15 Reasons Why I Dropped My Religion
It may be permanent, I may find my way back. I’m just rolling with it. I need to delete the religious emails out of my emails anyways.
Several of my friends and I decided to stop actively going to church. It’s another thing on my list of rebellious things to do. I like the structures of the church, the rituals, some beliefs, but I’m keeping my distance.
Generally, I do not discuss religion or politics. I have friends and family from all walks of life. You may not see another article like this again from me.
411.
- Some of them don’t believe in God (I do, but I don’t think he answers any of my prayers like he once did. Am I suggesting he solves all my problems? No. But he’s been silent on some major major things. So I’m describing him as the parent who no longer wants to be there. Or looks out for others. I’ve seen him answer other people’s prayers, which is cool. My dad doesn’t want me either, it’s ok dude, you and him have something in common.)
- Some are still regular church goers, but stopped donating money.
- Some have coined terms just as roaming Catholic, and since I’m a foodie people have called me Cafeteria Catholic.
- I’ve been invited to a Hindu temple to tour it, and I’m going.
- If I have a problem with someone, I will go to them directly, not talk shit behind someone’s back. The gossipy nature at some points turned me off. Like are you adults or is this grade school re-loaded? Are you kidding me?Some of the church-goers I know make some of the NYC and Hollywood circles I’ve ran in look like angels (and hey they did their shit too, but at this point it’s hard to figure out who to run with, because ultimately too many people will let you down).
- I ran into too many that are too into looking, and being important, or trying to be seen. Be yourself, and your time will come.
#1. Too many bad experiences.
I describe it here. Shit.
#2. Betrayal Of Trust.
It can be challenging to believe in a good and loving heavenly Father when you’ve had unpleasant experiences or maybe the absence of a father.-
I thought I could trust the priest in question, and looked up to him as a dad because I didn’t have one. I wrote him a letter as a 9 year old as to why I trusted him. He let bad bad people run the school in the ground, looked the other way when bullying was happening, took money and basketball tickets, more concerned about saving face/maintaining an image/ than really addressing the hard issues and this was someone who was the leader of our church. Indirect or microaggressions, ignorant comments being made at or toward us all the time, and he looked the other way.
Racism was shown to be an issue that was tolerated at my school at the time, and he was more interested in keeping the money people happy/saving face than stopping the racist behavior. Like a lot of people in this world, unfortunately, he didn’t take the lives and the fight of Black students, as well as students from other historically marginalized communities, seriously.
A later priest told me that he could have knocked all the drama out, but consciously chose not to. This later priest put his money where his mouth is, and how the school is today, is how the school should have always been. He did things that the priest during my time was too afraid to do.
(My stance currently still stands, I really can’t miss what I never had, and some people made it more of an issue than I did. Ultimately, I’m responsible for my own behaviors, regardless of who is or isn’t in my life. Dad or not. Some periods in my childhood, I did try to have other men to look up to as my “unofficial” father to test to see if I was really missing out on something as the world kept trying to say to me. Just to have my trust betrayed and realizing that sometimes, the world might say you are missing out on something, BUT it’s best to miss out and not be included. I touch on more on this in a future article, No, Not All Fatherless Women Have “Daddy” Issues, in the interest of time, be on the lookout for that in the future.)
#3. EXPERIENCES AT COLLEGE.
My goodness, didn’t think of this until I saw it on this blog. Is flucking a class or struggling in math lab/chemistry normal problems for me? Yes, I blame that on myself. I blame a lot on myself. Do people have free will? Yes. But I had soo many bad experiences from discrimination to watching friends end their lives that I felt like no one was looking out for me, and I had to face it on my own. I asked God to help me at times, and I felt like it got worst. The more I prayed, the worst it got. I was so burned out and grief stricken it made me sick (I also had no idea I would need all the surgeries I would need for years to come.) Burnout, being sick, racism, no support and grief is no joke. Chest tightening is no joke. Getting kicked down while having 6 situations come at you at the same time is no joke. Like my grade school, I also saw first hand that universities cover-up or essentially sugar coat racist incidents to save face; It creates confusion and hysteria for the severity of what the action was and shows that the university cares more about its image rather than the safety of its POC/BIPOC students. It basically confirmed that they didn’t and never cared. I discuss this in multiple articles of mine. Both my grade school, and university had this in common, they care(d) more about money and fronting appearances than caring about the welfare, well being and mental health of the students.
Why do people lose their faith? Some turn because God didn’t answer an important prayer or rescue them from the consequences of a bad decision. They may have been hurt by a church or turned off by hypocritical Christians. One study found that many of the most well-known atheists grew up without a father. It can be challenging to believe in a good and loving heavenly Father when you’ve had unpleasant experiences or maybe the absence of a father.-(I forget who quoted this).
“I don’t believe administration takes the lives and the fight of Black students, as well as students from other historically marginalized communities, seriously. If White American students were the ones targeted, classes would have been canceled and professors would have been much more understanding.” https://www.essence.com/feature/rise-in-racism-on-college-campuses/
#4. Unanswered Prayers
Look. There was some things that was out of my control that I really needed help with. I usually deal with things by myself and I do not like to whine and complain. No response is a response. A situation getting worst is a answer (an unfortunate one). I only ask for help if it’s a dire emergency, and it’s something that’s out of my control.
If I start my 12 page paper on a Thursday night and it’s due Friday morning, I’m not going to ask God to save me, that’s my fault.
If I don’t study for a test, and I fail it, it’s my fault.
If I get a paper cut, I’ll put a band aid on it.
If I walk out in the middle of the street and on coming traffic is coming, it’s my fault if I don’t move out the way.
If I cold turkey run a marathon, I’m just gonna deal with hurting for a week. That’s my fault also. (I ran 16.3 miles without training just to see how far I could push myself and it lawdz it hurt. This is a bad bad idea. Don’t do that lol, I’m just nuts.)
I don’t whine, because usually I will try to look to solve it myself first.
HOWEVER. (I’ll talk about this point more in #13).
At the time of this writing, I’m to the point where I will submit prayer requests and get others to pray on my behalf, because they get better results than I do. I still pray (there may be no response, but I still reach out).
#5. Self-righteous, holier than thou Christians
I believe in a higher power with whom I communicate and pray to,” to “I think I believe in God but why would I bother going to church?” Some even admire and follow many of Jesus’ teachings specifically but don’t claim membership in any particular faith community or tradition.
*******************Actual Email Conversations***********************
I notice as I reach out and ask for help (WHICH IS HIGHLY DIFFERENT FROM WHAT I USUALLY DO, lol. Mind you, I don’t like burdening or bothering people. I help people without looking for help in return, but when I ask for help it isn’t available, or people distance themselves from me), not a lot of my friends and family is responding, even when they said I could reach out when ever I need. It makes me wonder when they say “hey I’ll be there for you” and then when I reach out for help I get crickets. I’ve always felt like my whole life I care for others way more than they care for me. Or they help others in ways they wouldn’t be willing to help me.. Or they wasn’t good friends. And they just secretly wanted to see you fail. I’m not expecting perfect (no one is lol), and I’m not expecting personal recognition, but every once in a while, it’s nice to hear people say hey, everything gonna be alright. I don’t want to feel guilty for being vulnerable and asking for help. It makes me detach and not be so quick to let people in, especially when they keep displaying toxic behaviors (like I talked about in the last email). I don’t mind building closeness and bonds with people, just want to feel safe doing so and know that my secrets won’t get sold to the tabloids lol. What helps is not to expect so much from people so you don’t get disappointed, and don’t expect people to show you the same love you show them.
