Hey There! My name is Alesha! This was technically supposed to be my 17th post. Oh well. As I was posting, I found a whole slew of posts I missed from my 1st blog post. So I started over lol. You might read a few of my posts twice. I was trying to honor where I started after getting on Medium and whoops, In order to clearly understand my story, it’s best to read these in this order. It’s almost like reading chapter 4 then jumping to 15 lol. More in likely another mistake will happen. I even tried waking up at 4 am to play catch up haha. I thought I wanted to save these for a future book. I’ll stop posting the intros as soon as I stop digging from my old blog post bank. These are from 2014, a period from my school days. No edits (yet) but raw in nature. Some of my family might not like what I have to say here, but f*** that.
Many of the places didn’t treat my granny the way they should have and if my mom and aunt wasn’t around I hate to imagine what would happen. I’m only in town for a few months but what I’ve observed I might be able to write a book. Maybe co-authored with my mom and aunt m. A lesson that I’m getting from watching how they handled my grandma is the system don’t seem to care for older people. They use them for money and get what they can get off of them then dump them away.
Watching all this from a young person’s perspective I’m actually learning so much and it’s very eye opening. Almost beyond my understanding. Like wait, what? This is happening?
If I live long enough, I wonder if my future kids and grand kids will do the same thing to me? Will a few of them only come around to actually care when I need them most? Will only a few of them come around that are genuinely concerned, and the rest come around every blue moon and when they do come around, they looking for something? Will they dump me away, ignore me and put me in a corner like they do my granny?
Granny is saying, “I never thought I would turn out this way.”
I want to point something out. You’re not entitled to inheritance. Your parents don’t have to leave you anything. There’s a growing number of billionaires not leaving their kids anything. Giving you life is the biggest present, what else are you looking for? From what I hear, granny has helped put so much so why do you look for something? I don’t care if Granny leaves me anything or not. I will make my own way. I notice how most people around them let money get under their skin so bad.
Sidenote: support is needed to get to the next level, but surprisingly, I’m not heavily expecting my friends, esp my family to support me at the start….surprised that I said that? Unfortunately, some people like to remind you what they did for you and rub it in your face. I vow not to be this way. My mom always taught me to not lend money out to people unless I can do without it. So if I lend someone $10 and they don’t give it back, it’s not that big of a deal. On the other hand, it depends on who it is; even though I don’t trip over money, I’m not a bank and I won’t let people take advantage of me, because they will if you let them. (One concept I won’t ever understand though. You put blood, sweat, tears into something. Then when you go through everything to get it, which includes people knocking you down and telling you what you cannot do. Then they try to tell you what to do WITH WHAT YOU EARNED. Then usually the same people who tried to knock you down and tell you what you couldn’t do have the audacity to try to tell you how to spend what is yours.)
Just because you’re related doesn’t mean I’m supposed to help you out. I do it because of the kindness out of my heart, not because I’m guilted into doing so or under a sense of obligation. I see people name dropping successful relatives names to get freebies, to get in sports games free, and to get a ahead and that’s not cool with me. Unless they told you it’s ok, or you have that kind of relationship I mentioned to them dont do that!!!! If they offer that’s a different story but I’m not going to come into a situation being a moocher or just expecting someone to pay. The worst I’ve done is post pictures on social media but I promise you (successful relatives) I don’t see you as a bank. Or assume that your supposed to spend your money on me because you have it. I was taught better than that and to rise above that way of thinking. I admire the successes and money you have made, but I dont want your money because I want to make my own.)
My mom doesn’t understand why I spend hours on the ipad even. She accuses me of being addicted to the ipad. I suppose my music and acting career is going to happen on it’s own? People question the approach and are confused about how I go about things, but one day, things will be clear. No one sees the journey but they’ll see the success. I’m addicted to the information that I’m finding out on the internet that can get me to the next level. I learned to fall in love with the process. If spending hours on the computer is a part of what it takes for me to learn the information I need to apply it, so be it. I love my mommy but I got to stay on it! How does these two last paragraphs relate to what my granny’s situation is teaching me?
I get it, money is needed to pay bills, live comfortably, etc. But looking for inheritance? Really? Put money in its proper perspective. Maybe the bigger problem is a lack of character, values, and just a sense of entitlement….to look forward to someone passing away to just get money from it is cold. How far, low and lengths some people in my family has gone to get money has educated me more than my courses at college. If anything I say in this post offends you or hit close to home, so be it.
I’m glad I had a mom that taught me values, character, things at a early age. I’ve had experiences that made me grow up and look at things from different viewpoints. I’m not perfect, but I try to do the right things and be honest, I love the people in my life to be honest and tell them things they don’t want to hear. I hope you love me enough to do the same. There are somethings I didn’t want to hear earlier on either, but granny did tell me!
We don’t respect our elders enough. It’s not taught or stressed, but we are old enough to know better. I say this with honesty, and the most respect I can give. Grow up.
For those who care enough to call home & visit, thank you. Granny misses you all. It’s the small things that makes the difference. No one is saying drop everything you are doing and spend money you don’t have to come visit if you don’t have the means to. (Some of you dont want to, meet me half way and just keep it real. It’s your choice.) If you call or write a letter that helps. 5 to 10 minute phone call.
