Why I Thought About Leaving The Church And Not Ever Come Back
First and foremost, I gotta give it up to this guy, Nate Bagley and this article. It’s one of the most honest and realest articles I’ve ever read in my life.
Why People Leave the Church and Never Come Back
It’s time we examine how we treat those questioning their faith
He’s Mormon and I’m Catholic. As I was reading it I was like
“THAT HAPPENED IN MY CHURCH TOO OMG.”
How can a guy that doesn’t know me and never met can write something so eloquently perfect and relatable to my situation?
I could have easily left a comment and went on about my business. I decided to write a article instead.
Let’s get into it shall we. I’m going to try and keep it under 20 minutes. Just a heads up: I don’t hold nothing back. If you get offended easily, this might not be the article for you. These are my experiences, and not one size fits all. If you’re a fellow Catholic and didn’t have to experience these things, good for you! My sense of humor is off the chain and completely rogue because in hindsight, many of the experiences I had in the Catholic church ain’t funny!
As usual there’s probably typos and late night english errors in this. Brace yourselves.
Here we go!
Confession. I don’t think I will truly leave the Catholic church, but I’ve stayed away more and more. I enjoyed first communion, being an altar server and all that jazz. Unless you have been living under a rock, the Catholic church has been in the news and guess what. There’s more cleaning up to do. My thing is no church, no person, no guy is gonna take me out of my peace. I’m very comfortable right now.
Confession 2: I’m going to speak in pure English here. I will give it up to Principle C for really changing the culture of my grade school. And making it more competitive with the other deanery schools around it. The school is VERY different today than the school I attended. I only had one year together with Principle C. While I was there it was considered a ghetto black school. Principle C outdid herself. It’s an all white school now, exactly how they wanted it to be. They definitely don’t mind students of other races and faiths attending; they just don’t want problem students of any race there, and that’s understandable. Unfortunately, a lot of all black schools get associated with being lower quality, lower GPAs, low test scores and so forth. Are there example of all black schools that displays excellence? Of course. They don’t get the respect they deserve and get overlooked by the stereotypical normal of stereotypes and troubling statistics. It’s a sad state of affairs to admit that my 8th grade class was all black, so they weren’t willing to put in the effort the way they would if it was a whole class full of white students (with students of other races in it). They didn’t want to get us an 8th grade class trip, an 8th grade bus for our trip or an 8th grade class gift. My mom stepped in to pay all of the costs. I remember our material being out of date. In 6th grade we were learning at a elementary school level when we should have been at 8th grade or high school level math at that point. Or at least the same grade, geez! Because my grade school is now seen as a preppy white Catholic school, the stories I’m telling are pretty much ancient history.
- If we are supposed to be brothers and sisters in Christ, this family overall, (not always) has treated me like complete shit over the years. If we are supposed to be family, then why is there so many cliques and who’s who? The racism and stereotypes I’ve dealt with over the years in different aspects is unacceptable.
- I remember going to my grade school realizing that you were treated based on how much money you had. The have and the have nots. Clash of the different income classes. Read more about this below.
- I remember many instances where the teachers thought they were doing you a favor by being there teaching us kids. My mom over heard some teachers say “if it wasn’t for us those black kids wouldn’t be nothing anyways.” Continue to read below to hear more specific examples.
- Some of the worst people I met in my life were the self-proclaimed God’s children on a pew on a Saturday or Sunday. Many times they didn’t practice what they preached. But had the nerve to judge. How can they judge others when their behavior was worst? They preached the 10 commandments but they didn’t follow. Continue to read below to hear more specific examples.
- Guys who tell me that they are “God fearing” men are the ones where my alarm bells go off in my head. If you gotta brag about being a Christian, what’s the point? They come into a church trying to find a lady who hasn’t been out there, but you been sleeping around, bro. Not saying there isn’t good guys, but I’ve ran into too many vile Church guys.