******But many people have let me down, so maybe more for others (hey not hating on anyone, like I say I don’t hate the player or the game). Remember in the last email I said I’ve hesitated to ask for help? Many times I was there for friends and family (and I didn’t even tell most of the extended family, they have no idea), but then when I need them they are not around. I messaged a couple of friends asking if we can talk several times but they won’t hit me back. I still have the faith but been so used to being let down that it’s second nature.***********
******Yeah, I would be ok with reaching out more if I didn’t have a bad history with it. Literally asking for help led me to financial ruin, losing scholarships, I got stories for days on what asking for help did for me (I won’t bore you lol*****’
****To be honest (and I’m just going to keep it real with you, because I’ve been keeping it real with you this whole time).Nah I’m good for the time being when it comes to churches, they appear to be more interested in members for money in my opinion . I usually pull up mass in the middle of nature surrounded with my animals. (When I pick a church, I’ll let you know. It will probably be 100 years from now). Maybe being a hermit isn’t a bad idea? Love, literally being vulnerable and trusting people have led me to financial ruin. To the point where I couldn’t get a house, car, and I got behind on medical expenses. It’s embarrassing and shameful. I do trust eventually, but it takes me time due to my experiences. And many times, it came from people that said they would always be there and that I could trust them. And usually people sided with everyone else except me. And sure thing, we are all sinners. I make mistakes and definitely don’t sweat the small stuff. But I’m not gonna go out my way to mess you up, spread a nasty rumor about you because you have things I don’t. I don’t hate on people more successful than me. I learn from them. I’ve learned just because you see the good in others doesn’t mean they see the good in you (obvs). And wait, I’ve had way too many people do cruel things to see how much suffering you go through on purpose. Or spread rumors, lies, and gossip on you over a misunderstanding, jealousy, or disagreement. If I ever had a problem, I would come talk to you about it. They purposely went out of their way to destroy my life, to the point where l really rather be a lone wolf. I’m going to have to hire a medical advocate to represent me because I’m not in the state. If I ignore this and throw my hands in the air, people will and can hurt you and it could have major consequences. I’ve being seeing a lot of 1111, and 111. I’m definitely less religious, I use God and the universe interchangeably nowadays. Thanks for being a listening ear my friend.
********I think one of the things I’ve run into too many times is this gossipy, cliquish culture at too many of my past churches. I expect that in NYC and Hollywood when I audition for film projects, that artificial culture. They put me on the welcoming committee because I used to make people, even people I wasn’t close with, feel welcome. They claim I was “talented” in making people feel included (and remained friends with people who decided not to join). It doesn’t take much to say hey to someone, because I get you’re not going to be close to everyone. But even with that I notice my churches was very good at excluding people because of perceived differences, money, race, social status etc. I would go on retreat, experience that high, then a little bit later they would walk across the street and act like they didn’t know me. And that same priest let the daughter of a well-off man create a toxic school/mass culture, and he was more into money than doing the right thing (they were more interested in getting NBA/NFL tickets, and staying in the rich man’s good graces, than addressing the issues that came up). I remember a conversation I had with my parish a while back about people our age not giving enough money. I can give without wanting something in return, but if I don’t feel led or if I don’t feel at home, you know that family feeling, I’m not going to give…and many times I’ve seen some of the worst behavior from people in church (not you of course, you’re amazing btw). I found when I gave a church my heart they burned it, so I stay at arms length even when I visit.
I still email prayer requests and will pull up church on a cell phone. I’ve always considered/consider myself more spiritual than religious. I’ve met great people in church, but I’ve also met some of the worst, self-righteous people in the church; they treat people badly and like shit on the street, try to run people off the road, and then try to tell others how to live their lives.
#6. The Bullshit Emails Always Asking For Money
The messages are great, and I do read the emails. But I’m turned off when they keep asking me to sow a seed. Great messages yes. I’m just not feeling it. Look, I understand you got to pay bills like everyone else, but is any one else getting tired of being hit up for money all the time by all directions? I pick my causes I give to and volunteer for, but I'm just done with the shit. Can you give a message for once for nourishing the soul and stop looking for money all the time? I know you got to pay bills too. Sometimes it’s good and “God’s work” to do nice things for people without always looking for things in return. One of the things my mom taught me when I was younger is to do good without looking for something in return. This has worked wonders for me.
“And shall God not avenge His own elect who cry out day and night to Him, though he bears long with them? I tell you that He will avenge them speedily.”
Luke 18: 7–8a
Alesha, what battle are you fighting? Whatever the battle is, God has seen it. God has seen your fight. God has seen you push through this year’s hardships. Although it might seem at times that you are alone in the fight, I am here to let you know that you are not fighting any of your battles alone. Our God is THE LORD MIGHTY IN BATTLE! He is a God that wants justice for you. He is a God that seeks vengeance on your behalf.
(I just wanted a cousin to have a kidney transplant, my friends and family to be saved and they all passed away, all under the age of 35 in 2020 and 2021. Don’t make promises you can’t keep hun.)
As you continue to behold the current changes of life, such as economic reversal, stagnant flow of finances, the emotional ups and downs, the Spirit of God has told me it’s time to manifest justice. The kind of justice that will set you on top and bring blessings in your direction:
Alesha, God wants to bring great favour your way.
Alesha, God wants to send the right connections to you.
Alesha, God wants to bless you financially.
Alesha, God wants to put the enemy at your footstool.
You see, God wants to bring vengeance. God wants to manifest justice on your behalf. You must not become complicit or accustomed to the way your life is set up today because God is shifting and making changes in your life. This is not how it will be forever, and this is not your end!
Alesha, stop feeling down and out, and know that you are more than a conqueror.
Alesha, refuse the feelings that say to you that you are being held back from success, and know that God has given you the victory.
Alesha, stop feeling like your back is up against the wall, and start releasing the Power of the Creative Word of God in your life.
God’s justice is greater than any law or man. God’s Word is better than man’s word. When God steps into your battle, God is giving you the outcome that God knows you deserve. He is manifesting in the natural finished work of His Son.
Alesha, God wants to eliminate all unjust issues in your life. The Lord’s vengeance for your justice is upon you, but you must activate it. Now, you are probably thinking, “How do I activate it, Prophet?” I’m glad you asked. To activate it, you need to be strong on His behalf. You need to hold God’s anointing heavily in your life. You must be a new creation believer that not only knows God’s Word but DEMONSTRATES God’s Word. Your trust must be in Him. You must STAND in His principles, and STAND with His Word, regardless of their threats or what it looks like in the natural.
As your praying prophet, I am here to tell you that God’s vengeance for justice will be activated, and those that wrongly went against you, you new creation you, will be dealt with by God while you overcome every issue you are dealing with in your life.
Alesha, let God in on your fight. As an act of faith, join me today in sowing a “God’s Fighting My Battle” Faith Seed. Alesha, you’ve fought on your own long enough. It is time for your struggle to end, it is time for you to receive double for your trouble!
Today, as you sow your $55.00 “God’s Fighting My Battle” Faith Seed, your seed is activating vengeance on every plan the enemy had for you. This act of worship is covering your life and every family member in your life. Alesha, this is your season for God’s vengeance in your life! WALK IN YOUR VICTORY!
What a beautiful message, just for the sow at the seed part is a turn off.
They explore how the unexpected losses and challenges in life can be a doorway into a deeper experience with God.
Alesha, the Lord says don’t ever cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won’t let you see the stars! You’ve got to remember that the genuine, loving emotion that breaks your heart is oftentimes the same emotion that will heal it gradually over time.
