Why I’m Secretly Glad This Gig Canceled

A story about sticking with your gut.

So I was going back and forth saying should I or shouldn’t I?

In the past 24 hours, there’s a gig that made me more uncomfortable than I like to admit to.

Back story: I don’t trust like I used to, I’ve had too many guys get handsy. That sort of thing. I’m human, not a sex object, and I’ve had to resort to alternate means/even distancing myself to get people to understand this. I’m not a play thing or a toy.

I’m all for getting outside my comfort zone, but my safety is my #1 (I’m actually taking a Kung Fu-Jiu Jiujutsu hybrid, more on why I’m combining the two for self defense purposes below).

I’ve been booking more acting gigs, auditions, call backs more than ever (as I’m writing this I need to keep memorizing lines and I’ll get back to that).

I was preparing for the past 24 hours, getting my mindset right, trying to think through every possible scenario, and so on.

I’m not the most religious person in the world, but I sent in several intentions saying.

“Send me a sign or something saying I should/shouldn’t go to this”

And then I get an email this morning saying

“Hey this is no longer happening, I’ll reach out later.”

What a sigh of relief.

I haven’t decided if I’m going to go through with it or not.

I booked a role, and I’m trying to prepare by being the character.

A couple of things that raised my eye brows:

  • I reached out to ask what my friends thought. Everyone except one said no. She suggested I go with a new photographer all together.
  • I don’t know if this is a small market thing, but he only reached out the day before to confirm (before reaching out a few hours later to cancel). I usually get a few days before for scripts.
  • At the beginning of July, my agent did send me to a house for a shoot with two guys for a major company shoot. As a lady, these situations rings alarm bells in my head for obvious reasons. I ended up being ok, and yeah we are friends now, but I like trusted people around. It’s a different world nowadays.
  • For this shoot, I would go to another guy’s house, and he would send me his address. I’m like oh lawdz, here we go again.
  • My gut just kept bringing up bad vibes. I do not have this type of project in my portfolio and want to get outside of my comfort zone, but I don’t want to be on a crime show either.

I’m actually taking a Kung Fu-Jiu Jiujutsu hybrid, and signed up for the course. Videos/Skype and eventually in person. I told them some of what happened and they said what perverts, and f*** we are gonna make sure you are ready for MFs. Because my both of my sensei’s say they will have me street fighter ready. That’s extra for me. I just want to feel safer and have a peace of mind. It will take some time for me to get these next moves down pact.

Thank goodness the gig canceled.

It’s 2021 🔥🙌

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