Why Acquaintances Support Other Acquaintances Except You
Here’s how I handled two groups that I didn’t mesh with.
2022 update: Mindset Success Series! Part 1! People are asking me how I’ve managed to grow my Youtube lately. I have a lot of texts and DMS, see my Instagram if you are interested, I do not like to overly brag and I take it with a grain of salt to be honest. (I wish this enthusiasm was there at the beginning of my journey, but now I’ve reached one of my goals people take you more seriously.) To attempt to put a dent in my messages, I’ve been publishing a lot of reels on Instagram and now I decided to add in a few articles on what mindsets I had that got me to where I am today. It will be a while before I respond to everyone. Happy Christmas Eve everyone.
Picture. © 2017 Florentina Georgescu, Getty Images
Hope you like the clickbait. People like this shouldn’t be called friends.
In the “Are some people “meant” to be alone” Quora question, here’s a response from Vidul.
Let me tell you a short story.
There was once a banyan tree, and like every banyan tree it was massive and durable and thriving with life.
The banyan tree however did not have other trees around. Probably because the amount of nutrients it took from the soil and it’s ground coverage was also huge to allow any other tree to grow in it’s vicinity.
Despite the absence of other tress the banyan tree still found company in the birds and animals and insects that made their home in and around it. It was never ever alone at any given time. So in the end it didn’t really matter how many trees were near it.
Now there are quite a few lessons to be learnt from this:
1. Often we find ourselves thinking we are alone because we do not get the kind of company we want. But we do not realize that there is a world beyond our want that can keep us happy.
2. Your presence may be too dominating for a group of people to have you around. The good news is they are not the only group existing.
3. Sometimes things or hobbies can be a better companion than an animate object. Explore yourself.
4. You may have a different personality which requires more attention or attention in a different way.
5. You just may not have met “your people” yet.
As an outsider (because I don’t go along with cultural norms) and only child, I would say I do a descent job on making friends. I do like my alone time and plan on being single for life (more on that in a later article or vlog,).
Food For Thought
- Do you find that others side with everyone else in class except you?
- Do you find that people make an extra effort to kick you down?
In grade school, I was (and still am cultured). I was light-skinned long hair. Girls saw me as threatening. Guys wanted a piece.
Because they were jealous, I didn’t see most people in this period of my life as friends. Just because you have history doesn’t mean you are friends. Part of friendship is trust.
On the other hand, they used to always wonder what I was up to, and tried to keep up, like a sick twisted admiration.
They were not my people.
When you find your people, it’s easy and effortless.
Insider Tip:
A. They are not the only group in the world. I always have friends outside of any organization I join. That way, people can’t be influenced by other opinions in a “clique” situation and opinions can be unbiased, honest and unpersuaded. They might appear to be a dominant or only group because they are in your day to day life, but they are not the only group.
- Do they wish everyone else a happy birthday except you?
- You not in the group? Meaning you don’t get the invite to weddings or outings.
- Are you the first to get removed from Facebook? But they stay friends with mutual friends? Even if these friends confess to you that even they don’t stay in touch with them that much?
On an individual basis, some of them will talk to me and hang out.
As I was reaching out to people to ask them how they were doing during this pandemic, I noticed that many of them removed me from Facebook but still remained friends with our mutual friends.
As a mutual friend told me:
- Some of it probably is jealously. Unless they are really secure people, some people just hate to see you do better. Some people don’t see you on the same level anymore and are afraid of getting left behind by you.
- I always found it interesting that I supported them in their school successes but they hesitate to support me in my real life successes. I’ve always congratulate people on their successes. When a friend always try to compete or one up you, you have to wonder if they are your friend or not.
I notice that I would see this one girl out at bars, and when she was with her group, I didn’t exist. I was trying to say hello once and one of the guys in the group said “hey get lost.” If a friend was by themselves and I saw them out and about at bars, I would invite them to join us. If they wanted to come, they are more than welcome. I do it all the time in LA and NYC. If they didn’t want to join, that’s their choice, but I would extend the gesture.
