What To Do If You Are Not Invited To A Wedding?
Article version. The 2020 video versions of this so far my most commented videos on my Youtube channel. I keep getting DMs, private messages to this day. Due to popular demand, I made a 2021 follow-up.
(Expect typos, I worked on this during some late nights. If you want you can start where the first quote by Ayesha K Faines (hey name buddy) is or read the whole thing. Up to you).
Well my friends and family..
I come across this and wanted to address the question thrown at me.
You wasn't invited. Let me be blunt.
1. You weren't invited because they didn't want you there. Period. This is a tough pill to swallow.
1a. Every once in a while I had a family member or friend tell me that their wedding was for family only or they only had their mom and dad there, small budget or some other scenario. But I’m not fooling myself lol. Most of time they didn’t want me there lol. I didn’t take it personally. There’s plenty more that I won’t be invited to, life goes on. I appreciate the weddings I am invited to. I still love you family!
2. They tell us ladies to be truest selves, girl empowerment, etc. But when you have the guts to be yourself and let go of that need to be liked, you face penalties from society: My punishments? Not being included or invited to outings and weddings. In the perfect world, differences are respected, but sometimes it doesn't pan out that way. When you want to take the road less traveled you find yourself on the outside looking in. ( For example: Being around people who want to marry but you don't want to marry yourself). People misunderstand you and you don't fit in. Because I choose to take a different path in life, I got the boot from a lot of friend groups and it's ok. Stay the course. Eventually you will find your people that like you, include you and love you.
Today Show Link: https://www.today.com/video/how-to-break-free-from-the-need-to-be-liked-76703301804
3. Maybe you thought you were a close friend, but they didn't see you the same way. Maybe they are closer to some of your friends, but not you.
4. With some of my friendships, I can pick up right where we left off or reconnect. I'm flexible.
Sometimes people are only in your life for a season. Just because you go out with them/work with them/whatever doesn’t mean they will invite you to their big day.
5. Keep this in mind, it’s their day. They can invite who they want. If you feel bad for being left out, pamper yourself on that day. Hang out with other people.
6. Stay the course. Eventually you will find your people that like you, include you and love you.
7. I still congratulate them. I’m not ever mad at anyone.
8. If I decide to marry (which is a 0.00000000000000000000000000005 chance) I’ll send a live link for friends and family that can’t come for some reason or damn just don’t want to. I couldn’t make it to a close friend’s wedding because of a surgery and she told me not to worry about it, no big deal. My non existent wedding is no big deal.
Above part is from videos 1 & 2.
Third part (Imma try to make the video and article identical, the article will more in likely be a tad bit longer).
For starters these videos about not being invited to weddings have the most comments, so thanks for watching and commenting. (AND STILL REACHING OUT AS I WRITE THIS ARTICLE. Thank you.)
Some of my responses from part 1 & 2 so you get my mindset into this.
Hey! Nice to meet you and thanks for watching my video! You’re definitely not alone and we are excluded together, no worries. I noticed with several groups I was in when I started seriously going after acting and entrepreneurship (different from the typical 9 to 5) that put me on a different path from a lot of my peers. In the perfect world, no matter what path we are on we should be supportive of each other but oh well. Not the case, I ran into a lot of jealousy. I’m not the jealous type, and want to see people be successful even if their success comes before my own. I think because I’m doing everything different from social expectations (i.e not desperately pursuing marriage, not working a “typical job”, yadda) I really noticed quite a few of my friends started distancing themselves from me. I was in this service organization and dropped when our values no longer aligned and many of them gave me dirty looks in public. Nowadays I stick with my friends who stick with me, include the new and be flexible. I don’t even mind blazing the trail by myself until I find my right tribes because it’s well worth it. For what’s it’s worth, if I ever get married I’ll invite you or send a live stream (but don’t bank on it, you will more in likely catch me in a buffet eating food haha 🤣.)
