The Ants Will See You As A Giant, And The Trees Won’t Notice You. Life Will Continue Regardless If You Are Here Or Not
I’m to the point where I’m either going to figure it out or not.
Thanks to Victory for the inspiration of the title.
If you haven’t noticed, this is from another article I’ve written.
I’ve made peace with my choices and decisions. I’ve made peace with everything. I took a break from celebrating to write this.
Watching my loved ones pass away over and over again was hard. But how people who were still alive? How they treated me? It didn’t go unnoticed.
People didn’t show up, people disappeared, people asked why I was expecting them to help me. They (i.e the schools I attended at the time) claim that support for grief is out there, but in my experiences, involving people made it 1000% worst. I would have been better off not saying a word. I would have been better off getting a kick to the teeth, or going in nature deep in India for meditation.
Nowadays. My Mode In Numbers.
#1. I do not expect for people to show up. If they do, and surprise me. Great. But I’m not looking for it like I did in my younger days. My expectations of people are very low nowadays, and I said f*** em. I have more faith in animals than people.
#2. I do not post on social media when people pass away at this point. I’ve been to 50+ funerals, I’m a seasoned vet sadly at this grief thing. I’ve been through the rodeo multiple times. I did not need your prayers. I honestly don’t want your prayers. I needed a listening ear. Since so many people treated me so badly when I reached out, I started really leaving most people alone and realizing that people don’t want to be there, can’t be there, don’t know how to be there, or don’t care to be there. So many people disappeared on me, that I got involved in the disappearing act myself to see what was up. (More on the disappearing act and boundary setting below).
2a. The only thing that people and fake friends said was Alesha has problems. And treated me like I was invisible when my friends passed. And spread lies and people believing them at face value. So I tell you what. Saying someone has problems doesn’t fix it. It keeps them down like they are. I cut so many people out of my life. I don’t care about them and I hope they don’t care about me anymore. I really changed my perspective on people after all that.
#3. I’m choosing to honor my loved ones’ legacies by living my life and choosing happiness. I hope they are living their best lives in the great beyond with God, Allah, (or whatever higher power you believe in, mention them in your mind here). Life ain’t easy and it ain’t sunshine and rainbows. I have a toolbox of skills I refer to. When life throws curveballs, I’ve built enough confidence and resilience. I bounce back quickly. I power through whatever life throws my way. No one dictates my joy, I do.
#4. I’m unconcerned and unbothered. I unapologetically don’t care. My mom was like your more selfish nowadays, and I’m yup. As a woman, I’ve had to learn to stop being the go to to people I couldn’t go to. I stopped pouring into people’s cups. I stopped breaking my back for people who wouldn’t break a sweat for me. I wish people knew how much I don’t give a flying f**** nowadays.
#5. I’m less available, and decided to step back from being so helpful and decided to pour all the help I used to pour into others into my own cup. It’s been magical since doing that. I’ve had a glow up or two. I’m here and there. Wanna know how I’m doing something? Wanna know how I’m attending that event? Don’t wonder. Wonder why you are so focused on someone else? Focus more on finding your lane and staying in it. While you’re focused on the person you’re jealous of, I’m pretty sure the person you are jealous of is not focused on you and living their best existence. It’s really freeing to be in a place where you don’t care about what others think and being free of their opinions. I’m so hyper focused on me and in my own world.
#5a. Jealousy, (I heard this definition before and love it) is focusing on everyone else’s superpowers but your own. The question I have to always ask too is are you willing to put in the work that the person that you’re hating on is doing? Do you know what to do with it after you have it? If you are doing what you need to be doing and focused on you, you won’t have time to focus on anyone else. Not happy with your life choices and hate that the person you’re hating on appears to be living better or seems more happy than you? First and foremost, you have wayy to much time on your hands. and re-read what I said here in 5a. Change it for you by you, no one is coming to save you my dear. Good luck.
P.S. People don’t like you? Ok the bigger question you need to ask yourself is why do you care….
5b. Last point. When people treat me badly for no reason? I trace it to jealousy. I’m to the point where I do not try to figure out people’s bad behavior, or figure out why they are doing what they are doing. Are you fearing that someone is better than you and that will make you feel less important of looked at by others as a less than? Not my problem. It’s theirs. I’ve been writing this on several Youtube videos but people need to learn how to address their insecurities, shortcomings and envy in the right ways instead of taking it out on others. While jealousy can make people do bad things to others unconsciously, there’s no excuse for that behavior. I personally do not give any one a pass on this one in my life, because there’s better ways to deal with that emotion. If someone f***s me over or tries to, I’m done. I didn’t try to mess up the people at school because they were getting more support than me during my friends’ deaths. I didn’t get resentful when I wasn’t in the cliques. I handled it in different positive ways. My advice? Doing something really good? As Lual pointed out: If they can’t handle this emotion, it has nothing to do with you. Keep shining and improving yourself.
