Forever A Third Wheeler

Photo Credit Goes To RedBubble. Just a warning. My dumb b***** hours every year are January 1st, April 12th, May 5th, May 24th, January 1st, any weekend I don’t have something business related or auditions.

Why I may not need to write another relationship article again, these articles does the explaining for me. Perfectly. I’ll share these instead of beating a dead horse.

I keep getting these Medicare envelopes saying I qualify for benefits-LOL.

Since I keep getting these retirement letters, here’s an area I am retiring on (or at least for the very near future). Interesting, in the acting world, I’m still in my teens and 20’s, playing characters around that age. In real life, they keep mistaking me as a 65 year old. It’s like having the best of both worlds, lol.

If you need a wing woman, I’m up for duty.

Wing woman: A lady who is your closest friend and confidant, whom you can depend on to help you through the hardest times but who is also there to celebrate for the happy times.

If you need a rich auntie supreme, I’m your auntie at your service.

What’s a rich auntie supreme?

​Rich Auntie Supreme is a space to celebrate and be in community with those women who choose a journey of being childfree and indulgence in the villages around them. The journey of being childfree was a choice we’ve made with joy and expectation. We recognize that not being a mother doesn’t mean that we cant relish in being a nurturing part of the villages among us. We enjoy being “auntie” to our littles: biological or not! This is not the space for those who chose to be childfree due to not being a fan of children. We definite the term rich to reflect the abundance we have in a variety of ways due to our to our choice to be child-free: we are often (not always)….. rich in time, rich in rest, rich in travel, rich in space, rich in spontaneity, ……etc. We value the added opportunity to show up in various ways to the community around us including nurturing up and nurturing across. We are socially conscious in being able to spend our time and effort in unique ways as a result of being a child-free adult. We find no shame in celebrating what it means to live a childfree life. We don’t whisper our decision we live It out with the same joy and pride that others get to have in their own life decisions.

Due to the medical issues I’ve had, I may not be able to have kids. I may run into infertility issues. I’m ok with and at peace with this decision (please read my childfree article for details). In exchange, I think I may have found a purpose in providing self care for the moms I know in my life. I’ve lost way too many friends to suicide and mental health struggles. Mom’s mental health and self care is very important to me, I do not want to lose anyone else. You may not know me from Adam, but if you need a listening ear for infertility or suicide type issues, I can be here for you. Disclaimer: I’m no expert, (go to the medical professionals for that), but I can empathize with you, because I’ve been through it. To the point where one of my bffs suggested I’m an empath.

As a friendly reminder, magical fairy Godmothers do exist, because I’m one of them!

Which leads to my final article. The series finale.

GIRLLLL.

I also have a bone to pick with “two halves coming together to make a whole” in romantic relationships.

This creates a very dangerous belief that one in themselves is not complete or adequate in their own, and that they require another person to bring fulfillment and value to their lives.

This article alone I really justifies me not writing on this subject for the time being. Don’t think I would need to write any more. Lord have mercy, it’s perfect.

All my life, being a lady. They constantly mold you and pressure you to have relationships, kids and revolve your life around other people (if you are happy, no worries). But it’s not our only role. I think that’s why I don’t mind taking one for the team, because a lot of my friends and girl cousins are expecting/having kids and I don’t want them forgetting about their self care. I step it up and let them have time to themselves away from the kids (free babysitting).

I felt this Quora feed on a deep level.

I don’t blame you, good guys can be hard to find can’t they? Your probably just tried of them all. I saw my daughters boyfriend today that she had picked and he had gotten so fat I couldn’t believe it! Ugh! She’s only with him because he gave her money. She’s using him for his money. She’s a narcissist like her dad.

Well if your done with men more power to you.-Pat Mayfield

  • Just off the record, I saw the rest of Pat’s comment. Some of the worst guys I found were the church going claiming they are man of God types. Anytime someone proclaims they are Christian, the son of God, or a man of God, Jesus or God themselves I’m running fast. Thanks but no thanks. Shit. I’ve distanced myself from my own church because of all the toxicity. I come across a group of people who feel the same way I do, for various reasons they don’t go to church anymore. Some of the religious people I know are also the most judgmental and self-righteous people I know. I’ll find my way back one of these days, right now I’m keeping my distance and staying in nature.

There can be quite a few reasons for this.

1. You are happy with yourself. You don’t depend on others for your inner peace and satisfaction.

2. You are too afraid to trust someone. Maybe you have faced consequences before for trusting the wrong people, and now you are terrified by the word ‘trust’

3. You prefer staying alone and loneliness is a boon to you. (Same for me)

4. You are an introvert who is very hard to be freed from her shell.

5. You are more inclined to giving your effort in succeeding in life than sending your energy in relationships.

There can be other reasons also. Feel free to tell me if I am wrong in guessing any of them. Do let me know when you finally find someone. Because I respect people in love.-Ankan Chakraborty

Man, Ankan. Why do you know me on such a deep level and I have never met you. #2 I zeroed in on the most. I trusted and not only faced bad, horrible consequences, but that situation quickly had me going on a downward spiral that I haven’t quite recovered from and probably never will. It’s apart of me for the rest of my life. I do respect people in love but oh. This pandemic has made me more introverted.

In fact let me tell a quick story about one of my favorite women entrepreneurs (technically 2):

She (this one will remain nameless) basically told me that she bought into the lie that she was going to grow up and marry a guy that was going to take care of her for life (i.e. her MRS degree).