Ah I meant to respond to this sooner, but we are totally in this together. For starters thanks for watching! I think for me, being the only child growing up prepped me for situations like this. And being on a different path in life than most of my peers cemented my thick skin. I’m not wanting to get married like they want to get married, so our “differences” made me the first person they cut. I’m not chasing down guys like they are. I especially got the boot from several social circles when I took the entrepreneurial and entertainment paths, after all I’m not working like they are working. As much as I would have loved to share their special day with them, if they didn’t want me there, that’s their choice. And I’m respectful of their decision to not invite me. It’s taken me some time to find my right tribes of people that will actually invite me, not just hang out at an artificial level, then throw me away when it’s convenient. I rather be on my own instead of hanging around toxic people anyways, and I found out that later on they were toxic, not good people anyways. In different periods of my life, I felt like I never fit in with the different circles I ran in, I think because our energy didn’t align. I didn’t participate in gossiping, so I didn’t fit in which meant for me not getting invited to things (ahem weddings). Like you, I saw a lot of friends get married and post those photos on Facebook. I was still happy because at the end of the day it’s their day and they can pick who they want. And my family is so big that the sad reality is that you can’t invite everyone, I have a several cousins get married and some people on my end take it personally. In that instance, I gently remind them it’s their day. (And if it makes it easier for them to cut me they can, we can do something later). For what it’s worth, if I ever get married I’ll invite you via live stream or something (but don’t bank on it, I love animals and nature better than people lol).
Hey Meshelda! Thanks for watching my video my friend! We can be excluded together. Thanks for sharing your story also! I think for me, being the only child growing up prepped me for situations like this. And being on a different path in life than most of my peers cemented my thick skin. I never told any of my friends from school this, but I had some medical stuff come up, and they took it as me not wanting to be social and took it personally and dropped me off their social list when I didn’t want to burden them. Secondly, I’m not wanting to get married like they want to get married, so our “differences” made me the first person they cut. I’m not chasing down guys like they are. Thirdly, I especially got the boot from several social circles when I took the entrepreneurial and entertainment paths, after all I’m not working like they are working. As much as I would have loved to share their special day with them, if they didn’t want me there, that’s their choice. And I’m respectful of their decision to not invite me. It’s taken me some time to find my right tribes of people that will actually invite me, not just hang out at an artificial level, then throw me away when it’s convenient. I rather be on my own instead of hanging around toxic people anyways, and I found out that later on some were toxic, not good people anyways . For what it’s worth, if I ever get married I’ll invite you via live stream or something via Wedfully or something (but don’t bank on it, I love animals and nature better than people lol).
Hey! Thanks for watching! We are in these situations together. I think for me, being the only child growing up prepped me for situations like this. And being on a different path in life than most of my peers cemented my thick skin. I’m not wanting to get married like they want to get married, so our “differences” made me the first person they cut. I’m not chasing down guys like they are. I especially got the boot from several social circles when I took the entrepreneurial and entertainment paths, after all I’m not working like they are working. As much as I would have loved to share their special day with them, if they didn’t want me there, that’s their choice. And I’m respectful of their decision to not invite me. It’s taken me some time to find my right tribes of people that will actually invite me, not just hang out at an artificial level, then throw me away when it’s convenient. I rather be on my own instead of hanging around toxic people anyways, and I found out that later on they were toxic, not good people anyways . For what it’s worth, if I ever get married I’ll invite you via live stream or something (but don’t bank on it, I love animals and nature better than people lol).
Thanks for watching my video. Sorry that happened to you and we are in it together. It would be cool if we lived in a world that agreed to disagree and accepted each other’s differences. I got friends that I trust but that took a while. And even with that I sometimes I don’t tell them things because I’m not sure how they would respond to it or receive it. Like I can said we can be misunderstood together.
Hey! Thanks for watching my video, appreciate you my friend. A lot of times in my life never fit in, and I realized later we wasn’t on the same wavelength. And further more, I couldn’t trust them further than I can throw. If I was actively seeking marriage and doing the same thing a lot of my peers was doing, I’m pretty sure I would “fit” in. I’m on my own journey right now and I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m used to being on my own being the only child growing up. It would be nice if we lived in a world where we would be accepting of each other, no matter if they understood or not? But we dont live like this….(We live in a you do something different or something I dont understand I’m going to distance myself from you kinda world). For what it’s worth, I’ll invite you to my wedding via live link if I ever have one (and I’ll make sure that dont happen, I like animals better than people anyways haha).
