Why I’m secretly trying to embrace my inner child.

Alesha Peterson
9 min readDec 12, 2021

Gemini (May 21 — June 20)

Not everything slides off our backs, so when we pretend that we’re always fine we can’t very well be surprised when everyone always treats us as if we are.

We can’t set up a reality for ourselves and then be upset that others uphold it. Sometimes it comes naturally for you to jump from one thing to another in an effort for you to get over or move past things that hurt, but when you do this, you also don’t really give yourself the time or space to fully heal.

(Depending on others too many times lead to bad things. Are their times I wish more people would reach out to ask if I’m ok and actually be there? Sure. But I realize they have their own lives and to be for-real with you, don’t care unless they are experiencing it themselves. Nothing personal. I’ve put up a brave face and dealt with things on my own for years, and will continue to do so. If someone wants to give me a hug from time to time, ok, but I’m not looking for it.

Try today to look at the parts of yourself or your past that you have tried to skip over but that is still there just as fresh as when it happened.

As much as you are always able to move forward in life, which is a gift, doing so in an effort to not truly heal or feel is something that will eventually always come back to hurt you in the long run. This may be what surfaces as impatience or trying to change that inner self-dialogue so that what happened in the past doesn’t feel like it hurts as much as it does in the present.

This won’t work though.

The only way through this pain that you have experienced is to actually feel it and to also see who you are now that you’ve experienced it.

Your Tango, https://www.yourtango.com/2021345980/zodiac-signs-who-will-have-rough-day-november-9-2021

Are there times where I wish I could have reached out and talked with a friend or a cousin over the years? You bet. Nowadays I have people to reach out to (and even I’m sometimes uncomfortable with telling them everything), but for years (especially in my younger years) I felt like I couldn’t trust the people around me. I’ve had a lot on my plate many times before, but I’m usually calm, cool and collected. Sometimes I still do isolate, which they say isn’t the best but hey it works for me. Do I freak and get nervous? You bet. I do try to make my loved ones laugh even if I’m sad. Some may be surprised to know that I do have a reserved, calm, quiet and laidback side.

Others will be incredibly receptive and inspired by you and how calm you are. Your sense of deep knowing and awareness will allow you to see through situations and circumstances with clarity and ease. (October 28th, 2021)

Yep, I’m calm, cool and collected.

When we have too much stress, it becomes distress, which makes it difficult to move forward in our lives and create solutions to the problems we’re facing. (October 2nd, 2021)

With all that the world is going through, I know that you feel that you can’t talk about your personal problems.

Many of us feel this way, but that isn’t always healthy, Alesha.

Nope, because I rather not everyone know about it. Instead of being helpful, they just talk about it and gossip.

Archangel Netzah shows up in your life when you need that extra strength to push through a period of suffering. (September 21st, 2021)

You give so much to help your family, friends, community, or even strangers without expecting anything in return. But very few people recognize that you might need help sometimes, too.

People have their own lives going on and I don’t expect them to always care.

Recently you might have gone through a tough time and needed help, but nobody was there to lend a hand.

Story of my life. I’ve learned to save myself. And find hiding places in Iowa.

A brokenhearted Gemini is a ticking time bomb. You feel the need to convince everyone else that you are okay, and you spend all of your energy trying to show them — even though, internally, you are completely shattered and devastated. The reason it takes so damn long for you to get over them is because you keep getting in your own way, spending all your time trying to put on a brave face instead of working on your emotional health, Kim Quindlen

I keep going back to this particular quote because it’s so accurate. It hits close to home. I’ll continue to put on a brave face and keep going because like I told you most don’t care unless there is something in it for them.

And shut up and stop revealing my secrets.

Zodiac Signs Who See Heartbreak During Sun Opposite Uranus Starting November 10–14, 2021:

Gemini (May 21 — June 20)

In your case, this is not related to love or romance, but it is about friendship. You don’t like to consider gossip as a trusted source, but more than one person has told you that there’s someone in your life that is consciously saying nasty things about you.

And this is someone whom you believe to be your trusted friend. Sun Opposite Uranus shines the light down on this unwanted truth, and you will come to see that the person you trusted and depended on — is no friend of yours.

What a harsh reality, what a proverbial smack in the face. This news really brings you down — you didn’t think it was possible for this friend of yours to be that…different from what you believed them to be. That’s the thing, Gemini — they were always that way. It took Sun Opposite Uranus to make you see the heartbreak of being friends with them.

Why I’m secretly trying to embrace my inner child.

Alesha, your spirit guides, angels, and ancestors want you to know that your past isn’t full of all bad memories.

Many of us prefer to block out our past because our trauma resides there in those old memories.

A lot of trauma. But there’s some good in there.

If you haven’t reprogrammed yourself to find the positivity in every situation, it can be really difficult to look back on the experiences you’ve had with joy and nostalgia.

The inner child is always a part of you, Alesha. This little version of yourself holds some of the most impactful memories — especially the ones that reveal your divine soul purpose.

Just think about it, when you’re young, you experience every emotion for the very first time.