#6. I have the right medical professionals in my corner and you won’t hear me b*t**ing about my chronic illnesses, how many times I go to hospital for treatment/chemo/physical therapy this, appointment that or ouchhhh I’m in pain this on Facebook, platter a long status for anyone to read. F*** it. I do post a 24 hour Instagram status for those who pretend to care..i.e. they look at your story but don’t reach out. Well at least they know.
Anyways.
For years I wasn’t believed and called all sorts of names. I learned that unless they been there or go through it yourself, most don’t care. It’s like “that’s not my problem” approach with people. So my question is why should I tell people? Especially when they are silent and that don’t care in the first place? I’m at the point where I realize people have their own problems and don’t want to take on yours. I had a spinal tap recently (and s**** those are no joke), and I wasn’t talking with anyone, was in an alternate reality through time and space. I was sleeping bro.
I’m at the point where I will try to live as normally as possible and really make the good days count. (When you walk past someone on the street, you can never tell what someone is going through and we need to learn how to stop judging PERIOD. Everything that glitters isn’t gold and everything isn’t always as it appears).
6a. One of my chronic illnesses basically blew my fertility. And guess what, I said cool when they told me I can’t have kids. I don’t want kids. They did a double take because I had a positive response when they told me I can’t have kids. I made peace with it. I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me because I don’t feel sorry for me. I’m focused on what I can do, my auntie fun life, not what I can’t do lol. I love my space, my freedoms, my carefree existence and my shenanigans. I’m having so much fun this May 2024 that I want to make every month this way. Lawdzzzz. I’m getting to the point where the next person who brings up kids, I’ll keep my distance. I’m focused on all the cool places I get to visit. I’m focused on my purposes. My cousins are my kids.
6b. I’m a musician and actress. But due to hearing loss and another chronic illness, I had to put acting and music in the back seat, and I put public speaking and creating videos in the front seat. I sorta see them all related, like cousins. Creating videos months in advance isn’t quite like filming 18 hours on set, for a movie or tv show, but I’m still in front of a camera. I’m creating content. Public speaking is not like performing music for 4 hours on stage. But I’m still on a stage. I found related substitutes. Am I jealous of my friend that won an Emmy? Nope. Am I mad that my friends get auditions that I don’t? Nope. Am I seething in jealousy that someone on my agency has a big role on the Disney Channel and I don’t? Nope. I’m rooting for them! Am I mad that my chronic illnesses could put a damper on my acting? Nope. Am I mad at my friend that got millions of Spotify streams and I don’t? Nope. Things are working out the way they are meant to. The Universe is doing things for me, not to me.
#7. The peace I have now is worth everything and everyone I lost. I won’t deal with anything I don’t have to. My peace, self care, growth, happiness and my goals are my number ones. I have my people, but I’m very picky on who I let in my life. My side of the story don’t matter anymore. I had to kick a lot of people off my table, and moving forward, who will sit at my table will be a very very cold-blooded process.
#8. I changed my boundaries. I’ve really started putting my phone on airplane mode (right now it’s dead anyways haha it keeps restarting and I gotta replace it soon). I don’t gossip and I’m not into drama. I’m not the jealous sort. Peace over being right, trying to prove people wrong.
#8a. I’ve had so many people disappear on me after people passed away, that I wondered what the hype was and started doing it myself. Now I see what the hype was. I do better when I keep my distance from the negativity. I’m doing so many great things people from my past wonder how I bounce back from all the bricks they threw. Off record. My chapter in their books are closed, there’s no need for them to be concerned with me. I literally don’t care about lot of people from my past anymore and I did it for my own good.
8b. Someone is traveling to Italy and you are sitting in your cubicle at work seething in jealousy. Someone in your feed bought a Lambo and you can barely afford the car payments for your car. Someone has a successful business and you wish you could be a entrepreneur or influencer, but you care about what your friends, family and peers think. You’re too scared to reach your “potential” out of fear. You won’t do what it takes. You won’t change your mindset. You spend too much time being jealous of others instead of working on you. I’ve had people die on me, and people treat me mean over it. I’ve had a school claim that there were mental health services when my friends passed from suicide, but they were the first to jump ship. I’ve had people lie on me saying I did things I didn’t do. Too many mistake my kindness for weakness. Instead of playing victim, I changed my stripes and strategies a tad.
