Don’t chase people.
This is a quick article I came up with on the fly.
I notice as I reach out to reconnect with people during the coronavirus and protests, quite a few of them reached back out to me. I’m happy to reconnect with people I haven’t talked to in a while. More didn’t. Along with a few blocks, so yeah my social media numbers dropped.
I’ve always felt like I was the bigger and stronger person. At 9 I told my younger cousin that an older relative passed away. And ever since then, I took on the strong role.
On one hand, it’s great to be there for others, but are they there for you?
Are you the person that reaches out to people to check in but they don’t reach out to you?
I guess that’s how it is sometimes.
Who else is the person that everyone can go to but you can’t go to them? They can trust you, but you can’t trust them. This goes for family too. It does make you wonder if you can rely on someone.
As a strong person, it’s nice to know that you are cared for. Even if it’s people reaching out from time to time to say hello. Or asking if you are ok even if you say “I’m fine."
There’s 7 or so billion people in the world. Sometimes some friendships are not gonna click. People come and go. Some people stay awhile. Some people you know that once they are in your life, they are there forever. Sometimes the friends you wanna be friends with don’t want to be friends with you. It sucks, but it is what it is. You can’t make them stay in your life if they don’t want to.
I mentioned this in my other article, but I’m just flexible.
When the relationship becomes one-sided-meaning that you are putting in all the effort but they are not reciprocating at all, it’s time to reevaluate that friendship.
When you put yourself out there and they are not putting in any effort, it’s time to take your hand back-they are not reaching out to shake it.
Here’s what I find is usually the case:
- They don’t want to be bothered with you.
- Please read #1.
- Sometimes life does come up. I’ve had people reach out and say “Hey I was going through a rough patch.”
- It’s possible to reconnect with someone you haven’t hung out with for a long time. It has to be a two way street and both cars gotta contribute the same amount of gas.
- Still re-read #1. Unfortunately it’s the case 3/4 of the time.
News bulletin: If they are interacting with other mutual friends (i.e. hanging out, liking social media photos, etc) and they are not doing the same for you? This is a huge sign that they want to be in their lives but not yours.
Plus, once you release this one-sided connection, you make room for someone who will happily reciprocate. And let me tell you… you deserve someone who will rise up to meet you where you are. Someone who finds joy in giving you all the attention and affection you want… and receiving all you have to give.-
It’s a bummer that a particular person you wanted a strong bond with didn’t want the same chemical reaction-but once you release that one sided friendship, you open up the space for better and fulfilling relationships.
(And sometimes if you stop giving that person attention, they will come back around. But be ok if they don’t come back in your life ever. The point is to not be desperate, clingy or needing anyone. Let things flow naturally.)
Grief REALLY shows who your friends are.
Unfortunately this summer 2020 I’ve had several people pass away.
And I don’t whine or complain or be a debbie downer to anyone, it’s nice to be checked in on from loved ones.
The reason why I bring this one up is this scenario hits close to home. Most of my friends do not check on me, but I usually message people to ask if they are ok.
Being strong does not mean you want to be loved less.
If your friends reach out to someone else to express their sorrow but they don’t do the same for you? It’s a tell tell sign that they don’t care about you.
Grief is awkward.
Some people don’t know what to say.
Some people might think they will say the wrong thing.
Some people may miss the posts on social media.
But don’t beg for people to be there for you at any point when it’s obvious they don’t want to be (phone calls going to voice mail, walking across the street when they run into you, blocking you off social media, not responding to you on social media and so on).
If people can’t send a message to “ask how you are doing” or “thinking about you” more in likely they don’t care about you.
For the most part.
Train yourself to lose everything that you fear losing.
When people leave your life, open the door and let them go. There’s no use in giving your energy and time to someone that doesn’t want to be bothered with you.