2. Just throwing issues under the rug and hoping they will just go away (Google search Catholic sex scandal to see examples of this on a bigger scale) is a very famous and unfortunate trend. Too much backstabbing. And too many being what they are not. On a smaller local scale, my priest (I’ll call him Priest A) was dismissed from church (and it makes an strained relationship between me and my home church even more strained.) I really liked him but he let people get away with too much. I’m convinced his dismissal was bad karma. He didn’t do right by a lot of people. His face was all over the news when the announcement dropped. It’s a far cry from the days when you hanging with the money folks right?
- I always felt like the priests had too much power. While in grade school, I stood by Priest A’s side and altar served with him. He didn’t speak up on certain issues when he needed to, and let certain staff get away with too much based on if he liked them, were in the clique or came from money. My mom claims he took care of stuff privately. I didn’t see this and too young to remember the proof. While in high school, Priest A was able to persuade my high school to let a few people in (even though they didn’t want to). Why didn’t my high school stand their ground and say no if they really felt it wasn’t the right fit? Who knows? These kids that Priest A played tug a war for were bounced out so quick that several of them didn’t last a semester. They had access to grades which is something I wasn’t comfortable with. Busy bodies from my grade school was so very interested in what “Alesha Peterson” was doing. Same thing with people in my grade school class. By the time I was a sophomore it stopped. Wait I might have been a freshman. Priest C came in and the exchange of information stopped. The busy bodies could no longer use me as their pawn or have me be in the topic of conversation (even though they made up stuff or getting people to ask me questions about what I was up to did not. I give them f**** an A for effort really. They cared wayy too much in my opinion). I exceeded their expectations so I was a student they wanted to keep up with, hoping to hear bad information. If we are supposed to be brothers and sisters in Christ why do we stab each other in the back, smile in your face and talk dirty about each other in conversation? I’m turned off. (And for Christ’s sake, have some back bone. If you don’t think a student is the right fit and someone is sticking it to you stick with your guns and don’t let them in there!)
- I remember me and friend played this game and snuck up to the Pastor’s area when I was 8, 9 years old. It was so stupid but it passed the time while my mom was president of PTO. I found out quickly that Priests were loaded with alcohol (expensive wine bottles). Which means they were loaded with money. No one would admit this out loud, but several of the priests I was around had a drinking problem. And if they would have met up with me as a 21 year old, they could have helped me learn to put the booze away. In other words, their tolerance was HIGH. (My tolerance has tanked some because I’m booking projects, but I couldn’t imagine how much these priests drank on a regular basis). Everytime they tipped their head saying “the body of Christ” back it was like I was watching a drinking contest unfold on stage. I was nowhere near drinking age as a 9 year old, but I knew drinking like that on the altar like they were in the bar was not normal.
- There was also a group of Priests that went out to Vegas every year. Trust me when I say the streets were talking. Interestingly enough the nuns in my faith are supposed to take a vow of poverty, and obey all these rules. But Priests can do what they want (within reason of course, we now know one too many have been into inappropriate activities), including go on excursions and fancy trips. I had a priest off the record admit that it’s weird how the Catholic faith does nuns, but it is their decision to ultimately go through it and become a nun, since they are doing what they are called to do. “Us Priests don’t take a vow of poverty, so why should they?”
- Priest A made a deal with a mover and shaker in the city. No one is not really sure what went down, but basically Priest A hired the mover and shaker’s daughter, Teacher B. The deal was if “I give the school money, Pacers tickets and more, you will look out for my daughter, Teacher B no matter what. Principle B asked Priest A to get rid of Teacher B. Priest A said you will tolerate Teacher B no matter what. Teacher B had free range to do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. They created positions and gave her jobs/titles that she didn’t qualify for. Have you heard of a school having two principles or assistant principals? They did to make sure she was snuffy comfortable. They bent every rule in the book for this lady. Priest A was bought for a price.
