Why Most Of Your Friends & Family Don’t Support Your Music!

The solitude I enjoy on a daily basis.

I want to start out my saying. THANK YOU FOR READING THE FIRST VERSION OF THIS. I didn’t realize it had so many likes until looking at it on December 29th, 2018.

The reason your friends aren’t breaking their neck to hear your newest track is…

You’re accessible. They see you as ordinary everyday people.

For all my fellow artists. Notice that friends will go out and spend $200 dollars on Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Cold Play, Bruno Mars and Taylor Swift tickets.

But won’t even ask you or show up to your show that’s $5 or $10.

Even if they’ve known you their whole life, they think you aren’t a “serious” artist.

You know the excitement you feel when you been in the studio, recording a song for hours, and then you FINALLY have a finished product. You inbox your friend about it on Facebook.

1 week later you ask them: have you listened to it? They give you this face of “No I really didn’t but I don’t want to hurt your feelings so I’ll give you that “yes” look.

2 weeks later you ask again. They still haven’t listened to it.

At this point, they will never listen to it.

You approach another friend. You tell them in person, and the exact same reaction. They give you a fake smile pretending they care, but somewhere you can feel they don’t give a f*ck.

You’ve spent your valuable time painting this art, and yet even your own friends won’t stand by your side?

Why Most of Your Friends Don’t Support Your Music (Updated 2019 Edition Through The Greek Alphabet and the original version below.)

I. Your Friends And Family Probably See You As A Failure Because You Are Not Famous.

It’s funny how much we as a society praise and value creativity, and yet seem to do as much as we can to prohibit and control creative expression unless it is in some way profitable. If you want to keep your creative muscle pumped and active, you have to practice it on your own.-Nicolas Cole

You don’t have 100 million views on your videos like Taylor Swift. (And 4 of your videos don’t have a billlion views. Go Taylor go!)

And oh gosh since you didn’t sell out MetLife Stadium in 10 minutes and beat some sort of record you definitely can’t be succeeding correct?

TMZ is not tracking your every move, writing articles about you leaving a party or going to a waiting car with a entourage of other celebrity friends.

Your relationship(s) is not blasted on People, Entertainment Weekly, Variety, and Essence, and all the steamy details about your breakups, makeups, where you made out with your “boo-thang.”

And your family and friends don’t believe in you, and they are the ones always telling you to get a normal job right?

So guess what? They assume that you are failure. But THEY ARE WRONG and there’s a bigger picture they are not seeing at all.

This is great insight from Graham English. Musicians and artists READ IT CAREFULLY.

Fame is a four-letter word. You don’t need it to make a living. Your friends and family probably won’t understand this and they’ll expect you to have regrets that you’re not famous. They’ll think that you didn’t succeed because you didn’t reach the Billboard charts (because they live in a media bubble that your music will likely never penetrate).

Remember this…

Industry is invented by the industrious. And the music industry is no different. Everybody can carve out their slice of the pie as long as you’re willing to bake a pie people want to eat.

Listen to this advice from Bob Lefsetz:

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“You’re now a musician. Ignore the hit parade. Spotify Top 50 is a miniscule cult. Yours might be even tinier but own it. If you believe you’re on the road to stardom, get out of the car right now, because that’s not how we play it these days. You can set yourself on fire and own the news cycle for half a day if you’re lucky, then again, most news outlets won’t cover it unless you’re already a star and then you’ll be dead, so what is it worth?

Practice. Get good at your craft. Keep your nose to the ground. Get better. Gain an audience. Try to grow it.

That’s it.”

Underdogs win in the post-hit era.

Don’t worry about writing hits. Your goal is to support yourself making music (or just make music to support yourself), nothing more.

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REMEMBER FELLOW MUSICIANS AND ARTISTS.

Underdogs win in the post-era.

Bombshell 1: I’ve been quietly making residual income from my music and I haven’t said a word to family and friends. It’s a peace I enjoy. While I’m posting food photos on Instagram like a idiot, (LIKE THIS DELICIOUS PIZZA BELOW OMG), this girl lives in peace off her music. I can walk the streets of LA, NY, INDY and be in peace. I have people in my life who want people to know they make money, and as a result people try to get it off them. I see it around me all the time. I rather be low-key and no one pays attention to me then people hitting me up on Facebook saying “heyyyyy I heard.” Let the people who flash the money and want the attention have their moment. There are so many ways to make money, the bigger question is exploring all the ways. I wrote another article if you find that your family and friends keep comparing your music/creative pursuits to a normal job.

