What To Do When Family and Friends Don’t Support You?

Before You Read This: I had this as a draft in my LinkedIn profile for a while. LinkedIn restricted my account, and I couldn’t access anything. There’s mistakes in this I’m sure. I did some obvious edits but I probably still missed the mark in some areas anyways. I’m getting these drafts out one at a time! So help a fellow human out. If you see something that needs correcting say something. :D

This is a follow up to this article and a prelude to a newer version of “Why Most Of Your Friends & Family Don’t Support Your Music!” Like I said above, I didn’t want have this sitting in my draft box for another 100 years.

When I found the legitimacy of the type of work I do coming under attack, I couldn’t help but be a bit weirded out by it. I don’t dog out what they are doing, why can’t they stop dogging me out?

Do you find yourself offended when the people closest to you question if your job is legit or not? Does it irritate you? Fun fact: I’m an actress, model, musician and entrepreneur. So I hear it all the time: “What you are doing is a hobby” “Where is your million dollar pay day?” Oh boy.

If you find yourself in a position where your family and friends isn’t supportive of you and your goals, don’t kick yourself for it. It’s super awesome if you have people supporting you, but if they don’t it just means that it’s not worth going after.

WHY PEOPLE DON’T SEE what you are doing AS A REAL CAREER (Or worse, they call it a hobby, OUCH!) According to Wade Sutton! :D

Let’s face it: When you go after goals that are worth it, you will face opposition.

The first thing you have to do when somebody suggests a life when they think (list creative job such as music, photography, acting) isn’t a real job is process this: Artists and entrepreneurs are naturally creative. The desire to go against the grain and think outside the box is in. That puts us in a small percentage compared to those spending their lives getting up every morning, driving to work, punching a time card, and having a paycheck signed by a boss and put into their hands every two weeks. We were all taught to work, turn in papers in at school and try to get a pat on the head (if this is your life, I’m not trying to offend you.) For the small percentage of us, we decided to blaze our own trail. We see things abstract way. Their job in our eyes isn’t a job. It’s a joke.

For most people, If they lose their job today, the first thing they will do is look for another job. They find comfort and safety in that rigid and repetitive structure. They need it. It’s a lifestyle they understand. It is a safety net. Getting outside to learn another way to earn income is scary. The way we earn money is terrifying because it is perceived as unstable. Our job in their eyes is fear based.

Artists making a living directly from their art are just the opposite. We don’t clock in. We don’t get fired if we decide to sleep in somedays. We don’t have a steady paycheck. We don’t have a big boss looking over your shoulder to see how we are doing. Just the thought of being subjected to that on a daily basis is enough to make creative types become rebels. That kind of environment is suffocating to us, we probably wouldn’t thrive because the thought of someone telling us what to do in that manner would drive us crazy.

Let me use myself for an example. I do not work a regular job. On the entrepreneurship side of things, I can work 40 days and not get paid a single dime if I don’t add value to my customer. My businesses is not technically a job. When I had jobs I worked for businesses. It’s easy to think that to go into a business thinking you understand it and you get it because you had a job. Approaching a business like it’s a job is like approaching being a parent the same way you approached being a child. Running, owning, and building a successful a business (one that makes more money than it spends) is different from going to work and expecting a paycheck. It takes a mindset change to really see the difference. On the modeling side, I can get paid on how many gigs I book. I travel during the week to different projects. What it boils down to? I’m responsible for my results.

What I’m wanting you, the entrepreneur, the entertainer to understand is that it isn’t YOUR fault that those people don’t see professional music, entrepreneurship, acting, etc as real careers. They don’t get it. It is THEIR fault that they don’t take the time to attempt to get it. -Wade Sutton

So question for any of you reading this (I want to see your thoughts in the comments.) What is unsupportive to you? Is it ignoring your posts on social media and not telling others about your ventures? Is it a friend or family member that sits on the sidelines and says nothing or does nothing to help you? Is is someone that tries to talks you out of your goals and discourages you from perusing your goals? Is it someone that publicly supports someone else but they don’t support you? What does support feels like to you?