- What this taught me was that I knew a bunch of weak adult individuals in my life. People can be easily swayed when they think you have money and power. If we are supposed to be brothers and sisters in Christ, why in the hell do you let someone buy you for a price and use you as a pawn? Well hang on for a second here. Maybe this is more of a self-dignity and self-respect issue. Apparently Priest A needed to pay the church’s bills but at some point you gotta wonder if selling yourself like that is worth it? Their argument was
“You don’t want to squander or make the money people mad, so you do what they say”
This is the first time I’ve seen so many adults act like teenagers in a clique. It’s one thing for kids to be silly in cliques. Kids are still learning. But to see adults act like pawns selling their souls is a damn damn shame. They should’ve known better. This is one of the worst examples of Catholics acting badly that I’ve seen with my very own eyes. Teacher B had so much influence and power that they ran anyone out of the school who wouldn’t go along to get along with clique #1. In my yearbooks, there’s a lot of 1 year teachers for this reason. Genuinely looking out for the kids was a HUGE NO NO to the people in clique #1. Every time Principle B made a rule, Teacher B would go behind her back, turn teachers in the school against Principle B by buying them food, giving them money, inviting them out to their “big” house etc. You control money, but you never let money control you.
Money is a great servant, but a horrible master.
This is also one of the worst cases of people with money using their position of power to abuse people with. Supposedly people who made the clique what it was was afraid of losing their jobs, and thought it was easier to go along to get along, than to risk being burnt alive and bullied by Teacher B. Still, I pondered why none of these people in this “it”clique had no any back bone or didn’t think for themselves. Teacher B successfully accomplished her goal and ran Principle B off. Sad state of affairs when your own Priest A chooses to protect someone like this and allowed Teacher B to run so many good people out. God bless those who thought for themselves in their past and continue to think for themselves today. I lost a lot of respect for people in my school and in my childhood church after that. Teacher B successfully sabotaged our basketball team too. In her defense, our coach did allow a high school player to play on the team. She was looking for a reason to destroy and she definitely got the ammo to do so. It was like giving the enemy an oozie and putting an bullseye on your ass and saying “hey your shot goes here.”
3. I remember an incident where Priest AB asked my mom if I could go with him to McDonald’s. This was over 20 years ago. This was the priest that was there when I was in Kindergarten up to 3rd grade. After reading about many sex scandals in the church, I’m glad she said no. She said she was uncomfortable with the idea of a girl going off with a guy like that regardless of his position in the church. My mom thought it was weird that a priest aka a grown guy was asking to hang out with two little girls by himself. I always remembered this priest as a nice person, but I’m glad I had adults looking out for me.
4. I had a conversation with Priest C 10 years ago. He became the priest of the school right after I left. I like him a lot, I don’t feel a strong connection with my childhood church to come anymore. If Priest C ever moved downtown I would go more often.
5. My mom did so much for my grade school and to show their appreciation, they decided to give one of my non-catholic best friends at the time the scholarship instead of me. This was an attempt to get back at my mom for not acting ghetto, or acting “black”. At this point we had a really cool family foot the bill for my grade school’s wrongdoing and attempt at revenge in high school. If we are supposed to be brothers and sisters in Christ, then why do we make assumptions about each other? Or shut someone out because you don’t understand their upbringing, culture or background? Are we supposed to accept each other as we are and “supposedly” grow in our faith together? Accept people for where they are in their faith journey. And and and. Love them even if they are struggling in their faith, questioning or stopped believing? If we are supposed to love our neighbor? Honestly the non Catholic best friend who took the money? I questioned where their morals and values were.
6. Speaking of that, I have many friends who are non-catholic. I don’t force my beliefs on them (and vice versa). We have a understanding. We can talk about anything and stay open. We can disagree respectfully and go out to bars afterwards, lol. Interestingly enough on every Catholic parish’s doorstep I’ve landed on, I get put on the welcoming committee because I stayed friends with them even if they decided not to join our church, nor did I preach to them like I’m the perfect-know it all-read the scripture gal. (I’m far from being apart of the body of Christ at this point haha). Yet I see so many self-righteous “perfect” church going people that it makes me cringe. If we are supposed to be brothers and sisters in Christ, shouldn’t all of us be humble? We are not Google, we don’t know everything. Life is more exciting when we learn new things. And why do we take each other for granted if we are really supposed to be brothers and sisters in Christ?
7. When I went to college, my experiences from the Catholic church earlier in my life made it harder for me to trust and get close to people. I joined the local Catholic church to form a bond, attempt a sense of belonging.