Exactly! I feel the exact same way. Me being the only child growing up I don’t mind being on my own (and we live in a very extroverted society that tries hard to make you feel weird when you say you wanna be on your own.) Don’t get me wrong, I got my friends and we hang and stuff but when it’s time to go home to my own castle, I’m at peace. A lot of my friends are getting married, expecting and I’m SO happy for them, spoiling them with gifts and letting them know I’m there to support them. Me seeing myself as a wife and mother? Not right now if ever, I see myself as a honorary “auntie” instead. Maybe I meet someone? Maybe I won’t and I’m ok either way! I’ve had guys try but like you, I’ve see so many people settle to fit in with what others want them to do. And to fit in with society and I’m not willing to do that. I come from a big family and I’ve seen people stay in abusive relationships, operate from places of low self esteem and self worth to front appearances. Not me. I rather be alone and happy then in a relationship and miserable. Sticking with my animals that I feed and just going with the flow.
Official Part 3 starts here :
I don’t care for validation. I got and want more prosperity. And yes, I piss people off all the time. Welcome to my world.
*As you read this, you’ll notice it’s less about being invited, and more about learning a thing or two. You will see what I mean in a bit.*
Off record convos on why I don’t get invited by friends especially (blunt opinions here, that I’ve discussed in private DMs, some points slightly off topic and I will keep it short):
- They didn’t want me there, plain and simple.
- Definitely an outsider. All good.
- I fly under the radar and I’m loaded with projects. I don’t always talk about how jammed packed it gets sometimes with acting, music, and other projects.
- I have to make really good days count with a invisible illness. I don’t look “sick” but what I have causes flareups and stabbing pains like crazy without warning. I don’t talk about this publicly too often, but that might change in the future. Some people took offense when I turned down hanging out with them on a weekend, when they had no clue how much pain I was in/didn’t feel good because I didn’t look it. Ended up on a lot of people’s shit list by default and I didn’t mean for it to pan out this way.
- I saw this on Facebook, but it rings a bell. A single lady’s hustle sometimes isn’t respected like a woman with a family’s hustle. They think because you are not busy with a husband with kids, you are not busy, and that you can just drop what you are doing at everyone’s beck and call. After all, I should spend time chasing a guy instead of making a life, according to some out here (and that is going in one ear and out the other).
- If we haven’t talked since grade school, why? We are not in each others' lives anymore.
- I don’t act the way a black person should act, so they are not sure how to take me and don’t wanna hang. Instead of embracing someone for who they are, too many people fear what they don’t understand.
- My bluntness and straight talk might rub some people the wrong way. As a woman, you supposed to be nice and mend. We are supposed to be focused on being liked. When you don’t do this, welllll then…end up on the cut list. Read enough of my articles on Medium and some might even say I’m borderline aggressive. I am not. I just keep it for real and you either love it or hate it. What you see is what you get. Whatever I put out I can take back tenfold. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, but I rather be someone’s shot of tequila anyways. My style and articles are not for everybody, and you don’t have to agree with everything but if you enjoy my bluntness and can keep an open mind I’m happy you are/decided to be apart of my tribe.
- Read I Invited Racists To My Wedding, But You Will Be Fine My Black Token Friend. I hate to keep making shit a race issue (because I don’t like pulling the race card or playing victim), but it is what it is. After seeing photos of weddings later, and seeing a sea of white, it’s starts to be clear as day that they don’t have black friends, are uncomfortable around black people or simply don’t want to invite them (again, your decision on who you invite but if you lack diversity in your circles that’s a reflection on you). Also read Reflections From A Token Black Friend. I’m also regularly the only black person in my groups my friend. It’s second nature to me. I don’t even think about it anymore. (Honorable mention: Once Again, I Was The Only Black Person At A Wedding. Hey look honey, a black person, grab the camera.)
- I’m on a different path than a lot of my peers. I want different things in life. Just because it’s something they don’t understand, doesn’t mean I’m lost. (Classic example: I don’t want marriage and I’m not actively looking for anyone at this time). On Bumble BFF, I’ve been offered friends with benefits and guys staying I’m too cute to be single. No thank you and stop it. People do not respect when you say you want to be by yourself. Very typical when I get on an app, even when I say I clearly want friends only. They trying to get to touchdown range when we haven’t made it off the 1 yard line. I’m a Gemini and find this accurate, I won’t say I love you until I’m sure it’s not hormones or lust. (And usually they don’t take the time to get to know me, but going based off looks and what they find attractive, so no thank you.) I’m at the point where I’m not sizing up guys as future boyfriends and husbands, just looking for some friends to go out with. As more and more of my friends become parents (they will not have the time like they used to, despite what they say), I gotta get creative and add in a few more singletons.