Are there still things that I’m learning about the music business? Absolutely! Things I can improve? YES. I work on my craft daily. On Christmas Eve, I taught myself the beginnings of Jingle Bells within an hour.

If fame comes my way? Ok. But it’s not what I’m aiming for. To date, I have not inboxed none of my family and friends about my music. What’s better is having a email list and a tribe. A personal tip I will share is I started marketing my music overseas. Best decision ever.

A random fan will 3/4 times buy your music and merch quicker than a family member or friend. At Gen Con and Comic Con, I’ve seen people spend over $3,000 on art without question just to be supportive and simply said “see you next year.” Find these people, your tribe who are crazy about what you do and leave the fam and friends alone. In the perfect world your loved ones would have your back but most of them don’t.

And?

Time is a very misunderstood resource.

When you don’t think you are getting results in the moment, the reality is you are putting in the TIME.

When you are viewing someone’s success, remind yourself about all that you can NOT see.

Am I making millions like Taylor Swift right now? Do I have 100 million views on my videos at the moment? No.

I know it will payoff in the millions in the future.

Every artist reading this: You may or may not see an immediate payoff, but I know it will PAY at some point in your future if you invest the time and energy in your music.

I know some of these articles I write don’t get a lot of likes. I’m not really focused on the likes as much. I’m focused on content. But I have noticed with a few of these, I check back on them and all of sudden people start liking it.

It all pays off eventually. Just don’t give up.

II. You maybe surrounded with people who’s intentions isn’t in the right place. Or they are always saying “what’s in it for me?”

“I want to collaborate with them because they have a huge social media following (either 1 million+ fans on Facebook or 1 million views or more on Youtube, etc). By creating a song with them, some of their fanbase will notice me.”

Do you do this to people who have a big following?

Or have people done this to you because you have a huge following?

Focus on genuine connection. Do you like this person’s music? Can you be yourself around this person? Could you be friends if music wasn’t in the picture? Or you just trying to hop on the bandwagon?

Look, it’s human nature to look out for yourself and want some of the success to rub off of you. I get it. That’s the idea of being a opening act to a major star.

But if Ariana Grande can pick Social House for the Sweetner Tour and they only have 633 fans on Facebook with 12 LIKES ON A PHOTO, 1,861 fans on Twitter and around 1,631 on Soundcloud it wouldn’t kill you to give someone a chance from time to time.

I’m pretty sure this will grow, but you get the point. My screenshots weren’t the sexiest by the way.

“But it’s a numbers game.”

I don’t disagree. 100 million views on your YouTube videos screams success. I get it. Remember this. People want to work with people that they know, like and trust.

Trust is very huge to me personally. I have left independent labels because they kept trying to get me to record at night or dipping in person business.

Like someone’s music? You on the same wavelength and they happen to have 5 Facebook fans, collaborate anyways. You never know what it could lead to.

They don’t make people genuine and honest too often nowadays.

I swear I got tired of people in Indianapolis saying

“You got potential.”

“You’re this”.

“You’re that”.

“You got a boyfriend?”

Instead of talking that stupid shit and asking stupid questions about my background that’s none of your business let's create music! Let’s grow together.

I had the hardest time finding this mindset (and people willing to record during the day like I said in the big bold statement above) in Indianapolis so I left. I have no issues in LA, NY, Nashville and Chicago booking sessions during the day (or in between my film projects).

And what Benjamin Hardy said about people being takers.

Some people want to be household names, tour like Beyonce and be successful to a fault. It’s from a place of scarcity and desperation and it shows. They will do anything to get it, including backstabbing and being a cut throat. Being power hungry, they think that cutting others will raise them to the top. I noticed this subtly, and started distancing myself naturally (Hello remember the part where I take a while to trust people? This is why).