Sure, there are moments that don’t make you feel so good, like when you felt sad for the first time or betrayed.

But there are also more joyous moments like when you discovered a new hobby or fell in love for the first time.

There is innocence here, ingenuity, curiosity, and love energies in this card.

The 6 of Cups is like an invitation to reconnect with the child-like side of you that doesn’t take too many things seriously and focuses on finding the love, joy, and happiness in life.

The Universe is also encouraging you to think back into your childhood and remember those moments that brought you excitement, opened your heart chakra for the first time, and inspired you.

Oh Jesus. Opening up the heart chakra lead down a crazy ass path.

I came across a video saying that hyper independence is a trauma response. In the interest of time. People that follow me know what asking for help has lead to.

I felt the responses in the comments.

  • I am a trauma response. (snazzie_apple)
  • As long as you can pay they will try to find a way to keep you coming back. (msch3ll3_79)
  • Feeling comfortable alone is a healthy individualization. (omarjimeme.z)
  • Or maybe I just feel good about the fact I don’t have to ask other people for stuff in order to live a happy life? (THIS SHIT PREACH, nino0shka).
  • Yeah ok. Fine. I have trauma. So what? What is the solution? I depend on another person AGAIN and they hurt me AGAIN and then I go through the whole process of healing myself again? No thanks. I better be hella independent. (gunsandrose_, my favorite)
  • Why is everything a problem. Now being independent or self sufficient and enjoying your own company is a problem. (mariahaile1)
  • The disrespect…We do not care…. (d.a.weiss)
  • shii. I feel attacked…
  • Not needing anyone is different then always pushing people away and isolating.
  • It’s bad not to need anyone? If I’m self-fulfilled, then everyone else is a bonus.
  • Shieee, we protect ourselves (YES bitch)
  • It’s actually a defense mechanism.
  • But it’s honestly safer this way. (Yes)
  • t.s._ _22.10. Dude I’m suck of these therapist shits, like dude I’m vibing aloneeee so pack your trauma shits and go.
  • Delightful_Stormm. Of course it is. If you learn at a very early age you can’t depend on the people around you for anything. You have to become independent. Then you feel like nothing goes right unless you do it yourself so you pull yourself so high that you don’t need anyone anymore. (Second favorite).

Asking for help from some family this year has been the worst. I put it out there just as an experiment, and like my young life experiences, it continues to shows me that I can’t depend on anyone like I thought. This is why I don’t want to need like ever. I respect that some of these therapists have to push relationships in this relationship oriented society. And on a certain level, we need each other and human connection. But there’s a reality out here that I live homie, life experiences I’ve had and if you trust/seek help from the wrong people they can hurt you. I’ve written posts on vulnerability several times. It’s normal to want relationships if that’s what you want. But for me it’s not a focus and I don’t care if it ever happens for me. There’s so many messages out here, I choose to listen to myself. F*** it.

Remember when adults used to ask you, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Think back on that answer, it might reveal more about yourself than you think, Alesha!

  • *Advice I Felt From Other People*

Psychological trauma occurs when it is not possible to process a situation with one’s usual, everyday coping mechanisms, leaving the individual in fear for his life or sanity. Trauma can be due to violence, helplessness, physical pain, illness, grief, or physical, verbal, or emotional abuse.

While we recover from setbacks every day, the effects of trauma linger long after the traumatic event has passed. The memory of the trauma instigates physical and emotional symptoms — like aftershocks — that can baffle and frustrate the individual, sometimes re-traumatizing them all over again. Moreover, stressors that were easily managed in the past may now seem far more challenging. Symptoms of post-traumatic stress might include nightmares, flashbacks, and changes in mood or affections. — source Harris House, “How Trauma Affects the Brain”

-For the victim, it was a formative memory that forever changed the way their brain processes information-becoming.alysa. (Brain definitely has changed)

Teach your kids to verbalize emotions so they don’t grow up to be adults who shut down when they feel anything other than happiness.

Your going to realize it one day-that happiness was never about your job, degree or being in a relationship. Happiness was never about following in the footsteps of all those who came before you. It was never about being liked by others. One day you are going to see it. Happiness was always about the discovery, the hope, the listening to your heart and following it wherever it chose to go. Happiness was always about being kinder to yourself, it was always about embracing the person you were becoming. One day you will understand that happiness was always about learning about how to live with yourself, that happiness was never in the hands of others, never.-caskinwhite.

I think happiness is about letting go of what you thought life was supposed to be. (Laundry list of things I got rid of off record, my religion, my former school, I’ve rebelled against everything I thought I knew. :D Being bad is kinda fun.)

The woman you’re becoming will cost you people, relationships, spaces, material things, etc. Choose her over everything.

Learn to walk alone.

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me anger issues or trust issues (expect this in a future lyric one day)

It’s 2021 🔥🙌

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Alesha Peterson

Howdy! Entrepreneurship, fitness, music, acting, real estate, tequila & investing is sexy. Idea for an article? Input wanted! https://linktr.ee/aleshapeterson