You Think They Have Your Back? Think Again.
A cautionary tale of why I look outside my school networks for most things. Adult bullying and jealousy exist.
This is somewhat of a follow up to “How we can stop thinking that other people’s success and happiness is our loss”. And here soon my article “How To Kill Jealousy Once And For All” will connect with these two as well.
Situation 1.
I overheard a relative say that she’s looking for a job. They said that they been telling people to put in a good word for them.
Good word my foot…
Have you considered that the people who you think are putting in a good word about you is actually trash talking you, or the primary reason why you are given the boot from job prospects?
Networks can be a good thing, if the people have good heart and good intentions.
Ok, long story cut short. I didn’t have a great time in school. I wrote enough articles about it.
Now fast forward 5 years. I changed my landscape completely. I live in Miami, NY, and LA at different periods. I travel often for acting gigs all over the world. I create different businesses regularly. I get invited to events everywhere (I don’t always post about everything). I live life on my terms. I’m seen as an accomplished 20 something. It’s a far cry from my college days where I was treated like trash. And told I can’t do things because of my skin color. (I do credit them for teaching me how to drink and getting some good friends out of it.) The transformation has been so massive that I suspect there’s been some falling out in a few circles. Not by my own doing. My social media is loaded with food. Humbly.
Ironically I still get the “are you a student question” a lot. In other words, I don’t brag, I’m very unassuming. (They have a perception of how they think you’re supposed to be and look at certain age, so I said f**** it. I’ll tell them I’m a student to get food discounts).
Salute to all my friends that still talk and reconnect with me. I luv ya. We all just agree to pick up right where we left off if some time goes by without speaking. I’m the same humble b***** you met, and always down with tequila shots with you when I’m not filming, recording or creating a business.
As I mention in my 4 Reasons Why People Hate You When You Are Successful post; Instead of several school friends being happy for me, I noticed more blocking, avoiding me at Indiana events (doing the mean girl stuff), and getting organizations to block me.
Well then.
In this digit nomad article, it mentions that you will be misunderstood by a lot of people. You will miss life events back home.
I expected this, and made my bed and lie in it. My school college life was such a f*** up that I wanted to make the rest of my life the best of my life. I’m not competing with anyone, but apparently I’ve become really threatening to old former pals. We become enemies! Whattttt? Because I made the choice to make my life better?
I told many friends congrats on your wedding day, and let’s reconnect after your day-meaning I expect no invite. I sent flowers to their workplace in a few cases. No hard feelings, still didn’t want an invite. A few of the girls blocked me off social media, others reached back out about hanging out. And yeah in my case, many friends have forgotten about me, you’re not priority anymore.
Well then.
My school friends that I still talk to are hanging tight. But I will admit that those incidents made me a little bit more savvy, and made me go outside my school networks for everything.
I already don’t trust easily as it is, and I sometimes wonder if I did go to my school networks, would the same backstabbing that’s happening to my relatives happen to me?
They say it’s who you know. Sometimes the people you know can be stabbing you in the back and try to sabotage you.
I’m not sure so I don’t take ANY chances.
These past few years I’ve gone completely outside my networks and outside of my hometown Indianapolis. I really don’t go to my school friends except to hang out or drink. Sometimes people from your school days only see you in a certain light, and in my case it’s better to start with people who you have no history with.
“omg you didn’t follow through during your college days, how can you be doing some of the stuff you are doing now?”
“Are you that same girl from grade school? that….”
Sometimes the people you have history with can bring up silly mistakes you made in the past and refuse to see your new transformations. It can be more of a hindrance in this case.
And surprisingly, many of my solo businesses have done excellent.
Conventional wisdom suggests that you need a team to have a successful business. I want to agree. I do agree in certain situations. I’ve come across enough cutthroats. For every business I have with a team, I start another solo side business (remember Steve Bello I mentioned this to you). As crazy as this sounds, these side solo businesses are my TRUE cushions, my safety blankets, and are not posted on LinkedIn. Lol.
These many scenarios makes me not put all my eggs in one basket and to be careful about depending on people. People come and leave your life on repeat, people get jealous. When you strike it on your own, the chances of getting hog-tied, disappointed or abandoned gets reduced. Remember as Lady Gaga says, your career will never wake up and tell you it doesn’t love you anymore. My music, my startups or films has never envied me, never acted shi**** when the spotlight wasn’t on them or told me it doesn’t love me anymore. My dog hasn’t either. Not to say or suggest I shut people out, but some distance on a regular basis low key is my peace.
Is my accomplishments making some of my past school friends feel small? Yes I can tell by the way they are acting. Is it my problem? No. As Bernate Lounge pointed out, it’s not my job or damn prerogative to try and figure out why other’s successes make them lash out and feel small. That’s for them to find out on their own time in their life journey.
- I’ll continue to volunteer, give back, and go to events.
- I’ll handle awkward exchanges like I usually do.
- Sometimes the people you helped and apparently “owe you one” don’t feel like they have anything to offer back, and a lot of times are big shots with little pistols. Sometimes they are the ones trying to use you and ride your coattails. Hince the reason for no shows and unanswered phone calls when you ask them for a helping hand in return….instead of keeping it real and saying hey I can’t do it, they continue to be what they are not. And look for opportunities to use more.
Situation 2
This probably should be named situation #4. I put several up there already.
I left this empty because I debated on writing this for a while.
I’ve had more people say they had my back over the years, just to find out later they really don’t.
After my surgery, my insurance supposely claimed they were looking out for me. But the minute I moved up and got better? They proved how much they had my back by trying to take it away.
Message they were sending here: They don’t want you to have anything or very little to give you something. And any attempts of getting better we will take the carpet up under you.
After challenging it, I have had no more issues. But at this point I pay out of pocket more for my medical services. I can’t trust my insurance at this point, who knows when they will try to take off for the hills again. They might leave during my auditon or when I’m eating at a local buffet.
I sometimes wonder if a few will ever REALLY and sincerely mean when they say they have my back. Or is it a code word for “watch, wait and see” if this will turn into another lie and broken promise.
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Hello There! I’m Alesha! I’ve been involved in different businesses in several different capacities from being ceo, coo, co-founder, and more. I’ve learned so much from creating businesses, and I look forward to all the learning experiences I will have from starting new ventures. 2019 I’m excited to announce that I’m going to add more businesses to my portfolio. STAY TUNED! I’m going to introduce them sometime next year!
With one business I was involved with, we made it possible to install a little device with customized hardware and a SaaS solution implemented to the router, the business owner was able see live data about social media info collected.
With another company, we had professional internet marketing company that focus on digital marketing campaigns, services and jobs such as SEO, PPC, Online Reputation Management, and social media marketing.
With EYT, I oversaw day-to-day operations and keeping the CEO apprised of significant events;Yes I actually talk with my business partner on a daily basis. I created operations strategy and policies; Communicated strategy and policy to employees and interns; Fostering employee alignment with corporate goals; and overseeing human resource management. I also delegated tasks to my team.
With Bones’ Custom Guitar. We created custom guitars for musicians with imported wood. No one Bones’ guitar is the same.
The Wish Benefit Concert is a concert founded by Ayana Carter, Mel Sexton and Alesha Peterson. It’s privately held at Riley Hospital For Children.