God is often doing His greatest work when it seems like He is nowhere to be found. He sometimes does His best work in the dark. In those times when you don’t think He is doing anything, behind the scenes He is actually up to something great.
Great messages, but then they always get around to asking you for money.
This makes me realize that mostly no one cares for you, unless you have something in it for them, and the only time they come around is when they want money. I found this to be true in my churches too.
#8. Always Asking For Money In Person
Read #7. I have to really feel led, and I think there’s many ways to give back. Not just from donating to a church. I like to feed and care for animals.
P.S. The next person/prophet that tells me that they can go to heaven and back on the same day and intercede and actually shake God’s hand and deliver my message personally my eye brow is gonna rise up. And my eyes are gonna roll.
I got a early lesson in life on how people treat you differently/being in the in crowd/out crowd based on how much money you do have or they think you have in the church. Ideally, you treat people the way you want to be treated regardless of finances. And accept people for who they are. But in my church experiences I learned sadly this isn’t always the case. I know of a church where you are called a Saint and get seated based on how much money you donate. I’m far from a nun, Saint or angel quality at this point, I’m just going to keep it for real.
(After May 2022, I hope I won’t be considered nun or saint material, lets see how goody two shoed people think I am after all that, I have to keep my cool because of surgeries, but just wait…My rebellious side is quite fun.)
Help us.
#9. The Scandal Didn’t Help
For someone that gets sexually harassed (and a few instances fell under the category of sexual assault and didn’t realize it, it just felt weird for years and now I know why) a lot. It was very disturbing to me that they allowed that behavior of sexual assault to continue for years in church. One victim is one too many for me. Instead of throwing them in jail, they choose to try to hide it and move them to other parishes? WTF. You guys, what in the hell? For a religion that tries and claims to be an example to the world, I said you got to be kidding me. Instead of trying to preach to others and how they need to live their lives, you all should stay in your lane and clean up your own backyard before trying to preach to others what to do. I started to see my own church as hypocritical at best. When the priest scandals started making it on the news, I said WTF. Having relationships-inappropriate relationships with underage kids is not ok with me under any circumstances.
“But Alesha do you really believe they did that?”
“It’s not everyone doing it” (Well duh)
And wait, instead of wondering how to help out the victims, people start victim shaming and start to justify what the priests did? “But I can’t see them doing that, they such a nice person.” Yes, I want to believe they didn’t do it either, but damn it they did it. They were all over the news across the country, it’s on the official Diocese website that the priest (s) was dismissed from the church for sexual misconduct. Sexual misconduct is serious.
If it was addressed like it should have been addressed it wouldn’t have blown up all over the country and then the wouldn’t have had to run around trying to save face IF THEY DID THE RIGHT THING IN THE FIRST PLACE. And practicing what you preach, homies.
Loyalty and trust is very big to me. The risk of getting hurt again is something I feel in my heart very deeply, according to several love assessment. I’ve set up life now where it is hard to let someone in. I felt betrayed. I won’t get into fully how badly my trust got violated, but it was. There’s still some stories I’m leaving out.
To those that are still going, love you at a distance. I can’t do it right now. I don’t know if I will ever find my way back.
#10. I Want To Find Something That’s LGTBQ friendly.
You give so much to help your family, friends, community, or even strangers without expecting anything in return. But very few people recognize that you might need help sometimes, too.
Recently you might have gone through a tough time and needed help, but nobody was there to lend a hand.
When you see Angel Number 1 this is a special message from your guardian angel that you are not alone.
Recently you may have gone through a time in your life when you felt alone or unsupported. This number often appears after we ask for help from others but receive no support.
These feelings of loneliness usually appear after we feel physically or emotionally abandoned by our loved ones.
It’s no secret that you have supported many people throughout your life without asking for anything in return. But when you needed help, nobody was there to lift you up.
You don’t like asking for help, even though you know others would be more than happy to lend a hand.
This struggle of giving and taking has always been difficult for you. On the outside, you are positive, generous, and social, but when times get tough it is difficult for others to see through the facade you put up.
Angel Number 1 is a reminder that your guardian angel has been sent by God to protect you in all ways (Psalm 91:11).
When crises came up, I couldn’t go to my own Catholic churches for help. No one in my church life in addition didn’t offer a helping hand. As usual, I had to handle setbacks on my own. The gossipy, cliquish nature made them untrustworthy. As I mentioned above: I notice my churches was very good at excluding people because of perceived differences, money, race, social status etc. I would go on retreat, experience that high, then a little bit later they would walk across the street and act like they didn’t know me. I talk about the racism I experienced in my church here. In my own church, I wasn’t seen as a human being; like a lot of times in this world, I was seen as less than and someone to discriminate against. Asking for help is a death wish.
There’s already enough pain in this world, and people are busy with their own lives. In my article called “Why I chose to suffer in silence, especially in school.” The people around me wasn’t supportive, and telling them made it worst. Everyone is not a friend, and too many people out here are waiting to hear bad news on you just to kick you down in the ground further. Misery loves company.
Let’s pretend for a sec that every time that you are around someone, they tell you this is going on, that is going on, this is going on, that is going on, this is going on. Unless they really care for you, people don’t want to hear all that all the time. Pain drives people away. (Nor do I want to put all of that on someone.) If someone is happy with their lives, why would they want you raining on their parade? I understand it isn’t healthy to keep all that pain inside, and some people just need someone to talk to. But is it ok to be that negative Nancy all the time? In my opinion, no. There’s a lot of things I haven’t told family and friends, and it’s a decision I stand by.
I talk about it more in that future article, but people already got their own things going on, and tackling your problems on top of it? It might sink some people. I’ve noticed when I’ve gone through things (especially watching my friends pass away) people, especially in my church distanced themselves from me.
My friends from LGTBQ Community
*Are some of the most loving, non-judgmental people I know. When I couldn’t go to my own parishes for a non-judgmental listening ear, they were always there.
*Not once did none of them act like they knew me when I was around this person, and act like they didn’t know me when they were around perceived “important” people. No matter who they were with, they stayed true to themselves.
*Even though some of them don’t consider themselves church goers, Christians or believers of God, they acted more Christ-like to me than some of the people I’ve known from church for years.
*Yes, as with all friendships, we disagree. But it’s respectful.
*I learn something from them all the time, and I’m thankful they are in my life.
Many don’t want to become Christians because they want to be loving people, and believe Christians are too mean and judgmental.
11. I want to find something that’s mental health friendly.
The church is getting better on their stances on suicide and mental health.
Shouldn’t a church community support you in your times of loss, not making you feel worst about it or talking about your friend like shit when they are already dead and not in the position to defend themselves?
Losing friends and family between the ages of 19 to 34 is extrucially painful. To have people turn their back on you and you spent years being loyal to them? That’s also painful.
#12. I like exploring and studying different religions
I’m keeping an open mind to whatever else is out there. Ideally, my personal comfort zone is relationship with God outside organized religion. On Dr’s Phil’s show on suicide, I understand what the sister is saying.
I hope no one has to experience it.
Right now I’m areligious and not a believer of any church and wonder if God really cares for me. After watching a cousin pass away from kidney failure, a friend getting killed, (I’m not going to list every single one from 2020 and 2021 tragedy here, because that will be straight depressing and no one wants to read all that shit), I’m really questioning things.
If I drive down a one way street, that’s clearly my fault…just saying.
I like listening to Hindu music and mediating. I was invited to a Hindu temple in Bali. I’m headed out.
I never considered myself overly religious, more spiritual. I like going to nature.
