causes years after I’m gone (or I could be a spirit walking around drinking Tequila, whatever you believe in haha). I could be a Betty White sort, create a body of work that will last for generations to come (it doesn’t have to be in the film industry, but because I film, I relate to that).