- Elephant In THE room: For years, family, friends, and people asked about my dad. Why do you wonder about a person who doesn’t want me (and basically makes it clear to f*** off?) Why do you care if I DON’T? Why let.someone.take.up.rent.in.your.mind.when.YOU.ARE.NOT.TAKING.UP.RENT.IN.THEIR’S? I don’t miss what I never had. I’m not a male crazy lady chasing them down defining my worth over them. This rubs some people as me being a man hater, and I am not. Since I don’t miss or think about my dad, some think I’m mean. Whatever. (I’m going to start saying he’s dead so people stop asking.) R.I.P.
Shoutouts:
Mason Smith, Gina Bindari, Meshelda Gibbs, Cynthia Chen, Shonya Jones, Fishing Paradise California, Kamesha Nugent, Kristin Cha, Prebella Prebella. Daw’s Life (Dawson From Instagram), and P.Allen. We are excluded together crew. :D I know I will mess up a lot of your names in the Youtube video version.
For what it’s worth, if I ever get married, I’ll send you a https://wedfuly.com/ link. But don’t worry about it, the chances of you attending my funeral is a lot higher, I don’t plan on ever getting married, not for me. Lolz.
Personal Blunt Take On Why Some Family Members Take It Personal When They Are Not Invited To Weddings.
By not being invited, they miss the one chance to watch someone do something they wish they could do, get married. They wish they could get married themselves, and seeing you walk down that aisle brings those feelings up. They missed their chance/boat (or they think they did according to the way they talk). SEEING YOU GET MARRIED IS THE CLOSEST THING they will ever get to a wedding/marriage. I mean, it isn’t over until they put you in the ground, and they could still get in a relationship themselves. But seeing you with the love of your life makes them wish they had one of their own.
Their feelings are hurt. And for my sake and yours, between me and you, I hope they get over it sooner rather than later.
I can always tell the women/men who are at peace at their decision and happy with where they are in life. They are never trying to hook me up or ask imposing questions. (Yes I go along with the jokes and games of guys they pick out for me, I can’t win them all, and boy do I prank them back).
Some go as far as offering advice to people who are married which is wrong because they never been married. I think this is totally wrong, and not their place. How can you offer advice on marriage and you never been married? The f***?. It’s like asking a guy about periods. Or talking about being a billionaire and you never been there. You don’t know what you don’t know. Because even though it’s not their place (CLEARLY), it makes them feel needed and included, even if it involves something that’s not their lane/business. Look, I’ve had friends ask me advice, but I only give it when asked, and I would NEVER GIVE MARRIAGE advice. I’m not married and don’t plan on getting married. I can give them advice based on a single person’s perspective or someone who had a relationship with a guy perspective. I can give an outsider’s perspective also, and being someone who won’t do something I’m uncomfortable with doing perspective. I’m quick to refer someone to someone with better expertise (AND WHO’s MARRIED/BEEN MARRIED) instead of trying to answer something I don’t know to look like I know something. Not knowing something doesn’t make you stupid, admitting that you don’t know something doesn’t make you stupid. Trying to answer something that you have no experience in/know nothing about? That makes you look stupid. Because I am younger, they do not listen when I say that’s not your lane. They think it’s disrespectful trying to correct them. F*** it. I try y’all.
The people who are breaking their necks trying to get wedding invites wish they had relationships, even if they say otherwise on the outside. They play cupid trying to hook up other people, but they don’t try to hook themselves up with someone. I have cousins who never ask me about relationships, they either been there done that or have a life (and for you all, I’m eternally grateful. I love you. Thanks for being you.).
Me being at your wedding/not being there is non issue. It’s not about me.
When I see two people who can love each other, trust each other, I admire the fact that you can be vulnerable. This is a skill I’m sorely lacking in. I’ve been burned and naturally keep a wall up and keep people at arms length. I lost plenty of friends to suicide these past years and this year. I would do anything to have them back. I’ve lost people in other tragic ways. I take this very personally. It changed how I see life forever. There’s the me before tragedies and the me after tragedies. Being vulnerable in one too many situations led to painful results. To see family and friends openly love is admirable. I’m in the after “tragedy” phrase and I don’t think I’ll ever get back to that place.
Grief isn’t just losing people. It can also be grieving over a sense of what we’ve lost like a work position, a career, facing an illness (loss of health), or even changing circumstances or lost opportunities.
Grief and vulnerability isn’t just for the people who’ve left our lives.