Public Support

Their perception of what you do has no impact on how you are as an entrepreneur. It doesn’t mean that your goals are worthless. When people are trying to discourage you from your goals, see it as a positive. That means there is hidden pot of gold in your dream. When you achieve your goals, there will be some really great things happening to you!

If you live in a small town, you more in likely won’t get people around you to wrap their heads around how music, acting, modeling, etc is a realistic career choice. It just isn’t going to happen. They won’t “get it” because it’s so far from the perceived normal. They will probably say “aw that’s a nice hobby but when will you get a real adult job”? On the other hand, if you live in a bigger city like Los Angeles, Seattle, New York, etc having a creative type career is more of the norm.

I kick it in Indianapolis, Indiana quite a bit, but I had to start leaving more because I want to get more work elsewhere. I do travel to bigger markets like Chicago or LA for auditions. The music scene in Indianapolis descent for it being a smaller market. When I try to explain to people what I do for a living, many look at me with a dumbfounded look on their face. One time I was at a investor meeting and I mentioned that I modeled.

“How do you stay in shape? Do you starve yourself? (NO. I DO NOT! You cannot build muscle and be healthy by not giving your body fuel. I simply say focus on eating healthier and living a healthy lifestyle-not on dieting. Just for the record I don’t like diets! I don’t calorie count. I don’t eat in the fear of gaining weight! Does it look like I need to lose weight?)

You own an apartment in downtown Chicago? You rent hotels in downtown Chicago? That’s so expensive (As they say this, I bang my head on the table).

How do you get around in bigger markets?

They end up coming up with all these perceptions of what they think it’s like without taking the time to find out what that individual’s career is really like. How some made it is not the same story for everyone. My experiences in the entertainment industry is different from my friends’ experiences. I have a preference to park the car while in bigger markets. Yes, the downtown Chicago apartment is on the pricey side, wont lie. But it’s something I work at. That’s why I made a decision a while back to NOT attempt to get people to understand. When they ask what I do, I simply tell them I work in the entertainment industry and I start my own businesses in the entrepreneurship arena. I don’t need them to understand; I only need my people in my circles, associates, in the industry to know what I do. For the few friends and family that understands you rock! When you stop explaining yourself and show them better than you can tell them, life is so much easier.

Just for the record. When paychecks come from acting, modeling or else where, I keep a low profile. I do not post statuses on Facebook saying “Look at me, I’m making money, I’m investing money this, I’m doing that. Um why? I’m not going to go way out of my way to tell people when you are actually doing it.

When people say something, does it get under your skin? Do you care?

Then pack up your belongings, and get out now!!!!!!!!!

No excuses about money, school, work, and all of the other reasons most people come up with. Just pack up your belongings and move and figure it out when you get there. You would be surprised by what you can achieve when you are thrown into survival mode. You don’t have to be great to start, but you do have to start to be great.

Go to a place where you can surround yourself with people like you. Other musicians, entrepreneurs, artists, actors, etc. Find people working at a faster speex than your own so you push yourself to improve. Find people that is on the same page as you.

Screw those haters in the middle of no where when they say you need to get a “real job” as they drag their asses into work every Monday through Friday morning complaining about their boss giving them grief, their co-workers gossiping on them, get stuck working mandatory overtime, and turn into some of the most jaded and miserable people walking the face of the planet. And wanting you to do the same thing they are doing! This might be a different tone but I hope you get what I’m saying. -Wade Sutton

Keep these additional thoughts in mind from The Daily Positive and Tiny Budda…. (Also google what to do when your friends don’t support you to get a whole lot of great articles and images). These are so good from these two websites that I have no business editing it or touching it. :D