There’s plenty of things that people have that I don’t. And guess what? I’m saying good for them! And the other part is, what are you going to do about it? I figured at that point it’s better to work my angles instead of being jealous of others. And another thing, people care about themselves more than you. Once I started looking at life from those lenses, I started evening my odds on my own terms. You’re currently seeing this play out.
#9. I’ve had to burn a lot of bridges. I do not care about being liked. I take a lot of risks.
#10. If people can’t use you they don’t want to be bothered. I’m seeing this play out.
#11. I haven’t posted on my social media for a while (except for Instagram stories). It’s a discipline thing.
#11a. Someone wrote something that I don’t agree with. Guess what? I still like the person, and I can go on about my day. I don’t try to get people to see my side of things, or try to change someone to make them how I want them to be. Accept people for who they are and agree to disagree. Life is too short to be arguing in the comment section. Someone said something on Youtube that I don’t agree with? Cool. Ladies and gents I’m done messing with most folks nowadays, and I’m to the point where if they think 1+1=3, I’m cool with it.
#11b. Part of being able to do all the multiple things I do? STOP KEEPING UP WITH OTHERS. Be your own idol, stop looking up to celebrities and people you don’t know, who don’t care about you. I do not keep up with others the same way “they” are apparently trying to keep up with me. (Who is “they” you ask? Some people from my past who see me as competition, and can’t wait to see me fail at something so they can feel better about their life. Stop this behavior. Stop keeping up with people, period. You are only competing with yourselves honey. No offense they are nothing to compete with and I’m not interested in their lives like that.)
#11c. There are times where I will not like a photo for weeks or days, because I haven’t accomplished a goal. So for example. I wanted to record a month of video before my spinal tap. I did that, but it also required discipline and focus. And zero distractions. I won’t do this, until I do this. Like my #11 says, it’s a discipline thing.
#12. I Know Pain, Always Bleeding, Always. I wear it like a badge of honor. But I don’t talk about it anymore. I have taken the stance that people don’t care about your circumstances, you have to care about yourself first. They don’t care about your pain, your feelings, your experiences or you. I don’t think most are worth my time and effort anymore.
#12a. Some people are waiting to see you fail, and you have to make sure they suffocate. Also, they say that the people that don’t like you watch you the most. Give them a show that they will never forget. I have so many great things happening right now that I decided not to overly brag on social media, but just live it, be it, and do it. I may break my FB break one day, but I doubt it for now.
#12b. I saw this concept in some law of attraction video, but I saw in it that if you keep talking about your problems, it vibrates on your frequency or something along those lines, and it keeps the problems in your life (I’m pretty sure I messed that up haha). I saw another video that when you speak of something that you’re going through, you are a source of negative energy to others. I’ve sorta took the stance that it’s not good to carry all that on you. I’ve also had situations where talking about it made it worst by so called friends. I was lied on. I was even called a burden and a cancer by those in school. So. Instead of being a “burden” or “cancer.” I’ll keep my distance, I’ll do positive things for me by me: (I’ll volunteer, feed as many animals as I can, make my cat sanctuaries, more on that later, put my monk influenced mediations into practice, and treat myself nice.)
12c. I’ve taken notes from these 2 articles because when I read them, I’m like that’s me lol..
I do not talk about or complain about issues or problems that arise anymore because a) people have always made it worst but b) I’m a independent thinker. Can any other only children relate? I’m just at a place where I weather the storms and I’m resilient enough to handle whatever life throws at me.
#12c. There’s a part in here that says ask for help. There’s the part I slightly disagree with. In my situations in particular, people always made it worst. Or tried to take the opportunity to drag my name in the mud.
So let me get this straight.
Too many times, people always left my side during the hardest periods of my life.
When my friends passed away.
- People didn’t check on me
- People didn’t call
- People lied on me
- People gossiped on me
- People made fun of me
And I noticed this pattern of people rejecting me, abandoning me, and throwing me way like trash. I was invisible and a waste of space to them.
Instead of dealing with people giving me the silent treatment, not answering phone calls, talking about me behind my back, I just one day decided why bother? I talk about this in my YT videos, but there’s a group of skills in my toolbox that I work on everyday. I never talk about them, I just execute.
So let me get this straight. Now I’m the bad guy when I just woke up one day and said you know what. I’m just not going to give most the time of day anymore. Having the wrong people in my life during my school days was more detrimental to my mental health than just dealing with it on my own.