Everybody wants to be successful. I get it. I want to be successful. But instead of trying to just hang out with someone just to see what you can get, and climb someone else’s curtain (OMG SHE’S FAMOUS AND CAN GET VIEWS ON MY YOUTUBE VID IF I COLLAB WITH HER) see what you can give.

Give.

You’ll know someone is a giver when they genuinely help you without asking for anything in return. And they are truly, genuinely, happy for the success they help you have.- Benjamin Hardy

III. They Only Want A Piece When You’re Successful (Or Perceive Success).

I had this happen to me personally. This is slightly off topic but it ties in with my fellow artists and musicians perfectly.

I have noticed in 2018 that more school friends started adding me on LinkedIn after starting a few more businesses.

I’m not trying to start beef but where was the votes when I was running for president? Where was the support when our mutual school kicked me to the curve? You want to start telling people you know me so now you want a piece of the bread when you wasn’t there to bake it? So I’m relevant now since I started my 20th business? I’m a human being with feelings, interested in hanging out despite my so called “status” or “position of power.” I’m interested in genuine connections where I can catch up with a person and ask them how they are doing. I’m not a bank and I don’t want to be used like a toy. I wouldn’t name drop your name so why you name dropping mine?

When people sense money, success and power, they start flocking to you or wanting to reconnect. Word gets out about you. I had someone add me on Facebook and we haven’t talked in 20 years! It’s a old family friend that broke my trust in a major way. I haven’t told her or most of my friends about any business moves so somebody is spilling the beans, because it’s not me making Facebook statuses. My guilty pleasure is posting food photos and keeping a low profile.

Fellow musicians and artists. Guarantee people’s attitude starts to change if you have millions of views on your social media. That’s the unfortunate nature of most people. If you don’t have a huge following or not established it’s easier to find your ride or dies. I’m not famous so I’m still looking for the ride or dies. The more successful you become, the harder it is to know people’s real intentions. I have a tendency to not be too trusting of people so I’m finding the journey of finding ride or dies personally difficult.

Bombshell #2 & 2019 update (repeated below & above also): This has happened to me for the third time in Indianapolis in 2018 (which is a big little city if this makes sense). I decided to work with people in Chicago, Nashville and New York a few short months later (summer 2018). I get so much more work done in bigger markets. I notice in Indianapolis that too many people I ran into look for something that’s in it for them versus having genuine intentions (same thing I said above). Or take it personal that I don’t respond to a text in the time frame that they want me to when I have a surgery or a something else going on. Or get upset over me not wanting to record songs in their apartment at 1:00 am in the morning. Screw that.

Remember what I said in the II paragraph. Social House only has 653 fans on Facebook and Ariana Grande picked them to tour. If you vibe and if your heart is in the right place give it a chance. You never know where it would lead.

I have recently learned a method to grow my social media nice and steady. I noticed it on one of my Youtube videos. Let’s do an experiment and see if increasing numbers lead to more requests on collaborating. If anyone else has seen a 360 turn from people after experiencing some success comment below. I’d love to hear from you. (Or leave me a note)

Back to the original article.

1.More in likely, They Don’t Like Your Music, And Just Don’t Want To Tell You

I stopped inboxing and telling most of my friends about my music and my band. I love them to pieces, but I can tell they don’t give a damn.

If they are not interested or not apart of the fan base, me trying to force my music on them is not going to do any good.

Unfortunately, most of them only support you when you make it. Or even worst, doubt you, then act like they supported you when you get it.

Do I hate them? Of course not. It might not be their cup of tea.

I’m just explaining one of the brutal truths.

2. The fact of the matter is, most people in life do things half-heartedly.

I recently read a wise email. #2 is basically the details from that email. Basically the email said and it mentioned this:

The artists are “good starters, but bad finishers”.

GUESS WHAT. I got accused of not following through on ideas even!

People make new years resolutions, and by February, they already quit.

People sign up for gym memberships, and never use them.

People say they’re going to quit smoking, and two weeks later you see them puffing more trees than a forest fire.

People SAY alot of things… But they don’t DO alot of things.

And somewhere deep down inside, other people NOTICE this and KNOW when people ain’t really living up to their own standards.

They can FEEL it coming off of you.