And my favorite church so far is deacon pillowcase, preacher sheet and assistant blanket. It’s the least judgmental church I’ve been to, and pillows don’t gossip. Sheets don’t ask you when you gonna get married, and assistant blanket hasn’t asked me for money once.
When a friend or family member invites me to church, I prefer the online versions. I visit all kinds of different churches when I travel. If the internet is down, I’m not attending that weekend. The tricks they try to get me to come to a physical location isn’t going to work. If the internet is down, I’m not attending that week. Sorry babes.
But seriously, picking one is going to be a journey, not sure where I’ll land or if I’ll ever see church in the same way after my experiences. I think trees make the best fellow church goers.
#13. We were not made just to experience suffering and agony
I hate when I submit a prayer request and they say:
That does not mean everything will go the way you want, but God will bring good out of it.
I’m not asking everything to go my way all the time. People are missing the point. How can you see good out of it when you found/see your friend(s) dead and you are mentally messed up for years because of it? Just a thought. Or your friend gets killed and you are thinking WTF? I do not like to experience seeing my people getting killed in a car accident to test my faith, or see them pull their remains out of a car crash to prove a point. (I think there’s less traumatic ways we can do it here….like getting fired from a gig or fired from a job or something? Or getting rejected out of a organization?)
Sure, getting rejected out of a organization that you wanted to get into may be a sign that something better is out there for you (and yes, and that can hurt also, I totally understand. Getting fired or let go from a job is a form of trauma). I’m not taking about just that. I’m not even talking about that.
If I start my 12 page paper on a Thursday night and it’s due Friday morning, I’m not going to ask God to save me, that’s my fault.
If I get a paper cut, I’ll put a band aid on it.
If I cold turkey run a marathon, I’m just gonna deal with hurting for a week. That’s my fault also.
If I leave for work at 8:25 am and work starts at 8:30 am, that’s my fault.
I don’t whine, make long Facebook statuses on how bad I feel, because usually I will try to look to/will solve it myself first. That’s what I’ve done for years.
HOWEVER.
When you are in a midst of a tragedy, someone saying that God is using bad things to draw you closer to him, bring us into deeper experiences with him just doesn’t cut the mustard. When you lose a child or going through some trauma, you need people to be there for you. I’ve also seen the God doesn’t really give you more than you can handle quotes, and if you wouldn’t be given this life if you wasn’t strong enough to live it.
I know people are trying to say you are a strong person and trying to help.
I agree with this list, there is some things you shouldn’t say to people when they are grieving.
When you are going through setback after setback, prayers sure. But sometimes people need a listening ear, and actual solutions (professional mental help for trauma, family and friends to talk to, the bills to be paid with real money,-People! The light company and utilities will get cut off if you don’t pay-not just prayers and false hope.) I remember a friend saying that his frat brother’s mom passed away, and they did pray. But in addition to praying, they did ACTUAL things, and split tasks amongst the brothers. They actually did his homework (actual solution), paid his tuition (actual solution), paid his car note and gas (actual solution), for several semesters kept an eye on him to make sure he didn’t do something to himself (actual solution), took turns throughout the night watching him (actual solution).
If I sit in the middle of the street and a car is coming and I ask God to move me and I don’t move, I will get hit right? I need to get up and move out the way. If I don’t move, it’s my fault, correct?
Actual solutions…..
I’m not going to pray if I get a splinter in my hand (although some of you may, personal choice). I’m just going to remove it and put the right medicine on it. When it boils down to it, I’ll try to find ways to handle things myself because I feel like most people haven’t had my back for years. But like I said, if it’s something out of my control, I will pray (I don’t know if it will get answered though). I had a couple of people in my life pass away and as soon as I asked for help in prayers, something else popped up (infact several things, a few things especially involving immediate family members I can’t discuss). Question, have you ever prayed for a dire situation, and it just got worst (i.e. one or two of your friends went from critical condition to passing away, btwn the ages of 21–31, and it made you question why you prayed in the first place?) It was just one of those things. I started having medical issues pop up around June 2021, and it felt like my plate was full and I couldn’t tell a lot of people. And without getting into too many details, it was one thing after the other. I tried to focus and take a moment to reflect on the positive things, that occurred everyday, no matter how small it was. (and yes, aware of the blessings, and not dwell on the negatives). I was trying to stay positive with my Fitness Competition and the meditations I had playing at the time, but it was literally one thing after the other (mainly young people passing away).
(Ripped this from another article)
The quotes look and feel nice in the religious videos, but imagine reading no harm will come to you, and then watching your friends and family pass away in a tragic way, it doesn’t feel like blessings. I’m going to make things right doesn’t feel right, nothing When you focus on my presence, many things that once troubled you will lose their power over you. The things that seem sorrowful now will soon be over but the joys to come will last forever. No matter how bad things may seem at the moment, know that God has a plan for you. He will bring you out of this struggle, and into a place of peace and happiness. (I can really keep going.) A breakthrough is coming your way and all your prayers will be answered soon. Keep your head up and don’t lose faith, because the best is yet to come. God has great things in store for you, so don’t give up now. Healing blessings are headed your way soon and everything will be back to normal. There will be a turnaround in your luck. The hardships you have been through won’t last forever, and better days are ahead. God says, you deserve to be happy, be strong because your problem today are just temporary. My child, trust me and have patience, everything will come to you at the right time.
I’m sorry, I can’t unsee seeing my friends and cousins from the ages of 21 to 34 in a casket. The sad reality is no one can take that pain away or make it right. Time doesn’t always heal, you just learn to live with it, and that child-like innocence you had before experiencing tragedies is forever gone. Life before loss was one of a kind of childlike innocence compared to the life I have now. For them to pass away in the prime of their life hurts. It will mess you up for the rest of your life.
Everything will come to me at the right time. Is watching my friend get killed around my birthday ok? Or losing friends and family over the holidays great timing to you all in the same year? I don’t think so, it feels like karma from a past life and punishment to be blunt. In this instance, timing is bad.
Now earthly things? Absolutely. Sometimes you can’t force things, and things just click at the right time like career wise. I got that. Maybe it is better to be a supporting role before I’m the main role in a play. Maybe it is best that I’m an extra first. Maybe it is better that I don’t get promoted right away. If I watch the videos from that perspective, it makes perfect since.
I rather no God or religious video say anything, and I flourish in into the person I’m destined to be, and there are so many amazing things to look forward to, celebrate life with him than making promises they can’t keep. One video said that “I’m going to bless you with so many blessings, and make up for all that you lost for all those years” and I swear the next day I got a lawsuit while in the hospital back in 2016ish. The timing of that is bad. So much for making up for all those lost years huh?
And generally speaking, I do not like to bring up things while a happy occasion is up or if the spotlight is on someone else, no matter what it is. There’s a right time and place to catch up. (Not going to talk about a friend getting killed on any one’s wedding weekends, I’ll wait until longgg after the weekend is over, I’m not the one to rain on anyone’s parade, kill the good vibes or be a party pooper.)
Like I said, I’m to the point where I get other people to pray on my behalf, in my case it seems like God listens to other people first, or I’m the invisible child that he doesn’t want to be bothered with-my dad is the same way….so it’s all good). It’s all love, but in a lot of instances, I’m not being heard.
In Theory (as Grotto points out):
And as frustrating as community can be, it can also be an amazing support system IF IT’S THE RIGHT COMMUNITY though.. A strong community:
· prays for and with you;
· celebrates spiritual milestones with you;
· guides your conscience on important personal and social issues;
· accompanies you on journey;
· benefits from your gifts and contributions (asking for money again huh, y’all always gotta put that one in huh?);
· gives you opportunities to step into leadership roles;
· teaches you;
· picks you up when you fall down;
It sounds great on paper, but then there’s the reality I faced. If you happen to be reading this and have a great community, that’s awesome. Glad it’s working out for you. Is it ok I visit for dinner, then leave out the back door when no one is looking? I have a disappearing act that you have to see to believe.