If being vulnerable meant losing a life long dream, I’m good. I don’t want to go through this again. (To my cousins that are married/got married, thanks for being an example and showing you can love without fear. Xoxo.)
If being vulnerable lead to the loss of my financial stability and faith in people, I’m good. If it lead to me to volunteering at homeless shelters because I felt like it was gonna be my next step, I’m good. I don’t want to go through this again. (To my friends that are married/got married, thanks for being an example and showing that love isn’t associated with pain. Xoxo.)
If being vulnerable meant putting my heart on my shelve just to get sabotaged, embarrassed and thrown away like garbage, I’m good. I don’t want to go through this again. (Hey family, thanks for showing that love is to be embraced, not feared.)
If being vulnerable lead to unbearable pain that lead to a downward spiral and failure after failure, I’m good. (Look I understand things don’t work out for a reason, but I don’t want to voluntarily put myself in harm’s way, or do something to myself that’s permanently damaging over something temporary. I do enough damage busting my finger nails and muscles for competitions amongst other things. AND I’m very risky in entrepreneurship, acting, and music. But many times when I take risks in vulnerability it was a damn disaster. Holy moly).
I was left alone to my own devices to pick up the pieces, and be my own hero. And come to terms with it all on my own timing. I’m not gonna voluntarily put myself through all that again. And just be more careful with who I’m vulnerable with. I can do bad and be a f*** up by myself. I was young, naïve and didn’t believe that people could be that cruel. Now I know. It was stupid, straight embarrassing, shameful and pathetic. (Every time I feel like I headed towards being vulnerable, I call it my personal dumb b**** hours. Alesha, lets think about this before proceeding. Remember what happened last time? Careful girl, make sure this person is safe.)
If being vulnerable caused that much pain and torture, no thank you. It’s not worth the pain, and no one is gonna take me out of my peace like that again. I’ve been told that I’m a giver, but I’m not gonna be a doormat. As a giver, you have to know how to cut it off. I’m not gonna open up if it’s not safe. I can like you personally. But I accept you for who you are and what you do. If you are a gossip queen, I’m not gonna trust you with secrets. Instead of looking for the good in people all the time, I’ve started looking at what people do. Instead of just trusting people instead of proving they can be trusted, I do a lil investigation first. (Hey cuzzos that just got married/are married, thank for being examples of all the possibilities and all the positive things life has to offer. Xoxo. P.S. Not talking about the abusive situations, though let me make that extremely clear.)
Question. How many of you trusted the wrong person, just tried to help someone just to get burned in the end, and it’s just not the same? No matter what anyone says? Understand you homies more than you ever will know.
IN OTHER WORDS. I’ve been used to dealing and powering through things on my own for years. I don’t want a future boyfriend’s ego getting bruised because I don’t make him feel needed. I’ve been so used to beating to the beat of my own drum for so long and handling my own shit. I read some article somewhere that independent women need to learn to let people in and let people help them. The few times I did “vulnerability” it ruined things and damaged some circumstances and opportunities beyond repair. There’s no second chances or getting it back. I rarely let someone in unless I really trust them.
Example: Lately my foot feels like it dislocated/messed up due to a fitness if I sit a certain way. Instead of saying something, I slowly popped it back in place and Googled what to do. (And yeah if I need to I will go to the doctor on my own). This is typical of how I handle my life.
And there’s been several occasions when people say they can help, but then when I’ve reach out they are no where to be found or start avoiding me EVEN WHEN THEY SAID I COULD REACH OUT. So I put one foot in front of the other if I need to and keep one hand on the pepper spray. Not everyone is like this but one too many times it happened.
I don’t want to burden or bother anyways. Or ruin a person’s happy day with drama. So I don’t. My life could be messed up and I would still be happy for you because at the end of the day, hating on someone else makes your situation worst, and dragging someone else to make yourself feel better isn’t the way either. (Hey friends, thank you for being an example of love and light.)
“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly — that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”
- Anne Lamott
Living with loss changes you. I’m secretly terrified to let people get too close because the pain of losing them is so massive. And being vulnerable on multiple occasions in my life lead to all kinds of damage. The pain of loss feels insurmountable as it is, to open up and get burned on top of that is especially painful. To this day, there’s activities that used to bring me pleasure that I don’t want to do anymore (i.e.I loved this one place as a kid, and I don’t want to touch it with an 500 foot pole now, it’s going to remain nameless.) It does feel like that I will never connect to others like I once did, there’s some friendships that got wrecked beyond repair, and we don’t get along anymore. I got a hella list of enemies now, and I didn’t mean for it to pan out that way. I wanted some space to sort through my thoughts and some took this as me not wanting to be bothered. No dears. I like my space and I like giving space.