1. You can forge a path of truth, passion, purpose, creativity, abundance and excitement, and live your full life and achieve your greatest potential and contribution into this world and not have one single person supporting you while you do so! When you feel lonely, and you sense that no one is with you in your path, and you wish you were understood and that you had people around you to wrap you in love… remember this — there is a transition period that occurs when you step up to live as the real you, creating change and making new things happen (transforming inside of yourself or outside of yourself). In that transition period you step beyond the stories and limitations you once lived within, you step beyond the illusion of who you thought you were, what you thought was important and instead become more of who you really are underneath (deep in your heart — your soul self).-BERNADETTE LOGUE
2. You are NOT put on this earth to please everyone or to be understood by everyone. When it comes to making up your mind to follow your own personal or professional aspirations with your heart — you do not need to explain yourself to anyone. It’s human nature to want to be accepted and understood. But just because you want it doesn’t mean you need it. The quicker you let go of this desire, the quicker you will find serenity from within and find your own power to move forward.-BERNADETTE LOGUE
3. You must live your life for yourself — not for other people. Everyone will have an opinion, and many people will try to force you to live in alignment with their opinions. Opinions are aligned to beliefs. Everyone believes different things. You will never satisfy everyone, nor align to everyone’s beliefs and their view of the world and who they “think you should be”. And none of that matters. You were not born to meet the expectations of others. You were born to meet your soul’s purpose and that is all.-BERNADETTE LOGUE
4. Sometimes the people who don’t understand are your family and friends, and you have to go outside your normal networks to find your soul family and your like minded peeps who will support you in ways your family/friends can’t. It doesn’t make your family wrong. It doesn’t make your friends wrong. It doesn’t make you right. It just means you are different. We all have people in our lives for seasons, reasons or a lifetime. Each person in your life has different skills, capacities and paths to walk. They each have a contribution to make to you, and vice versa. Some people (even your family) are simply not equipped to be supportive of you for the path you are walking. That is a painful fact to hear for many people. But, the good news is that the Universe always puts people in your life to support you, but you don’t get to choose where that support comes from. Sometimes you have to go outside the ones you most love in order to find the love you need right now. That is completely okay and a very common theme for many people. Once you surrender to this and open up in readiness to receive that support, you will find that new people naturally flow into your life (through synchronicity and coincidence — look for the signs!) who are the exact type of people you wanted and needed to “get you” and support you.-BERNADETTE LOGUE
5. When following your dreams, there will be people in your support network who give you advice and offer help. They will do so out of their love for you. Some of it will be invaluable. Some of it will be completely misguided and have the power to sabotage you. It most likely will come from the people who might “get you” personally but don’t get what you are doing or why you are doing it. They may not understand that you are led by your inner voice. They will want to protect you from yourself, from making mistakes and from suffering unnecessary “failure” (their own scenario planning of all the ‘what ifs’ that could occur as you step out bravely in your life). Their love for you is what lies behind this advice, but what also lies behind this is their own fear. Be peaceful in the face of their fear, it is not their fault. Fear has a way of taking over people. You can witness it and be loving, and then continue walking your path forward irrespective-BERNADETTE LOGUE
6. Give people the chance to evolve with you. If you love them dearly, give them plenty of room to grow and give them multiple opportunities to know the real you and to make choices about what that means for them. But, over the long term and with the bigger picture view, do not let them chain you to old ways of being and old habits of doing. When someone in your life doesn’t “get you” and they are someone who you love, value and want to have in your life, then take the time to help them understand you. People are not mind-readers, they will only know what they see, hear and what you share. So take the time to share with them very authentically — what you are about, what you value, what is important to you, why you do what you do, what you believe in-BERNADETTE LOGUE
7. Sometimes you have to realise that people have a perspective and experience of life that is very different to your own (due to the way they have been raised and conditioned) which greatly influences how they love, support and advise others. They only know what they know at that moment, and you may need something that is beyond their ability and capacity to give you. They can’t teach something to you if they dont know about it themselves. Turn your attention toward your path. Stop pushing to get water from a dried up cactus, and love them just as they are — BERNADETTE LOGUE