#13. It’s Our Way Or The High Way
Not everyone has the same faith-systems and beliefs. I notice way too many people (Christians, it’s love just keeping it real, it’s not just you but just for example) trying to force their views on other people.
Even if you disagree with someone, the other person deserves to be heard, analysis, consideration and time to voice their thoughts.
They don’t need your molding, or mind control just because they see life from a different perspective. The biggest thing I’ve noticed is people want to be listened to. Not yelled at or shouted down to because they have the one different viewpoint in the room from everyone else’s.
Not everyone has had the same life you have. Not everyone grew up the same as you. Respect and be considerate of other people. Some people out here have faced traumas, tribulations and tragedies that you will never understand. (Unless you been through it yourself, but instead of saying you understand and interrupting their story, be a listening ear first, avoid “I know” for the moment. You may have had a similar experience, but everyone grieves differently. ). Respect everyone in your path. You can never tell what someone been through or going through, so be kind.
This way of my way or the high way thinking imposes your personal value system upon others. You expected them to react the way you would react, and when they didn’t, you start out poureth out your judgments!
Tip: Practice open ended conversations that allow for disagreement. It’s healthy to sometimes disagree. It’s important to understand that others can view things differently without feeling the need to control, belittle and mold them.
A parishioner wasn’t happy his son came out. He felt like he failed.
That’s your son and you still love them anyways right?
I don’t like that a friend or two smoke 12 packs a cigs a day, but I still love them. I do not have to love everything a friend or loved one does, but I love them anyways.
Moral of the Story: You don’t have to see eye to eye, agree, like someone’s lifestyle choices or like what they do. But you love them anyways. I do not have to love or agree with everything a friend or loved one does, but I love them anyways.
Letting go of control and accepting others for who they are (even if you don’t like it/goes against your personal convictions/you disagree with it) is love. Meet people where they are. Lets find where we have common ground, and put the conversations where we don’t see eye to eye to the side. Instead of building on judgment, lets build on common ground. We as a nation have gotten away from this. My thing is if we find there’s a conversation we can’t talk and stay civil on, lets put that conversation aside, and find a common conversation we can talk about.
It’s ok to hold your values and see perspectives through someone else’s lens. Like taking a walk in someone else’s shoes. I do not know what it’s like to come into this country from another country or be an immigrant. But I can be compassionate and be a listening ear for someone, and listen to their story.
It’s interesting, if I showed this article to some of my family members they may try to shut me down or OMG GURLLL without considering the experiences that has led me to this point. Many will hear me out, some may say whatttttttt? I wouldn’t shut them down or try to change their strong religious convictions. I’m glad you have something to hold on to and people that you can call home. I’m happy that you can quote scripture from the back of your hand, but this isn’t me at all. After my experiences in churches, I’m like that’s alright.
I’ll always love them and accept them for who they are. I would and will continue to hear them out to see what they would have to say, even if I’m not feeling it. I would take the good with the bad and leave it all open to interpretation. (And gladly ignore when they try to use the bible to say where a woman’s place should be.) Family, I love you but I’m not a fan of any church. I don’t want to always be right (and don’t care about being right anyways), I just want to be happy. Yes, I’ll keep watching the religious videos, liking the pictures and videos outside your churches, but not feeling it.
P.S. A friend sent me a reddit conversation about why people don’t like Christians. I’m really tempted to sign up for a Reddit account to chime in. I don’t have Reddit, but I’m tempted. Do not get me started.
#14. I’m not a fan of organized religion right now.
I’m just not, which is why a religion recognizing me as a reverend is the funniest thing in the world. You just don’t know the person you took in lmfao.
#15. I’m Just Going To See Where This Journey Takes Me And Keep An Open Mind.
Could I find my way back. Maybe.
If I don’t, I don’t. If I do, I do.
#16. I’ve noticed these videos started coming into my feed in September. I think it’s a part of my suggested watched videos, and sometimes videos getting sent to me by family members but I’ll watch..
This video said the world does not love you. That’s real. Finally one that is honest and legit. The “Your so special” videos are great ego boosters, sure. But I like the ones that keep it for real with you.
The you that’s had a rough last week. The you that seems to be under constant stormy clouds. The you that feels invisible and doesn’t know how much longer you can hold on. The you that always blames yourself for everything that goes wrong. The you that is always trying to please others at the expense of your own happiness. The you who is broken and has lost faith.
This one is also real and mostly sounds like me! (I’m not a people pleaser, I just keep it for real.)
I understand that your experience have led you to lose most of your faith. But that little ounce of faith that you still have is able to move the mountains in your life.
Damn straight. This is real. Also sounds like me!
This one is totally for real and definitely me.
Why are you miraculously losing everything. The job you were good at has gone. Your relationship got f*cked up without your fault. (Hey he passed away, and I don’t think he liked me back anyways!) You lose your friends and your family does not believe in you anymore and you are living a life of isolation. You do not know where to go or what to do. You do not settle in your life. All the things will be f*cked up in your life unless and until the truth is revealed to you. It is because your life is f*cked up and you have nothing to lose but to follow your soul purpose. You do not fit in to society. You will always feel like you don’t belong here and you are the odd man out.
One of the best ones I’ve seen. Real and relatable.
For months even years, you’ve felt like no one has had your back.
First and foremost, I’ve ignored plenty of videos (nice clickbait though). You will go through times in your life that is tough. You will feel like things are conspiring against you.
I just want my friends and cousins that haven’t had the chance to live their life to stop passing away. That is all.
When looking up the different categories, agnostic and aethist doesn’t sound like me. (Click bait for all my family and friends that paid attention….)
(Although I can understand why a number of my friends don’t believe. 3 of my friends passing away and 4 family members passing away made me start questioning things, and I do not let anyone get close to me easily, so when my buddy especially passed, it ripped my heart out of my chest.) At this point, I started Googling different terms.
Then I came across areligious.
One way or another, you’ve left religion behind, and if you’ve been unsure what to call yourself, you might try on one of these to see if it works for you (Thank You Valerie & Salon)
The Obvs: Catholic, born-again, Reformed, Jew, Muslim, Shiite, Sunni, Hindu, Sikh, Buddhist…religions give people a name to go by.
The downside can be tribalism, an assumption that insiders are better than outsiders, that they merit more compassion, integrity and generosity or even that violence toward “infidels” is acceptable. But the upside is that religious or spiritual labels offer a way of defining who we are. They remind adherents that our moral sense and quest for meaning are core parts of what it means to be human. They make it easier to convey a subset of our deepest values to other people, and even to ourselves.
For those who have lost their religion or never had one, finding a label can feel important. It can be part of a healing process or, alternately, a way of declaring resistance to a dominant and oppressive paradigm. Finding the right combination of words can be a challenge though. For a label to fit it needs to resonate personally and also communicate what you want to say to the world. Words have definitions, connotations and history, and how people respond to your label will be affected by all three. What does it mean? What emotions does it evoke? Who are you identifying as your intellectual and spiritual forebears and your community? The differences may be subtle but they are important.
Here’s 12 Choices To See If They Work For You, According To Sotto.