They say absence make the heart grow fonder, I suppose distance is my comfort zone and love.
When you experience such a profound loss, you have a kind of heaviness in your heart that feels permanent. It seems as if it will smother you with its intensity at times, and makes you question if it will ever lighten.
The light will return. It may not be today, and it may not be tomorrow. The key is to keep moving forward, trying to really live in each moment. Grief is a heavy burden, but it will morph into one that you can carry given time.-John A. Freyvogel Sons, Inc. Funeral Directors Daily Grief Support Email
During my cousins’ wedding weekends (there’s quite a few of you loves), I did not tell them about a funeral or other tragedies. I did not tell them that a couple of family members went to the ER. I just handled it and told a few later. Grief is a heavy burden, but it will morph into one that you can carry given time. But it’s also something I don’t want to burden family with. Or every time they see me, this is happening or that is happening. There’s a right time and place to tell people things, and I usually resort to not saying anything at all. Stoicism at it’s finest.
(Hey family. Just thank you.)
So when I see cousins/friends getting married via pictures, I’m not like omg I want in. Or I wish I was there….
(I’m to the point where I don’t look for invites anymore. I send positive vibes and love instead.)
A lot of what I’m saying in this post has nothing to do with me being there or not, if you noticed at this point.
Just as someone who plans on going to the grave single? A lot of people focus on the wedding, but not the life afterwards to me. Just a thought. So many people worry about being there/not being there/being invited that they miss the big picture. It’s not about them…
I can like pictures, and be supportive of my friends, fam, and cousins’ relationships without wanting to be in one myself. I can be supportive without being invited. Just because they are happy in relationships doesn’t mean I’ll be happy in mine. (As much as that might burn to some of you not on the invite list, remember, it’s not about you.)
I’m more happy that my cousins/family/friends have found their person. That they can openly love without fear. Their happiness is everything to me. I’m happy they have each other. I’ll be taking notes from afar about vulnerability because I have very little of it.
Thank you for being the best teachers of vulnerability. I’ll be watching and loving it from afar. And attempting to learn something (no promises though, my walls are too high for that lovely dovely shit…except for animals, they don’t backstab you and tell your secrets lol. Anddd sometimes I find walls more trustworthy, just keeping it for real with you. Annddd animals are still the least judgmental people I know.)
But you might be thinking after reading all this.
B*****.
Mother F******
S***. Everything you saying is good in all, but I REALLY WANTED TO BE THERE. F*** that high road stuff.
Ok.
ok.
ok.
Advice If You TOOK IT PERSONALLY & REALLY WANTED TO BE THERE.
Some of these are repeated from above, but here we go……
Take the High Road
(Yes I still suggest take the high road).
As the knot also suggests, take the high road. If you noticed many times throughout my article, don’t make their day about you. Don’t ruin their good vibes with your negative comments/energy.
I actually hung out with some friends and cousins after their wedding that I didn’t get invited to. It wasn’t awkward because I didn’t make it awkward. (I personally don’t believe in marriage and don’t see how it would add any value in my life, and can understand why they don’t invite me for that reason alone but I’m not knocking it for others and I don’t project. It’s cute for others, but not cute for me. I would be a runaway bride and have no shame in admitting that. I’m not a magician, but I have an disappearing act that you have to see to believe and I would use it that fateful day. I like animals better than people.)
I despise that feeling of being controlled, not getting my own way, or just having the course of my life altered from my ultimate dreams and ambitions. But none of these pros are advantages that I don’t think I couldn’t find in a less romantic permanent relationship, or even platonic ones with friends and family. For better or worse, marriage, with all its heavy vows and responsibilities and burdens, doesn’t fit my temperament or my dreams right now. And isn’t it better to stay honest and sane, even if it’s at the cost of being single?-Katherine Chen, Why Marriage Is Not For Me
In a strange twist of fate, a few actually talked about it. But again, they owe no explanation.
****Being a natural loner and outsider, I’m used to being on the outside looking in a lot, and it’s ok. I didn’t fit in many times in my life and still don’t many times because we on different wavelengths. (Due to some of my experiences, and keeping people at arms length I naturally find it harder to grow close to people, I think that’s part of it.) Invite me if you want, but I’ll support you either way. Our family is massively huge, and you can’t invite everyone. Speaking of that….