I would have been better off getting waterboarded or hit with a punch to the teeth or getting hit with one of those frat paddles. When I was softer, people took advantage and I won’t let it slide like that again.
People didn’t want to help because they were more interested in having someone to make fun of or talk about. They knew I was dealing with my friends passing away. They said and did nothing. So called friends never reached out to ask if I was good. One of the best things I ever done for myself was to stop looking for things that’s not there. I really changed my stripes to the point where people from my past don’t know me anymore.
Here’s the message I’m sending out to the stratosphere and back.
No one is going to crush me. I’m a resilient individual with a never ending drive. I adjust when necessary. I’m a stubborn azz Gemini that pulls from Taurus sign a lot. I saw how mean and wicked people were in my school years, and have Teflon skin because of it.
One time in NYC, someone tried to punch me, I caught the punch and almost broke their arm in self defense. I saw the guy later on and he ran from me. I told my physical therapist (s) to add grueling challenging workouts on purpose. I don’t play around anymore. People mistake my kindness for weakness too much in my life and I said that’s it some time ago.
All I can say is bring it on.
#13. People are going to judge you no matter how you are and how you choose to live your life. Live your life.
#14. Somethings have to end for better things to begin.
#15. But the ants will see you as a giant, and the trees won’t notice you. Life will continue regardless if you are here or not. Make the most of it while you’re here.
#16. Don’t judge someone based on the chapter you walked in on.
#16. My birthday is on the 24th of May every year. But the older I’ve gotten, the less I care about birthday wishes from others. Like I love them if I get them, but I’m not gonna make someone wish me a Happy Birthday either. I’m not going to:
- Call you close to my bday and hint around about a present
- If you remember, great, if you don’t, great. I’m not looking for wishes anymore.
I’ve made a habit since 25 to make my own birthdays special in my own ways without other’s acknowledgment or attention..I’m having lots of auntie mischief fun and don’t care if others acknowledge me or not…
#17. Don’t hide your bad side, show your bad side to see who will stay. I decided to become a villain in many peoples’ story. Here’s to being the best villain. So many people out here want to make themselves out to be the hero, the victim (omg she did this to me), without owning any of what they did. I’ll be the villain. :D
#17. Be unbreakable. Why should I apologize for the monster I’ve became, when they didn’t apologize for making me this way? I’m not heartless, I decided to use my heart less. I really love this line, because people have mistake my kindness for weakness too much in life. Which side you see? It really depends on how you treat me. And I’m really not playing this time around.
#18. Be careful who you trust, salt and sugar looks the same. When people treat you like an option, treat them like a choice.
#19. Just be true to yourself.
#20. Don’t put me in a position where I gotta show you how heartless I can be. I’ve had to do it to a few people in my life, and they have a hard time believing this side of me exists…(FYI I’m a Gemini, and I saw a quote post once saying we got 12 personalities. Yup.)
#21. I’ve started letting a lot of people lose me. Let people lose you. I’ve been letting a lot of boats sink and I don’t put in the effort like I used to. And ironically, I’ve attracted cool peeps.
#22. I’ve also stopped giving my love and energy to people that don’t deserve it.
#23. I don’t care about talking with people anymore. As the only child, I only need me. Hustlers N The Hood is on to something with that one.
#24. It’s not about bring up old s***. I’m also aware of patterns.
She beautifully brings up a point that I’ve been saying in multiple articles of mine.
#25. Communicate your truth, and don’t worry about how people will react to it or what they are going to say.
Communicate your truth, and don’t worry about how people will react to it or what they are going to say.
I ripped this one off my comments on my Bridesmaid thread (and I’m also a brute on there, just a warning)
People don’t change just because you hope they will. People didn’t show up because I wanted them too. I almost feel like on some level, they wanted me to fall deep deep in downward spiral so I can be the one they make fun of. Yup. I’m in a different mode nowadays. I’m to the point where I cut people after the first time. I gave people chance after chance after chance when I was younger. (We all make mistakes right and deserve grace, in theory was my thinking at the time). And instead of changing their behavior, they kept screwing me over behind my back. Now I’m less available, and they are finding that the Alesha they once had access to? That door is shut. I’m not as helpful like I once was, I’m stepping back and letting people help themselves more. If they happen to make it to their own finish line by their own doing, I’m cheering them on. If they get a head of me, I’m cheering them on. But I’m done being the helpful hand I once was, I’m pulling back and letting them climb Mount Everest on their own.
Bye Felicia.
It’s 2024. 🔥🙌
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