- I became a retreat leader for both my high school and college to try to capture a bond and camaraderie. I don’t know how to explain this, but have you ever felt like you were someplace but you really wasn’t? The best way I describe it? You are invisible. And after the event is over, the bond didn’t last. It wasn’t a waste of time because it was a great time, but the fire didn’t last. A girl I went to high school with was well liked by everyone, and I admired her for a little bit. We did a few retreats together and hung out some in college on the fraternity sorority circuit, but not never in a deep friendship way. She didn’t like that we hung out the same places (she took it the wrong way as me being a stalker. I have never stood at the foot of her or anyone’s bed at 2 am in the morning and snuck into her house. Now I think about it, it was rude for her to call me a stalker! I have never waited for someone hours outside their job. Shame on you Sarah!) She was trying to play mom to me for being underage at bars, but once again was that her business? No. That situation got nastier than I thought, and I talk about it a lot in detail in my JOMO article below. I did make a song about it just to remember the occasion. She didn’t approve of that, but who cares what she thinks? We no longer talk or not in contact thank goodness.
JOMO (The Joy Of Missing Out)
I learned early that you are not going to get invited to everything and it’s not the end of the world.
- I noticed that after retreat time is over, my fellow Catholics stop talking to you as much, the friendships start slowly dying off. And the person who said they would be there to talk to you if needed? Well in my case, she was the first to take me off Facebook, and she was in my 1st ever retreat group as a retreatant, not a retreat leader. I didn’t make a big deal of it, because I figured she didn’t want to be bothered. I still thought she was a nice person, but she wanted to end the story. I ran into her at homecoming 2 to 3 years ago and she hugged me like we were still friends. Once again, you use me for what you want then throw me away when you don’t have use for me anymore? If we are supposed to be brothers and sisters in Christ, are we supposed to be family no matter what you have or who you are? Through good times and bad be there? To use each other only to get dumped like trash when you don’t have something they want like money is a common theme. I’ve experienced this more than once. The reason why the world is backwards is because we love things and use people. Shouldn’t we use things but love people?
- It’s a common thing for them to get in touch with you and use the crap out of you when you have something they want. Early in my grade school years I seen this happen so much. Calling you only when they want something. Asking for donations for some fundraisers but not getting in touch to just talk or hangout. Sadly, I learned early that if they can’t use you in some way they don’t want to be bothered.
8. It made the feelings of not being wanted on overdrive, and it got me thinking: why should I depend on anyone for something that should come from the inside first? The experiences I had in church and from my fellow Catholics made me not want to ask for help even though there are times when I should reach out to others. Asking for help in my childhood church is/was like a death wish, in my experiences you get made fun of or talked about on the rumor mill. Current churches I visit? I haven’t risked it but the gossip mill is always churning. I personally haven’t asked my childhood church for money for a bill, but got first hand stories of how they treated you if you asked. Yet they are quick to ask you for money for collections, but put you through the ringer to for $100, $200 (like a church board or church elders, etc put you through the burner). A friend suggested I go to a priest after my friends passed away. I had a bad early memory of asking my church for help during my first ever menstrual cycle. I reflected on it. Suicide is seen as a sin in the Catholic Church. Hm swirled around in my head. Then my thoughts took me back to 2004. (February 2004 was when good oh Berta Bush Blood started flowing from my personal mountaintop). I don’t want to get judged or made fun of, or at least risk it. Then told my friend “Nah, I’ll deal with it accordingly and on my own.” It got me thinking that I can’t ask my church family for anything and in trying times so I’m on my own. If we are brothers and sisters in Christ, why did/do they gossip about someone else’s hard times to make themselves feel better? Why do too many of them make your pain their pleasure? If I came to you with something would you keep it quiet, or would you use it against me?
9. Whenever I got close to finding that genuine connection in a church, it came with a price: them wanting to know everything about you, including who you slept with last night. Or worst, trying to hook you up with any guy with pants on. Or ask you if brothers and sisters were all by the same parent. It’s those types of questions that shouldn’t be asked but they have the nerve to. They don’t want to understand boundaries, and can’t seem to keep the bond family friendly. I’m hoping to eventually find a situation where I can form friendships without having to spill the beans on everything about my life. Groups that have treated me the meanest over the years.