Sadly, You Can’t Invite Everyone
In my family especially, we are huge. I’m the 3rd, 4th or 5th, 6th or 7th or 8th cousin (I KNOW CRAZY) in some instances. You simply can’t invite everyone due to budget and space limitations. It’s love but if you haven’t been in touch or they are not in your inner circle, snoop snoop. Buh bye. I’m not in the clique, feel free to pull them scissors out, I get it. Nothing personal.
****I’m not trying to make anyone’s wedding planning more stressful than it already is. I tell peeps all the time if it makes it easier, cut me and we will hang later. I want to share your special day with you, only if you want me there.
When I hear someone on in my immediate clan start taking it wayyyyyyyy too personally (and continue to drag on about it for days on end, and yeah I’ve had people do this to the point where it annoyed the f*** out of me).
Let’s be honest here. Do you know them? Have you been in touch? Would you recognize these relatives if you saw them on the street? If not, what you tripping for? Get a life shit.
I love you but please find something to do….(This is why I drink y’all #ConversationsThatMakesMeDrink)
Stay Off Social Media
If you are suffering serious FOMO, stay the f*** off social media that day. Airplane mode is my personal 10th wonder of the world even in normal circumstances, just saying.
Pick a vacation spot and go to it on the day of their wedding. IGNORE THE HONEYMOON part. Some of these places are straight gorgeous, honeymoon or not. I personally go by foodmoon or tequliamoon.
Find a new hobby to join that day.
I really want to learn how to redo my backflips. I will be a back flipper like the good old days soon. And trust me you will not think about a wedding or anything when you are jumping out of a plane. I have a terrifying fear of heights. If I get on top of the Empire State building I will be plenty distracted lol. I just need some Depends and we are good to go.
Hop on a live call with me, and I’ll have your a** so plastered that you won’t think about any wedding day that day.
Oh I’ve been that person that for whatever reason in that moment (especially in a tense, high stress situations in school I needed to numb my feelings and keep my cool to keep from overreacting). Sometimes you just need a friend to take you out.
And all it takes is one friend to talk you through your feelings and do things to get you’re mind off of it. Not an alcohol person? No problem. We will find something else.
Take a self care day.
Go to the spa, movies, and a concert. Treat yourself, and take yourself on a date.
Spend some time with a furry friend. Animals are better friends anyways!
Hang Out With Another Group Of Friends
If this is an option.
But what if you don’t have another group of friends, or family and everyone got invited to the wedding except you?
This is where I’m going to ask you to dig deep and take your power back.
Learn how to be happy…happy alone.
Once you stop seeking validation and happiness from outside sources, you are ahead of most people. Happiness should come from within first.
This is your crash course on being alone. From someone who thrives in it.
Go to a movie, concert, shopping, or dine out by yourself regularly. No friends or family.
Stay at home by yourself with no distractions, complete silence with you and your thoughts. (I personally spend a lot of time in nature.)
When you learn to rely on yourself, make decisions without the input of others, you will stop caring what others think of you (and maybe even stop caring about being invited). You will start to find comfort in being with yourself by yourself. The fun by product of all this? When you become that person, people have a tendency to gravitate towards you. And who knows you may find a few invites in your inbox. But you will be confident and self assured regardless of what you do or don’t get invited to.
I think being the only child and someone who’s used to being by myself a lot, being on my own is second nature. For others it may be harder to navigate. In this extroverted society having the skills to spend sometime by yourself is valuable.
P.S. My friends said my extroverted side is gonna take over during the pandemic, but it hasn’t . But I really enjoyed my alone time. For me it’s a striking a balance between my social side and quiet side.
Here’s some more articles to read to help you not take it so personally (if it helps)
(P.S. There’s plenty of people that don’t like me also, and it will be fine loves I promise. The older you get, the less you are concerned about being liked anyways. Stay strong and stay the course. )
Here’s to your happily ever after for all those who’d married and about to wed. Cheers to you and best wishes!
And guy and gals that don’t get invites, hang in there. It will work out. Nice things get rejected all the time. If you feel like you are an outsider, different or don’t fit in anywhere, yes, you do. I promise you do. Tough situations build strong people. Stay the course.
We are in it together.
Till next time.
It’s 2021 🔥🙌
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