Crossroads
I’m a month out from turning 31. Here’s what my dirty 30 year has really been like.
Honestly, it’s been some good and some bad.
I didn’t celebrate the dirty 30 how I wanted, so I did a watered down version of it. Due to losing people to coronavirus, I didn’t feel comfortable going out to bars or celebrating. For my 32nd (HOPEFULLY THE VIRUS IS GONE BY THEN!?!?! Shit.) I may have to pull in a dirty thirty and a dirty thirty one shot.
2 months into being 30, I started losing people. I won’t go into every single person that passed away, but it was literally one person after the other.
Acting
Bookings for acting projects took a hit in 2020. But in 2021, I made up for it with two bookings in last weekend (April 16th, and April 18th, 2021). I want to get rid of all my old projects on my demo reel and keep it at 2021 and up.
According to my agents, I still get cast for high school projects because I don’t look my age. On the other hand, my body is in my 30’s now. I got up for a 5:30 am call time and I was tired for days. This is a crossroads because on one hand I look young, but feel the energy drain. I do suspect some of my energy drain might be from all the stresses of losing so many people in my life. I never tell most friends how bad it gets because I told you I personally don’t like burdening people, period.
I LOVE MY GRAY HAIR I’M GETTING! I was gonna highlight my hair, but since it’s doing it naturally, why mess with the process? Because I “look younger” I welcome my gray hair!
Music
I will not lie to you, my music has been a little bit on the slow side. Thanks to my collabs, I’m putting music out. Covers I’m really slacking on because I’ve been putting out actual music.
Personally
There’s a guy I like, but I’m not expecting anything. More in likely, I will go to my grave as a tequila drinking b*****. Read past blog posts for more details. You can start here if you like, and keep scrolling back, you will find them. I’m living vicariously through my friends and fam at this point, and wanna ride the waves with my animals. And have a series of 30 day silent meditations all around the world. I recently filmed a project in nature, and can quickly understand why people (including my grandpa) spent so much time in nature.
Sports
I’m re-signing up for martial arts. The more I book acting gigs in smaller markets (especially two times in one weekend), the quicker I realize I’ll be back in NYC and LA auditioning in no time. This time around I want to add cities like Chicago and Atlanta. The streets in the bigger markets can be a little rough and dicey, so it’s best to be prepared and act accordingly.
Business
I’m getting bombarded with so many business opportunities I had to start putting them in two categories: businesses I will start way later, and ones I will start now. In my mind I trickled it down to my top personal 6. Then I’m going to pick 3 favorites and go for it.
*If you added me on Linkedin, or sent me a message, forgive me if I haven’t added you or responded. I really don’t use LinkedIn at this time, because I don’t trust the platform. I’ll log on at some point and respond ASAP.
Bonus
*I hope he, King Red Chest (yes that’s his YouTube name, no judgement zone), doesn’t mind me sharing this, but I come across this . It’s VERY personal because I’ve lost way too many friends to suicide, including a few last year. K1ngRed_Ch3st ツ, thank you for writing this. I wish I had a chance to save more friends personally, because every one that passes way it hurts a little bit more deeper than before (because I haven’t gotten over the others, the wound gets deeper and deeper). I don’t always share on social media EVERY single time someone has passed away, because my feed would be straight up sad. No one wants to read all of that all the time.
I’m giving you my own 101 reasons to stay alive list, by King Red Chest:
- you’ll never eat your favorite food again
2. you’ll never drink your favorite drink again
3. you might one day meet your idol
4. people who care about you will miss you
5. laughing so hard your stomach hurts
6. crying to let it all out and feeling better
7. sitting by a slightly opened window and listening to music with some breeze flowing in is the best thing ever, bonus points if it’s raining
8. you’ll never wear your favorite clothes again
9. sleeping in
10. reading your favorite book
11. you’ll never grow up with your friends
12. flopping onto your bed our couch after an exhausting day
13. trampolines
14. cookies
15. coffee or tea (your preference)
16. getting something new and that feeling of happiness 1
7. rewards for doing good on something
18. your favorite show
19. your favorite game
20. singing in the shower
21. farting when you’re alone and laughing about it
22. the moon
23. the stars
24. activities that entertain you even if you’re not very good at it
25. your favorite scent 26. listening to a song on loop for hours
27. staring into nothingness and thinking about a bunch of nothing
28. the warmth you feel when someone hugs you
29. turning on the ac/fan/getting under the shade in the hot weather
30. cuddling under a blanket in the cold weather
31. dancing when to music when you’re alone
32. sunsets
33. sunrises
34. snow
35. rain
36. your favorite song
37. you’ll miss out on memes
38. watch corona disappear
39. long bus/train/car rides
40. road trips
41. going to the bathroom after holding it in for hours
42. that satisfying feeling when you so much drink water when you’re thirsty to the point you’re full
43. trying out new things
44. hearing birds chirp early in the morning
45. really special events like graduations, weddings, anniversaries, etc.
46. giving gifts
47. receiving gifts
48. when you’re eating butter popcorn and one of them is a lot saltier than any of most of them (same with fries)
49. fireplaces
50. roasting marshmallows
51. s’mores
52. chocolates
53. finding stray animals
54. listening to a new artist and instantly getting hooked to their songs
55. when you’re vacuuming and you hit an extra dusty spot and it makes that crinkling noise
56. eating so much food to the point you feel like you’re about to throw up
57. free things
58. that happiness you feel when you overcome a problem
59. the sigh of relief you do when you guess on a test answer and it ends up being right
60. holidays
61. that funny moment when you keep telling yourself “one more chapter”
62. when you procrastinate something but you’re like “that was easy” when you end up finishing it
63. amusement parks
64. candies
65. when you’re bored and you do absolutely random useless things like trying to get the same side magnets to touch each other
66. learning random useless facts that somehow entertain you
67. that feeling when your heart skips a beat from thinking about something exciting
68. aesthetic things
69. hugging things
70. seeing rainbows after it rains
71. when wind blows in your face and it’s annoying but you find it funny at the same time
72. when you lay down and you instantly feel tired and feel like you’re falling asleep after a long day
73. trying to stay up but you end up failing and you’re mad at first but you laugh about it later on
74. falling leaves
75. cherry blossom trees
76. your favorite animal
77. that scary feeling when you find a spider in your bed and you’re about to catch it but it disappears
78. doing embarrassing things when you’re alone
79. cringing at weird things
80. trying to learn a new culture
81. feeling better about yourself when you find out you’re better than someone at something
82. you weren’t born to entertain people
83. saying witty comebacks (sometimes backfiring but it’s funny in the end)
84. arguing with 8 year old kids
85. those disgusting yet funny moments when you accidentally swallow a bug 86. new technologies
87. feeling nostalgic when you remember old things
88. when you look back at your younger self and realize how much you’ve grown and changed
89. cringing at old things you’ve said and done
90. money
91. random shower thoughts
92. asking yourself extremely random questions like “how many ants are there in the world”
93. when you think you’re failing at something but in the end everything ends up being alright
94. that weird funky smell from new items
95. how hard it is to hold in a smile when your parents embarrass you and they go there’s that smile
96. beautiful artworks that sometimes don’t make sense
97. feeling happy for other people
98. cute animals
99. flowers
100. laughing at your own stupidity and lastly,
101: me :)
Support Groups and National Networks
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1–800–273–8255
- Crisis Text Line — Text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis counseling.
- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: 1–888–333-AFSP (2377)
- Suicide Awareness Voices of Education: 952–946–7998
- https://www.crisistextline.org/
It’s 2021 🔥🙌
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