So, your friends aren’t supporting your music because they FEEL like you’re the exact same as anyone else.

Good point.

3. They Don’t See You As “Beyonce” Successful Or Successful, Period.

You hate being compared to or stacked up against other artists (so do I) but you will hear people say “you sing like……”

4. You Might Be Putting In Work, But They Don’t See It

Let me tell you a story.

I’m thinking I’ll be a little bit more selective in who I work with musically moving forward. I’m not becoming a meanie, but I personally felt like the musicians I ran into in school circles brushed me off. If I never approached them and just kept hustling (which is what I was doing in the first place), more in likely they would have approached me.

After that, I decided to find my squads and work it.

I have found that people have a tendency to take you more seriously when you put in the work. If you put in the work, instead of urgently looking for people, they look for you.

This rapper was a teacher at my high school. I noticed when I asked to collaboration with him, he got really sheepish. BUT he did reach out to ask other members of my 2008 class to hop on his music.

The same thing happened to me at a place I don’t want to mention.

I asked him if he wanted to perform together to see how it would go. He quickly said abrupt no (and I asked because he mentioned we should do something together months prior).

I like his music, and he’s a pretty successful artist in the Indianapolis area. But if he asked to collaborate with me in the future, I don’t think I would. And I did like a track from the other artist from my high school as well.

If you find that your running into artists that give you “I don’t want to be bothered with you vibe” do them and yourselves a favor and leave them alone. And get back to work lol.

Bombshell #2 & 2019 update (repeated above): This has happened to me for the third time in Indianapolis in 2018 (which is a big little city if this makes sense). I decided to work with people in Chicago, Nashville and New York a few short months later (summer 2018). I get so much more work done in bigger markets. I notice in Indianapolis that too many people I ran into look for something that’s in it for them versus having genuine intentions.

Remember what I said in the II paragraph. Social House only has 653 fans on Facebook and Ariana Grande picked them to tour. If you vibe and if your heart is in the right place give it a chance. You never know where it would lead.

I have recently learned a method to grow my social media nice and steady. I noticed it on one of my Youtube videos. Let’s do an experiment and see if increasing numbers lead to more requests on collaborating. If anyone else has seen a 360 turn from people after experiencing some success comment below. I’d love to hear from you. (Or leave me a note).

How To Approach This?

A. Understand That Friends May Or May Not Support You

If you have friends and fam that’s on your bandwagon when there’s one person in the crowd (or no one in the audience like the picture above), GREAT. Keep these friends. If you wanted to become a professional crayon maker, they would make sure they root for you to be the best professional crayon maker you can be.

On the other hand, don’t get mad if they are not this way and don’t give a damn about your music. Find a group of people that like your music. Embrace them and invite them to your performances instead. Don’t make anyone come around when they don’t want to.

Fellow artists. Guess how many friends showed up to my performances? 0. Zero.

#2. Build A Crew And Network Of People Who’s Mission Align With Yours. Find A Tribe.

When you start to take it to the next level, and you will more in likely begin to see your friends actually believe in you for the first time. Then the same people who you couldn’t get to listen to your music will start to tell everyone they know you. Guaranteed. When they see you are taking it seriously, and making strides, they will come around (even if they don’t like your genre of music). By following through, it will show that you are not like everyone else who doesn’t make their dreams come true.

Even though I just started my band, a fellow artist told me “SO I see that you are performing with a band.” But I haven’t seen this artist in months. So how would they know?

When you put the work in, people start to take notice.

You would think that the people that know you, regardless if they understand what you are doing or not, would have your back. In the perfect world, this would be the case.

Photo Credit Goes To Original Owner

But we are not in the perfect world.

#3. Work Work Work Work Work Work.

Writing song lyrics daily for an hour? Try to write more song lyrics. Performing? Perform more. Learning about the business side of music? Definitely do more.

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Hello There! I’m Alesha! I’ve been involved in different businesses in several different capacities from being ceo, coo, co-founder, and more. I’ve learned so much from creating businesses, and I look forward to all the learning experiences I will have from starting new ventures. 2019 I’m excited to announce that I’m going to add more businesses to my portfolio. STAY TUNED! I’m going to introduce them sometime next year!

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