For Those Who Don’t Fit In Anywhere
Here’s a love letter to the outsiders.
I’ve written several articles on this. Basically my history in a nutshell.
Being the only child growing up, I don’t mind doing things on my own, I thrive in it. I also linked my other articles within these articles. After reading for a while, you will get the general idea.
Many people at my grade school wasn’t nice to me. They were jealous, toxic and not good friends. I didn’t care about fitting in with them. I was on a different wavelength, years ahead of my time.
As I was told, I was an old soul, I had knowledge from previous lifetimes. At 9, there was no way I could have know some of the stuff I’ve known. They told me on top of your mother teaching you the ropes, if you believe in reincarnation, I’m sure you been on this earth plenty. Whatever the case may have been I just knew the kids at my school wasn’t worth dealing with.
High school. People knew me, but I wasn’t being invited over to people’s houses. We only saw each other when we went to school.
College. I started to get a real idea of what true friends was supposed to be like. I got some real connections here, and ran in many groups.
Still, (even a reading admitted this). I was (and still am) on the outside of life quite a bit. In church, I saw people go into their groups and exclude others.
People knew me, but in many of the orgs I was in, I wasn’t close “close" with anyone. I didn’t go on Spring break trips with people. I’m not invited to weddings.
I don’t trust easily and been let down so many times that I decided to become my own hero and love myself. And I saw people gossiping about others. I wasn’t willing to gossip like they was doing to fit in. I paid the price of less closeness but keeping my dignity in tact.
A friend admitted to me that she saw me go to bars and places by myself. Yep. I’m real enough to show up on my own with or without people. Some call it strength or being brave, but it’s me being me. What you see is what you get.
My higher self and purpose did not want me to be involved with certain groups of people. I wouldn’t have had some of the cool experiences I’ve had if I folded in to peer pressure and spent all that time trying to fit in.
I have friends yes. I’m flexible because they come and they go. When you find your people, you find them.
Nowadays, I don’t try hard at all. Being on my own (due to the pandemic especially) allows me to love myself. And focus in my interests. Self love is the best love.
I find that I have friends that are Democrats, Republicans, different religions and so on. They don’t get along with each other, but I get along with them all just fine. Even with different ways of thinking. By not being tied down by one friend group, it allows me to think for my self and freed from outside influences.
When I need help I don’t go to friends.
I handle the shit myself because the sad truth is, I’ve had way too many people say they would be there but don’t. When you know you don’t have people to depend on, you have to be really creative and crafty.
If I had to pick one person, that would be my mom. As big as my family is, many would give you a hard time, then go around telling other family members about it. We don’t really look out for each other like we should honestly. I love them to pieces but it’s best not to ask them for financial help.
To the middle schoolers.
It might be hard to understand why you are the kid that’s always left out.
But you don’t need them.
You’re beautiful as you are.
Soon, middle school will be a distant memory and you won’t have to see them ever again (trust me I don’t show up to my grade school reunions at all, f**** them).
Guess what. Many of them who treated me like shit in grade school spent the majority of high school following me around into organizations. If they hated me so much, why did they always try to keep up with what I was doing? That same story might not be the case for you. Reverse psychology: sometimes, not being interested in them gets them to start being interested in hanging out with you.
To the high schoolers:
You might feel bad for not being invited to the parties.
It’s just one party. There’s countless others that you will be invited to with the people that you really bond with later on in life, if you don’t find it in high school. High school is just a stage in life.
To the college student:
You might be an old soul that don’t like to drink, party, or smoke majurana. You don’t like having one night stands, or you have different values than the people around you.
You’re not in the group. You don’t get invited over to Friendsgiving's
Maybe you wasn’t invited to Spring break.
You will find your way.
Two quick side stories. A group of girls that I wanted to be sorority sisters with rejected me too. At the time, no organization on campus wanted me, so I took matters into my own hands. I got into bars, and met the same people I would have met if I would have gotten into the organizations. They didn’t like that I liked the same bars they did and ended up accusing me of following them around. I ended up just fine despite them. They didn’t want a black friend at all, and just didn’t want to admit it. I filmed a project in the sorority house a year after they graduated and I noticed no POC on the walls. They didn’t want me anyways. This abolish Greek movement that’s been happening in 2020 has been bringing up a bunch of hard truths.
Then a few years later, after trying I finally got into an organization. But I ran into cliques, people gossiping about each other and so on. I made some great memories in the organization, but too many of them acted like a high school clique: This person wouldn’t move unless this person did. They usually would think the same, because no one wanted to think for themselves and have a different opinion (after all, that would piss everyone else off in the group, and then that means no acceptance for you, or getting kicked out of the group). I watched people mend and fold just to fit in. For different conferences, I had to end up breaking away from my own chapter just to hang out and meet new people.
You WILL find your way.
As an adult:
Everyone in your office is invited out to lunch but you.
Everyone is going to the wedding but you.
Everyone is going to the Colorado Ski Trip by but you.
What’s in store for you is better than fitting in.
That’s just a group of people. There’s so many people in this world that you are bound to find a friend.
If you don’t fit in with them, they are not your people.
When you fit in, sometimes you compromise who you are. Other times you lose the ability to think for yourself.
It might not be easy taking the road less traveled, but it’s worth it. As you reflect on life, you will be happier knowing that you lived life how you wanted to live it, not based on how others wanted you to live it.
It’s my goal to make my own path and carve a trail.
If you are reading this and have your people that you can trust and depend on, that’s great! If you have friends from middle school, high school, and college wonderful. Even if you have just 1 friend that you can call a friend, that’s more than a lot of people!
I just hope you can keep your individuality. And don’t be afraid to be yourself. I see too many people mend and fold depending on which group they are in/with.
When I said screw it, when I stopped looking for support, that’s when I was able to carve my own reality. I’ve found my people at different points in my life, and it gets better the older I get. They will come when you make your own blueprint instead of trying to force it. It’s been an fun entrepreneurial journey for me, with or without people.
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