- Atheist. The term atheist can be defined literally as lacking a humanoid god concept, but historically it means one of two things. Positive atheism asserts that a personal supreme being does not exist. Negative atheism simply asserts a lack of belief in such a deity. It is possible be a positive atheist about the Christian God, for example, while maintaining a stance of negative atheism or even uncertainty on the question of a more abstract deity like a “prime mover.” In the United States, it is important to know that atheist may be the most reviled label for a godless person. Devout believers use it as a slur and many assume an atheist has no moral core. Until recently calling oneself an atheist was an act of defiance. That appears to be changing. With the rise of the “New Atheists” and the recent atheist visibility movement, the term is losing its edge.
- Anti-theist. When atheist consistently evoked images of Madalyn Murray O’Hair, hostility toward religion was assumed. Now that it may evoke a white-haired grandmother at the Unitarian church or the gay kid on Glee, some people want a term that more clearly conveys their opposition to the whole religious enterprise. The term anti-theist says, “I think religion is harmful.” It also implies some form of activism that goes beyond merely advocating church-state separation or science education. Anti-theism challenges the legitimacy of faith as a moral authority or way of knowing. Anti-theists often work to expose harms caused in the name of God like stonings, gay baiting, religious child maltreatment, genital mutilation, unwanted childbearing or black-collar crime. The New Atheist writers including Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins might better be described as anti-theists.
- Agnostic. Some atheists think of agnostic as a weenie term, because it gets used by people who lack a god-concept but don’t want to offend family members or colleagues. Agnostic doesn’t convey the same sense of confrontation or defiance that atheist can, and so it gets used as a bridge. But in reality, the term agnostic represents a range of intellectual positions that have important substance in their own right and can be independent of atheism. Strong agnosticism views God’s existence as unknowable, permanently and to all people. Weak agnosticism can mean simply “I don’t know if there is a God,” or “We collectively don’t know if there is a God but we might find out in the future.” Alternately, the term agnosticism can be used to describe an approach to knowledge, somewhat like skepticism (which comes next in this list). Philosopher Thomas Huxley illustrates this position:
- Agnostic & Atheist. It’s possible to be both, or you might find that you These three definitions of agnosticism, though different, all focus on what we do or can know, rather than on whether God exists. This means it is possible to be both atheist and agnostic. Author Phillip Pullman has described himself as both. The question of what term to use is a difficult one, in strict terms I suppose I’m an agnostic because of course the circle of the things I do know is vastly smaller than the things I don’t know about out there in the darkness somewhere maybe there is a God. But among all the things I do know in this world I see no evidence of a God whatsoever and everybody who claims to know there is a God seems to use that as an excuse for exercising power over other people, and historically as we know from looking at the history in Europe alone that’s involved persecution, massacre, slaughter on an industrial scale, it’s a shocking prospect.
- Skeptic. Traditionally, skeptic has been used to describe a person who doubts received religious dogmas. However, while agnostic focuses on God questions in particular, the term skeptic expresses a broader life approach. Someone who calls him- or herself a skeptic has put critical thinking at the heart of the matter. Well-known skeptics, like Michael Shermer, Penn and Teller, or James Randi devote a majority of their effort to debunking pseudoscience, alternative medicine, astrology and so forth. They broadly challenge the human tendency to believe things on insufficient evidence. Australian comic Tim Minchen is an outspoken atheist who earns a living in part by poking fun at religion. But his most beloved and hilarious beat poem, Storm, smacks down homeopathy and hippy woo.
- Freethinker. Free-thinker is a term that dates to the end of the 17th century, when it was first used in England to describe those who opposed the Church and literal belief in the Bible. Freethought is an intellectual stance that says that opinions should be based on logic and evidence rather than authorities and traditions. Well known philosophers including John Locke and Voltaire were called freethinkers in their own time, and a magazine, The Freethinker, has been published in Britain continuously from 1881 to the present. The term has gotten popular recently in part because it is affirmative. Unlike atheism, which defines itself in contrast to religion, freethought identifies with a proactive process for deciding what is real and important.
- Humanist. While terms like atheist or anti-theist focus on a lack of god-belief and agnostic, skeptic and freethinker all focus on ways of knowing — humanist centers in on a set of ethical values. Humanism seeks to promote broad wellbeing by advancing compassion, equality, self-determination, and other values that allow individuals to flourish and to live in community with each other. These values drive not from revelation, but from human experience. As can be seen in two manifestos published in 1933 and 1973 respectively, humanist leaders don’t shy away from concepts like joy and inner peace that have spiritual connotations. In fact, some think that religion itself should be reclaimed by those who have moved beyond supernaturalism but recognize the benefits of spiritual community and ritual. Harvard Chaplain Greg Epstein dreams of incubating a thriving network of secular congregations.
- Pantheist. As self-described humanists seek to reclaim the ethical and communitarian aspects of religion, pantheists center in on the spiritual heart of faith — the experience of humility, wonder, and transcendence. They see human beings as one small part of a vast natural order, with the Cosmos itself made conscious in us. Pantheists reject the idea of a person- god, but believe that the holy is made manifest in all that exists. Consequently, they often have a strong commitment to protecting the sacred web of life in which and from which we have our existence. The writings of Carl Sagan reflect this sentiment and often are quoted by pantheists, for example in a “Symphony of Science” video series which mixes evocative natural world images, atonal music, and the voices of leading scientists, and has received 30 million views.
- Deists who didn’t believe in miracles or special revelation through sacred texts but thought that the natural world itself revealed a designer who could be discovered through reason and inquiry.
- Naturalists assume a philosophical position that the laws operating within the natural realm are the only laws governing the universe and no supernatural realm lies beyond.
- Secularists argue that moral standards and laws should be based on whether they do good or harm in this world and that religion should be kept out of government
- Pastafarians playfully claim to worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and their religion is a good-humored spoof on Abrahamic beliefs and rituals.
You may find you read some of these and you may relate to 2, 3 or parts of others. If none of these fit…Keep looking.
Then I came across areligious, and this sounds like a perfect fit for me.
Having an aversion for or a lack of interest in all religion and religious beliefs.
An areligious person is one who has become frustrated listening to proponents of one religion or another and finds the labels athiest and agnostic inadequate.
Having no religion. currently a trendy movement among young people who were raised in over-protective, religious households. areligious people frequently confuse their belief (or lack thereof) with atheism, they are also known to mistake the scientific theory of evolution as an explanation for the origins of earth.
Self-righteous people, check?
Just rebelling because I think some of the people are hypocrites? Check. I know some people right now that are not loving people, yet go around self-proclaiming they are God’s child or Christians. They are mean and cruel to others.
Fell asleep during Mass because I’m straight uninterested and disconnected due to my experiences? Check.
Was in a group full of people and still felt out of place? Was with a group and felt more alone than a sense of belonging and home? Check.
Wondered if God cared because of all the bad happening in the world and unanswered prayers? Check. Right now, I just describe him like my dad: Someone who is not interested and a deadbeat father who loves his other children, but eh not sure if the love is the same with me. I’m not expecting him to give me an A on a test, (especially if I didn’t study, at this point the outcome of the test is on me anyways).
I saw this quote on my phone.
“Never reject yourself to the sins you have committed. Regret will do nothing. Repent and do something.
All I can say is at the time of this writing, I’m going through surgeries, so I haven’t had the chance to sin like I want to. But I’m also here to say that Britney Spears isn’t the only one with a circus. :D
Ideally, personal relationship with God outside of organized religion and just keeping an open mind about what’s out there is where I’m at. I don’t mind visiting churches (again, I prefer online..). I still like the Catholic rituals, the Catholic church's buildings, the retreats, I loved being an altar girl, but only time will tell if I feel led to go back to a parish/church home (doubt it, but hey I’m keeping an open mind). I do find from studying other religions (without stepping physically in a church and all out joining the religion), I’m learning a lot and finding some of the answers I’m looking for.