Drum roll please.
It’s a tie between my some of my own “black” people, people in my Catholic Church and people in my college. I’m not generalizing, when I think of personal incidents, it most commonly happened from one of those groups. Some did things in a subtle way, where they don’t think you don’t know what they are up to. Just recently (September 5th, 2019) a black “holy ghost” guy made a comment about me being half white. What irks me about this is some black people are always so curious about my background, playing these mind games to try and learn more about you instead of treating you like a human being. They have these fantasies about cute looking kids and I’m like whoa loser. I’m not your savior, your cleanup crew, reform school or baby maker (Maybe a little jealousy perhaps?). Back up buster. No dates or even friendships because you were very disrespectful and rude and obsessed with my “features” (so damn stupid). If someone does this to them, call them names they say someone is doing something to them. It’s like they fetishize you instead of treating you like a person. It sucks. If you wanna know more message me. I love my family but a lot of people in this world turns me off. Catholic Example: Read over this article or message me. College Catholic example: read over 6, some of my college articles or message me. If we are “supposed” to be brothers and sisters in Christ, then why do some of you yell insensitive and cruel comments and expecting to get love and respect back? Why do you ask personal questions that are none of your business when you are getting to know someone? I’m not a curiosity, a fetish or a exotic zoo animal for any of you.
10. I don’t like how the Catholic church try to keep women in their place. (The only lady I know that the Catholics show descent respect to is Mary, the mother of Jesus.). Interestingly enough when I visit other denominations where women are in charge they have some of the most meaningful services. I don’t like how the Catholic church treated my mom or grandmother. They tried to use bible verses to justify what they do. For instance my grandmother got divorced and the Catholic church treated her like shit. I will go on a limb here and say my grandmother was a very loyal church going Catholic for years, more loyal than I am. In death she’s probably a better church going person than I’ll ever be, trust me.
- I recently taking a liking to Nun Angelica. After reading her story, I realized that treating divorced families cruelty was a common thing. They still judge you harshly for being divorced or a single parent (still trying to figure out why she became a nun despite the Catholic church treating her family mean).
11. If I ever got married (which it looking pretty slim right now just keeping it real withchahomie), I couldn’t get my priest I grew up with to marry me. I’m thinking I’ll go to Disney World. If I divorce at least the ceremony would be lit. The divorce party would be at a beach, bar, dive bar or fast food joint. In my mind it’s taking me longer to plan out the divorce party.
12. If and the big If I decide to have kids (ain’t happening for a while if ever). I want to either adopt or go the IVF route for medical reasons. Or a mix of both. As I mentioned above, I remember them always treating single parent families or families that they didn’t consider “traditional” really dirty. If we are supposed to be brothers and sisters in Christ, aren’t we supposed to love instead of judge another person’s circumstances? I really don’t care about getting a church’s approval on how I become a parent because it’s my life.
13. I have a friend who donates money, like thousands of dollars a year to my childhood church. They doesn’t go to that parish anymore (in my most southern slang, if you like proper English use don’t). They wants a church to bury them (southern slang). And their parents and grandparents got married there. I told them if something ever happened to me, pick a bar and bury me outside of there. Those people in that church doesn’t give 2 f**** about me and they made it clear over the years how they felt about me. In other words, I wouldn’t want them doing anything for me, dead or alive for all the tea in China. I have a hate love hate HATE with my childhood church. I only say love because the building is beautiful. Sidenote: Would I let them use me as a bank like that? Hell no. (Because I have heard of loyal church going people being left in the morgue for years going unclaimed by their churches DESPITE them giving their time and money. I’ve ran into too many dishonest church going people). They thought about giving their thousands to a charitable cause instead, but they are strong in their “why” and convictions to giving to them. But that’s their choice. They don’t care if you show up or not, they want your money. Church is a business and like everyone else has to pay bills. My friend said they haven’t refused a check of there’s once. I’M LIKE DUH FOOL! I wouldn’t turn down 5,000+ donation a year either! Haha. FYI. The Catholic Church is loaded with money. If you give them opportunities to get more, they will surely take it. Think about it. I used to notice how they would have more than one collection during church services. Did anyone question where the 3rd and 4th collections went? Of course not, because word on the street in my parish and several others at the time was many of 3rd and 4th “leftover” collections of got pocketed. Example: Priest A admitted that there was a monk fund. But the monks they were supposedly donating to haven’t existed in years.