8. Your energy is best spent on fully and unapologetically expressing who you are (just as you are) without concern for whether people understand you or not, rather than expending your energy on pleasing others. Why? Because when you do express yourself fully and without concern, you will literally magnetically attract the people who most align to your values and energy, and as a result form a new network of inspiring, supportive and understanding people in your life (NOTE — you have to shine your true self and fearless energy in order for those supportive people to see your light and navigate towards you. Think of yourself like a lighthouse!)-BERNADETTE LOGUE
9. The people you need to be connected to (the ones that you are here to serve/contribute to, and in turn the ones you are here to be supported/leveraged by) will “get you”. You must trust in this fact, they do exist. Trust that there is a bigger picture and a flow to life that carries youaway from people that limit you and toward the people that will love and unleash you. Perhaps you can’t see them yet because you’re so busy trying to be accepted by the people you don’t need in your life.-BERNADETTE LOGUE
10. Often you have to be willing to walk away from the people who don’t get you or support you, in order to make room in your life (energetically) for the people you need to show up. This is an exchange of energy and space.-BERNADETTE LOGUE
11. No one can see the real you if you are busy being fearful and stuck in negative energy, worrying about how to be understood, complaining about being misunderstood, and feeling unsupported and beat-up on by life. In that state, you invite criticism, as people see you wobbling and shaking and denying your own value, which opens you up to endless reams of unnecessary advice and opinions, when all you really needed was to believe in yourself!-BERNADETTE LOGUE
12. Your success in turning your passion into a career has absolutely, positively NOTHING to do with people’s perception of whether music is something you can do for a living. The people who tell you music isn’t a “real job” are the same know-it-alls who insist on giving business advice to young entrepreneurs even though they have never run a business a day in their lives!!! (I added the second part only)
13. The only power their statements have over you and what you do with your life in music is the power you surrender to them. Pull up your big boy or big girl pants and tune them out. (I added the second part only)
14. (A) You play small. You stay quiet. You silence your voice. You ignore your knowing. You avoid standing out. You toe the line. You align your life to keep the peace. You make other people’s expectations the guiding force of your life. You do what it takes not to ‘rock the boat’, to ensure acceptance, to stay with the crowd. You cling to the desire to be liked and supported (even if by people you really don’t need to be liked or supported by!). You forgo you own needs, or (B) You play a big game and walk life in total alignment with your own inner voice and values. You say what you believe. You lovingly express what you know to be true for you. You realise that staying small would suffocate your soul and keep you from succeeding in your purpose/career/profession and personal life. You realise that the price you pay for standing out and no longer ‘fitting’ within your existing familiar network of people is a small price to pay in order for you to live the life you were put here to live. You have this ONE life, it is fleeting in the scheme of all of eternity — so what the freaking heck are going to do with it? Please, please, please — play a big game. The world needs people just like you to stand up and choose option B.
15. Then in the face of anyone who judges you, who excludes you, who questions your logic, method or motive with negativity — remember, they are simply projecting their own pain. They have nothing to add and no value to offer you. Their negative energy is a reflection of their own inner blocks and their own life lessons to learn. You need not be drawn into that vortex. It is not your job to fix them, to change their minds, to help them or to be a victim of their barrage. Draw boundaries, cut ties, move on and you will always flow into the path of people who “get you” when you finally have the courage to remove those who don’t.

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Hello There! I’m Alesha! I’ve been involved in different businesses in several different capacities from being ceo, coo, co-founder, and more. I’ve learned so much from creating businesses, and I look forward to all the learning experiences I will have from starting new ventures. 2019 I’m excited to announce that I’m going to add more businesses to my portfolio. STAY TUNED! I’m going to introduce them sometime next year!

With one business I was involved with, we made it possible to install a little device with customized hardware and a SaaS solution implemented to the router, the business owner was able see live data about social media info collected.

With another company, we had professional internet marketing company that focus on digital marketing campaigns, services and jobs such as SEO, PPC, Online Reputation Management, and social media marketing.

With EYT, I oversaw day-to-day operations and keeping the CEO apprised of significant events;Yes I actually talk with my business partner on a daily basis. I created operations strategy and policies; Communicated strategy and policy to employees and interns; Fostering employee alignment with corporate goals; and overseeing human resource management. I also delegated tasks to my team.

With Bones’ Custom Guitar. We created custom guitars for musicians with imported wood. No one Bones’ guitar is the same.

The Wish Benefit Concert is a concert founded by Ayana Carter, Mel Sexton and Alesha Peterson. It’s privately held at Riley Hospital For Children.