I’m looking forward to a Hindu retreat to Bali and where ever else this journey takes me.
Call it the religion of “just asking questions.” Or the religion of “doing your own research.” It’s still in its infancy, and has evolved in an attempt to correct a societal wrong: that the world is a pretty fucked up place and it doesn’t seem like the current system of dealing with it is really working, so maybe something else is going on, something just out of reason’s reach.-Vox
I want to get out of my own way, own worldview for a bit.
I don’t give to get anything in return. I really respect the freedom of others, I think that each person should define the meaning of life as their own. Each person has their own purpose and meaning that they give themselves. You give meaning to your own life.
Bonus Point:
I get emails like this.
Archangel E only visits the messengers of the Divine here on Earth, so you’re very special, indeed.
With all of the craziness that goes on in the world, she can sense that you’re ready to help humanity restore order once again.
As you can probably tell over the years, it’s been difficult for you to “fit in” here on Earth. (Yep. I don’t fit in and I don’t try very hard to, but when I find people on the same wavelength it makes sense)
What’s popular and mainstream rubs you the wrong way because it typically goes against your morality.
It seems like what’s on TV, social media, or in the news doesn’t really align with what you know your soul wants to do.
That’s because you’re different, Alesha.
In fact, Archangel E channeled through me to let you know that you’re here to shine your unique light upon the world, stirring humanity back towards love and light!
I truly ask that you listen to this message with an open heart and mind because we all need you to step into your power — especially now in these unprecedented times.
Archangel E rules the light feminine energy, which represents the ability to create and to receive.
E wants to wake you up to your limitless alchemy powers and remind you to keep your mind in the most positive space possible.
Since your mind literally creates your reality, it’s imperative that you keep your frequency high.
“Impossible” is a word that Archangel E wants to eliminate from your vocabulary.
With her presence, any thought that you have can manifest into your reality with ease, all you must focus on is being open to receiving these blessings.
Calling on E has helped me so much in developing my confidence in my spiritual practice.
I’ve always been told that I’m years ahead of my time, that I’ll be misunderstood because I have had experiences people don’t understand, your light years ahead of people and people haven’t caught up and that sort of thing.
I’m still human. I do not like pain, or trauma. I don’t want to experience trauma to prove a point. Always count the cost before moving forward with decisions.
I find that some distance was and still is the best decision for me. So many say You are not an island. You do not live in a bubble. Speak for yourself.
I didn’t stop checking in on you because I stopped caring. I stopped checking up on you because you showed no effort. And stop checking up on me. I cared too much. You didn’t care enough.
Stop going to that place. Going to a place where you are not accepted. You keep going around people who don’t even like you and who don’t want to see you grow and elevating your life baby. You don’t belong in that place. The place where you are not welcome wholeheartedly. Well, when you walk out of the place, they down talking you. They laughing at you and they steady stabbing you in the back. This place here you don’t belong. You have to separate you among those who don’t mean you no good yet, you had to be shown who’s for you and who’s not for you. See the people that surround you are only temporarily baby. You gotta understand you’re very different, you was always the black sheep of the family. You’re the chosen one to be mindful. -AprilCochran91
I’m the girl who’s always there when you need a friend. But I am also the girl who faces many things in life on her own. But I’ll still do anything to make somebody smile. And make sure that they’re ok. -Stephaniea2121
One day, they are going to wish they treated you better. Sometimes, people push you aside because they don’t understand your value. They don’t understand what you bring to the table. And it’s sad to say, a lot of people don’t understand that until it’s too late/gone. Right now, they are treating you this way because they feel like you won’t become something. -churchlife7
I used to be afraid of losing people, until I realized, they weren’t down for me anyways. Even though my loyalty for them ran deep, they couldn’t care less. So I stepped back. And watched them lose me. Growth.-Creating wonders
I’m here to remind you, to not let the smile blind you. The people that you see lifting other people up have often been victims of trauma and drama, so desperate and dark, that they learn to be a light. The illumination that you see is drawn from a place of pain and misery. That their heart has been broken and they’ve lost and they’ve found. And now they try with all their might that others may not experience the same plight they lift and they encourage. They bless and they care because someone has destroyed them, but they rose again. And now they live in the air among us and they breathe and they live and they laugh. And they love. And it’s all from a place of darkness and pain. And so when you see others smiling just know it came from the rain. But now they have everything they need because they learn when they are cut. They heal when they bleed.-vikingtower.
You know that girl. The one whose been through so much but still standing strong. The girl whose gone through so much trauma and pain but always smiling and has the biggest heart. The girl that loves with everything in her heart because she knows the pain of how it feels to be unnoticed, unloved. That girl who will always be your biggest supporter and listen to your problems. Even though not many are there to listen to hers. That girl is me.-craziemomof3boys2girls
You help with so many people, but when you need help you feel like no one cares (and they actually show they don’t care). You walk around with a smile on your face because you don’t want people to see the hurt and the isolation you are feeling. -
When an overthinker becomes quiet, you gotta understand that they’ve been through hell. They’ve had their trust broken. They’ve had their heart broken. They been stepped on. They’ve been lied to and cheated on. So every situation in their mind is worse possible case scenario. So you gotta be patient with them. You gotta show them that you’re not there to hurt them. You gotta show them that you are trustworthy. Sometimes you might have to affirm them of your love for them. Sometimes you might have to go out of your way to make sure that they know that you love them. Sometimes you might have to go out of your way to prove that you aren’t out there to hurt them. They been through hell, you gotta be patient with them. Here’s the thing about overthinkers. They love deeply, and the reason why they overthink is they don’t wanna get hurt. So 99 of them are loyal to a fault. Just be patient.-kxnglow
When a good girl has been broken by the people she loves. She’s not selfish for focusing on herself. She been through a lot of shit. That pain she been through has made her life fall apart. So now she’s spending every waking moment trying to put herself back together, along with her life so that she can live her best life. STOP MAKING A GIRL FEEL GUITY FOR PUTTING HERSELF FIRST. She’s been putting everybody else first before her. How the feel is she supposed to live her best life, when you are draining the life out of her.-selflove_speaker.
She’s ok with being alone because no one is there for her. She’s ok with being alone, she ain’t tripping. She’s tired of being there for everyone else’s needs but her own. When she needs someone by her side, ain’t nobody there for her. She’ll look around all day long not to find a single soul. The only soul she can find right now, is the one person that she’s seeing right in front of the mirror. And that’s her damn self. Cuz ain’t nobody got her more than she got herself. And none of y’all deserve a woman like that.-selflove_speaker
To finish off.
I cared way too much.
I’m not suggesting that you will be close with everyone in your church, or everyone will be coming over to your home for major holidays all the time. I’m not saying every one will be close close.
I’m not suggesting that I get credit all the time. I can give without expecting anything in return. If you can give without expectation or ulterior motives, it’s so freeing. This has helped me throughout my life.
However.
I cared way too much for people, situations that didn’t care about me. Breaking my back for people that will not break a sweat for me. I’m not doing it, as a young kid I did it. As a kiddo, you have no earthly idea how mean and cruel some people can be. Oh I saw the light as early as my early teens and 20’s. I learned that just because you love and care for others doesn’t mean the people will show the same love back. My religion was one of the biggest examples of this. The people I loved most was/are the people I could trust the least.