Do anyone out here want to take a guess on where this 5th collection for the monks went to? Your guess is as good as mine.
I wasn’t supposed to know this insider information. If you ask me about this in person I know nothing. Moving on now…
But I will say this. My thing is no church, no person, no guy is gonna take me out of my peace again. I don’t really feel led to give a church money that has thrown me away like trash multiple times on different levels. I have to feel REALLY moved or awakened to donate like my friend is doing. And the Catholic church will not be on the receiving end of it. I rather set up endowments for individuals that need help then give a church something to play in. I had a preview of asking for help through financial aid as a dumb dumb 18 year old. It got real when I had a few hard hits (read JOMO ). I’ve seen church going member’s & people’s loyalty change depending on the amount of change you have. I’m not saying everyone in the world or church is bad, but I’ve seen enough rotten apples to say I’m good homie and to wash my hands of it. There will be people that donate.
I’ve heard stories of church members being told that the more you give, your entrance to heaven will be granted OR you will get it “right back”. Or the famous bible verse where we are supposed to model what Jesus did by stripping our belongings and sharing with our brothers and sisters.
Here’s my thing. I’m not Jesus. Far from it. Hell I wouldn’t make the cut for sainthood. I’m willing to give back on my own terms, I don’t think he wants us to be stupid about it. Times are different. And have you noticed that pastors and ministers usually have fancy mansions and cars, yet church members who donate are sometimes (not always) struggling themselves. There’s different income classes within most churches, the have, the have nots, and people who pretend to have. However, if you ask the church board/elders/name your group here for help for a bill, they put you through all kind of changes yet they expect you to keep giving generously to the church. So what gives?
In the pastors/minister’s defense, they may have multiple income streams and other things going on. Joel Osteen has written books and supposedly doesn’t preach about you donating. The people donate because they want to. Apparently.
Everybody doesn’t think like me. Or question like me. So the church’s bills will continued to get paid through people’s generous donations and preying on their vulnerability.
While I was in a meeting for a co-working space in 2018, a lady said millennials are the worst at tithing. The conversation didn’t move me to empty my pockets at all. This millennial will continue to be the worst at tithing. I’ll be willing to volunteer to give back.
Really moving on now…
13. I have friends in the LGBT community. I’ve been with the Catholic church for over 20 years, now a self-proclaimed cafeteria Catholic. In my case the cafeteria with food is a less judgemental place to hang out in my own church. My LGBT friends have been more nicer, less judgemental, and I haven’t been friends with them as long but many of them are more God-like then my Catholic peeps who try to act holier than thou. Just recently my mother went to French Market (I don’t go) but my mom said one of them suckers tried to one up her. She mentioned that I traveled the world (after she asked first about how I was doing). If we are supposed to be brothers and sisters in Christ, why can’t we be genuinely happy for each other? Remember the part where I said they want to hear that you are doing worse than them? Still a thing at my old childhood parish. It’s a damn shame that all these years later they STILL act like high school gossip queens. If you google that you might get a clue..
14. Here’s another thing: acting one way around one group of friends, and acting another way around a 2nd group of friends. Then acting another way a 3rd time by yourself with the person. This is ridiculous. If I consider you a friend, I don’t give a damn about who I’m with. I’m going to say hello. But not the wannabe high rollers. It depends on who you are, how popular you are in the cliques and how much money you are putting into the church. It’s high school and grade school all over again. Maybe New York isn’t far away enough. Japan might be….