Being a stay at home mother with 4 young kids, one day he presented her with a divorce. She was completed blind sighted with no prior warning. She bought into the idea that her man was going to take care of her needs because that is what she was told her whole life. Because she didn’t have a plan, she said she put her kids through terrible childhoods because she didn’t have any money and thought her husband was going to take care of her for life.

She always told me to always take control of your financial destiny, and to not let the guy who says he loves you and will take care in the heat of the moment do it for you. What if he dies? Gets a divorce? Gets angry at you and decides to control you with the money to get his way? It’s all good when it’s lovely dovely romance, but wait and hell breaks loose. (And in some instances, he starts to feel insecure because you’re more successful than he is. You gotta find a Prince Phillip that’s a secure guy but will take care of business when needed, RIP man! I wish I could have celebrated your 100th bday man.)

Ladies, if you have a guy or want a guy it’s ok if he takes care of you like a “princess” or “queen”, she said. But also know how to manage your finances and make money too. Never put your eggs in one basket or walk in a situation blindfolded. Don’t be stupid like I was. Always know what’s going on with your finances, women have historically been keep in the dark about finances as a control method. Today, we have the opportunity to bring in our own bacon and take care of business in your own way. Do it.

Kim Kiyosaki said something similar in a Youtube ad: Something along the lines of: Women, usually, not always got in a relationship based on a dependency or need; I didn’t need Robert’s money. I wanted to get in a relationship with Robert because he’s Robert. He knows I don’t need him or his money. I want him. He takes care of business but he knows I can take care of myself if he wasn’t in the picture. Ladies, there’s a power in having options. When someone knows you don’t have to have them, they usually act better, and the if it wasn’t for me type conversations don’t start coming up.

One question that a friend mentioned to me: I see my girlfriends who’s husbands buy them fancy cars, homes, etc. The question that pops up in my mind is could she do that on her own if he wasn’t in the picture? One of my girls divorced after having this lifestyle, and it was the biggest fall from grace I’ve ever seen. I was happy as hell for her, but watching all that made me realize that she didn’t know how to obtain that for herself by herself.

Ankan, I mention that story because as a lady, I’m supposed to just be everything to everyone, conform to traditional roles, as I said above.

I don’t let my guard down so easy because I also don’t have enough experiences telling me that I’ll be safe if I do.

How can I drop my guard when no one has ever actually taken care of me in a reliable consistent way that allows me to feel safe and trust?

Unpopular opinion. I also think some mothers have kids as accessories, or to fill a void in their life that won’t necessarily be filled by having a kid. Or have a kid to get child support payments, and I can’t be that kind of lady. I refuse. I’ll make income in different ways, shit. I rather be in a homeless shelter than trust anyone the same way I did in my school days.

For now, I’m vicariously living that life through family and friends. And keeping arms length. Bye Felicia.

Society forces us to partner up. Good intentioned friends try to couple singles up . It is almost like being an outcast if you are unattached. Truth is some people are strong enough to not need the support of a partner. It can feel really good and liberating to make your own decisions without having to consult almost constantly. And let’s face it, a lot of the guys out there are just not worth humouring. By the way, I’m happily married.-Gregory Dickson

Damn straight Gregory. Many of the guys that approach me are not worth it, and do not appeal to me. And if they do, they drive me up the wall by suffocating the shit out of me. I think well intentioned friends want to see me happy but how can someone else really make me happy?

There’s nothing wrong with you.

You’ve simply collected all the info that you have on the prospects, the experiences and the possibilities and you’ve decided; no thanks.

Really that’s totally absolutely fine. It’s likely just a life season that you’re in but really whatever, just be happy in your singleness if you like. And truly feel zero responsibility to anyone out there to shift or change this status quo in anyway, until such time as you might choose otherwise.-Lee-Ann Knowles

Here’s my last article for my semi-retirement in this topic all together. This is my 2nd to last article.

Good riddens for now! I love being a pank!

If one has done a life-choice, one doesn’t question its normality-Norman Sullivan

I’ll leave the quote below as an open ended quote for future me to figure out, when I’m 121 and dead. I would like to have one last crack at my 21st birthday.

What does that even mean? Are you afraid of your emotions? Are you afraid of feeling attached to the other person hence losing your “independence”? Are you afraid of getting in touch with your female sexuality and desires because you perhaps have associated that with being “weak”?

Well yes, love tends to do that. Love tends to send our emotions in overdrive. Love has a knack of hitting us all over with overwhelming feelings and emotions that tend to “confuse” our otherwise orderly brain. We do tend to lose control and somehow build a dependency for the other person. We weave our emotions and needs around our partner because we get similar needs and affections back. That is after all what love is all about, joining of our forces, of our physical and emotional needs together. That is what make us feel complete and stronger together. So the first step to fall in love is perhaps the realization of your weaknesses, the feeling of overwhelming need of the other as if you cannot survive without them. Yes it can be scary, especially when like you, you feel you are in control and you fear losing your status quo.

Consider if you are perhaps living an ideal proposed by a modern society rather than the one your inner needs and emotions crave for. Is this what you really want? Yes, love is all about losing control and all about shifting your needs onto others. It’s an admission that we are not whole and complete without our loved ones but it is also a reassurance that we are not alone in this world and that however weak those butterflies may make us feel, at the end we grow stronger together.

Buh bye.

It’s 2021 🔥🙌

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