I cared for a church to only realize I was never safe or at home there. And I gotta be for real here: I’m not necessarily looking for anything in return (because some people don’t have the capacity to give love or support) however to open my heart to give and to be on the receiving end of a lot of betrayals, racism and drama is enough. I’m good. A church community, while not perfect should not be like this. I vacated the premises.
I give the upmost respect. But I demand mine. And you don’t have to give it to me. And if you don’t, I’m not going to be confrontational with you. I’m going to politely vacate the premises. I’m going to let the clown have the circus. In a room full of clowns , I can’t be apart of the circus. If you entertain a clown, you will be apart of the circus. -Kevin Gates
I vacated all those premises and stopped being apart of the circuses. I stopped letting the Catholics, my former college, some people, and some former organizations suck out of my straw. I was looking for love, security and loyalty in places that could never give it. As painful as it is, I cut them all out after trying to make it work for years. We wanted different things and we wasn’t aligned. When I care, I care wayy too much. In my opinion, I cared for the Catholics, the boilers, some former organizations wayyy too much. My loyalty runs so deep that I will fight for something until I feel like there is nothing left, no matter how bad it is or how long it takes. I will fight for the good times that could return, so once I stop arguing, “activity” caring, actively caring and checking on you (which is what I started doing with the Catholics, boilers, and other people). That’s when you lost me. I will cold turkey not care and become cold hearted.
If I get offers to visit (and I do all the time), I prefer online. I’ve had family members re-join churches while they where going through hard periods in their lives just to end up in a culty situation. I rather talk to a trusted family member or friend first. I do not want to seek advice from anyone I don’t trust, and this includes my *former churches.
I also get that there is a life (infact many lives for that matter lol) outside my view point and life experiences. I do have a lot of empathy.
- Real empathy is the ability to listen fully so you can come to understand why someone is thinking, feeling, and acting in a certain way from their perspective. You understand without judgment what triggered someone’s reaction or what prompted them to make a decision in the moment. When you seek to understand the person at this level, they feel heard and valued. They feel as if their emotions and opinions are validated even if you disagree.
- When you listen with real empathy, people feel safe to be themselves with you.
According to Dr. Marcia Reynolds, even though I can not stand the thought of being in a church or the thought of trusting one again, I can still be an empathic listener. I know there’s a lot of people out here with good experiences with their religions, and you won’t hear me knocking anyone. Some of this advice is good for life, not just religion.
- Don’t assume you understand. Summarize the words you hear and share the emotional shifts you notice. Let them respond with agreement or corrections.
- Stay present. They may say something that triggers a personal memory for you. Use curiosity to return to listening so you don’t get your story blurred with theirs.
- Manage your filters. We naturally hear what fits our assumptions and beliefs. We tune out what contradicts our views. Let yourself be surprised by how they define a situation. Look for new details and angles in their story you didn’t expect to hear.
- Don’t commiserate. When they talk about things they say are bad and wrong, ask what is behind their judgment. Don’t jump in and agree. As soon as you say their judgment is right, you have tuned out to listening for more.
- Remember the goal is to understand their perspective, not fix their problem. When you discover suggestions or have the urge to give advice, you are no longer attending to what they are saying. If you jump in early with advice in the conversation, they will shut down or become defensive because they no longer feel heard. If you give solutions later without asking if they want your ideas, you run the risk of them discarding what you offer without consideration. Empathize first. Reflect what you hear and see in their expressions so they feel heard. Then you can ask if they would like a few ideas or some coaching to find a solution.
- Empathy is the most critical communication skill you can develop. You come to understand people at deeper levels. They feel safe because they don’t fear you will judge their words and actions. From this place of trust, people are more open to learning and growing with you even when it feels uncomfortable. Then you can be the leader or coach who truly makes a difference in their lives.
- As lack of trust has increased in the world, many people have become more entrenched in their own viewpoints, and more unable to listen to any that might be different. That increasingly divisive outlook has sadly begun to infiltrate many intimate relationships, friendships, church lives making it harder for people to successfully negotiate when they disagree.
- According to Randi, helping people to communicate more effectively as they learn the skills of listening and accepting the realities of each other’s thoughts and feelings. Those skills required flexibility and the willingness to incorporate the other’s point of view. While it’s a relationship article, I also think it can apply to other areas in life, especially religion.
- How has each become fixated on only one truth? When and where did they lose the capability to listen and understand that there is often more than one reality that is valid?
- Vow to become more open to diversity again, even if you feel threatened in the process. Exploration does not require automatic agreement. You can always agree to disagree, but with caring, acceptance, and the willingness to think and feel what it is like to be in the other person’s shoes.
- Listen deeply without judgment to the other person’s views and how he or she became attached to them and why. Were they always there and are just more exaggerated, or have they become exaggerated by influences from external biases?
- Look for similarities in how each of you is defending your point of view and why. What is driving each of you to become so locked into seeing things in only one way? Look for what similar thoughts and feelings you both have that may be making you afraid to let go of what you believe in, and how that rigidity may be driving you apart.
- Imagine your friends/person’s feelings and state of mind as they are experiencing your blind condemnations. Are you willing to risk losing the relationship by being unable to move off of your position? Is winning more important than connection?
- Open your mind and heart to what makes sense in the other partner’s point of view and agree wherever you possibly can. Where you cannot, be direct and agree to disagree without erasing the validity of what the other believes.
- Change your goals from power, control, dominance, rigidity, righteousness, and stubbornness to compassion, collaboration, mutually chosen solutions, and the desire to become a team again.
- Create a new, mutually agreed-upon set of attitudes and beliefs that incorporates both of your thoughts and feelings as much as you can. Commit to challenging your limitations and embracing your partner’s orientation to seek your own more flexible transformation.
- Check in regularly with each other to keep working on this new collaboration as more challenges arise. Watch for slipping back into reactive biases, prejudices, or condemnations if they are growing stronger again. Repeatedly go over the steps again as often as you need to maintain your resolve.
As you notice throughout this article, I do not project. If you read this and have a great church community, that’s amazing. You do you. I respect your religion and stance(s) but I have zero interest in any organized religion at this time. Like my school and several other areas, I had to let go of my identity of being a Catholic. I was attached to being a Catholic for so long, that I didn’t think of being anything else. I even have conversations with my friends that are still in my former parishes. It’s all love, but I’m not coming back. (Try me in 3044, by that point I’ll be dead and colder than Antarctica. If by some miracle I do return, I’ll write another article on my journey back. Doubt it. I’m in a rebellious mode and I’m finding I like this path, no matter what that looks like to other people. I want to be happy and find successes in my own way, despite what that looks like to other people.)
I do have a lot of skeletons in my closet (quite a few was due to situations out of my control, but it is what it is), and since I can’t get rid of them, I decided to make them dance. Fuck it. (Whoops I forgot this is a religious article and I shouldn’t curse, sorry if you don’t like curse words and happen to be reading this.).
Best wishes to my former parishes, but you won’t be seeing me. I will not entertain clowns, disrespect, and racism no longer, because some of those people have/had more issues than a magazine stand and I won’t deal. Take care of yourselves. I want you to eat, but not at my table. If you are reading this and never got burned by your church communities, and have a strong faith system I really hope it says that way for you. I really hope you can have something and some people to hold on to during the good times and bad. Looking forward to hearing your stories (preferably at a distance, hey, keeping it for real). Sending you love and light always.
P.S. No affirmations needed. Leave my quiet side alone lol. Sometimes it’s good not to always speak, but listen. I’m so happy that some people like selflove_speaker, and kxnglow understands my position. I’m to the point where I’m tired of explaining. I’m done. And may opt to posting those tik toks instead of always writing articles.
References:
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