15. This one is a pot-shot but I’ll note it. Principle C spent a lot of time after hours in the Priest A’s home. Rumors of romance spread rampant during class, teachers talking like they were high school gossip queens. Parents would talk about it in btwn PTO meetings (I heard while going to the bathroom). It amazes me how the teachers who were supposed to be setting the example were the biggest sources of the rumor mill. People really can’t mind their own business, huh. And LOVE to hear a juicy story, even if it’s in their imagination. Scandal. What happened to Principle C is the one of the reasons why I avoid recording with guys at night. People will start rumors of screwing even if it really isn’t happening. And the idea of any rumors like that with the guys I recorded with would be straight disgusting and gross to me. Yuck. No offense but I never was into the Indy guys I recorded with in a romantic way. It would be very distasteful if a guy from my past labels said “Alesha was in the hotel room with me last night recording music and we got dirty.” I never want to give those guys that pleasure. Yuck. The principle would get offended (and I don’t blame her). She would always ask who said something. This went on for some time. I hated to see this happen to her because she’s a smart and classic person, but it taught me a early lesson about people. They talk, and some don’t mind dragging your name in the gutter if they could to save themselves or hear a juicy story. I just really think it was two friends that chose to hang out at a late hour.
- A teacher confessed that his father was a priest and his mother was a nun. Infact I have several stories of priests becoming fathers while being priests. In the Catholic faith this is forbidden. It’s generally understood that once you become a priest or nun you dedicate your life to the Lord. No one night stands, romantic ronda boos, hookups or friends with benefits. No experimenting, or thoughts either, you’re supposed to be “pure.” This is really juicy but I mention this because priests and nuns ARE HUMAN that can also experience romantic feelings and sexual appetites despite the rules. Romantic relationships are normal but lawdz a priest or nun having a romance on the side is SCANDALOUS. Oh my gawd. In all seriousness, I wonder why they don’t allow the option to for priests or nuns marry or have relationships like other religions. When it happens it screams scandal. Like it or not lovey dovey hump days happen more than we care to think..
16. There’s many instances where some of my teachers would try to alter my grades by a letter to keep me off honor roll, especially around middle school time. It was a revenge attempt to get back at me for not acting the way they wanted me to act and to get back at my mom.
17. Many parishioners and teachers sent their kids to other nearby Catholic schools because they knew that the quality of education at my Catholic school during my time was terrible. Let’s really say what’s the real deal was as well: they didn’t want their kids being in school with a bunch of black kids. As sad as this is, too many people associate black with lower-quality, as I mentioned above. You had a few neighborhood kids here and there attend preschool, and a few in 1st, 2nd and 3rd grades. But most of them ran for the hills before it mattered (like 1st gradeish). Overall the Catholic schools up the road were a lot better. People who ran the board and PTO meetings knew this, and kept their kids out of the rat house aka my grade school. Or better still remove themselves from the state to get away from it.
Did my school deserve the reputation they got at the time? Yes. Not sorry to say it.
18. I appreciate the good memories, but I probably won’t be going to any grade school reunions anytime soon. It’s a period I rather not revisit. I appreciate the college retreat memories, but many of us don’t really don’t talk anymore. On the grade school side of things, it’s my way of putting this behind me and not reopening any painful wounds. I ran into my old basketball coach a little bit before writing this, September 1st, 2019. I mentioned that I don’t go to my childhood church anymore. She said
Damn. I understand. Ask your mother stories about why I don’t go back either. If you are ever up the road at nearby St. Sandwich come to Mass with me either at 8:30 or 10.
For this article I’m not using any real names, but St Sandwich has a good ring to it. You know it’s bad when people agree with you. Yeah I’m definitely a deacon pillowcase and assistant blanket church person too. I told her I’m not judging, make room for me on the living room couch. I’ll turn on a church radio station or Charles Stanley on tv.
This person also knew that some of my teachers were trying to alter my chances to get on honor roll. They graded papers and pretty much confirmed it.
19. You hope you can learn from adults who can teach you something in your younger days. In my case, I saw adults acting badly and lacking in common knowledge, sense and morals. The few good parents and kids who could have made the school “look” and “be” stellar left the school, the parish and the state. You especially get going when the janitor asked kids to go down in the basement with him to move boxes. Now it was completely innocent according to several people, but even my mom said something about that one. The moral of the story: DO NOT ASK KIDS TO COME DOWN TO THE BASEMENT WITH YOU. Ask an adult.