FYI:
- I’m not expecting to be close to everyone in every organization I join. If we click, we click. If we don’t, we don’t. I don’t force it.
- I notice alot of people are so afraid to be alone, that they will tolerate bad friends to have friends. I rather be by myself than have a bad crowd.
- I notice when I did nice things for people in this group, they didn’t appreciate it, saw it as wierd or blocked me off completely. Yet people in the same group did something nice, it was so sweet. My non apoers like my congratulatory notes, flowers and so on. I gave out graduation gifts and some of them complained. I only do it sparingly.
- I do think cultural differences do play a role. If you know me, I don’t pick friends based on skin color. I think subconsciously some of them don’t want non-white friends, and that’s their choice (and their loss)! It’s not what they say it’s what they do. Maybe I debunk some of their stereotypes, prejudices and cultural norms and it makes them too uncomfortable to hang around me. I’m everything they don’t expect me to be and some people can’t handle the heat. Hell I would embrace someone’s differences but everyone is not this way. Some people’s upbringing and inner biases doesn’t allow them to have an open mind.
- My ownership in all this? I do admit I’m not too trusting of people. I didn’t want to exactly discuss how my friends’ suicide and how professors racially profiling me was affecting me at the time with anyone, because I’m careful who I share information with, friend or not. Some people use your information to spread rumors and gossip on you. Others are happy to see bad things happen to you.
20% don’t care and 80% are glad you have them. Sounds about right.
Crockett from Chicago Med made a good point when Natalie found out about his kid’s death. People can and do start to see you and treat you differently when they know you went through a trauma.
People can be cruel, and sometimes the less they know about you the better off you are.
I wanted to make sure she wasn’t the gossip queen or backstabbing sort so I hesitated. After you been burned you learn the hard way to be careful with people. And since most people are only in your life for a season, I’m not sure if I wanted people keeping sensitive information like that. Many others took that way too personally in my opinion; I don’t have to share anything I’m not comfortable with sharing, and they don’t have to share anything with me if they don’t want to. Wtf if up with people taking that so personally anyways? I understand vulnerability is a big part of friendship but I don’t have to tell you suckers everything! Did they tell me everything? No!
- My ownership in all this? I sometimes don’t think forming bonds is worth the effort, especially if I sense that the people isn’t a good batch of apples. No one is perfect. If I sense you a trouble making gossip queen, I’ll hesitate. I read this from a recent medium post and it’s perfect.
The difference between me and this quote. I definitely live my life, but with a lot less people. Sometimes none at all. I’m not suggesting I go through life not trusting anyone, I’m just careful who I reveal information to.
Conclusion?
I find that I have to be flexible.
I have ran with many party groups over the years.
People come and go. Sometimes you drift apart.
Some people I’m closer with. When I’m in their town or when they are in mine I make it a point to see them.
Years can go by, and I can pick up the phone with a few true blues. And call them and we pick up right where we left off with others.
I’ve been reaching out to people during this pandemic and reconnected with people I haven’t talked to in years.
I reinvent myself and meet people as much as possible. When one group doesn’t want to party because their husbands/wives don’t want them going out that weekend, I hit up another group (and I do keep several groups on retainer because some of them have dropped on me before).
September 2020 Additions:
- Be your own favorite person first.
- If you feel like you don’t have friends, the universe always has your back and the only person that you need is yourself. Be your own best friend and people will gravitate towards you.
- As with anything in life, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Have more than one group of friends. I’ve seen too many situations where one person turned a whole group against another person, some deserved some undeserved. Then that person doesn’t have zero friends.
- Sometimes you don’t click with people, or you don’t do the same things that they do (gossip, smoke, play poker etc). Sometimes fitting in means compromising who you are (Josh Tam has a perfect example of this). It’s cool to try new interests, but don’t change who you are for anyone to please people. If they don’t like you for you keep it moving.
Done with September 2020 additions.
Here’s some other great answers I found on Quora.
Kirana PM, studied Visual Communications at Universitas Pembangunan Jaya
Originally Answered: Are some people just meant to be alone?