I’m saying something because I’m honest enough to. And what I put out I can take back. Here’s the deal. I don’t like funeral planning either. I don’t like it that Granny’s lawyer is saying what do you plan on doing if you can’t bring her back? That’s scary to me. It’s reality. I would much rather be hanging out with friends, clubbing, going to beaches then hearing things about funeral planning, not going to lie and that’s the young person in me coming out. Is visiting someone in the nursing home 1 to 3 times a day a bit much? It depends on how much you care for the person. It’s the right thing to do, and sometimes doing the right thing involves doing things you don’t want to do, and doing things that scares you. It’s called growing a pair. (My mom told me she overheard workers talking saying they came around too much. The real issue is are you uncomfortable with people watching you perform your job duties; if you are doing the right thing you wouldn’t be worried about people watching you.) You not being around or calling home is speaking volumes. If you don’t care, that’s your choice. Busy you say? Don’t use “busy” if the real reason is you just don’t care enough to be around. Just keep this in the back of your minds: if you live long enough, you will get old, and when you get old, (and maybe sick even) you’re going to need someone to care for you. What you put out, you’ll get back. Can you imagine people dumping you away, ignoring you, because of your age/sickness? I saw a shirt once saying “Inside every older person is a younger person saying what happened?”
Don’t be surprised if your children/ grandchildren treat you the way you are currently treating your mother/ grandmother/aunt/relative. I watch how my aunt and my mom is treating my granny, and I know your kids do the same (even though they probably won’t admit it). I’ve seen the scenario happen several times, where a daughter/son was cold towards their aging mother/father and I promise you those people got it back times 10. It’s your right not to care. But don’t come up with excuses then if something happens you say something like “I wish I could have done more.” When you had opportunity to do something you didn’t. Stfu. If you don’t know what that means, look it up online. I don’t want to make it sound like I’m angry or sounding off on you loves but this is the tough love I’ve gotten many times. Cut the bull already. There were many times in my young life where several of you didn’t mind telling me when I was wrong on something and didn’t mind coming after me. My turn.
My uncle (and the oldest son) said it beautifully, and I wish I could have recorded it. He basically said now is not the time to one up each other, start cat fights, start fights over who is smarter than who, and start rumors. Lets cut the nonsense and start acting like a team.
It’s about granny. Put your personal agendas aside and quit thinking about yourselves for once. Start acting like your ages and not your shoe sizes basically. (I know I’m secretly disappointed in several of you guys because this is the advice I should be seeking from you with you all being on earth longer than me and having more life experiences than me. I make mistakes and it would be great if I had more people to go to as big as the family is. I know several of you are probably thinking who does this kid think she is? FYI. I’m an adult now, I’m not a baby anymore. But I know you see me as a baby and younger than you so it wouldn’t matter how right I was on something you wouldn’t listen to nothing I said. Some of you have it in your mind that you know everything and I know nothing. Which tells me as much I respect you as my elders but you don’t respect me or the things I have to say. I respect your differences but its obvious you don’t respect my differences. I love you but just know everything is being watched from up close and afar and I’m taking notes. If there’s ever a point where I keep my distance from several of you, don’t be surprised. Like I said before, if the shoe fits, wear it. To the family that stumbles across this post: If anything I say in this post rubs you the wrong way it obviously applies to you. Its easy to get caught up in your own lives and not care about someone else that cares for you, and when you’re needed most your no where to be found. I’m honest enough to say it because when I’m away I don’t call like I should, the only person I call the most is my mom. If I’m accusing you of something I would challenge you personally to prove me wrong. If I hear that more people are taking a interest in granny, then I’ll start thinking “they do have it in them to do the right thing.” Any takers? )
On another note: I tell my mom and aunt all the time, they can’t make my cousins call granny, and they are aware of this. Sorry, but if you try to force someone to do something they don’t want to do or not open to doing they will resent you for it. It’s obvious that most of them don’t give a damn. Their actions speak louder than words. They don’t call because they don’t want to and they don’t care enough to, just keeping it real. You can’t make people do the right thing. In the end they are only hurting granny and showing her how much they care for her, which is zero.
And that’s why I look at this situation and wonder, even if I try and do the right thing, I ponder. Will my future kids and grand kids treat me the same way? Throw me away like garbage when I’m older, sick, or need help? I hope to keep myself up so I’ll always be healthy, but you never know what life throws at you. I pray that they do give a damn.
If they dont, I’m screwed. I’ll rot away in the corner, to make up for all the bad things and decisions I’ve done in my life. I’m not perfect like I said before and I do make mistakes. I admit I do stupid stuff because I’m honest enough to. But I would say what my granny’s situation is teaching me is age doesn’t necessarily mean you have wisdom (although I would venture to say it’s the case for the most part but in this particular situation it doesn’t, TRUST ME.) Also, to have your affairs in order so you want people to get the things you want them to have. And so people know what your wishes are so the people around you don’t have to make those end of life decisions (not going to lie writing that end of life scared me but it’s reality, apparently I shouldn’t fear death and end of life but I do.).
But like one of my Aunts is saying, when she’s gone, you will miss her. Or maybe you won’t miss her.
I wrote this originally on 7/7/2014 (and 8/19/2014) and it’s now being published (8/22/2014). I’ve been observing all this for sometime, even when writing other posts. Check back, I may have more to write on this. Hopefully I don’t see anymore gasoline being thrown on the fire.