20. Priest BC was the priest that was there after Priest A and right before the current Priest today, Priest C. People couldn’t stand BC at my parish. This priest didn’t last long. But he had a short personality and mean to people. I altar served with him and personally he wasn’t that bad. The people he was being mean to was mean to others for years. I always find it interesting that people like to put it out, but when someone does it to them, they can’t take it. These people could not take what Priest BC put out. I heard about bullies turning into wimps, and people threaten to leave the church. Priest A was a source of protection for MANY. Priest BC was the one who would stick his foot up your ass and not care.
21. There’s a reason why shows like Sinister Minister exist. There’s people in all faiths that do bad and devilish things. It’s the ones that get caught that make the news. I think because the Catholic church is really big (and I think we have one of the biggest groups in the world? I gotta double check that) the punishment for the Priests in the sex abuse scandal will be massive. It’s a domino effect; they caught a Priest in a sex abuse scandal, then they caught the many others. Because the issue wasn’t addressed before, my faith will catch hell for it. And Catholics are known to try to police themselves and keep it in the family. One time my mom was invited to a class at my grade school around 7th grade that basically told her to report any sex scandals to people within the school, and people “in house” will handle the situation. She told them that they are f***** crazy, and she will report it to the police. I hate to say it, but some Catholics have earned their reputation of throwing issues under the rug and policing themselves. In their minds, by “keeping quiet, it will go away.” Insider Catholic tip: I’ve seen them go hush hush on many many things over the years. This is why this article is over 30 minutes long.
21. Speaking of that, I’m trying hard to not make this an hour article. Usually I try to keep my articles under 20 minutes (I lied in this one in the first paragraph). There’s so many more stories to tell. I’m talking affairs, members of the admin stealing money, kids losing parents and more. If I kept going you would say damn Alesha I don’t have all day or all night to read this. And you probably would say damn, I hope you don’t associate with that place anymore. Don’t you worry I don’t. If there’s enough interest, I’ll make a part II.
I was once told by my aunt that a church is like a hospital. It’s a place people go to get help. This is a hospital I rather avoid as much as possible. The emergency room aka the parish is too much drama for me.
I’ll turn on the radio and hear the lovely hymns.
Despite my “distancing” I’ll treat people the way I want to be treated.
As stated above, I don’t have many great Catholic or grade school memories, but I do hold on to these good memories below as much as possible. I was creative then and I still am now. I was in my own world a lot of the time, so I created like hell. I drew art to past the time outside and inside art class to better deal with the Hades that was around me. I even got to the point where I created magazines, poems, short stories and more. I’m thinking about re-publishing a few, so stay tuned for that.
I had a creative muscle then, still got it now. This is why I can write out articles months in advance. I’m always coming up with ideas and always creating something, even if it’s not completed.
Call To Action
If you like what you’ve read, please recommend it so others can read it as well. Please tell me what you want me to write about here!
Interested in having my Medium stories sent to your inbox? Sign up here!
Hello There! I’m Alesha! I’ve been involved in different businesses in several different capacities from being ceo, coo, co-founder, and more. I’ve learned so much from creating businesses, and I look forward to all the learning experiences I will have from starting new ventures. 2019 I’m excited to announce that I’m going to add more businesses to my portfolio. STAY TUNED! I’m going to introduce them sometime next year!
With one business I was involved with, we made it possible to install a little device with customized hardware and a SaaS solution implemented to the router, the business owner was able see live data about social media info collected.
With another company, we had professional internet marketing company that focus on digital marketing campaigns, services and jobs such as SEO, PPC, Online Reputation Management, and social media marketing.
With EYT, I oversaw day-to-day operations and keeping the CEO apprised of significant events;Yes I actually talk with my business partner on a daily basis. I created operations strategy and policies; Communicated strategy and policy to employees and interns; Fostering employee alignment with corporate goals; and overseeing human resource management. I also delegated tasks to my team.
With Bones’ Custom Guitar. We created custom guitars for musicians with imported wood. No one Bones’ guitar is the same.
The Wish Benefit Concert is a concert founded by Ayana Carter, Mel Sexton and Alesha Peterson. It’s privately held at Riley Hospital For Children.