Are some people just meant to be alone (loner)?
I might meant to be a thirdwheeler.
I tend to fear rejection, hence I was too afraid to even approach a classmate seated next to me. I used to never say no because I couldn’t make others feel the bitterness.
I’m prone to mistakes. I was terribly sloppy and still am. Whenever I say something or done wrong it would stubbornly linger in my mind I couldn’t sleep. A little mistake did a lot of embarrassment. This often deepen the shyness.
I never felt really fit in with my close friends — they always have something they keep for themselves before I pointed.
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Miriam Hartmann, studied at Warren Central High School (2018)
It’s possible that you are introverted, and just get more energy from being alone as opposed to being with other people. Which is totally fine, so long as you pace yourself.
Instead of forcing yourself to go to parties or public spaces, try arranging meet-ups with only one or two people you already know. In this case, you would start with your girlfriend.
Start with something simple. Offer to grab a hot drink or take a walk. Sports work, as long as they’re not so strenuous that they leave you gasping for air. Movies are good, too, as long as it’s not in a theater where the no-chit-chat rule is s…..
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Josh Knight, Pokemon Trainer (1999-present)
Originally Answered: Are some people just meant to be alone?
We are at a weird time in relationships since dating apps like Tinder, CMB, okCupid, etc.
Lots of sensory overload with an embedded idea that we can just scroll and click through people until we find the one, but then a better one, and a better one.
I don’t think you are the only one asking yourself this. I think a lot of millenials are asking what happened, as technology has created an apparent disconnect in human interaction.
Ofcourse there is also certain factors that make it easier to develop relationships without much effort like having an attractive appearance, money, outgoing personality,….
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Upvote
Originally Answered: Do you think some people are meant to be alone & If so why?
It’s one thing being alone, enjoying yourself in the safe haven of your solitude, pursuing your passions and hobbies, furthering your education, working for your dreams or just relaxing, meditating, taking care of your well being. Each day that passes I grow fonder and fonder of this time spent just being with myself. Peacefully and quietly.
In that sense I truly do believe we are ALL meant to be alone for extended periods of time, even the most extroverted and outgoing of us. We’d be wise to de-clutter our lives and drop so many distractions. Devote our energies to the one worthwhile pursuit:
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Are some people “meant” to be alone?
[Sometimes I’m surprised by what I’m willing to share, but I’m hoping that I can help someone with my answers.]
Are some people meant to be alone?
I think some are and I am one of them.
This isn’t what I wished to be like, but it might be better for me if I am.
I’ve run across some rather wise, compassionate people and it’s fascinating that each time they’ve looked at me with a mixture of caution and compassion, where they were tempted to offer friendship but they knew me better than I knew myself. When I like someone, I generally push away unintentionally. I’ve….
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The “hall of fame” for any content that contains words of wisdom.
Life is a story that is unwritten. Turn the page and start writing the next chapter for yourself.
2022 Version
This is something that surgery Alesha has been wanting to say for a longggg time. I wanted to re-publish this article because I feel like in my younger years, I used friend too much when people I talk to or acquaintance should have been used more.
If anyone who knows me personally doesn’t like what I’m writing, then stay the f*** off my page. This goes for friends or family. Love ya , but F*** you at the same time. My audience knows me for my bluntness. I know some of you come from a genuine place. But I’m going to write what I want and say what I want to say (within reason of course. You pick your battles).
As I always say, if you can’t stand the heat don’t come into my kitchen. There’s plenty of medium writers I’m sure that floats your boat better. Go to them. If you like someone who keeps it for real with you, and won’t gossip behind your back, welcome, I’m glad you’re here. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, and I rather be someone’s shot of whiskey anyways!
Anddddd
This guy. I really wish I could give you an internet hug. I read over this, and I will tell you one-sided friendships suck the life out of you. They don’t care about you bro. On the other hand, 1fuathyro and strange_people have some great advice. I hope you read them both. Nowadays, I use acquaintance more often.
It’s 2022 . 🔥🙌
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